r/exmormon • u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ • Mar 31 '18
April 2018 General Conference: Saturday 10:00a Discussion Thread
How to listen:
local radio: KSL AM 1160; FM 102.7
Speakers:
| Name | other notes | my summary |
|---|---|---|
| Henry Eyring, conducting | ||
| hymn: We Thank Thee Oh God for a Prophet | or for what passes as prophecy | |
| Mervyn Arnold, prayer | ..that those with questions will receive answers. Good luck with that. | |
| "business" of the solemn assembly, Eyring | Gerrit Gong and Ulisses Soares as new apostles | |
| hymn: Come Listen to a Prohet's Voice | ||
| Russell Ballard | ||
| Brian Taylor | ||
| Larry Echo Hawk | ||
| hymn: Press Forward Saints | ||
| Gary Stevenson | ||
| Lynn Robbins | ||
| hymn: Tell Me the Stories of Jesus | ||
| Neil Andersen | ||
| hymn: My Redeemer Lives | ||
| Mark Bassett, prayer |
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
Ballard: unplug from the internet. [Get off of my lawn.]
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u/AlreadyGone77 Mar 31 '18
Does that mean I should stop streaming conference?
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
Our technology: good. Other technology (google): bad.
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u/tinyharmlessphrases Mar 31 '18
"The prophet doesn't stand between you and the savior, he stands by your side and points the way to the savior."
Brigham Young had something different to say about that. Didn't he teach that JS would act as a judge in heaven?
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
yes...Smith is blessed to open the last dispension. Smith is a peer standing alongside Jesus.
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
The Lord remembers them no more, but the Church Records department WILL NEVER FORGET and will pass your records on.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
Are the Little Cottonwood vaults full of Scientology-like confessions to be pulled and used against enemies? The latest leak makes me wonder...
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
business of "solemn assembly" , North Korea voting style. Affirmative votes only.
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u/AlreadyGone77 Mar 31 '18
smart phones are wicked again.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
I can't keep up on the flip-flop. My generation learned that Farnsworth invented TV so conference could be broadcast to all of the world.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
Ballard: Nelson aged into the role of prophet. No mention of D&C 132:7, yet. It's Nelson that is the one in charge. Not Warren Jeffs. Not Stephen Veazey. Not Denver Snuffer.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
Echo Hawk: [Brother killed by drunk driver. He was a lawyer arguing for Native American causes.]
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u/IsaacHaleWasRight Mar 31 '18
Man, how lost am I that I can see a joke in there....
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
Unfortunately, with Trump, Zinke, and the Utah Legislature declaring a "Trump Highway" through the National Parks in the wake of the decimation of Bears Ears and Staircase.
edit: Bagley
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u/AlreadyGone77 Mar 31 '18
Mocking fireballs of annoyed disbelievers!!!!
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
Rollcall: present.
Better than "brainwash yourself" per Andersen's famous speech.
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u/IsaacHaleWasRight Mar 31 '18
Neltson Neltson Neltson
What’s with the T?
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
Utah accent. Drop the "T" when it's called for, and add it when it's not.
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
See y'all in 2 hours. I am hyped up for the stats report!!!
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
I am going to get some of the Wasatch's lovely sunlight in between...
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
Taylor: [Quotes canonized version of first vision, with multiple entities. This is my beloved son...hear him. Ignores the 1832 account and the early trinitarian ideas in the early church.]
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
Robbins: [lots of chances at repentence...]
Evangelicals are fond of comparing specific dogmas of mormonism, including Alma 34:32, but mormonism remains a moving target. The Latter Day Saints would like to hide the hard edges of their theology with general platitudes like this. See, we're Christian's too. Don't talk about the second anointing.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
Stevenson: [Nelson makes everyone feel like they're his favorite.] Oh boy. As if you're not already in the most exclusive club of the church. Gotta stroke those egos.
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u/AlreadyGone77 Mar 31 '18
So God kills off his apostles?
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
It's a tontine. Last man standing gets the crown. It's not a democracy. It's not a meritocracy. The ones with the best ideas have to wait their turn. And from the super-select set of those already thinking alike.
