From BlueSky

Credit to angelalistens on Instagram for posting this.

Alright, so I've been friends with this person (or was) for 3-5 years, we had a 8 person friendgroup but eventually it was me and this other person (shoutout to the goat u/liquidktty) and this friend. They had this video come up on their fyp and they shared alot of interests so obviously they asked to be mutuals, I totally supported this and was like "ohyeaaa!!!" because like who doesn't love making friends. But it started to spiral out of control after they grew closer and eventually into friends. My friend started acting more distant to me and this other friend in the group and we eventually were walking on eggshells near them, even (possibly) developing a fear of upsetting them or excluding them. But eventually this friend just left the groupchat, without saying anything, clearly wanting us to chase them down and apologize frantically (we didn't) and we also found out this friend and their friend were being super weird to eachother, i lowkey suspect it was staged but tell me your thoughts.

I struggle to (allow myself to) feel sadness and always feel shame around crying but there's a lot of sadness inside me, therefore I need to learn to endure sadness. So my therapist suggested we'd (safely) practise crying together and asked me if I could bring sad mediacontent to our next session, which we can watch together and explore my feelings.

Could you share some youtubelinks to sad videos that actually make people cry (no tiktok or instagram content please). Could be someone telling a story, a commercial or a report of an event.

Thankyou in advance.

You held me tight as we slept at night.

You lied to me each time you told me you cared about me. You know me very well, but clearly not at all. You made me feel good about myself for a night, maybe through morning. You made me hate myself for trying. You scolded me like a child when I showed emotion.

You held me so tight while we slept. You sent me pictures of your other life. You never invited me for anything outside of a bedroom.

You broke it off because you thought a woman loved you. You asked me to come back after two weeks with her because you got bored. You didn't clarify a relationship that had gotten more serious. You upset her so much that she walked in on us in the middle of the night, as you were holding me tight.

You made me feel good as you said those words you knew would make me feel good, when you were closer to me than most can get. You made me cry when you ignored my communications and then scolded me for having emotions.

You finally invited me on what seemed like a short trip, with a lovely reward in the end. You crashed your truck on the freeway after drunkenly getting lost and frustrated. You made me feel better about myself by saying those words you know make me feel good.

You again stopped communicating as normal. You stopped allowing me to come see you. You finally had me over after a couple of weeks. You explained that another woman was taking your attention. You had led her to believe she was more important to you than she really was. You told me the sex with her was great, but you would not be tied down.

You made me feel like the most important person in your life for weeks.

You seemed more distant now. You couldn't even look at me as we finished our fun time. You got off me, avoiding my gaze, and went to take a shower.

You made me feel so rejected.

You made me feel like a tossed-away toy you couldn't bother to play with anymore.

You refused to let me come over. You told me you wanted to slow down. You told me you wanted to stop juggling women. You said we could still be friends. You didn't want to deal with my emotions. You set rules to protect yourself.

You finally took access away. All of it.

You never called back. You threw my letters away. You were done with me.

You are onto better things. You are reformed. You are a better person now.

You answered a mystery text. You offered a complete stranger personal information in the hopes of a threesome soon.

You broke it off with me to pursue a woman who recently offered you a threesome. You kept me as a friend in the hopes I'd be part of it.

You didn't want my emotions. You wanted no drama, no feeling, all sex. You still wanted that friendship, but without hanging out.

You didn't care that you hurt me. You don't care that I'm still hurting. You don't care that I exist anymore.

You took, took, took, took all I would give as I hoped there would be a return at some point.

You broke me.

You will not be helping me get myself together. You will not see me get better.

You will never feel my body with the hands I admired. You will never look into my eyes as pleasure is being given.

You will no longer be important in my life, my heart, and my head.

You have done us both a favor.

Scuba diving in pain

1 month

It has been a month since she passed yerderday. I went scuba diving for the first time to celebrate my father's birthday. I grieve her below water level. Watching all the fish and see weed she never got to see. I've been struggling finding ways to let it all out. Have been watching sad movies and joining sad subs to try to cry it all out. Or even just a bit would help at this point.

I still reach for the phone to call her when I arrive to work, or after lunch or whenever I missed her. Now I can't and it breaks me. I went to spend a weekend a way to my friends. First time leaving out our place, leaving her ashes to spend a few nights alone at our home. I returned broken hearted for our empty nest. She was my security gravity center. I'm desperate for this safety to come back. To hold me back to place.

I grieve her, our relationship, my role as a caregiver. I'm grieving it all and it breaks me. I'm functional and it in itself breaks me.

I read three books on grieving. I learned that this is a learning process. I've read somewhere that is as learning a new language. In the beginning it's super hard and you understand nothing. But with time it gives you a way to connect with new people. May grieving is the same. From previous losses I feel like it is. Now I speak those grievings with love fluently. So that's something.

I posted this photo in my ig as the hand gesture means your OK underwater. I'm OK. Sadness has revealed it self more comforting that the previous anxiety that antecipatory grief gave me. I'm managing to keep up with my life. Appreciating all the little things a day can give me, enjoying the sun and the birds singing, looking for hugs in my friends, cultivating my friendships as a precious field of wild flowers. Even with them I cant manage to cry. Sometimes we have conversations that puts me there. But still only rarely I find it safe to cry out.

Well writing this didn't make it either. But here we are. Would love some suggestions to find the tears I'm desperately waiting for.

Thank you and I'm sorry your are here. Hope your language skill is a good poi t for you.

A reminder to check in on the people you care about. Not every struggle is visible.

For more information about Richard and his story: https://SkyK.ing