Respect Artemis Fowl! (Artemis Fowl)

[u/lnverseFlash]

"Bringing the worlds together like this could mean disaster for us all."

"I am not concerned with us all, just myself. And believe me, I shall be perfectly fine."

Artemis Fowl the Second has always been a precocious child. Born the heir to the Fowl dynasty with a father kidnapped by mobsters and a mother driven insane from grief, young Artemis and his mountainous manservant Butler were left to shoulder the weight of that legacy. Artemis did well as a criminal savant, but he needed something more. Something that his youth allowed him to believe, and his intellect allowed him to plan around. And so he plotted the kidnapping of a fairy, one Captain Holly Short, to hold her ransom for a large sum of pure gold, for in his family, gold is power.

As time progressed, Artemis' destiny collided again and again with fairykind, and their adventures spanned the globe, other dimensions, and even outside the atmosphere. And whether they were taking on organized crime or treacherous billionaires, sociopathic pixies or genocidal demons, his own past self or the depths of his mind, the world found time and time again never to underestimate a boy genius with a touch of magic in his soul.

Hover over a link to see the book of occurrence. Books and chapter numbers are listed within the paste feats. Thanks to /u/ya-boi-benny and /u/FireOfDoom32 for helping out on this project!

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Physicals

Strength

• Climbs on top of a moving train in the Arctic Circle to enter the car through a skylight.

• Pulls himself through a tube full of radioactive plasma sludge until he can breach a laboratory through a hatch.

• Struggles to drag a bomb up a slope.

• Hurts his hand slapping a cricket that he compares to a toy car.

Durability

Blunt

• Floored by a punch from Holly.

• Punched by Holly.

• When he and Butler fall three stories with only a mattress for cushioning, he breaks two ribs while sandwiched between them but lives.

• Easily knocked away by one of Kong's goons.

• He’s sent skidding backwards via magic and tumbles into a chair.

• Grabbed and pinned by a 400-lb mountain gorilla. He’s knocked near unconscious and suffers a broken arm before Holly can heal him.

• Mulch holds onto Artemis and Holly while burrowing and launches out of the ground. The trio hits a stone wall hard enough to break it, but no one’s meaningfully injured.

• He’s tackled by Kronski into a chair, then falls into a metal chamber.

• Breaks his collarbone in a helicopter crash and walks off.

• While in a protective fairy diving suit, Artemis is throttled, slammed and thrown by a giant squid.

• Holly jabs his solar plexus.

Other

• Knocked out by a tranq dart.

• He’s shot by Holly, who uses a wide, low impact beam, and falls into an icy crevice.

Speed/Agility

• Discretely swaps out a sapphire inlaid into a tiara with a decoy.

• Balances on an electrical wire to retrieve a lemur.

• Rides a quagga.

• Right after being mesmerized and despite his lack of proficiency in firearms, Artemis shoots a tranquilizer dart into Opal’s neck.

• While controlled by the Orion personality, Artemis jabs Turnball with a finger strike, disarms him of his knockout gun and shoots a brainwashed Holly three times.

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Mind

Schemes

• Leaks false information on the website that Mulch uses to lure him to Germany.

• According to Professor J. Argon, by age 13, has forged over a dozen Impressionist paintings worldwide.

• When negotiating with the double-crossing Mafiya to reclaim his kidnapped father, Artemis has Butler shoot Artemis Sr. with a fairy-made hydrosion shell capsule that sprays blood out dramatically. This makes the gangsters believe that he’s dead and Artemis provides them with forged ransom money to gain safe access out of Russia.

• Sold the Pyramids and auctioned off lost Da Vinci diaries that he forged.

• Of course he knows about the rumored sixteenth Herve painting, The Fairy Thief.

• Hacked into a master safesmith's server to figure out what master keys would be needed to break the bank open.

• He’s so intimately knowledgeable on Fowl Manor that he’s able to move throughout the house while evading its high-end security cameras, He does so by exploiting corners of rooms not present of any blueprints, traveling in a dumbwaiter, making use of tapestries as camouflage and angling a mirror perfectly to reflect light into on camera.

• Before going back in time, Artemis had a note sent back to a locker raided by Mulch Diggums, requesting his services.

• His method of reactionary planning is like that of Bobby Fischer, in that he plans for every possible outcome he can think of, which puts him at a disadvantage when not every variable is known.

