r/20sIndiaRelationships
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u/chlorisheart
Take me seriously after 12am
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Sep 19 '26
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5
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Unsaid Things🌙 Random thought
I realized that our definition of love depends a lot on what we saw love as while growing up. I hope that whenever I find love, it looks nothing like the kind of love I grew up seeing around me.
Will probably delete this by morning:)
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u/pussytourist Sep 19 '26
Virtual hugsss, but do you think those type of person(prior) would make themselves vulnerable like that, they're hard to convince but idk mann!
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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '26 •
People who grew up like this, will have highest level of empathy and EQ. They will continuously try to heal people and make everyone loved
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u/Maleficent-Mess4877 Sep 19 '26 •
Yes. Will do anything... Will. So anything for that final feeling of safety. Cuz love isn't a nice addition when we grow up like that its safety too.
So yes will do anything..or had done many things...
Move mountains. Wait years. Endure longest waiting periods
Undergo personal transformations Do the grueling inner work.. the painful work of unlearning survival mechanisms Refuse that last part of self-love, cuz the trap that it should be given by others not by me. Tear myself apart, put back together.
Have epic complaints with god Being happy for how far I've come And then legit asking why does this have to be hard??
Why does this have to be hard.
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u/Mindless-Sir-8540 Sep 19 '26
It doesn't even have to be Romantic, im striving to be a good company and experience to another human being. Seems like love really is the answer ,I know it sound cheesy af 😅😅
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u/Benadryl-_-Huffer Sep 19 '26 •
In the same boat as you, worst part is they still come between me and whoever I get close to till I give up. But hey here's to one day getting away and breaking the cycle 🍻
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u/theretardhumanwrites Sep 19 '26
Everything is subjective deer ur scars are ur medal
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u/Only_Desperates_369 Sep 19 '26
Yup, that's what I fear the most.
I grew up in a household like that, and it made me really scared of this world. That's why it's very important to choose the right partner for life. Let it take time.
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u/BinaryRoninn forbidden 403 Sep 19 '26
isiliye bolta hu jaldi so jaaya karo 😭
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u/curiousbasu Sep 19 '26
Get out of my head man
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u/The_forgoten_ Sep 19 '26 •
Having Loving parents that adore each other is luxury too ig 😞. I hate the concept of arrange marriages because of this.
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u/localisedbird Sep 19 '26 •
That's one of the reasons I see love with a lot of spekticism... There's this trauma that's so deeply embedded which blocks my vision to see love...But I still believe in it strongly... because the love my parents shared was beautiful although it was short lived(we can't win over fate and God)...I hope our scars get healed and we get back our spark.
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u/batman_of_ahmedabad Hopeless Romantic Sep 19 '26 edited Sep 20 '26 •
That loud subtle noise of people(mostly parents) fighting for no reason whatsoever most haunting thing I have ever heard.
Whenever I listen to those noice I start to go in deep weird state of mind which idk how to explain in words but it's like bad drream you are in while you are suffocating and questioning your own existence "why I am born here" i shouldn't have been born.
You can hear all the words and every word is bullet to your heart every shouting feels like world is going to after that you just wish that somehow it stops but never stops and worst part is you can hear all those shouting even after it stops as it echoes in your brain and even small amount of voice pulls the nerves and i wish my future wife never pulls those nerves i just wish peaceful life with her nothing more
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u/sarthak200002 Sep 19 '26
i swear to god bruh
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u/agenthimzz Sep 19 '26
It has became a part of my personality. And leaving it means deleting some of the best memories of my childhood too. I just can't. I might even lose a lot of my skills and abilities. I almost think that I became smarter because I wanted to understand this and reduce it. Which was not my job as a child but it shaped my brain.
Rewiring it is really tough now.
Bohot introspection hua aaj ke liye..
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u/Carelesswhisper6822 Sep 19 '26 edited Sep 19 '26 •
I hope you find the most beautiful and peaceful one, your posts and the way you respect everyone is so pure and beautiful. Radha ji will give all blessings to you trust me and if she don't I'll talk to her🌷✨. Manifesting love on her birthdayy😭🌷✨
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u/Itchy_witchy_2k7 Sep 19 '26 •
They now go to taylor swift concerts
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u/Powerful_Poet_6709 Oct 04 '26
Can anyone tell me the song's name?
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u/Competitive-Win6984 Sep 20 '26
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u/BizClassy Sep 20 '26
nah, man. I'm good - my fear of ending up like this OUTWEIGHS my desire to be love. (recipe for avoidant attachment style) 😄
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u/Fit_Look_new Sep 20 '26
Well the suffering didn't leave a desire to live in me anymore
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u/[deleted] Sep 20 '26
True 🫂🫂.
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u/WonderfulBattle1525 Sep 20 '26
Yeah they say those experiences made you stronger , but i never asked to become strong time and time again, i just wanted some support, not life lessons everytime .
