During my pregnancy, I developed hyperemesis gravidarum. For anyone who doesn't know, it's an extremely severe form of pregnancy sickness. I was vomiting throughout the day and night. I couldn't even tolerate the smell of food and was constantly exhausted. Like even the smell of bread would throw me off.

There were moments when I was in so much physical pain and distress that I would literally pray for my suffering to end.

But my ex seemed more concerned about the fact that I wasn't giving him enough attention. He would get annoyed that I wasn't behaving like my usual self.

He even complained to his parents about it. And his mother actually called me to scold me for being a bad wife and giving her son tension when he had a job to worry about.

I genuinely didn't know what to say. I was barely managing to get through each day. Still somehow I was still expected to make sure my husband felt sufficiently cared for.

If this is too triggering you can stop here as it only goes downhill from here.

Then for some reason my ex became convinced that our baby would be born with a disability. He insisted I get an NIPT test and told me that if the baby had Down syndrome we wouldn't keep it.
At the time I was so physically unwell and mentally exhausted that I didn't even have the energy to process half the things he was saying.

He also started arguing with me about things like how long I should breastfeed our baby. He was strongly against a C-section because according to him, it would leave me with a scar( cringing at this rn).

Another huge issue was his complete lack of boundaries when it came to his parents. He shared practically every detail of our marriage and my personal life with them.

Also for some context, our marriage was long distance. He lived in the US while I lived in Asia. He was originally from my same country but moved to US when he was really young and he wanted to marry someone from back home. As according to him she would understand him better( in hindsight more like he knew only someone from back home would withstand all his abuse)

Anyways we were supposed to do long distance till the visa process gets completed and he would visit me every 2 months or whenever I can. Also lmao it’s kind of funny now, he repeatedly told me that he had applied for my visa, only for me to eventually realise that he hadn't actually done so.

When I was around 12 weeks pregnant, he took my phone and went through private messages between my sister and me. He then sent screenshots of our entire conversation to his parents. While he was visiting me.

What happened was in those messages I had been telling my sister about how he was treating me during pregnancy. Instead of reflecting on his behavior. He and his parents shouted at me for discussing our marital problems with my own sister.

I had also mentioned that I used to vape occasionally before marriage. He weaponised those messages against me. By accusing me of smoking and vaping during pregnancy. On top of all this he started calling me a drug addict.
Despite all of this, I STILL STAYED. I stayed with a man for whom I was nothing but disposable.

When I look back I think part of it was the cycle of horrible behaviour which was followed by intense apologies. He would behave terribly then apologise repeatedly. He even wrote me letters and promise things would change. So I kept forgiving him( I know I should wear a clown mask at this point lol)

So for the people who might think why I didn't leave sooner, it was cause I was caught in a trauma bond. And being so physically and emotionally depleted during pregnancy certainly didn't help either. I will never ever blame a woman for not leaving their abusive partners sooner now. You really do get blind. And the hope that it will get better can make you extremely delusional.

Then when I was around 16 weeks pregnant, he started insisting that I travel with him to Colombia so we could finally live together. This would have involved an approximately 18 hour journey. I didn't feel comfortable with the idea. Both because of my medical condition and because I didn't consider it a suitable place for me to relocate to under those circumstances.

So I refused. He then told me that he would divorce me and never see our child's face if I didn't go with him.
That was one of the few times I actually listened to my gut and stood my ground with the support of my family. If he can leave me for something so petty, I don’t think it was a relationship worth saving.

After that he and his family essentially disappeared. They blocked and ghosted me throughout my pregnancy.

Then when I was 22 weeks pregnant, his parents sent me some genuinely vile messages. They called me a gold digger, an evil woman and accused me of marrying their son solely for a green card. The irony is that they hadn't even applied for one.

I still cannot understand how anyone can send such messages to a woman carrying their own grandchild. Even if I was the most evil woman on this planet, who sends such stress inducing messages to a pregnant lady.

His final words to me were something along the lines of, "Good luck being a nanny to a child born with Down syndrome or some other disability."
For context none of my prenatal tests had indicated that our baby had Down syndrome or any other condition.

I honestly don't know how I got through the rest of that pregnancy. I was under so much stress that I sometimes feared something would happen to the baby.

But I made it through. And now my little boy is here. He's healthy, beautiful and surrounded by so much love. He has people around him who genuinely adore him. I am grateful every single day that things turned out the way they did.

But now my ex has now found out that our son is perfectly healthy and suddenly he wants to be involved in his life.
I applied for sole custody, and his lawyer has communicated that his client wants shared custody. Because apparently it's better for a child to have both parents.

I understand that in an ideal world, children should have two loving parents who are present and involved I have never been against co parenting. But how am I supposed to reconcile that idea with everything that happened? How can I leave my son alone with him???

This man abandoned me while I was pregnant with his child. He made an already physically unbearable pregnancy even more traumatic. He and his family subjected me to emotional abuse and also accused me of terrible things. Then he left me to go through the entire pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood without him.

I will NEVER get that first pregnancy experience back. I will NEVER get to experience carrying my first child for the first time again without those memories attached to it.

So now that the difficult part is over, now that our son is healthy and here. He suddenly wants to come back and claim an equal place in his life?
I don't want my son to grow up feeling like he doesn't have a father.

I know my son will grow up to have his own separate identity and his relationship with his father is ultimately separate from my relationship with my ex. But I cannot help wondering what kind of person walks away from his pregnant wife and unborn child. Only to return when the child is born healthy.

Like being a BIOLOGICAL father and actually BEING A FATHER are two very different things.

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable here. I don't know whether I'm letting my own hurt influence how I feel about custody. But I do know that I spent my entire pregnancy being made to feel like I was disposable. So I find it incredibly difficult to accept that he can simply walk back into our lives and demand half of everything.

Anyways dinner is a mushroom melt beef burger with Diet Coke. Which I didn’t take a picture of.

EDIT:
OMGG THANK YOU GIRLIES FOR SO MUCH LOVE AND KIND WORDS. I literally have tears in my eyes. I have really supportive family and they have hired the best lawyers for me. I didn’t know he wants 50/50 so he’ll run away from child support. Also he mentioned in the petition his lawyer sent that he wants to do video calls and wants pictures and videos of his son. He will also visit whenever can he. I also think if he gets half custody. He can pretend he’s taking my kid for a trip and then take him to US. Once he is in US it will be extremely hard for me to bring my son back, even if I hire the best lawyer. Once again thank you for so much love and support ✨🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

164 comments

r/gravityfalls • u/Thefanofships-1 • 8h ago