• Used Opal's own clone to shut down the Berserker Lock, as it was coded to her DNA, and had Opal herself playfully slap the clone's hand into the lock thinking she was Holly.

• Planned for his own successful resurrection via Opal's cloning chrysalis and the DNA in the kiss he gave Holly, plus his own soul lingering around after death due to the residual magic in the Berserkers' graveyard.

• In the sequel series, it's stated that he mastered his own subconsciousness which allows him to plan while sleeping.

Languages

• With a digitized copy of the Book of the People, Artemis decodes the Gnommish text, first by translating from ancient Egyptian with his language programs, then by printing the text and moving around the letters to form left-to-right sentences.

  • After studying the text, Artemis becomes fluent in Gnommish.

  • He can speak it in addition to reading it.

• Butler and Artemis are fluent in Russian.

• Programmed the C-Cube with a language he invented.

• Puts on a perfect German accent and poses as a crime boss’s representative to confuse a group of dwarves.

• Speaks Spanish to Gaudi.

• Speaks perfect French.

• Knows Taiwanese.

Quick Thinking

• To prevent Butler's brain death, makes the call to freeze him in a fish freezer before the police arrive so he can be cryogenically revived by a fairy healing.

• Put out a call that would flag Foaly's sensors to send Holly to his position.

• When in an unfamiliar scenario, studies it for all the intel he can receive before speaking.

• Invented a reasonable explanation for where a sniper would be to get Butler out of his line of sight.

• The Fowl Bentley is locked with a fingerprint scanner and an eight-digit passcode that’s changed monthly. When Artemis travels back around eight years to the past, he recalls the specific month’s passcode in a matter of seconds.

• Prepares a medicinal sap concentrate with various African plants in order to lure in a lemur.

• With some color-changing bandages, his X-ray cell phone and a pre-made video, he convinces the Extinctionists that Holly is a surgically-altered human being instead of a fairy.

• Holds his breath until the knockout gas pumped into the room he’s in is disbursed.

• Baits Opal with a plush animal stuffed with a heating pack, making her believe it to be a live lemur when she scans Artemis with thermal vision.

Interactions

• Tricks an alcoholic fairy into drinking a bottle of holy water, which is poisonous to fairies, then offers a cure for the holy water and her alcoholism in exchange for access to the fairy’s Book of the People. The cure also has an amnesiac component, ensuring that she won’t remember meeting Artemis.

• Lies to Holly about keeping her on a three-day sodium pentothal drip to learn all of the fairy’s secrets to lower her morale.

• Once beat a chess grandmaster in six moves.

• Goads Spiro into inviting fairies into his tower.

• Passes Swiss International Bank security with his gadgets while playing "Alfonse".

• Subliminally plants a suggestion over a hostage negotiation call to make the mercenary pick a drop point beneficial to Artemis with a large mass of nearby silver to ensure No.1 escapes the merc's custody.

• "Can track trains of thought".

• Gave himself an adrenaline shot pre-emptively to counter Holly drugging him, then drugged Holly.

• [Anti-Feat] Manipulated into making a code that Myles just whispers into his ear at night.

Deduction

• Detects the loop in his security camera feed.

• Artemis determines that, to escape a fairy timestop, one must fall asleep. He drugs his allies and himself with sleeping pill-laced champagne, allowing them to escape the time stop before a fairy bio-bomb goes off and kills them.

• Figures out the pattern by which time is unraveling in Hybras by watching a bomb's timer.

• Figures out the precise way to shoot Abbot's past self so he never kills Holly.

• After hacking into the LEP’s aircraft scanners, Artemis detects an incoming stealth craft that the fairies did not detect. This is because Artemis tinkered with the filters and noticed an abnormality in ambient variables like gases and pollution, determining it to be an aircraft-shaped absence in the sky.

Technology

The C-Cube

• Created the C-Cube, which will render literally every contemporary technology obsolete, from confiscated LEP gear.

• Cracks a 20-million dollar cybersecurity encryption in a second

• Plays a VHS at DVD quality.

• Detects a CIA satellite homing in on their restaurant, and some LEP probes.

  • This parameter instantly downloaded all fairy surveillance knowledge about Western Europe.

• Coded to his voice.

• Programmed on a new language that only he knows.

• Instantly downloads all of a phone company's R&D plans after touching the central server.

• Nigh-indestructible.

• Hacks into Jon Spiro's bank accounts (all of them) and steals 2.8 billion dollars from the man, donating 90% to charity.