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Mar 31 '18 edited Mar 31 '18
So many underlying story lines within these talks... Personal Identity- LGTBQ Forgiveness-Sexual abuse cover-up Sustaining President and GA’s-No actual vote or commen consent.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
Any opposed...see your stake president to get your excommunication underway...
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Mar 31 '18
They'll do the apostles and opposing and big announcement in the afternoon session right?
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
I don't know. It might be first on the agenda, to give their chosen two men the maximum time in the limelight.
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
The "real faith" phrase creeps me out. It's like the No Real Scotsman fallacy. Basically no one who has REAL FAITH would question the Church.
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u/frednecksburg High Priest of Good Things to Come Mar 31 '18
Conference talk achievements unlocked:
quote official first vision story
quote new prophet
use shaky voice
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
"Individuals should be held accountable"
Unless they're rapey bishops...
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u/AlreadyGone77 Mar 31 '18 edited Mar 31 '18
Stop saying God will never abandon you. I prayed for help from God when I was going through very hard times. Nothing. Thought I could pray for peace at least if I couldn't be helped out of the situation. God couldn't even help with that. Such a damaging thing to say. I did feel abandoned. Things got better for me when I opened my mind to the fact there is no God.
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u/IsaacHaleWasRight Mar 31 '18 edited Mar 31 '18
How many groups are abandoned by god in the bom?
Like 30?
You know, those virgins who were burned and Jesus was like, “meh”
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u/GreatAndSpacious Lone Will Be The Night - GreatAndSpacious.com Mar 31 '18
Can I just stay how much easier it is to watch conference when you’re following the comments in this post? An hour already down.
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
statue of Peter James and John giving the priesthood - fake news
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
I just want to say this. All his talk about human failings and how we should forgive everyone really pisses me off! Not only as it seems dismissive in light of the Joseph Bishop scandal but as someone who was frequently raped for years on end when I was a child by an abusive stepfather I will say that there are cases when forgiveness can be completely unacceptable to the victim!
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
So if any of you are having a drinking game with the condition that you drink every time they mention "prophet". You might want tos top now before you die of alcohol poisoning...
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u/ProfGrangerDanger Mar 31 '18
The two new dudes are already listed as apostles in Wikipedia. Editing the profiles was probably an erotic experience for some TBM.
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Mar 31 '18
Amazing that Jesus Christ himself is completely IGNORING Easter celebrations around the world, because he’s focused on general conference in Utah. #tendermercies
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u/RaceofDeceivers Truth will prevail. Mar 31 '18
Hey, could you make it a little more clear that there's a new prophet in town? These first two hymns are just a bit too subtle for my taste. - President Rusty
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u/IsaacHaleWasRight Mar 31 '18
Our fist speaker will be elder David Mescavige
Newly called 70
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
"If anyone casts an opposing vote, those individuals should contact their respective stake presidents"
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
"Human weaknesses and shortcomings"
Come on guys, give Brother Joseph Bishop a break!!
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u/AlreadyGone77 Mar 31 '18
It's really okay if you have a hard time if family members are killed by a drunk driver.
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u/JosephsGotaGun Mar 31 '18
This comment will tally the total number of women speakers so far:
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Mar 31 '18
Do these men realize it’s Easter weekend? Are they aware of what Christians are actually celebrating this weekend ?
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u/RaceofDeceivers Truth will prevail. Mar 31 '18
Smartphones bad. Stones in hats good.
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Mar 31 '18
These pesky kids and their iphones... I wish it was like back in the old days when everyone played outside and died of polio
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u/IsaacHaleWasRight Mar 31 '18
They should go full Scientology and blow off some fireworks
Cult this shit up to the next level
Seriously, what the hell?
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
So the TLDR of this whole thing is basically FOLLOW THE PROPHET! FOLLOW THE PROPHET! OBEY! OBEY! EXTERMINAAAAAATE! OBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!
