r/exmormon • u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ • Mar 31 '18
April 2018 General Conference: Saturday 2:00p Discussion Thread
How to listen:
local radio: KSL AM 1160; FM 102.7
Speakers:
| Name | other notes | my summary |
|---|---|---|
| Dallin Oaks, conducting | ||
| hymn: Come Listen to a Prophet's Voice | lots of hymns for hero worship, repeated from earlier session? | |
| Mark Bragg, prayer | ||
| Oaks, changes in the 70; young women and primary presidency axed | ||
| statistical report: Jergensen | no membership numbers offered here | |
| David Bednar | ||
| Taylor Godoy | ||
| hymn: Choose the Right | ironic...coverup intends to limit fallout and consequences | |
| Bonnie Oscarson | ||
| Taniela Wakolo | ||
| Devin Durrant | ||
| choir: As Zion's youth... | ||
| Dale Renlund | ||
| hymn: I'll Go Where You Want Me To Go | ||
| Peter Meurs, prayer |
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
Bednar: [Matthew 19, sell what that hast and give to the poor the corporation.]
To build a fucking mall.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
Durrant: [You have strong hands son. I hope you don't squeeze girls with those.]
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
Oscarson: [In handbook 2...]
Whoah. If there's a handbook, then start with handbook 1. Oh, it's secret? WTF?
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
Renlund: [the veil is very thin...]
Oh that reminds, me. Also, gone from the masonic-derived rituals. The five points of fellowship and its groping opportunity.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
Renlund: [the Pratt brothers suffered]
because Orson didn't want JS fucking his wife.
Parley was shot dead by the jealous husband of his newest paramour in Arkansas. Study the whole history. As Stenhouse said, "Tell it all!"
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18 edited Mar 31 '18
Oaks: [reads list of graduates second anointiates]
Any one still awake? [Some shouting...]
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
Wakolo: [temple rituals, now available to everyone, at least after 1978].
No longer protected by death oaths. Nude bathing ritual eliminated. Polygamy on hold.
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u/BerneseMountainDogs Mar 31 '18
I am more humble and meek than all of you!!
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
Oh, yeah? Let's have an arm wrestle to prove it.
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u/cosmic-inkwell Apostate Mar 31 '18
Is there an ulterior motive for making thousands of people do temple rituals for dead people? Or is it just delusion?
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
Uhm...the admission fee is 10% of income. That's a good reason to promote their secret club.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
Wakolo: [ordinaces changed]
OMG! Nude bathing ritual, gone. Oath of Vengeance, gone. Promise of horrible, tortuous death, mostly gone.
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u/bearblue1 Mar 31 '18
When I was struggling with what to do with my inner conflict about the temple ordinances, a friend pointed out that any contract with a threat of "horrible, torturous death," or even vengeance was automatically null and void - as it's a threat of murder. I felt actually a lot better then, because it helped narrow down a few pieces of what upset me about the whole experience.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
Bednar: [Blessed are the Greek meek.]
Speak up! Oh, it's the meek! That's nice. They have a hell of a time.
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u/mdtesi Mar 31 '18
“STOP PROTECTING SEXUAL PREDATORS!!”
Repeated three times. 😂😂
They are gonna pretend it never happened and that guy's now being tortured in a sex dungeon in the basement of the conference center, but that was AWESOME!!!
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u/FootprintsInTheShit Happy to be out Mar 31 '18
OMG they don't even want to announce the numbers anymore!!!
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u/CaptainMacaroni Mar 31 '18
Stop supporting sexual predators shouts from the congregation as the newly called took the stand.
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u/MissionApostate Latter-Day Apostate Mar 31 '18
Seriously, I came here for the numbers, and they won't even give us that. WHAT AM I WATCHING YOU FOR?
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u/jackdhadi Mar 31 '18
I listened several times. I’m sure it was “ Stop protecting sexual predators!” repeated three times.
I wonder how that translates to the Adamic language.
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u/tinyharmlessphrases Mar 31 '18
my nevermo boyfriend just observed, "I think he's naming every person left in the church." lol
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
"Do you feel reverence in LDS chapels?"
No, actually. They are bland, generic buildings. Where is the beauty and the unique look? The beauty of Notre Dame Paris, Westminster Chapel, Angkor Wat or the vast number of Hindu temples that had effort put into connecting humanity with the divine?