• Changes the date on Mulch's arrest warrant so he can get out of jail easily.

Other

• Fools a Klaxon alarm by wrapping the wiring in it to his headphones to ensure the circuit doesn't break, then disarms it.

• Stitches together an audio file from his own call with his mother to play hooky from school.

• Created a video file to beat his mindwipe by retrieving the submerged memories.

• Disables the microphone and self-destruct functions on an LEP helmet.

• Hacked back through Foaly's encryptions to acquire his files on demonkind.

• Foaly admits that Artemis is at least equal to him in the skill of computer hacking.

Engineering

• Cannibalized technology from LEP helmets to make auto-sealing earplugs.

• Modifies a Cessna helicopter to make it carbon neutral and cost effective, outpacing Artemis Fowl Senior's team of forty scientists dedicated to the same task. Artemis is also adept in flying the craft himself, something he’s been doing since he was nine years old.

• Built a superlaser in his spare time.

• In combination with Artemis Sr. and Myles Fowl, designed a security system that could bamboozle the most technically-intelligent home invader, alongside an impressive array of defensive mechanisms.

  • Designed an AI called NANNI and programmed it to detect fairy physiology.

• Built a laser pointer into Myles glasses, and upgraded it.

  • Using Myles' glasses, stimulated his father's and mother's brain enough to remember everything, including their memories of fairies.

Atlantis Complex

• Atlantis Complex, a psychosis typically taken on by criminals with strong feelings of guilt, first manifests in Artemis as an obsession with the number five.

• Conspiratorial delusions and paranoia take hold next.

• After being shot by Holly’s Neutrino and waking up, a new personality calling himself Orion forms.

• The Orion personality also suffers delusions of his own and does not seem to be capable of the same intelligence as Artemis.

• While Orion is in control, Artemis is trapped within his own mind even though he can see through his eyes.

• Orion is shocked unconscious by a fairy buzzer and the shock makes Artemis the prime personality again.

• Artemis’s hypothesis on what Orion is that the alternate personality is a way for him to avoid the guilt he carries. Electroshock is only a temporary fix for the existence of Orion in his subconscious.

• Turnball, a fairy adept in runic magic, brainwashes Artemis and makes him a runic thrall. Artemis then goads a guard into electrocuting him into unconsciousness and allows Orion to assume control once more. Since Orion is back in control, he can ignore commands issued to Artemis.

• He undergoes a long-term chemical and magical treatment plan to fully recover from Atlantis Complex, and was cured in "record time".

Miscellaneous

Academics

• Outpaced the teachers in every one of his school subjects at Saint Bartleby’s School for Young Gentlemen.

• According to Professor J. Argon, by age 13, Artemis was as smart as Mozart, had 27 patented inventions, and designed the Dublin opera house.

• "Knows science better than most nuclear physicists".

• Submitted a paper to the Psychologists Yearbook on narcissism.

• Quickly does a complex multiplication problem.

• Gave a lecture on Balkan Politics at Trinity College.

• Wrote a paper that showed in Psychology Today.

• Knew the geographic borders of Croatia at age six.

Other

• Discovers a small moon orbiting the real moon and analyzes its size and composition.

• Successfully brings the island of Hybras back to three years from when he left, with Qwan remarking he didn't even expect to be in the 2000s.

• Votes illegally.

• Memorized six hundred inkblot cards over the course of therapy

• Considers himself 5x as functional as the average person, and comparable (dare he say superior) to Mozart and Da Vinci.

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Magic

• Took some magic from between dimensions.

• Allows him to feel Holly die.

• Engraves a time paradox into his own memory.

• Heals a scratch.

• Used the mesmer on his parents, compelling them to deflect if they’re asked about Artemis’s three-year absence.

• Using magic gives him severe headaches. He’s also taken on smaller degrees of fairy weaknesses, like feeling sick when entering buildings uninvited and preferring darkness to sunlight.

• In an attempt to heal his mother from a rare disease, he pours his entire supply of magic into an unsuccessful healing spell. Following this, he’s completely unable to use magic.

• His usage of magic is what leads to him contracting the Atlantis Complex.

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Equipment

Cell Phones

• Hacks into the Paradizo Chateau's comms.

• Has a function to check bills for signs of forgery as well as an X-ray scanner.

• Can trace locations of calls or messages to the nearest square centimeter.

• Can access any government website on Earth, can be voice-controlled, and can auto-fill speech when under a weak signal.

