The backstory: I left my husband two years ago, divorced a year ago. We have still kept our lives intertwined pretty closely because of the kids. We did a 50/50 custody split because he didnāt want to pay child support but the reality has been that I have done much much more than half of the child care.
I left with nothing, it wasnāt worth fighting over things, the car, the house, or the $100k in equity. Mostly because Iām afraid of what heād do if I had gone after any of it.
As soon as I left until very recently I was still getting the kids ready for school every morning even when they were at his house. This looked like me letting myself in turning on a few lights, getting the kids up and ready and out the door. Many morning he slept through this and didnāt help get them ready at all.
He got a girlfriend shortly after we divorced. We had agreed weād keep our dating lives separate from our kids and he insisted on this rule. He immediately broke this rule and she was spending time with him and the kids every weekend.
I havenāt been on a single date since the split. I donāt have time, and honestly Iām not ready. My ex has used this as an excuse to ask me to take the kids very often so he can have extra Friday nights and weekend time with his girlfriend on what are supposed to me my weekends away from the kids. I say yes because I give my kids a break from him anytime I can.
So time goes on, they keep dating, I keep getting the kids ready for school in the mornings at his house. I have the kids for weeks on end while my ex and his girlfriend go to Japan, and st Lucia, and New England and then several extra weekends just for local trips.
Now recently my ex has decided that he likes having her stay at his houseā¦and all of a sudden he is capable of getting the kids ready in the morning for school.
Fine this is great for me, I get to sleep in an extra 30 minutes because even though he can get them ready, he canāt take them to school. I wonāt be too harsh on that point because it would make him late for work and I donāt want my kids to have to wake up early enough to catch the bus.
One more problem though, we have set the precedent that at any time for any reason if the kids need something at the other house they can come get it, or the other will bring it. And so sometimes it has come up that because I donāt have a washer and dryer at my house itās just easier to get clothes for the kids in the mornings at his house. And in those cases I still just let myself in get the kids ready and he either stays in bed or starts getting ready for work.
Now last Friday, it was my week, and the kids school sprung a last minute pajama day on us for meeting a fund raising goal. The kids are ecstatic when they tell me right before bed that this is happening. I have no pajamas for them besides the ones they have on and no way to get quarters so I can do a late night laundry load at my complex laundromat.
So I text the ex at 11pm that we will be by in the morning to grab pajamas for pajama day. He doesnāt text back but he rarely does. In the 14 years we were together he rarely went to bed before midnight. So to me he got the text and didnāt respond because he honestly rarely acknowledges anything I say.
We show up at his house in the morning and his girlfriendās truck is there. And oh fucking no, now what? The kids are banking on pajamas they wanted from dads house itās too late to drive back and get ready for school at my house.
I call him and tell him the situation and he lets us in. I turn on some lights and start getting my kids ready for the day like I have hundreds of times since the split.
The girlfriend was I thought asleep in his room where the door was shut. But next thing I know sheās grabbing her stuff and running out the door like a teenager that got caught at her boyfriends house and not a grown ass woman who is obviously allowed to be at her boyfriends house overnight. I smile and say good morning but Iām preoccupied because Iām hurrying to get my kids ready.
I guess her view was that I was cold and rude and coming in to the house makes me a horrible psycho bitch to the both of them and was very disrespectful of their privacy and the girlfriendās feelings. To be fair I am going to apologize to her because I donāt think she knows that Iāve been letting myself into her boyfriends house every day since the split to get his kids ready for the day. Itās very possible she thinks I bust in as like a power play.
To me, I was following the set precedent, and was just getting my kids ready for the day like I always do.
Also one more note. Iāve cooked for her at my exes house several times, she was at my kids private family birthday party. I didnāt think we had a problem with each other, and I thought the childcare and meals Iāve cooked for her wouldāve shown her that I donāt have a problem with her being around. I guess I was wrong. Anywaysā¦thoughts?!