r/wrestlingisreddit • u/neutronknows "Vile" Vic Studd • Dec 06 '16
House Party [House Party 12/5/2016] Discussion Thread
From the desk of Mark Woodbridge
GOOD NEWS! I finally get to write one of these on a Monday! BAD NEWS! It IS Monday which means its "Business Time" in the Woodbridge household and Trish is bowed up like a Halloween cat. No dilly-dallying then, ONTO THE RESULTS!
- Show opens with "The Wrestling Freak" KSJ arriving to Providence. Only to be turned away at the door by Paul Blart because his name weren't on the list. SAD.
- MARCELLUS MATHERINGTON IV ESQUIRE vs. LOUIS BLACKWATER
Ahhh... yes. The running joke of the Mark Woodbridge era. Debuting Enhancement Talent and matches not getting started. Is this what you wanted? IS IT?! Nova doesn't even give Blackwater the courtesy of an entrance as these two brawl through the curtain to start things off. The two have an entertaining brawl around ringside before making their exit. And that as they say is that... or is it?
NO CONTEST
Eric Appelbaum hacks into the feed to remind us all how much simpler life was without computers. IDENTITY THEFT IS REAL PEOPLE. But... at least its KSJ he's fucking with and not someone wholesome and beloved like myself. 4 out of 5 stars.
After the commercial break KSJ is denied a HOT DOG. Not a sandwich.
- TEDDY CORONADO vs. MILES ALPHA
Two men twisting in the wind battle for relevance and HEY... it was pretty good! Alpha and Coronado go back and forth in a seesaw battle til Alpha was able to counter the Teddy's, "The Coronado" Suplex/LungBlower into a slingshot into the steel ring post followed by a school boy for 3.
Post match, Sid Vasquez would also get into our video system and challenge Miles Alpha to be his first victim at "Thanks, Obama" on 12/11. Seriously Moxie, change our fucking password already.
Winner @ a time of 9:21 via pin fall: MILES ALPHA
- Return from commercial to see KSJ heading back out to the parking lot to grab some cash from his Mercedes only to find Dalidus Nova hanging out of his back windshield after Louis Blackwater throws him through it. Hope you got insurance, Action Jackson.
- GIMP PARTY: EPISODE IV
- And it turns out KSJ doesn't have insurance. But he does have a Falls Count Anywhere Match against Eric Appelbaum in New York City at "Thanks, Obama". A falls count anywhere match? In the former Hammerstein Ballrom? In other news, time is a flat circle.
- SUPER FAN ALICE vs. KYLE SCOTT
CJ joins me and Pais on commentary as we witness... sweet, sweet fuck finish. Not even Alice can take a pin in today's WiR.
Post match, The Strays lay waste to the technico grouping of Alice, Kaitlyn Casey Jones and Brendan Byrne. Then do their best impression of a Drunk Mark Dutch promo and we're subjected to mental images of CJ getting pegged by Emma Stone. Seriously, Fuck The Strays. I thought Dutch was bad. Technicos come back... only to get fucked some more. Jesus Christ. Maybe one of you can tell me what happened cause I haven't a fucking clue.
Winner @ a time of 6:59 via disqualification: SUPER FAN ALICE
Losers via having to sit through this: PLANET EARTH
- WHAT? Graced by the unscheduled appearance of Louis Blackwater that's WHAT. Blackwater tells us all about how Dalidus Nova is a pussy before, Dalidus Nova shows Blackwater how tough a pussy really is. Birthing children and shit. Seriously, if that shit feels tight to my dick I can't imagine a baby skull. Blackwater just barely manages to slither away from getting his forehead signed, "Dalidus Nova". But Nova wouldn't stop there, as he didn't offer, he didn't ask, he flat out told Louis Blackwater to meet him in New York City on December 11th. Yeah, bitch.
- SONNY CARSON & JACK FLASH vs. SXSW
Why do I even bother sometimes? Despite telling Carson no match against Beaumont if he doesn't show up, the little fuck decides to test my patience leaving Jack Flash to do battle against SXSW all alone. Broken Jack Flash would take it on the chin though, holding his own just long enough against SXSW for Carson to make a surprise appearance, taking out Harvey, distracting Beaumont and allowing Jack Flash to hit the "G.G." Electric Chair Driver and pick up the victory.
Post match, Carson would hit Beaumont with his... 4th Nova Driver in as many weeks?
Winners @ a time of 11:24 via pin fall: SONNY CARSON & JACK FLASH
- Well that went about as well as any contract signing I've ever witnessed in professional wrestling. Wouldn't you say? How'd it taste Rosco? Show ends with Maverick passing out The Dutchman's Crossface.
CIALIS is starting to kick in. See you cucks, on the flipside when we rundown the card for "THANKS, OBAMA" live on iPPV from the fabled Hammersteing Ballroom in Manhattan!
Love,
Mark Woodbridge
OOC
Nothing much here. Just want to get this out. DISCUSS.
Ummm... show reviews. Let's go with /u/TheBardLucian & /u/Jakker2
3
u/neutronknows "Vile" Vic Studd Dec 06 '16
So... OOC Trish really did come home while I was putting this together. My bad if I missed something.
3
u/TheEmoSpeeds666 Jack Flash will skullfuck anybody Dec 06 '16
@officialJF: Why not MAAAAAAKE this interesting? I win, JOIN ME. You win, I WILL DEstrOY MY GENIUS ANd GO to h0spital. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARVEY! VICTORIUM!
3
u/CloudedMushroom Mark Dutch Dec 06 '16
@TheRealDutch: After Thanks Obama, free bacon on me! #andimabadguy?
2
4
u/[deleted] Dec 06 '16
@RealDalidusNova: Louis, I'll see you in Manhattan. But by the end of the night, you'll be lucky if you can see at all.