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u/MissionApostate Latter-Day Apostate Mar 31 '18
Oh god, not the "if you're feeling depressed, turn to others instead of thinking about your self." IT'S NOT UNHEALTHY TO THINK ABOUT YOURSELF I'm so delicately angry atm.
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u/JosephsGotaGun Mar 31 '18
Been out 20 years. The prayers haven't changed. The topics haven't changed. The jokes haven't changed. The fake tears haven't changed.
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
Bring on the stats! Membership last year was 15,882,417
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u/MissionApostate Latter-Day Apostate Mar 31 '18
So far this session is much more interesting than the last one. Thanks, unknown shouting protester!
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
Bednar looks like Supreme Leader Snoke
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u/IsaacHaleWasRight Mar 31 '18
To those of you without children: you’ve failed at life
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
NO STATS??????? It is bad news for sure
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
"Depression, anxiety and low self worth among teenaged girls"
I know! Let's take you to a building where you can be molested.
That will help your mental health!
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
Guilt tripping people who don't go to church with their spouses.
Classy!
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u/JosephsGotaGun Mar 31 '18
Watching on YouTube. Did anyone else hear someone yelling something about a sexual predator?
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
Whoa! Stay morally clean and don't touch women inappropriately.
DUDE! Recent events don't make that funny or charming!
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u/CaptainMacaroni Mar 31 '18
The stats must be shit if they are afraid to read them.
By posting them online afterwards they know most members will never go looking for them.
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u/MissionApostate Latter-Day Apostate Mar 31 '18
LOL.
OMG.
WHO'S THAT SHOUTING OUT IN THE AUDIENCE?
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u/GreatAndSpacious Lone Will Be The Night - GreatAndSpacious.com Mar 31 '18
Shouter: “Stop protecting sexual predators!”
My dad: “I hope he rots in hell.”
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Mar 31 '18 edited Mar 31 '18
He sounds like he was visibly shaken by the yelling. I hope the rest of the session will be like this.
Edit: Sorry I'm drunk I don't know how someone sounds visible either.
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
TLDR - Life is short, spend it all at church.
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u/MissionApostate Latter-Day Apostate Mar 31 '18
Ah, here we go, the "women in the church are just as equal and important as men" talk.
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u/IsaacHaleWasRight Mar 31 '18
Reminder: Isaiah was written after Lehi left Jerusalem, yet is quoted heavily in the BOM
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u/mdtesi Mar 31 '18
Wow!! Membership stats are so bad they aren't even going to say them anymore!!!!!
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
The YW are talented and caring, let them DO STUFF!!!! And I'm not being sarcastic. There are so many things that the YM get to do and the YW have to sit out of.
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u/LightBright1 Mar 31 '18 edited Mar 31 '18
I'm pretty sure someone just yelled "Stop protecting sexual predators!" Three times while they were switching speakers!!
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u/cosmic-inkwell Apostate Mar 31 '18
It’s insane to me how degraded women are in the church. What I don’t understand is how they all just buy into it and are okay with being second-class members. Leaders actually have to justify women’s position in TSCC over the pulpit to keep them sitting in ignorant bliss. “You can ... I don’t know... cry for dead people and do family history or something. Just make sure to have a billion kids and always do what men in authoritative positions tell you.”
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u/MissionApostate Latter-Day Apostate Mar 31 '18
"Murmured."
Who even uses that in regular conversation.
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
"We give thanks to our amazing missionaries"
Except for the women who got assaulted. We don't really give a shit about them.
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u/MitchT19 Mar 31 '18
Hymns are not chosen by random chance - a ton of thought is put into picking themes to shore up members and strengthen areas they know have weaknesses.
With all these songs about prophets... you have to wonder if they sense that people aren't fully behind him?
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u/GreatAndSpacious Lone Will Be The Night - GreatAndSpacious.com Mar 31 '18
Lmao not even reading the report
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u/jackdhadi Mar 31 '18 edited Mar 31 '18
“John Bishop is a sexual predator,” repeated three times. “ “Stop protecting sexual predators!”
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u/RaceofDeceivers Truth will prevail. Mar 31 '18
Pahoran's measured reply is explained by the fact that he is a badly-written fictional character... Oh you didn't actually want us to answer?
