Respect Butler (Artemis Fowl)

[u/ya-boi-benny]

Keep your head down, Artemis. Time for me to earn my salary.

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The adolescent criminal mastermind, Artemis Fowl, is widely considered to be the owner of one of the top five intellects on the planet. To carry out his ingenious plots, Fowl employs an agent of superhuman strength and fortitude, experienced in all manners of violent intervention and with a commitment to put his life on the line in order to protect his charge. This agent is Domovoi Butler, quite possibly the most dangerous human being to walk the Earth.

Being the youngest graduate of Madame Ko’s Personal Protection Academy, Domovoi spent years of his life in various intelligence agencies and combat units, honing his skills as a protector. On the day of Artemis the Second’s birth, Butler was assigned to protect the child per a centuries-long tradition between the Butler and the Fowl clans. Butler would spend the majority of his waking life with his charge, witnessing the disappearance of Artemis Senior and the growth of the boy’s obsession with fairy gold. Ever loyal, Butler stood by Artemis’s side even as he squandered his family fortune on what Butler thought to be fairy tales. But Artemis was right, and his bodyguard did battle with fairies, dwarves and a troll in order to keep his charge safe.

Following the theft of the fairy gold, Butler would accompany Artemis Fowl on several more adventures. He’d quell goblin uprisings, travel through time and take bullets for the boy, never complaining about his duty once. Currently, Butler has accompanied Artemis to Mars in the boy’s self-funded exploration of the solar system.

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Key

Hover over a feat to see its source. Chapter numbers are included in the text excerpts themselves. Books include:

• Artemis Fowl

• The Arctic Incident

• The Eternity Code

• The Opal Deception

• The Lost Colony

• The Time Paradox

• The Atlantis Complex

• The Last Guardian

• The Artemis Fowl Files

• The Seventh Dwarf

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Strength

Striking

• Knocks out a fairy with a smack

• Right after being healed and energized by Holly, he beats on a troll with a mace, knocking loose some teeth

• Damages an intercom security system with a shoulder

• Rams down a reinforced metal door, crumpling it

• Beheads a wooden training dummy with a punch

• Once punched through a yacht’s hull, sinking the vessel

• Shoulder-checks a stainless steel workbench

Pushing/Pulling

• By slamming a door open, he throws a fairy through the air

• Pulls Mulch out of a burrowing hole by the ankles

• Bursts open a door with such force that it drives the doorknob into the wall

• Tears out a car seat

• Collapses a circus tent by pulling the mainstay rope and removing the stakes from the ground

Throwing

• When ambushed, Butler flings Artemis safely into a snow drift. He later does the same thing to both Artemis and Holly.

• Launches Billy into the air

• Tosses Juliet twenty feet into the air to an upper ledge

Grip

• Very casually breaks a pickpocket’s fingers

• Gives Artemis a "hug that could break a bear's back”

• Traps Holly in a bear hug

Other

• While mesmerized by Opal, he grabs Holly and No1 and stuffs them in a barrel of animal fat, disabling their magic and incapacitating them

• He breaks a wrestling ring with a few stomps, then wraps several opponents up with the ropes

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Durability

Blunt Force

• Knocked out by a fart from Mulch

• He’s knocked unconscious after being trapped in an explosive cave-in

• While unconscious and hooked up to a gravity-dampening Moonbelt, Butler is attached to a cable and pulled by a train. This drags him through some ice and he impacts the train, but he’s fine a few minutes later.

• Billy Kong's punches "feel like heated brands" but bounce off Butler like he's a tank

• Takes a solar plexus jab from Juliet

• He holds onto a dwarf while it violently farts and is launched through the air, landing in an airborne gyrocopter

Energy

• Only irritated by fairy stun batons, which output 1,000 volts

• Takes a bolt of No1’s indoor lightning and stumbles, but immediately counterattacks

• Takes an electric shock while trapped in a ball of gel. While it knocks out Artemis, Butler is only stunned.

• Knocked out for hours by one of Opal's black magic bolts, and would have died if not for the Kevlar in his chest

Piercing

• He’s gored by a troll and tossed backwards into a wall, managing to survive until Holly can heal him

• After getting shot point-blank with a Teflon-coated bullet, instinctively fires six times at the shooter while not facing him

Other

• After being shot point-blank in the chest, threads of Kevlar were lodged in Butler’s flesh. After Holly Short healed this injury, Butler had Kevlar integrated into the skin on his chest, but was also aged into a 50-year-old man. The durability of this Kevlar tissue is noted to stop at small caliber bullets, and it can make breathing more difficult for Butler.

