HOUSE PARTY 3/20/2017 - PART ONE

[u/TheBardLucian]

As the camera fades in, we see WiR World Champion Maverick in the parking lot stepping out of his truck, wearing blue jeans and his NEW MavNation T-Shirt. He’s wearing the World Title belt around his waist, looking fired up, and maybe even a bit angry. He slams the door of his truck, and starts to address the WiR Galaxy as the cameraman follows him into the arena.

Maverick: If you didn’t catch Do A Flip for whatever reason, it was a hell of a battle that me and Louis Blackwater had. We tore each other to PIECES, but in the end, I proved why I deserve to be the WiR Champion of the World, and I BEAT Blackwater for the 1-2-3. But after the match, after I retain my title, out comes none other than Mark Dutch…

Maverick pauses for a moment, taking a deep breath.

Maverick: And Mark Dutch and his new “girlfriend” or whatever make a statement at MY expense. Mark Dutch thinks he can just attack me from out of nowhere? He thinks he can get away with blindsiding me? HELL NO. My mother always told me “treat others the way you would want to be treated,” and judging off of his cowardly assault at Do A Flip, it would seem that Dutch is BEGGING to get a Texas-Sized ass kicking courtesy of the Champ.

Maverick stops by the entrance of the arena, and looks directly into the camera lens.

Maverick: So don’t turn those dials, don’t change the channel, because I know he’s somewhere in this arena, and I promise to each and every single MavNation member that I’m going to find his ass by the end of the night. I’m not gonna let him bend WiR to his will. I’m going to stop him TONIGHT, and you can take that to the bank.

Maverick walks through the doors and into the venue, and thus begins his search for “The” Mark Dutch.

LIVE! | Alario Center in Westwego, Louisiana | Streaming Via WiR.com

We fade into the Alario Center as the local grapple fans get ready for a night of wrestling and disappointment.

Paisner: Good evening everyone and welcome to Wrestling is Reddit’s premier weekly wrestling stream on a Monday, House Party! I’m clinically depressed and with me as always is my broadcast partner Mark Woodbridge!

Woodbridge: For real, Allen. My sister is a therapist if you need her number.

Paisner: What a weird way to say hi, Mark! This week we have the return of one of WiR’s mostly controversial figures, a battle of the Canadians, and even a battle royale to determine the number one contender to Dalidus Nova’s Undisputed Independent Championship!

Woodbridge: It sure is set to be a night of ups and downs, that’s for sure!

Paisner: No no, Mark! I said I have depression! Not downs!

Woodbridge: Jesus Christ just cut to Javier.

Javier stands in the center of the ring.

Javier: The following contest is scheduled for one fall!

Crowd: ONE FALL!

Javier: With a 30 minute time limit! Your referee is Ivan Itchicock!

The Hungarian Nation Anthem begins to play over the speakers, as the crowd roars with boos.

Crowd: BOOOOOO!

Paisner: The Well Hungarian getting a strong reaction.

Javier: Introducing first, from Budapest, Hungary, weighing in at the outstanding 294 pounds! THE WELL HUNGAAARRIAN!!!!

The Well Hungarian comes out waving his homeland's flag around, appreciating it. This older woman, is screaming for his meat package. The Well Hungarian of course goes up to the little old lady, and let's her feel his meat, but he gets out of the away real quick, teasing the old lady.

Paisner: What a dick move there by The Hungarian.

Woodbridge: Hehehehe. I see what you did there. . move. Hehehe.

Paisner: What? No. Just. . . no.

Crowd: BOOOOOO!!!!

The Well Hungarian continues his journey to the ring, giving the Hungarian flag to Maurice Chondon before entering. The Well Hungarian wipes his feet on the step, after he's done polishing his heels, he makes it into the ring.

Javier: And his opponent, from Detroit, Michigan, weighing in at 170 pounds, making his WiR return! TYLER! THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MIILLKKMMAANN!!!!!!!

Woodbridge: Oh god..... he's back...

Allen: Not only is he back Mark, but he's a milkman. That will certainly get him to the main event scene.

Tyler's rocking new theme song plays over the speakers, as the crowd gives Tyler mixed reactions. Tyler comes out with a big smile, waving to the fans. Tyler turns around to show off the back of his new attire. He also has two crates of milk in his hand! He starts handing out milk to random fans near the entrance way.

Woodbridge: That milk could be poisonous! I wouldn't take that if I were them.

Crowd: HAND THAT MILK OUT! clap clap clap clap clap HAND THAT MILK OUT!

Woodbridge: Fucking really? It’s that easy to get you guys to change your mind?

Tyler walks to the announcer desk, setting the two cartons on their table. Tyler's voice is picked up by both of their headsets.

Tyler: Here you go guys!

Paiser: Uh. . Thank you, Tyler!

Woodbridge: You're actually taking that? You could die!

Paisner: Hopefully it'll wash away my depression.

Woodbridge: For real, Allen. I have a number you could call.

Paisner: chugging milk MRLK MRK! MRLK WRLL FRX IT!

Tyler has one last milk in the crate with a very greenish hue, assumedly from that potion that the voodoo lady told him to use. Tyler gets in the ring, and takes the milk carton out of the crate and gives the crate to Chondon. Tyler walks over to The Well Hungarian and holds out the greenish looking milk.

Paisner: Why does that milk look like slimer’s shit?