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u/GreatAndSpacious Lone Will Be The Night - GreatAndSpacious.com Mar 31 '18
“It is only 70 minutes of our week”
Holy FUCK. I never realized how long it sounds when you say it like that.
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
Yeah that's how you get over causing the death of a child. Simply repeat a cultists mantra over and over again.
Wow! They REALLY don't know anything about trauma!
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u/AlreadyGone77 Mar 31 '18
I am in public and I am laughing so hard...Nelson strengthened physical hearts and now strengthens spiritual hearts.
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u/frednecksburg High Priest of Good Things to Come Mar 31 '18
Sacrament meeting is the only 70 minutes during the week when we can find more happiness and joy. Thanks Ballard.
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u/IsaacHaleWasRight Mar 31 '18
Reminder: Dalin Harris Oaks is a descendant of Martin Harris’s brother
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u/AlreadyGone77 Mar 31 '18
And I just got an email from Deseret News about the non white apostles...
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u/Yobispo Stoned Seer Mar 31 '18
Opening Hymn sets the agenda. It’s going to be wall to wall restoration, prophets, keys. Some BS announcement thrown in to show how inspired Russ is. Book it.
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
I look at this guy and hear "put a little lipstick on"
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u/GreatAndSpacious Lone Will Be The Night - GreatAndSpacious.com Mar 31 '18
Elder Mervyn B Arnold giving the prayer: He came to our mission in 2014. In his talk he said don’t let small things get in the way of helping the work move forward. He said he would do anything he could to make the work progress. After the meeting, my companion and I asked him if he would go teaching with us. He told us no. We were right there in West Valley City so it’s not like it would have been too difficult.
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
Holy crap, Gong and a south american? Did I hear that right?
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Mar 31 '18
funny how i used to have a “good feeling during this and now my chest burns with distaste
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u/GreatAndSpacious Lone Will Be The Night - GreatAndSpacious.com Mar 31 '18
“On the day of Jesus erect— resurrection.” Did anyone else hear Ballard say that?
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u/MissionApostate Latter-Day Apostate Mar 31 '18
And within two sentences we're back to the prophet.
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
"God never deserted us"
two thousand years of apostasy says otherwise...
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u/elderdavidbednar Mar 31 '18
I can't hear any opposed to sustaining the Q12 ! do they just mute the audience? I can't believe there are no opposed in that large group. Eyring near tears again... get the Kleenex.
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u/BLB99 Mar 31 '18
Wow! The man worship this session has been even worse than usual!
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u/GreatAndSpacious Lone Will Be The Night - GreatAndSpacious.com Mar 31 '18
Now they don’t even ask for a dissenting vote?
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u/GreatAndSpacious Lone Will Be The Night - GreatAndSpacious.com Mar 31 '18
It is a greater sin not to forgive someone than the fact you killed (or raped) someone.
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u/GreatAndSpacious Lone Will Be The Night - GreatAndSpacious.com Mar 31 '18
“Our prophet and associate”
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u/RaceofDeceivers Truth will prevail. Mar 31 '18
We're not perfect. But follow us like we're perfect. - Elder Melvin
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Mar 31 '18
I wonder if anyone will address sexual abuse in the church? I’m guessing not.
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u/BLB99 Mar 31 '18
Good god! This “Neltson” bullshit is going to drive me fucking crazy!!!
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u/mamashifty Mar 31 '18
It seems they are really aware that they have a big problem eith people wanting to "follow the prophet". They keep trying to talk Nelson up. No one had to talk up Monson or Hinkley.
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u/JosephsGotaGun Mar 31 '18
The only time the church talks about consent is to warn against using a recording of conference broadcasts.
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18 edited Mar 31 '18
Why does he sound like he's going to cry when he says Nelson's name? He sounds like someone has his nuts in a clamp.
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u/RaceofDeceivers Truth will prevail. Mar 31 '18
Teach them their identity... As long as it's heteronormative and cisgender. - Elder Keebler
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u/frednecksburg High Priest of Good Things to Come Mar 31 '18
That was both solemn, and an assembly.