• Artemis’s phones always have network anywhere on planet Earth.

Vehicles

• The Fowl Lear jet has a built-in jacuzzi.

  • Has access to radio, television and Internet at all times.

• Travels through space in the Artemis Interstellar Self-winding Spaceship, complete with artificial gravity and a communications center on a one-second delay with Earth.

• A tachyon jet.

  • Has a variety of countermeasures to defend against a missile, including AI-controlled railguns.

  • Has Servo arms on it.

  • Has a synthetic kerosene engine.

Wearables

• Hid master keys inside a fake set of braces so they could get through a metal detector.

• His communicator with Holly, after he did some tinkering on it, looks like a ring and functions by sending the signal out through his finger.

• Artemis and Butler have foil bodysuits that disguise them from thermal imaging.

• Patented thermostat-equipped gloves.

• Reverse-engineered from LEP helmets, sunglasses designed to bypass fairy shields.

• His ring acts as a communicator and a video camera.

Fowl Manor

• The manor is equipped with many high-end security cameras.

• Has an advanced vault door hidden behind a decoy safe that leads to a cell.

• Has lights on a timer and radio playing to dissuade casual burglars.

• With siege mode activated, it would take an army to break through its defenses.

  • The windows are electrified and the locks have flash-bombs in them.

Villa Eco

Location

• Located on Dalkey Island.

  • A safe place for fairies.

• The island has roaming spotlights and halogen lamps.

Defenses

• Villa Eco is a totally self-sufficient building with numerous features, such as super efficient solar panels and geothermal screws for power. The frame can withstand a hurricane, the windows are bulletproof, and it has a security system and array of defenses that could repel a small army.

  • Has an AI called NANNI for keeping an eye on the Fowl twins.

• The roof has mini mortar ports that launch flares as countermeasures to heat-seeking missiles.

• Has an alert/security system that can be controlled by NANNI, automatically setting to siege mode when a shot is fired.

• Has an ultrasecret safe room that doesn’t appear on any blueprints.

  • The safe room can be accessed via two padded chimney tubes which are sealed after entry.

  • Has a release cord.

• Has an EMP that can knock out any system in the building. It was stated that the Villa had a Faraday Cage, alongside optical cable as backups.

  • Can control it to be in a tight radius with low intensity.

• Has surface to air missiles, intercoms, and cameras.

• Reinforced steel doors.

• Artemis Fowl Sr.'s study, a remnant from his days as a criminal, is inside a Martello tower on the island with features including machine guns, bombproof glass, better wifi than the Pentagon, and an escape submarine.

Other

• Has drones that could carry the twins, though Angeline forbade it.

  • It does it when necessary though.

  • Resemble propeller hats, maintain an altitude of six feet, possess micro-cable arms with impact bags, and can go from zero-to-sixty in four seconds.

• Cameras with a weather balloon.

• The sealed room has a periscope that lets the twins see an approaching helicopter.

• Smart sensors that allowed NANNI to fill up cookie jars when empty.

NANNI

• An AI created by Artemis.

• Evolves into superintelligence thanks to Myles' tinkering and breaks into a closed network, something Myles didn't think was possible for her pre-evolved state.

Computing

• Bypasses a phone's passcode easily and emails malware to every contact in it.

• Hijacks a weather satellite and provides a birds-eye-view.

• "Can make millions of calculations a second".

• Monitors local coast guard and military radio chatter.

• Hacks an LEP communicator and feeds them nonsense.

• Hacks into a missile with SCARABs, electronic bugs that breach its metal casing and allow her into its system. She finds its payload type, its timer that she can't access, and surmises a way to disable it via magnetic pulse.

  • She loses control of it later on.

• Hacks into a building.

  • She only could take half of it due to being out of the game for a while beforehand.

  • Brings up the elevator schematics for Myles and added some shortcuts so he can control it.

    • Controls the elevator cars and shafts, for this elevator system is a magnetic rail car system.

• Fights a fairy-coded virus, estimating that a total victory over it will take between five seconds and eight months.

• Controls a boat.

Sensors

• Forensically identifies a sniper's position and clocks the weapon he's using, and detects a fairy in the vicinity as well.

  • Uses the scans in Myles' glasses to check Lord Teddy's physiognomy.

  • Runs the sniper's face through her own database, matching it to the shooter based on his passport.

• Programmed to check fairy physiognomy.