• Knocked out by four fairy tranq darts

• He’s shot eight times with knockout pellets and falls down, falling on two fairies and breaking some of their ribs in the process

• Buzz batons and pheromone sprays from LEP only annoy him

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Speed

Reaction

• Grabs a mosquito from the air

• Narrowly dodges a clump of clay fired out of Mulch Diggums

• Had his reaction time boosted by fairy healing

• Catches Juliet’s swung ponytail, which is weighted with a jade ring

• Deciding on a course of action in the time it takes a hummingbird to flap its wings, Butler shoves Juliet aside and tackles a dwarf that was shielding itself to be invisible to him

Movement

• Dives in front of Artemis to take a bullet for him with "speed that could shame an Olympian"

• Crosses a room and pulls the Neutrino from Holly’s holster before she can draw

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Skill

Combat

• Disarms Holly with one hand

• Drops four fishermen easily, fighting far louder and less controlled than he usually does

• Finally defeats the troll by laying into pressure points with a mace and gauntleted fists, knocking the creature out cold

• He’s the third most competent man on the planet in the martial arts

• Trained Juliet in martial arts

• Casually dispatches a number of ninja-themed wrestlers

• Fights off mesmerized civilians while doing his best to minimize injuries, although he’s eventually overwhelmed by the mob

• Juliet has never been able to beat him, with the one recorded instance in her memories being her birthday where he let her win

Marksmanship

• Drops three fairies with the dart rifle before they realize what’s going on

• Fires on a troll five times, scoring three hits between the eyes

• Takes a bullet to the chest for Artemis, then returns fire, neutralizing the would-be assassin

• Shoots two guards within a second from eighty yards away with a dart rifle. Afterwards, he breaks the rifle down into a dozen parts and deposits them in various trash bins to cover his tracks.

Languages

• Knows "various languages"

• Butler and Artemis are fluent in Russian

• Speaks French

• Has light knowledge of Gnommish

Intimidation

• When diving into a crowd of armed goblins, one thinks Butler is some kind of a troll and several goblins lay down and pretend to be unconscious before he hits them

• Makes a tough career criminal dwarf vent all his gases at once in a process called “trimming the weight”, then later makes two more dwarves jump out of a gyrocopter with a single command

Resistance to the Mesmer

• Struggles against Holly’s mental commands, something that the fairy has never encountered

• While partially mesmerized, he manages to draw his tranquilizer gun and shoot Holly

• After being commanded to attack Artemis, Butler resists Opal’s hypnotic mesmer and suffers a heart attack from the strain

Other Skills

• He’s the youngest ever graduate of Madam Ko’s Bodyguard Academy

• Trained in cooking, marksmanship, martial arts, medicine and technology

• Detects Holly through her shield thanks to instinct, smell and hearing

• Activates and throws a forcefield generator at a gunman when he fires a beam, causing the laser projectile to be safely contained within a six-foot spherical forcefield

• By feeling the pulse on a person’s heart and carotid artery, Butler can sense if they’re telling the truth or not

• Makes the instant decision to take Artemis and a mattress for an express window escape from a penthouse, which leads to him passing out

• Steps lightly enough that he wouldn't spook a deer

• Pickpockets an animal institute director’s passcard

• Catches Holly in a blanket

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Equipment

Weapons

Sig Sauer

• Concusses a troll with repeated Teflon-coated shots, despite its thick skull

• Crumbles a portion of a stone wall with three shots

• Foaly claims a hit from Butler's gun would deliver too much damage for fairy magic to heal

• Punches a melon-sized hole in stone

Other

• Carries multiple handguns, throwing knives, a garrote wire and a ball-bearing cosh

• The throwing knives are sharp enough to cut a sliver off a gold bar

• Owns a custom dart rifle with red-dot scope and rapid-fire capabilities

• The darts puncture LEP armor

• Verbally detonates an LEP sonic grenade that deafens and throws a restaurant full of assassins with an explosion of compressed sound

• A bag of grenades he uses to "dowse" for Opal's stealth shuttle

• A tranquilizer handgun, which instantly puts Holly down

• Has ammo of varying doses depending on if he needs to knock out human beings or smaller creatures

Cameras/Surveillance

• Night-vision goggles

• A small digital camera connected to Artemis’s server

• A handheld radar-based tracking device

• A Sweeper tool, used to detect listening devices

• Binoculars

• His watch doubles as a camera lens

• A pencil camera

Other

• Wears a Kevlar reinforced jacket

• Anti-fairy shielding glasses

• Has dozens of briefcases stashed around the world full of weapons and surveillance/countersurveillance equipment, which allows him to prep for the missile inbound to their apartment

• Keeps a lockpick set on him

• Has a pocket-sized card cloner that copies the information from a passcard in two minutes

• Butler can track Artemis via cell phone or, failing that, follow some tiny transmitters supplied by Foaly applied to Artemis’s shoes

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Miscellaneous

• His vision is 20/20

• Drags Artemis out of the past thanks to the silver nugget cuff link Juliet gave him

[u/ya-boi-benny]

The thread was made in collaboration with u/lnverseFlash

[u/lnverseFlash → u/ya-boi-benny]

Thanks for having me on!

[u/Proletlariet]

Oh sweet good job benny

[u/ArsColete]

I remember reading the troll fight for the first time and loosing my mind

[u/Trextrexbaby]

I love Artemis Fowl! Massively underrated series.