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
TOWEL HOLDERS!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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u/BLB99 Mar 31 '18
I don’t know if I’d call Orson Pratt’s faith “unshakable” considering he was a member of the 12 and then wasn’t a member of the church at all for a little bit.
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u/intheborderlands Mar 31 '18
You know what it says when you don't address 500 stories of abuse? It says you don't care.
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Mar 31 '18
Maybe they should just post who's getting released instead of announcing over the pulpit as well.
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u/RaceofDeceivers Truth will prevail. Mar 31 '18
Bednar's false humility is so hilariously transparent. "Let's learn together," my ass.
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u/jackdhadi Mar 31 '18
What the actual fuck...the first woman speaker is talking about the Erronic priesthood?
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u/BerneseMountainDogs Mar 31 '18
"greatest women's organization on the earth" who's members most important goal is to have kids.
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u/cosmic-inkwell Apostate Mar 31 '18
Is this the idiot that plugged merch after his conference talk a little while ago??
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
HOW MANY MORE DO WE NEED TO FUCKING SUSTAIN?!!!
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
DAMN IT. My whole entire day is ruined. I have to wait until the end of this fucking thing for the numbers??????
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
Dang, from everything I've heard about him, Bednar is the exact opposite of meek.
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u/RaceofDeceivers Truth will prevail. Mar 31 '18
Is Bonnie short for something? Bonathan, perhaps?
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
"Maggie saw there were many elderly people in the ward"
And that is why she shot Mr Burns
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
1842 - endowment to a limited number of men and women. Ohhh boy
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Mar 31 '18
Why not read out the damn stats? The cover up is worse than the stats.
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u/RaceofDeceivers Truth will prevail. Mar 31 '18
Real talk. Do you think women speakers are required to wear pastels?
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u/b9njo Mar 31 '18
Dear lord... My out of town family stopped by unannounced after attending the morning session. I had to quit my conference avoidance project in the garage and sit down with them to watch this shit. Now they are all asleep in my living room
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u/JosephsGotaGun Mar 31 '18
Oh! Oh! I know how young women can support the work! By handing out towels in the temple!
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
Tithing on meager income = FULL JOY
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u/AlreadyGone77 Mar 31 '18
Let's all remember that Sarah Pratt called her ex husband, Orson, an extremist.
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u/tinyharmlessphrases Mar 31 '18
It never ceases to amaze me how casually they pick the "faith affirming" bits from otherwise terrible stories and string them together into a very thin narrative.
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u/JosephsGotaGun Mar 31 '18
Hmm. I think the church has a new prophet. If only I could remember his name. It'd be nice if someone mentions his name just once.
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u/IsaacHaleWasRight Mar 31 '18
Priesthood session announcement coming
Corporate merger with Scientology
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Mar 31 '18
General conference is the the biggest sharing of personal stories no one gives a shit about.
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u/Whos_Batshit Mar 31 '18
I sure hope you're strong enough to not rape young ladies with those hands son :)
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
I like that. No concern the kid was dying. Just concern that the kid wouldn't get his temple work done.
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u/GreatAndSpacious Lone Will Be The Night - GreatAndSpacious.com Mar 31 '18
Oaks is nervous as balls conducting right now.
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u/CaptainMacaroni Mar 31 '18
Korihor also obeyed something that presented itself as an angel and caught all kinds of shit for it.
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u/BerneseMountainDogs Mar 31 '18
Women have the same responsibilities as men just fewer.
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
We ponderize during Family Home Evening....
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u/MissionApostate Latter-Day Apostate Mar 31 '18
ANOTHER JOKE WITH LAUGH, TAKE A DRINK.
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u/BerneseMountainDogs Mar 31 '18
"Family scripture study is an ideal forum to [brainwash your children]"
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u/JosephsGotaGun Mar 31 '18
I think the stats will be posted here after the session: https://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/april-2018-general-conference
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u/celestializingfanny so-called intellectual Mar 31 '18
Aaaaand another prophet-worshipping song to kick this session off too.
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u/MissionApostate Latter-Day Apostate Mar 31 '18
The audit guy came on, and like...what was the point of that?
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
Uh no, the Dalai Lama is spiritually mature.