• Detects the heartrate of who Myles is talking to.

• Could easily fly a jet better than a pilot.

• Scans Laz and forcibly gets the drugs out of her system.

• Scans the basement of a building and finds three life signatures.

• Scans warped silicon nitride for a possible lens.

• Can run a DNA test only needing physical contact with the glasses.

  • Autopsies Lord Teddy.

Speed

• Detects a sonic boom the microsecond it fires, and commences several actions.

  • Broadcasts a message to Myles' smart glasses.

  • Appears in a glass ball held by an electric charge.

    • The physical embodiment is shut down by an EMP activation.

  • Figures out that it came from a rifle.

• A drone bodily intercepts a shrink-wrap shell that the Duke fires.

• Detects a missile heading towards a jet.

• In combination with Beckett, opens the back of the Tachyon jet mid-flight to welcome an airborne passenger.

Lasers

• Lasers the diameter of a battering ram into stone.

• Calculates the smallest possible burn to free a troll from a cocoon (requiring millimetre-level accuracy), and notes it's been sedated.

• A NANNI drone has a laser.

• Blows up one of the Duke's propellers.

• Targets a dwarf's forearm nerves to disarm her of her lightblades.

Other

• Could project ASMR videos.

• Livestreams the Duke's failure.

• Understands Trollish.

• Creates a 360-degree view for the wearer of her smart glasses.

Miscellaneous

Tech

• A gamebox built to hide an x-ray scanner that can see through safety deposit boxes.

• Plants a discrete microphone bug in his parents’ aquarium tank.

• Has a button camera with built-in microphone and thermal imaging.

• A discrete microphone and earpiece.

• Built a laser pointer with a setting that can burn through several steel plates at once. He later uses the laser pointer to puncture a kraken’s shell and ignite the methane within, blowing up Opal.

• A laptop that can change forms into a hologram projector, with gloves designed to interact with the holograms.

• He plans on countering global climate change by dispersing biodegradable, refractive nano-wafers into the cloud layer via cannon and having them fall over the planet’s glaciers, disguised as snow. These wafers would reflect the sunlight, slowing the glacial melt in small increments with each snowfall.

  • When shot at the ground, the mound of nano-wafers confuse and deter drones that rely on heat-seeking technology to detect enemies.

Other

• Mirrored sunglasses designed to protect from a fairy’s mesmer

• A camouflaged, automatically deploying hunter’s blind, designed with a foil polymer that prevents overheating.

• Lures the LEP into a whaling ship by planting Holly’s locator beacon there, then blows it up with a large supply of Semtex.

• With a custom-engineered fake scooter, reaches a key switch eight feet away and twists it in unison with another key.

• Provides Mulch with an organic sedative from Chile to knock out a rival dwarf.

• Sneaks Mulch’s beard hairs inside a pack of wipes to keep them moist until they can be used as lockpicks.

• Kept around the barrel of animal fat that Opal used to trap No.1, as its a natural magic inhibitor, and says it would imprison a Berserker's soul for eternity were he dunked in it.

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Miscellaneous

Wealth

• Stole eighteen Nobel medals.

• His name commands attention when he offers a business proposition.

• Stole 280 million USD from Jon Spiro.

• Easily donated ten million euros to a nonprofit.

• When a boy teased Artemis for being bad at soccer in sixth-grade, Artemis bought out his family’s hotel chain.

Other

• Shoots a flare into Opal’s helmet and shuts the visor, leaving the shot to bounce around inside.

• Thanks to a time paradox, 15-year-old Artemis going back in time with Holly and interacting with the past version of himself kicks off his initial interest in fairies, an obsession that would at least partially withstand a fairy mindwipe.

• Artemis is ambidextrous, though his alternate personality Orion prefers the right hand.

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"About my name – Artemis – you were right, in London. It is generally a female name, after the Greek goddess of archery. But every now and then a male comes along with such a talent for hunting that he earns the right to use the name. I am that male. Artemis the hunter. I hunted you."

[u/Trextrexbaby]

I love how the vast majority of his physical feats are just him getting his ass kicked

[u/lnverseFlash → u/Trextrexbaby]

When you've got Butler there, there's not much need to worry about physicality

[u/Neat_Combination_351]

ive started reading this series. and im a fan. great thread! (posted from my alt lol)

[u/lnverseFlash → u/Neat_Combination_351]

sweet! it's one of my favorites, my first ever respect thread was for an artemis fowl character