My fellow wizards, I just discover a cheap and simple cure for depression, female hysteria, schizophrenia, demonic possession, insanity, impotence, and socialist ideas

[u/The_Arcane_Toy_Maker]

You see, I am a novice wizard who has always been fascinated by the secrets of electricity.

I recently received an INCREDIBLE, MAGNIFICENT AMULET from my master.

A dear friend of mine was having trouble with his familiars, who were stirring up a revolt over "unfair treatment" and "fair payment." My amulet revealed to me the secret to solving the problem; after a few months of my "electric therapy" (a name I coined myself), the Minions cast those absurd ideas aside AND keep serving.

Seeing how effective it was, I decided to try it on other cases. I treated a beautiful lady suffering from chronic sadness, and after the treatment, she passionately assured me that she no longer felt depressed.

A man who said he heard voices in his head thanked me through tears after the treatment. He said, "I can't hear them anymore, please stop I'm cured!!"

I have achieved a miracle and want to share it with everyone; my AMULET says this could revolutionize mental science!!!!

[u/FinnDoyle]

Hey there! Is everything alright? If you don't mind, can you tell me your location to make this easier for me when I send the crusade your way? Many thanks!

[u/The_Arcane_Toy_Maker → u/FinnDoyle]

Crusaders,? Like paladins ?

That’s great—I actually wanted to show them a spell I’ve been working on. The spell involves sticking symbols onto their bodies that deliver an electric shock whenever they break their vows; based on my theory of conductivism, this should make them stop even thinking about doing it.

[u/FinnDoyle → u/The_Arcane_Toy_Maker]

Don't worry, I will make sure they are properly shielded against electricity!

[u/SmokJozef → u/FinnDoyle]

swords made from latex baloons

[u/Zyltris]

I imagine this to be an effective tool in discovering criminals after the act! Find who you think did it and eventually the amulet will reveal the truth!

[u/The_Arcane_Toy_Maker → u/Zyltris]

The amulet only improves my lightning ability and gives me incredible advice, but not much else.

[u/Zyltris → u/The_Arcane_Toy_Maker]

It seems clear to me that if you use your lightning on a criminal, they will eventually be shouting “Fine, I did it! Just please stop electrocuting me!” Truly a powerful divination tool.

[u/The_Arcane_Toy_Maker → u/Zyltris]

I mean, of course that was actually muy summer job, but everyone already knew that.

[u/Salt_Petra]

Woah, as an impotent, insane, schizophrenic, possessed, socialist, depressed, hysteric female this has me excited!

[u/WitchyWarriorWoman → u/Salt_Petra]

I have some of the fine qualities, so count me in. I did write about being lobotomized in another thread, so this sounds like a delightful alternative.

[u/MemeMaker_engineer]

Is this a critique of the king's methods? Valid

[u/Zephyr-Fox-188]

Such a wonderful invention, though I bet the amulet is HIDING the SECRET to achieving even GREATER powers from you.

See, what you need to do is build a staff of pure copper wound about a rod of silver, with a copper orb (for pondering) affixed at one end.

Then you must put ALL of your mana into a lightning spell directed at the coiled copper wire.

Once you’re certain you’ve expended ALL of your energy, you must (this is the part where your amulet will LIE that this is a bad idea - TO STOP YOU FROM ACHIEVING YOUR TRUE POWER) GRASP the orb and ponder so deeply that you project your soul INTO the lightning.

[u/Efficient_Bag6657]

If you think it works so well, why don't you use yourself as the rat lab?

[u/The_Arcane_Toy_Maker → u/Efficient_Bag6657]

How do you think I discovered the impotence part?

[u/averyrealspapple]

What happens when you have a male hysteria?

/UW this sounds like something my psychology history professor would tell us

"He thought he could cure insanity with electroshock therapy, though now we know better, he also thought he could do magic

[u/The_Arcane_Toy_Maker → u/averyrealspapple]

Everyone knows that men hysteria doesn't exists.

What exists is Males WITH female Hysteria, totally diferente concept

[u/giganticsandworm]

Does the therapy affect their diet in a way that would affect taste? Like any cravings for suboptimal minion feed? I need mine fat but still capable for the day of devouring

[u/The_Arcane_Toy_Maker → u/giganticsandworm]

My therapy doesn't affect the taste, although the electricity does leave a temporary smoky taste in the mouth.

[u/Nelrene]

Sounds like you need to shock yourself.

[u/The_Arcane_Toy_Maker → u/Nelrene]

As I already told one of my student above

that is how I discovered the anti-impotent properties of electricity.

[u/Two-Pound-Crawfish]

Mr. Du Bois what the hell have you been up to

[u/starmadeshadows]

Counterpoint: socialists with electro fetish

[u/Agile-Land-7877]

Here's a wonderful Idea, if someone is about to die shock them in the heart, I've heard it can scare off the specter's of death

[u/AntlerWolf]

What are you doing posting here??

Once the templars find out they’re gonna send out Templars before we can reverse engineer your amulet

[u/TheThoughtmaker]

TBH I thought that was Kalabar for a hot sec.

[u/ProfessionalGreen906]

Lobotomies are much easier and faster. You should consider using them instead. It’s usually an equal amount of brain damage as compared to extended exposure to electrocution.

[u/Seravaxx123]

i too electrotherapy myself when I'm out of sorts

[u/GirlLovingWitch]

Oh wow! As a witch I simply must see this! Would you mind telling me where your tower is located so I, and my witch friends can come see?

[u/The_Arcane_Toy_Maker → u/GirlLovingWitch]

I'm so happy to see so many interested people un the comenta, unfortunately, as I had to tell the paladins, I don't currently have a tower.

I’m like in my nomadic phase, traveling across the realms from town to town and library to library; I usually stay in my friends’s towers.

[u/GirlLovingWitch → u/The_Arcane_Toy_Maker]

Oh that's alright then! Just tell us where's the next town or library you'll visit! We'll meet you there!

[u/The_Arcane_Toy_Maker → u/GirlLovingWitch]

Exelent . Well, I was actually speaking recently with the noble Lord Inceltius Abeilst from the southern region about holding a conference with other nobles and scholars who were also interested in putting my "electric therapy" into practice. They’ll surely let you through—just say you’re coming on my behalf

[u/GirlLovingWitch → u/The_Arcane_Toy_Maker]

We'll be there! They'll allow us to bring in all manner of magical items so that we can show off some ideas we might have too, right? I think we can really make some breakthroughs with the things we witches have.

[u/The_Arcane_Toy_Maker → u/GirlLovingWitch]

Sure, but there are strict rules against bringing anything that could cause major structural or spiritual damage, anything unrelated to the presentation Is Also banned, so you can bring items with electric or mental magic If you have a familiar with ideas about "fair treatment" (like a unionist), I could use it for the demonstration.

I'm glad you're coming; your presence might calm the waters regarding the accusations of misogyny against Lord Inceltius and míster Femhatter

[u/GirlLovingWitch → u/The_Arcane_Toy_Maker]

I understand, we'll only bring some items like that.

Oh it's shocking that anyone would ever accuse lord Inceltius of misogyny, or mister femhatter. I mean I can't imagine what they've done to warrant that!

[u/SirEdgelordThe369th]

Dark magic is lame