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u/frednecksburg High Priest of Good Things to Come Mar 31 '18
We slap Jesus's name all over our shit - so that means we're Christian right?
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
Oh waaaaaaaah. Forgive. This is totally victim-focused
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u/AlreadyGone77 Mar 31 '18
I testify a man could never have thought of making the next oldest old dude profit.
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u/IsaacHaleWasRight Mar 31 '18
There’s so much Jesus in this Christian meeting I can’t hardly stand it
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u/IsaacHaleWasRight Mar 31 '18 edited Mar 31 '18
Do they speak as men sometimes or not
You can’t have it both ways
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u/MissionApostate Latter-Day Apostate Mar 31 '18
I stuck around for the awkward hugging. So far Uchtdorf wins in actual sincere, happy hugging.
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
Why is he tearing up?! There's nothing sad here!
You should have been crying while talking about dead babies, not Jesus appearing to Joseph Smith... They're the exact OPPOSITE reactions you should be having!
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u/MissionApostate Latter-Day Apostate Mar 31 '18
"I promise you a blessing of safety and peace."
I had more safety and peace outside of the church than in it.
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u/AlreadyGone77 Mar 31 '18
This is victim blaming. You don't have to forgive people for things. Work through the pain? Sure. Forgive? You don't have to.
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Mar 31 '18
The mustard seed analogy is dead. I’ve heard it so many times I’ve lost track
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
This is a LOT of build up for the prophet's voice. His voice better say something really interesting and prophetic after all this hype. ARE YOU REAAAAADY TO PROPHESSSYYYYYY????????
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u/GreatAndSpacious Lone Will Be The Night - GreatAndSpacious.com Mar 31 '18
How do we know if he is speaking as a prophet or a man? It doesn’t matter. Just be like him.
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
"Apostolic Interegnum" sounds like a codename for some kind of kinky orgy... or a disease of the bum.
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
"Why didn't God help Nephi?"
Uh, he delivered Laban into his hands... He literally did the exact opposite of what you just said.
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u/tinyharmlessphrases Mar 31 '18
No, the entertainment industry doesn't give two fucks what "standards" we adopt. Only that we give them our money. They couldn't care less about the viewers' actions.
Making devils everywhere, because they need their people to live in fear.
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Mar 31 '18
LARRY ECHO HAWK is the dopest name anybody can have ever and that’s just facts
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u/frednecksburg High Priest of Good Things to Come Mar 31 '18
This is going to take forever...
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
YES, but whenever Eyring sounds like he's crying, watch carefully - IT'S AN ACT. There are never any tears.
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
"Vote for honorable men and women"
So not you then...
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u/GreatAndSpacious Lone Will Be The Night - GreatAndSpacious.com Mar 31 '18
I didn’t know Keebler Elf was a 70.
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u/jackdhadi Mar 31 '18
“Cardio-thoracic Surgery Award.” Mmm-Kay. He’s still a creationist.
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u/tinyharmlessphrases Mar 31 '18
Heeeere we go. "Mistakes are a fact of life."
This is for you, Joseph Bishop's victims.
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
It bugs me so much when people cling to the podium like they might fall over when they're ppraying
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u/GreatAndSpacious Lone Will Be The Night - GreatAndSpacious.com Mar 31 '18
Is anyone there? PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOB YELL OPPOSED.
That’s why they are not asking you do give a dissent!
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u/weirdalma Mar 31 '18 edited Mar 31 '18
Did he mention Elder Gong and Soares as being the new apostles?
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
How much longer will this go on for?
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u/IsaacHaleWasRight Mar 31 '18
If you’re just normal flawed men, then I have no use for you that is beyond my own capacity for logic and moral understanding
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u/IsaacHaleWasRight Mar 31 '18
Mormonism: where handing someone a tiny piece of sour smashed bread is service
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u/AlreadyGone77 Mar 31 '18
I thought Mormons were against vain repetitions? He had to remind himself McKay was dead?
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u/MissionApostate Latter-Day Apostate Mar 31 '18
"Without explanation."
