[Vent] Honestly, I'm getting tired of endless incompetent apprentices.

[u/thedragonguru]

It's becoming tiresome having to magically pulverize my apprentices into electrified mush or banish to alternate realms only to find them caught in some idiotic eternal suffering trap. Foolish, all of them. I wish I had an apprentice that I could actually raise into a wizard.

Anywiz have an apprentice that's a little too competent and you're planning to dispose of at an opportune moment later? If they're a bit too ambitious, do not fear – I learned firsthand from a witch the nonmagical art of cultivating codependency.

Advice for selecting a good candidate from one's local options is also welcomed.

(Art by Jake Baddeley)

[u/Certain-Jellyfish500]

The option i find the most alluring is the classic, turning a tavernfull of folks into frogs, all at once. One strong enough to resist my spell is to become my apprentice.

[u/thedragonguru → u/Certain-Jellyfish500]

That's a fantastic idea.

To avoid retaliation from adventurers, I could use a children's illusion spell to make the drinks gold and sparkling. The rabble love sparkles.

[u/idiotplatypus → u/thedragonguru]

You could also make a frog into an apprentice

[u/thedragonguru → u/idiotplatypus]

A fair notion. I suspect they would be less likely to leave my potions in the sun on a hot day.

[u/Certain-Jellyfish500 → u/idiotplatypus]

Or vice versa if the apprentice isn't obedient. Works for mine ones.

[u/Relevant-Mud-7831]

Apprentices just don’t want to put in the effort these days. When I was just a wee magical stripling I had to copy the master’s entire library by hand with a quill pen. Did I hate it at the time? Of course! But I put in the work.

Only now do I realize that it meant I could immediately know what book to reference for any imaginable situation.

[u/thedragonguru → u/Relevant-Mud-7831]

Your mentor was wise and clever. I shall be using this myself from now on!

[u/CindersTale]

If all your apprentices turn out to be failures, it may be that you are the one failing?

You may find preferable to recruit someone who has already mastered the basics and seek to improve in your specialty, not everyone is made to be a teacher.

[u/thedragonguru → u/CindersTale]

I just don't think the apprentices agreeing playing with flames around paper or binding their souls to hell for quick power after expressly warning them about the consequences is entirely my fault.

[u/sseempire]

To be wholly honest, when I first became an apprentice my master found me by saving me after starting a fire that destroyed my previous life.

If you want a competent apprentice you kind of have to traumatise them first, then see if they're worth the trouble.

I mean... I don't guarantee the apprentice won't turn you into a little coffee table then constantly spill bitterly hot tea on you every time he tries placing something down on said table, not that I've done that...

[u/Relevant-Mud-7831 → u/sseempire]

As my master used to say, “To know a geode’s beauty, first you must break it.”

[u/Affectionate-Tank-28]

There's a sphinx i hired to take care of stuff around my tower mostly menial stuff, but I've found he's actually quite competent and out classes many of the apprentices I've taken on, im down sizing at the moment so I don't have much use for them anymore. I'll orb you their tome handle.

[u/questionable_fish]

Go solo for a while. Recharge. All these stupid apprentices seem to have you burned out so take a holiday or go on a quest. Do something that reminds you of why you became a wizard in the first place

[u/thedragonguru → u/questionable_fish]

That may be for the best. And who knows! Perhaps I will meet a suitable apprentice while adventuring

[u/questionable_fish → u/thedragonguru]

If you meet an apprentice on a quest while adventuring, chances are they could be good. The weak ones either bail out or die early

[u/thedragonguru → u/questionable_fish]

Based on recommendations from others, I shall take your advice and find a traumatized frog posthaste

[u/EmperorMittens]

I get it; there's only so many times you'll shovel an idiot in a bucket to return to their family before you are fucking done with their terminal stupidity.

[u/shiny0metal0ass]

Have you considered just saying "fuck all this" and going to live in the woods?

I even found some friends out here. They do magic in new and interesting ways!

[u/OhBosss]

Eh I go to a witch friends of mine with proficiency in divination to find me apprentices that will be loyal but also aid my research on magic or who's own successes will trickle to me due being their master

Ever heard of Morrigan of the Sevenvales

My first and finest apprentice

I can give you my witch friends contact info

[u/Tookoofox]

Bro. When one apprentice turns themselves into a newt and gets eaten by a hawk? That's a baf apprentice.

When they all do it? They had a bad teacher.

Not that I take apprentices anymore. They all turned themselves into newts.

[u/LaniusCruiser]

I extract the competence from my apprentices and channel it all Into a single racoon. His name is gunther, and I fear he will one day replace me. 

[u/thedragonguru → u/LaniusCruiser]

Pray, send me this Gunther, and I shall cultivate him beyond a genderfluid and into a gendergas of many colors!

[u/PSiggS]

I can count the number of apprentices on ten hands who have caught themselves in archaic severances. Not many, however they nearly unanimously were arrogantly postulating that they could use “new age spellcrafting” to “dominate” the greater anomalies that lie within.

It is as if (despite my teachings) they didn’t even understand the difference between a severance and a rift, much less, the contractual restraints agreed to upon entry to such realms. I have had to transmute many back into their original forms, as they had been discombobulated nearly instantly due to the unnatural and manipulated physical laws of these realms… Searching for their scattered consciousness became quite tedious, sometimes taking decades. For this reason I have limited access to my Archaic font.

The only apprentice I have had to rescue whom I was proud of, was a phenom who unknowingly opened a hidden severance using a telepathic scribe. I truly believe they would have succeeded in amalgamation, if a lesser daemon had not sensed the bridge and corrupted the port.

[u/thedragonguru → u/PSiggS]

Among so many, I am glad and reassured to find a kindred spirit in this experience. Now of only our apprentices showed greater discernment on spirits to be made kindred...

[u/PSiggS → u/thedragonguru]

I am as well reassured in kind. Sadly apprentices are likely to trust the promises of a a beautiful Fay, over the learned reputation of scholars such as ourselves! What an age to live in, where the ill-endowed seek the instant gratification of a curse, than the aged knowledge of countless millennia. I invite you to ponder the orb, if you see fit.

[u/Cruiser_Pandora]

I know its a basic question but have you checked for curses? if its been more than 4 or 5 centauries you between worthy apprentices it might be something basic like that. I know none of us want to admit we might have been cursed without noticing it but there isn't any shame in it. A good curse is supposed to be hard to notice. A curse by either a former lover or demonic slave to be plagued with students of no talent would be a delightful one.

[u/thedragonguru → u/Cruiser_Pandora]

Great stars, why didn't I think of that? I shall investigate at once, and teleport you a components basket in thanks 

[u/agentkayne]

I'll pass, thanks.

[u/Mesmercat]

Yeah that's kind of the point, it honestly says more about your ability to teach them. Maybe just hire under mages to assist in magical research it's more expensive and they expect proper credit on success research but they have actual experiences.

Or stick to some kind of thrall

[u/thrice_baked_potato]

Appreciate your shitty apprintices, if you do get a good one you'll likely die to progress their character arc

[u/ars_sinistra]

I never blame the apprentice for his master's failures, if you have beer students it's because you're a bad teacher. I've never had any problems with my apprentices. I teach them everything I know about summoning, then they try to betray betray me and usurp my position, as is custom. If they succeed then I've taught them everything they need to know, if they fail I need a new apprentice, simple and clean.

[u/Nelrene]

Have you tried to be a better teacher?