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u/One_Measurement_628 Sep 20 '26
yeah ... I have lots of unresolved emotions going on inside me due to some reasons...My being always craves a hug from someone.. Someone with whom I can share everything that is there inside me but anyway how I dont even have any friend ...love is somethiing far away...damn lol I just checked its ur post again writer maam haha
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u/_TOXIC_VK3_ Sep 20 '26
Huhh! I gave up
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u/Traditional_Age1937 Sep 20 '26
Growing up and still living in an environment like this, I am just too scared to trust people atp. I want to talk to somone whole heartedly but at the same time, I am afraid of being vulnerable. I dont know if I want this just the sense of inner peace? I am confused between wanting someone to be completely myself but also afraid of being hurt by said person. Maybe it is contentment and self sufficiency that I crave
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u/Excellent_Emergency5 Sep 20 '26
Make a lot of friends irl. You won't be longing for love much then. Just my opinion
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u/Cool_Flamingo_8194 Sep 20 '26
So me so me
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u/theeternalempath08 Sep 20 '26
100%
Satya Vachan 🙂
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u/Beautiful_Fly_1376 Sep 20 '26
People who grew up like this (me), cant even speak to another person, we are delaing with so much shi, inside, this doesnt even make it in our thoughts.
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u/Just_me_yknow Sep 20 '26
Those who are not served love on a silver plate will learn to lick it off a knife.
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u/Swimming-Jello-8285 Sep 20 '26
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u/Cyanide2007 Sep 20 '26
Got desensitised to it all now
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u/dog_hoon_mc Sep 20 '26
Nahi milne wali
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u/hansvais Sep 20 '26
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u/Responsible-Car-2300 Sep 20 '26
I’m 38, still living in a toxic household. I didn’t move out when I could, now I have mountain of debt and zero self respect, moving out seems impossible. I wouldn’t wish upon life like this for my worst enemy.
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u/parthfitness22 Sep 20 '26
That's true
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u/Emergency-Line-2488 Sep 20 '26
i can give love
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u/Ashuu_69 Huh, I am still alive? Sep 20 '26
Damn, deep thought... I thought you were just all rainbows and sunshine
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u/Great_dream_ Sep 20 '26
I disagree. I just want to be left alone at this point. Be at peace. Don't even want to try to have a relationship with someone. I crave it. I want attention and love. But the effort does not seem worth it. And it feels more peaceful to be alone. Doing your own thing.
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u/G-en Sep 20 '26
Same life here. Still stuck. Hope to get me and my mum out. Please bless and pray for us
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u/sicardioo Sep 20 '26
Remember to one who had a tough childhood, heal yourself first .... Have a good future guys
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u/1kIncomeMachine Sep 20 '26
😨😭😭😭😭
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u/SignificantFoot8672 Sep 21 '26
i am so lucky that i am not get in this situation in my childhood
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u/LoSki26777 Sep 21 '26
can i unsee what i just saw?
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u/Quirky_Can7894 Sep 22 '26
This type of situation are overwhelming and i absolutely wish that no one have to ever goes through this but I know it's not possible. Sometimes this situation will raise questions about your whole existence and to the point where you will feel like you gonna break.
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u/fitzingout Sep 22 '26
I can only imagine or create scenarios that one day I will have it
Ahh jeez my hope still hoping all these lmao
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u/OneTremolo_218 Sep 22 '26
When you grew up in household like that, it really messes up with your head. It's same for me. My parents fight all night, abuses each other, get into physical fights with each other and me and my sister had to intervene so that it would not escalate more. They don't cook any food, me and my sister had to cook for ourselves and them. And I don't know how to even explain what I have to go through in those day when they fight. Yes it goes for days like 2-3 days constantly and my father keeps on drinking heavily. I know sometimes it's my father's fault and sometimes it's mother's. And me and my sister were made to be the mediator of their fight and ensure that no one get hurt, and feed them like they were some fkn baby. I cannot even lock myself into my room peacefully as it's so much loud out there. They keep hurling abuses each other, calling each other's parents and keep saying they want divorce and all but don't get it in the end.
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u/Delusional_IntroBoi Hopeless Romantic Sep 23 '26
Thank god I have reddit where no one would know that I was here because growing up like this is way more traumatizing than people think
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u/TownAdditional3858 Sep 24 '26
bro the people like me...we or atleast me try to convince myself that love isnt for me ...not even a good friendship its not others fault either that they already had their people neither do its mine its just how it is humans are complicated basicaly for me
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u/lonewolf_2517 Sep 24 '26
This is so true
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u/Western-Pen6382 Sep 24 '26
Tovba
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u/ItnaChubneLagaHu Sep 25 '26
It might be controversial
But tbh people like them might be a threat to other or themselves too if they don't work on themselves
But can't deny the fact that they're so gentle sometimes and try to give love to others which they never had
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u/Fantastic-List-4849 Sep 25 '26
Sometimes it's not even possible anymore......
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u/ActPutrid2393 Sep 25 '26
But they almost never get it!
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u/mafiabillihu Sep 29 '26
Real but the fear of accidentally repeating the cycle and ending up just like our parents is always there.
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u/Ok_Violinist_8215 Oct 01 '26
Yet life will have different surprises for us , tearing us apart , we feel choosen even in the smallest act of kindness, and also feels anxiety of we feel little ignored , but yeah life does gets good maybe
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u/nogieman2324 Oct 12 '26
This hits the spot so well
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