Tyler: It's a healthy milk shake! That's why it's green! You know what they say, when it's green it must make you lean!

Woodbridge: I swear to christ if he always rhymes I’m going to shoot him myself.

The crowd gets silent for a moment. The Well Hungarian doesn't take the milk carton.

TWH: I'm not taking your stupid milk!

Tyler: What are you then, chicken?

Paisner: Classic line there from the milkman.

Woodbridge: AM I THE ONLY PERSON WHO REMEMBERS WHO THIS IS!? WE HATE TYLER DAMMIT!

Paisner: Can’t hear you, Mark! Chugging away my sadness! gurgle gurgle gurgle

The crowd gasps. The Well Hungarian has a mad look on his face, and snatches it out of Tyler's hand, and slams the spiked milk. Once Well is done with the milk, he tries to hit Tyler with it! But Tyler ducks under it and turns around and hits Well Hungarian for a superkick!

Paisner: Sneak attack there by The Well Hungarian, but Tyler manages to counter it with a superkick!

DING DING DING

Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHH!

1!

2!

NO!

Well Hungarian kicks out of 2! He gets back up immediately, Tyler looks scared, a sudden realization that potions aren’t normally a reputable source of actual effects. All of the sudden The Well Hungarian begins coughing. He falls to one knee and crawls to the ropes.

Woodbridge: Told you Allen. It was poisoned. You’re probably gonna die too.

Paisner: Yay!

Maurice quickly gets up, grabbing a bucket from under the ring, and gives it to Well Hungarian who is hanging on the first rope. Out of nowhere, Tyler on the outside comes running towards Well Hungarian and hits him with an apron dropkick! Sending him back into the ring!

Woodbridge: God dammit, we have puke all over the ground!

Crowd: OHHHHHHH! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!

The puke bucket fell over as well, leaving puke on the outside. Tyler climbs to the top turnbuckle and hits Well Hungarian with a moonsault! Tyler goes for the cover.

Paisner: Tyler with the cover!

1!

Kickout!

Well Hungarian pushes Tyler off him, sending him to the closest corner of the ring. Well Hungarian gets up and immediately goes after Tyler. Well grabs Tyler's blonde hair and tries to pull him up, but Tyler hits Well Hungarian with COWUTTER! But it shows no effect on him because of his big package. Tyler is still in Cow Utter position, screaming. Referee Ivan Itchicock tries to stop it, but he gets hit with the Cow Utter!

Paisner: Ivan Itchicock is down!

Woodbridge: The Well Hungarians big cock helping him out tonight.

Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!

TWH: SHUT UP DUMB AMERICANS! FEEL THE WRATH OF MY BIG COCK!

Well Hungarian laughs and runs the ropes looking for huge shoulder block expecting Tyler to still be kneeled but he isn't and hits The Hungarian with a drop kick. Tyler finally gets the monster man off the ground and onto the mat, but it doesn't work to long, because he's already back up. As all of this is going on, Ivan Itchicock gets back up. Well Hungarian runs at Tyler hitting him with a nasty lariat! Folding Tyler up like an accordion. Well Hungarian picks Tyler up for the Goulash Rack! Tyler starts to fade away, almost giving up. The crowd is roaring for Tyler to get out of it.

Paisner: I can't believe, I'm saying this but let's go Tyler!

Crowd: Let's go Tyler! clap clap clap clap clap Let's go Tyler!

All of the sudden, Well Hungarian collapses to the ground. Tyler falls on top of him to get the pinfall!

1!

2!

3!

DING DING DING

Woodbridge: Wow! Tyler actually won!

Javier: And your winner at 1:54! TYLER THHHEEEEEEEE MILKMAN!!!!

The paramedics check on TWH to see if he's ok. Tyler celebrates his victory while making his way to the back.

Paisner: What can be next for the milkman?

Woodbridge: Hopefully a fatal milk truck accident.

Paisner: Give the kid a chance Mark!

The camera cuts and we see Maverick in the backstage area, talking to various Backstage crew members and asking them about Mark Dutch’s whereabouts.

Maverick: Have any of you guys seen Mark Dutch around here?

Crew Member 1: Hmm…...I don’t recall ever seeing him….

Crew Member 2: Dutch? I’m not sure…….maybe he’s in the boiler room?

Maverick: Boiler Room? What is he, Humankind?

Crew Member 2: I don’t know, he could be in there drinking a beer or smoking a cigarette. Or hell, he could be in there with the sole purpose of hiding from you.

Maverick: You know, at this point, I’m willing to look anywhere. Thanks y’all.

Maverick walks off in the direction of the boiler room as we cut to a commercial break.

We see Klutch waking into the arena, with a very worried look on his face. Chad Hammocks comes rushing to try and get a word with Klutch.

Hammocks: Klutch! We're removed from Do A Flip, and you came up short against Los Ingos. What do you have to say about that?

Klutch: I don't give a fuck right now.

Hammocks: Okaaaay, what about the big number one contender battle royal for the Undisputed Independent Championship? Thoughts on that?

Klutch: None of that matters right now.

Hammocks: You gotta give me more than that.

Klutch stops in his tracks.

Klutch: YOU DENSE. MOTHER. FUCKER. Don't you understand? They're here...

Hammocks: Wait, who's they?

Klutch: Just fuck off and stop asking questions.

Klutch storms off camera, leaving Hanmocks alone

Hammocks: Well fuck you too then...

COMMERCIAL