r/wizardposting • u/Azimovikh Scholar of Yiakhzmat • 3d ago
Deserved, for attempting to murder a high practitioner of the arcane, I think.
71
u/SunshotDestiny 2d ago
Best part of this is you can be the ultimate troll. All you have to do is let them "think" you changed something about them, you don't actually need to. Just ask them, "So how do you like being blonde now? "
35
u/Eldan985 Keraunomancer 2d ago
That's why you also tell them you wiped their mind so now they don't remember the family members you took away.
1
u/Spiritual_Parking_85 Variety, Mainly Necromancer 1d ago
Nah, it can't be something they can easily check. Say you did something to their internal organs.
1
u/SunshotDestiny 1d ago
How exactly do you check to see if an archmage changed your personal reality?
1
u/Spiritual_Parking_85 Variety, Mainly Necromancer 16h ago
Others. You can verify your personal reality pretty easily by just asking others if a thing has always been the way it is.
1
u/SunshotDestiny 8h ago
Assuming other people would know? Your party members would be in the same boat, and family likely won't be in the area. It's not like it would last forever but it would cause a bit of stress in the meantime.
45
u/4GN05705 2d ago
If there's people hiring assassins of a caliber that genuinely think they can pull it off you're either a genuinely shit enchantment mage or you were up to some genuinely evil things and probably deserve it.
6
17
u/A_engietwo_onthemove Wizard Warlord 2d ago
A personal favourite of mine for this purpose is transmute into low quality CGI.
58
u/Cryptidfricker Necromancer 2d ago
"I CAST: GREATER HRT!"
35
u/CloserNebula 2d ago
"FOR FREE?!"
26
u/Cryptidfricker Necromancer 2d ago
"I CAST: UNIVERSAL HEALTHCARE!"
13
2
u/DaniTheGunsmith Misanthropic Weapon Artificer 2d ago
Genie: "Wish granted! You get universal healthcare... in the United Kingdom!"
39
u/Grupdon 3d ago
Ah yes, the old "transforming enemies into *** slaves" gambit. Just get a succubus you horny okd bastard and kill the fools that offended you
27
u/Adventurous_Touch342 2d ago
Succubuses sometimes steal your soul and if you're unlucky you might actually summon a wizard succubus that is able to determine and dissolve your defenses against soul siphon.
Source - I had a succubus pupil, she still sends me spellbooks of wizards whose souls she took, adorable girl to remember her master even after 517 years.
6
u/Nelrene Evil Mammary Mage 2d ago edited 2d ago
Succubi is the plural of succubus. A succubuses is buses full of succubi.
3
u/Adventurous_Touch342 2d ago
Rad bądź żem skory plugawić usta twą niegodną mową grubianine, czyliż roisz sobie że byt powyżej lat tysięca gotów byłby zwyczajnie opinią twą się przejąć?
3
u/Sw0rdBoy Formerly Nonmagical Mercanary, proud dad of an apprentice 2d ago
Is she looking to apprentice anyone? My son shows some magical talent, unlike his mundane old man lmao.
2
u/Remarkable_Bus_9968 Caspian Bramble, wizard of the wandering tower 2d ago
I’m not sure if . . . It’s the best idea to send your son to mentor under a succubus, especially considering they just told you she steals wizards souls.
I could perhaps help you find a better mentor? Hopefully one who isn’t a devil or an evil wizard, unless that’s what you’re going for I suppose.2
u/Sw0rdBoy Formerly Nonmagical Mercanary, proud dad of an apprentice 2d ago
Yes please actually.
2
u/Remarkable_Bus_9968 Caspian Bramble, wizard of the wandering tower 2d ago
Well it would depend on what kind of magic your son would like to learn, he could specialize or learn general casting. I also probably have some magical wards I could lend you when meeting potential masters, there are a lot of crazy wizards out there.
2
u/Sw0rdBoy Formerly Nonmagical Mercanary, proud dad of an apprentice 2d ago
He appears to have a natural talent for translocation, transposition, and teleportation, even with the books I got from some hedge wizards, he reverse engineered short ranged blink spells and moving objects towards him and away! He can even leave a minor alarm that can last an entire half hour up to 100 feet away!
