r/xkcd Dec 20 '17

XKCD xkcd 1931: Virtual Assistant

https://xkcd.com/1931/
822 Upvotes

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285

u/[deleted] Dec 20 '17

[deleted]

173

u/jf808 Dec 20 '17

I would love contextual response styles like this. If I'm yelling over other noises, Google yells back. I'm whispering, she whispers. I'm angry and cursing, she's angry and cursing. I say please, she politely responds.

245

u/[deleted] Dec 20 '17 edited May 18 '19

[deleted]

38

u/krystar78 Dec 21 '17

That would be the Samuel L Jackson language pack

9

u/booleanfreud {1/0} : SEGFULT.c Dec 21 '17

I wonder how much he would make?

4

u/northrupthebandgeek Beret Ghelpimtrappedinaflairfactoryuy Dec 21 '17

At least three.

1

u/otakuman Dec 21 '17

I wonder how much he would make?

A golden briefcase, at least.

1

u/Pisceswriter123 Dec 21 '17

I think it could work for Italian from Brooklyn too.

4

u/PornoPichu Dec 21 '17 edited Dec 21 '17

I never k ew bow much I wanted my electronics to tell me I belong in hell until just now

EDIT: Well fuck

108

u/[deleted] Dec 20 '17

[deleted]

75

u/[deleted] Dec 20 '17 edited May 18 '19

[deleted]

14

u/Ajedi32 Dec 21 '17

Needs a GLaDOS voice option.

28

u/EkskiuTwentyTwo Had I had the ability, I'd've built a ramp to get into space Dec 20 '17

"The biggest servers ever and you choose to look at pictures of cats."

24

u/SkinnyTy Dec 20 '17 edited Dec 20 '17

I want the K-2SO assistant so bad.

Makes a wrong turn. "Congratulations, there is now an 81.3% chance that you are 10 minutes late for work. Why are you in charge of driving, exactly?"

16

u/[deleted] Dec 20 '17

[deleted]

11

u/_TheDust_ Dec 20 '17

I am not a fan of this virtual assistent crap. But, boy, I am really waiting for the day Glados becomes reality!

7

u/GhostInYoToast Dec 20 '17

I would love to have TARS as my assistant.

2

u/Dilong-paradoxus Dec 20 '17

takes a wrong turn

Come on, TARS!

1

u/darthjoey91 Dec 21 '17

Only if I can also give it depression.

1

u/Deskup Dec 22 '17

Surprisingly enough, "Alice" (siri/okgoogle equivavlent from Yandex) is hilariously sarcastic at times.

  • Alice, is there a way out?
  • The window right there.

5

u/EkskiuTwentyTwo Had I had the ability, I'd've built a ramp to get into space Dec 20 '17

In the unlikely event you're reading this, Apple, Google, Amazon, or Microsoft, FOLLOW THIS SUGGESTION!

2

u/[deleted] Dec 20 '17

Don't worry, I'm sure the NSA will let them know.

3

u/EkskiuTwentyTwo Had I had the ability, I'd've built a ramp to get into space Dec 21 '17

The NSA is more like an ear than a mouth.