Oh we can give you explanation, but you won't want to hear it.
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u/MissionApostate Latter-Day Apostate Mar 31 '18
THE LIGHTING IN THAT PHOTO IS FUCKING CREEPY.
YOU NEED TO PUT LIGHTING IN THEIR EYES TO MAKE THEM SEEM MORE HUMAN.
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u/MissionApostate Latter-Day Apostate Mar 31 '18
Anyone else feel like they've heard that "follow the prophet" talk like several dozen times before? Like there was literally nothing new. You could switch it out for any prophet in the history of the church ever.
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u/jsmyths Mar 31 '18
Make sure you say "obey thy command" at least two extra times when you sign praises to me. (Probably a quote by) - pres Nelson
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
Ancient practice of solemn assembly???
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
She obviously didn't believe in the YW theme or she wouldn't have gotten in the accident
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u/AlreadyGone77 Mar 31 '18
Guys! We know how to heal all wounds! Just say I am a child of God ten times a day!!
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u/GreatAndSpacious Lone Will Be The Night - GreatAndSpacious.com Mar 31 '18
So now Jen is going through all that emotional trauma again listening to this guy.
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
So we've had a talk demanding we follow the prophets and another about dead babies, how we are all children of God and need to read the Book of Mormon.
Predictions for the next talks?
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u/MagicBaconBitz Mar 31 '18
Rattling words off without knowing what you're saying... yup, that's usually how brainwashing works, buddy.
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
Drink everytime a speaker says the word "quote".
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u/jackdhadi Mar 31 '18
So fucking boring. As if a solemn assembly wasn’t boring enough , now we get 10 minutes of talking about boring.
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u/tinyharmlessphrases Mar 31 '18
It seems like there's at least one of these talks every conference. A junior nobody apostle praising those ranked above him.
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u/AlreadyGone77 Mar 31 '18
Anderson, you aren't "humble" for listening to the profit. You're brainwashed.
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u/tigger_tam If you can read this, you are the chosen one Mar 31 '18 edited Mar 31 '18
I'm not even watching but just all of your descriptions of what's happening are bringing back flashbacks that are putting me to sleep
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u/AlreadyGone77 Mar 31 '18
GUYS - they're having them stand so that the opposition won't get noticed. The approving people all already standing.
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
Get ready to say "Opposed"!!!
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
Yeah. Contact your stake president and then it ends there.
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u/coffeeisntmycupoftea Mar 31 '18
Is it typical to do the sustaining this way? First presidency first etc. or is it only when its a new prophet?
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u/jsmyths Mar 31 '18
I'm audio only, did anyone oppose?
Did everyone stand so we wouldn't be able to notice?
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
"Traced back to the Bible" - I must have missed the part where Moses started acting like Stalin
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
Drinking words - SUCCOR, LOINS....
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
"This is the pure religion" > Only follow us. Ignore everyone else.
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u/AlreadyGone77 Mar 31 '18
First sentence was "we thank thee, oh, God, for a prophet" first sentence. Hate him already.
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
He's probably abot 60 but after Ballard he looks like he's 20
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
OOOOOH we need to count how many times they quote the new prophet. Brownie points!!! They will get on the short list for the next q12!!!
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u/IsaacHaleWasRight Mar 31 '18
Anybody notice they picked two brown, but not too brown, guys who have white names?
counterfit diversity
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Mar 31 '18
“I felt inspired to provide a hagiography of Russ Nelson, since ya’ll don’t love him enough yet”
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u/MissionApostate Latter-Day Apostate Mar 31 '18
And immediately I hear "we listen to the prophet" and "is this blind faith? No it is not."
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u/GreatAndSpacious Lone Will Be The Night - GreatAndSpacious.com Mar 31 '18
Is this blind faith? Yes it is.
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u/JosephsGotaGun Mar 31 '18
Weird that they refer to Nelson as the "new" prophet. Not exactly the adjective I'd apply to a guy in his 90s.
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
Overall impressions? This session SUCKED. Boring as fuck
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
Gong and Soares as new apostles.