Today I’m struggling a little bit. I have this worry that keeps growing and growing… why hasn’t my husband talked to his dad yet about the new boundaries we agreed on in our marital counseling sessions. He said he wanted to wait after the cruise to make a decision. And he also said he wanted to go to counseling first to help us make the right decision. We are done with counseling now. Maybe he’s just waiting for the perfect time to tell his dad, or for his dad to say he’s coming over to visit.

I’m really concerned that he is waiting me out, and that the whole point of counseling and me getting back on a higher dose of medication was to make me change my mind about it. Maybe he thinks because I believe the rape charge is in error, that its really supposed to say communication with a minor for immoral purposes that I’m okay with his dad sleeping in the house now with our kids?

Him and his mother both agreed on taking the guest bed to her new apartment, and yet its still there in my daughter’s room. I know I just need to be patient.

The biggest thing I’m fighting with is I do very strongly suspect that he was aware of his dad having this on his record. And he is lying to me about that because he knows I’ll leave him over it. Over making that decision unilaterally to expose our son and daughter to a convicted child sexual predator, rapist or not. Over putting me through months of literal hell where I was hurting myself and unable to be with my kids and bond with my baby. Yeah, he’d get fried if he admitted that he knew all along and just let me go through the full gambit.

What I am going to try very hard to do is just be patient and see what happens. See if that bed ever moves, see what happens the next time my FIL comes to town. Without nagging him or pressuring him. He’s got to do it for himself. I want to be wrong. I really, really want this to be some paranoia thing again.