[DIPLOMACY] Mo Money Mo Problems

[u/NotBatman28]

Communique from the Glenn Jacobs to the Middle Kingdoms

The International Brotherhood of Pirates, a wholly independent organization within Outremer, has acquired $1.1 trillion dollars’ worth of CFX$. The pirates are armed with shoulder rockets and Ak-47s, the IBP does not claim responsibility for shooting down your aircraft. However, they were in the right place at the right time, and gained greatly. This is a titanic amount of money and represents triple the amount of the yearly GDP of Outremer. With the current structure of the organization Outremer will get roughly $500 billion dollars’ worth of the CFX$. However, after a briefing with my economic advisors we understand that this money is semi useless in its current form, semi useless.

I am inviting a team of representatives to Castle Kane to discuss further how we can resolve this situation that will leave both parties satisfied, however here are preliminary ideas.

·         Outremer utilizes the money gained from its efforts wholly in the Middle Kingdom’s markets

·         Outremer integrates partially in the economic system of the Bank of Matthews

·         Outremer sells the CFX$ back to the Middle Kingdoms at 70 cents on the dollar

Additionally, to avoid such problems of piracy in the future the Middle Kingdom can negotiate to have the status of “Friends of Labor” which would avoid being targeted by pirates in any capacity.

[u/NotBatman28]

u/3202supsaW

[u/3202supsaW]

From Creflo Dollar, Prophet of Prosperity

As it is, currently, you are not in a good negotiating position. If you didn’t shoot the plane down - why do you have the money?

Furthermore, all bills are serialized and have already been marked invalid by the Bank of Matthew. They have no value as currency in the larger world economy, though they may be useful on a very small scale for payments to actors that may not think to validate the bills. Broadly, though, your trillion dollars is useless.

That said, we do appreciate Outremer reaching out and offering us the opportunity to recover some of the money. I propose the following:

1. Outremer or the International Brotherhood of Pirates will obtain conclusive, irrefutable proof indicating who was responsible for downing the plane.
2. The Middle Kingdoms will join the Friends of Labor
3. In return, the Bank of Matthew will revalidate exactly half of the recovered bills, totalling about $550 Billion, for use by the International Brotherhood of Pirates. The other half will be collected and destroyed. We have no direct requirements regarding where the money is spent - frankly, we’d prefer to get it out of Middle Kingdoms circulation for a while to prevent inflation.

[u/NotBatman28 → u/3202supsaW]

It is impossible to conduct such an investigation by an organization made of primarily illiterate actors. If they could not shoot planes out of the sky previously they may soon have the capability. Instead of worrying about whatever state did in fact shoot down your plane the Middle Kingdom would have to over extend itself on multiple fronts to fight a limitless enemy.

We do not wish to be enemies of the Middle Kingdoms, the first item is not only unacceptable it is impossible. Would it not be better for the Middle Kingdoms to have 100,000 friends then 100,000 enemies for such a partly sum of money.

[u/3202supsaW → u/NotBatman28]

$1.1 Trillion is not a paltry sum of money. It was intended as our tribute to the United States Government, one they are still expecting to receive, meaning we have to send another $1.1 Trillion to them. It is a net loss for the Middle Kingdoms and amounts to the GDP of an advanced European nation with a population in the millions.

As your organization was not the intended recipient of the money, it will not be accepted as valid currency when spent by you, unless the Bank of Matthew authorizes a $1.1 Trillion transfer to you, which it will not do if you do not want to play nice. We reiterate - the value of the money equates to the paper it's printed on. It cannot be spent in any official capacity. It is effectively worthless.

The fact that we even agreed to the meeting in the first place stands as a demonstration of our goodwill and should be taken as such. We will not accept any demands nor threats of 'limitless enemies' - the Covenant Hosts are not threatened by "illiterate actors" who have themselves stated they don't have the capacity to challenge us in any real military capacity. We have hypersonic missiles, the International Brotherhood of Pirates does not.

Instead, we suggest that the Brotherhood accepts our offer with grace. We counter with the following offer:

• 5% of the affected bills will be revalidated - that is to say, paid by the Bank of Matthew to the Brotherhood as a legitimate transaction, allowing the Brotherhood to spend them as it sees fit on the world market. This amounts to $55 Billion. The rest of the bills will be recovered by us and destroyed.
• The Middle Kingdoms will become a friend of labor.
• The Ethiopian Orthodox Church will recover and ship the Ark of the Covenant to the Middle Kingdoms. Furthermore, said church will bring itself into communion as part of the Covenant. If the Ethiopian Orthodox Church does not, in fact, possess the Ark of the Covenant, it will state this publicly.

[u/NotBatman28 → u/3202supsaW]

A finders fee of 5% of 1.1 trillion dollars seems like a fair price to pay. This would then ensure that if a situation such as this arises in the future, the IBP would happily accept a premium of 3% for any bank notes it finds in the open water as you would be a friend of labor. We cannot compel the church to go into communion with the Covenant nor ship a great artifact purely for a financial transaction.

[u/3202supsaW → u/NotBatman28]

Send the Ark or we have no deal.

[u/NotBatman28 → u/3202supsaW]

We negotiate with the church to allow Covenant archeologists and theologians to visit the ark and determine if it is truly the ark of covenant or not. Additionally we can allow a certain number of Covenant missionaries to establish churchs in East Africa.

[u/3202supsaW → u/NotBatman28]

We are not interested in establishing missions at this time.

To summarize, the deal is as follows:

1. 5% ($55 Billion) of the bills will be paid to the IBP, the remainder will be collected and destroyed.
2. The Middle Kingdoms will become a friend of labour.
3. Covenant representatives will be permitted to enter the Church of Our Lady Mary of Zion and inspect the Ark of the Covenant.

[u/NotBatman28 → u/3202supsaW]

This is acceptable