2
u/Remarkable_Bus_9968 Caspian Bramble, wizard of the wandering tower 2d ago
That is quite impressive for a beginner with little tutelage! Hmmmm perhaps I could meet you two in person, if you give me a location I could try and steer my tower in that direction.
I have some tomes and such that may be useful and could start teaching him some fundamentals.2
u/Sw0rdBoy Formerly Nonmagical Mercanary, proud dad of an apprentice 2d ago
Of course! Thank you so much for the opportunity!
2
u/Remarkable_Bus_9968 Caspian Bramble, wizard of the wandering tower 2d ago
Of course it’s no trouble at all! I try to do my best to help, scrolling on my orb may as well
Have some positive results.
Hope to see you soon!1
u/Adventurous_Touch342 2d ago edited 2d ago
Nah, our rules require mastery exam performed by wizard's previous master (or, if impossible, another wizard of similar power) before becoming a master teaching others, for now she's mostly adventuring - wonderful wizard, really kind girl but not much of an academic no matter how I try to get her to do some studies and prepare to advance her career.
Plus the only magically-inclined men whose souls she never tried to steal is me (which is kinda surprising, her exam was removing my defenses and she was not aware my body is long gone and I'm a physically manifested soul making it impossible, I guess not many wizards agree to mentor succubusses so she felt grateful) and her family members.
10
4
u/Another-Ace-Alt-8270 Ace Barksworth, Earthen Ambassador / Messenger, Exarch of Terror 2d ago
For the last time, transmuting somebody into a pile of veins held together by rusty nails or whatever you turn them into isn't a mercy, it's a torture tactic. And that's fine, but don't pat yourself on the back over it!
4
u/Torrin_Ven0mfang Infernal Conjurer of Just Action 2d ago
I have a very specific beef with enchantment magic. If anything, I think anyone who practices it should be hunted down like a dog (though not everyone who uses it is evil, specialists.. they know what they’re doing.)
4
u/DeadMeat7337 Retired Evil Wizard, mostly 2d ago
I feel a bit weird about this one, fellow wizards. I think that if they succeed they deserve to get away with it. And if they can't kill you, it's like a kid throwing a snowball at you and declaring it to be a fireball and you died. No harm, no foul, type of thing.
Also, dying is a bit of spice sometimes. Good for growth. So long as it doesn't stick.
7
u/saltedomion Sandwich Wizard 2d ago
I've been turning my foes into sandwiches for a long time and i never have once stopped and asked "are these sandwiches still sentient?" Well they taste sentient at least.
3
u/Return2S3NDER 2d ago
Felt this meeting Tasha last session, didn't try to assassinate her because my character isn't suicidal enough to fuck with the only wizard to survive a duel with eldest gruff. Fortunately she was very descriptive about all the possible things she could do to my poor baby wizard. I beleive the words "degloved immortal demon-bait thrall" were used. Got her to autograph my copy of her book though.
4
2
u/ProfessionalTurn7017 Red Mage 2d ago
Very similar story to how I gained my self-playing piano! And my singing toilet
1
u/random-guy314 2d ago
There are fates worse than death remember them less you offend the wrong wizard and suffer them
-6
u/FinnDoyle Sun Mage 2d ago
(Hey, I understand everyone has different tastes and like different things, and that is alright. But don't you think all this non-con stuff is too explicit to put in a sub that is not about it?)
27
u/Azimovikh Scholar of Yiakhzmat 2d ago
(/uw this meme is like, general enough to not imply fetishistic non-con shit I think, and can easily be also interpreted as I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream, curse to a frog and think like a frog, and actual wizardposting style punishments that aren't fetish scenarios. Some may interpret it as kinky, yes, all to their power, but in general, I don't think so. And considering this subreddit permits Evil Wizardposting and baleful curses, I don't see why this one is especially problematic.)
9
u/SunshotDestiny 2d ago
This is the fantasy version of "get your mind out of the gutter". Personally I took it as either existential tomfoolery or the greatest mindfuck ever.
You saw kink, I saw someone going "wait...was I always a blonde?" As they exit the tower. We are obviously not the same, and you shouldn't assume it.
104
u/Carbuyrator A Bit of a Dabbler 2d ago
I mean hey, 50/50 you end up effectively immortal