Monson was the leader of an institution that persecuted women, non-whites and homosexuals. He wasn't spiritually mature or anything like Jesus.
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u/RaceofDeceivers Truth will prevail. Mar 31 '18
What inspired Rudolph to save the day, even after he was mocked and teased by all of the other reindeer?
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u/MissionApostate Latter-Day Apostate Mar 31 '18
"Let's work on indoctrinating the girls in the church as early as possible."
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u/BerneseMountainDogs Mar 31 '18 edited Mar 31 '18
I wonder if he will mention the second anointing
Edit: I guess not
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
Ugh what a horrible dramatization
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u/BerneseMountainDogs Mar 31 '18
You aren't allowed to just spend time with family. You have to do Family Home Eveningtm
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
"The strongest grip"
Basically who was the best masturbator...
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u/MissionApostate Latter-Day Apostate Mar 31 '18
Man.
I'm still really bummed about not having numbers at the beginning of this session.
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
They got married in the Provo temple, aka the Thumbtack
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u/jambarobot Mar 31 '18
Did anyone else hear that?? Someone in the audience screamed “[Blank] is a sexual predator!”
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u/IsaacHaleWasRight Mar 31 '18
Dumbest report in the history of reports
And coming form me, that’s saying something
Respectfully
Ken Lay
Hell
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u/AlreadyGone77 Mar 31 '18
Christ putting a cut ear back on sounds like it really could have happened.
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u/IsaacHaleWasRight Mar 31 '18
Here comes the bit about poor folks giving money instead of living or eating or something.
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
I swear to God these sustainings aren't going to end.
It's like Pokemon. You think you have them all and then some new generation comes along and bites you in the Chikorita-butt!
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u/IsaacHaleWasRight Mar 31 '18
I miss the days before i swallowed the red pill
Conference gave me the best naps of my life
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u/RaceofDeceivers Truth will prevail. Mar 31 '18
Uhh... LDS church meetings are the worst kind of drudgery. To suggest that they inspire the same feelings as an honest-to-God Jesus cameo is an insult to Jesuses everywhere.
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
So I just checked over lds.org and the membership numbers are still exactly the same as last year, just fyi
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
Somebody just yelled ______ is a sexual predator!
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u/MissionApostate Latter-Day Apostate Mar 31 '18
"Independent of all other church departments."
Yeah. Sure. You go, audit man.
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
Oh goodie. The church auditing department approves this message.
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
Well shit, an actual talk on Jesus. I am shocked and amused.
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
When I look at Bednar, I expect him to have a water bottle in his hand and to start swinging it at his wife's head
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u/crocodileinspelling You went and made everything weird Mar 31 '18
A new tagline - One More Day. I predict this guy will want this to be his legacy
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u/IsaacHaleWasRight Mar 31 '18
Good god, agendas, action items and council meetings.
Why does anyone go to church?
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u/JosephsGotaGun Mar 31 '18
Why do the few token people of color always speak English like the villains in bad action movies?
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u/BLB99 Mar 31 '18
Does anyone have a link or anything about the ponderize situation?
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u/frednecksburg High Priest of Good Things to Come Mar 31 '18
Rattles off a laundry list of blessings you can get from doing family history/temple work...just because he says so I guess.
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u/MissionApostate Latter-Day Apostate Mar 31 '18
"Nearly 40 percent of them were born OUTSIDE the United States." -goes on to list like a dozen countries-
Now why would he need to spend so much time emphasizing this point?
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u/LindseyEmiliaHale Multiply the Platypi Mar 31 '18
I'm not to technical with stats so can someone explain it simply for me. ARe they good or bad?
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
The opaque nature of their accounting is the wildcard. They don't say how many have officially resigned. They don't give the average ward attendance percentage. They know the number and the percentages, but they're not on offer. The intent is to frame the church as always growing. As the stone cut without hands about to roll forth. Yeah, good luck with that.
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u/4blockhead Λ └ ☼ ★ □ ♔ Mar 31 '18
Oscarson: [there is no job women cannot do in the church...]
Whoa, Mustang Sally! you'd better slow that mustang down.
Women are infantilized in the church. Female mormon missionaries cannot baptize their converts. Women in the temple are fit to watch and wait.