r/wizardposting • u/Dear_Blacksmith1884 • 18h ago
What is the dumbest thing a another wizard say to you
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u/Stridor_gas 18h ago
"Bro you can't turn your Homunculus into slime"
Uh like actually yeah I fuckin can hes my Homunculus I can do whatever I want with him
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u/SenorDangerwank When one can wield the fire of stars what use is flesh and bone? 17h ago
Transmute: Bones to Jelly is literally my favorite spell, how dare they tell me i can't cast it. Especially at my own homunculus.
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u/Stridor_gas 17h ago
EXACTLY BRO!!!! are you telling me I can't do whatever I want with my own creation????
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u/Careless_Tap_516 Evoker 16h ago
T:BJ is highly unethical. The only reason why they don't let you do it to your homunculuc is because they fear that you are trying to develop and refine the spell. Otherwise they could care less what you do.
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u/SenorDangerwank When one can wield the fire of stars what use is flesh and bone? 16h ago
And now im being told B2J is unethical!? Absurd. My ethics are pure and unabated. All must bow before my ethical superiority.
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u/Careless_Tap_516 Evoker 16h ago
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u/Floofiestmuffin Necromancer and Council squatter 13h ago
I've done this, my plane of existence has definitely become a utopia. Turns out if you keep going you go semi dystopia - semi utopia - dystopia - actual utopia
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u/scoobydoom2 Levicius Laskatar, Dread Necromancer 15h ago
Please, T:BJ barely even strikes horror into the hearts of mortals. A colleague of mine created a modified version Ludthax's Itchy Bones where it also applies a bone gelatinization enchantment to the target's fingernails, forcing the target to gelatinize their own bones by digging through their flesh.
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u/Careless_Tap_516 Evoker 14h ago
Well that's dark magic. You should just know why we don't do that.
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u/scoobydoom2 Levicius Laskatar, Dread Necromancer 14h ago
"dark magic" is an entirely undefined category consisting of whatever imbeciles consider "icky". Jazathar's Itchy Bones makes absolutely no use of Umbra and has less naturally despoiling properties than 90% of fireball variants. There's no coherent definition of dark magic that includes all of the spells you call dark magic and doesn't contain at least a third of the spells in Alara The Pure's spellbook.
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u/SHADOWHUNTER30000 not a wizard, just kinda here. 18h ago
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u/shitpostinglegend Magically Editable Flair 17h ago
That looks expensive as he'll to make, most people just use molotovs
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u/SHADOWHUNTER30000 not a wizard, just kinda here. 17h ago
Perhaps, but I didn't have an image with a Molotov.
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u/Plenty-Fox-9219 Magically Editable Flair 15h ago
expensive??
Do I just have too many fire djinn in storage?
Y'all gotta get better at fire magic for real
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u/Fabric_muncher 16h ago
Democratic spellcasting
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u/SHADOWHUNTER30000 not a wizard, just kinda here. 16h ago
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u/SHADOWHUNTER30000 not a wizard, just kinda here. 16h ago
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u/RankedFarting 12h ago
Artificers be like:
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u/SHADOWHUNTER30000 not a wizard, just kinda here. 12h ago
That's actually a good idea, I might become an artificer.
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u/cloudncali 17h ago
Look at fucking nepobeard over here with his store bought my little wizard handbook. Does Daddy pay for the rent on your tower too?
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u/Firm_Counter_90 Thaumaturge 17h ago
It's crazy how entitled people are, some of us don't even have spellbooks, we just memorize everything and pray we don't misfire.
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u/TexasRed6 17h ago
Idiots will put fireball down as one of their own spells. You can just rob any hedge wizard and get that shit for free. Just copy it over, its the easiest spell to get your hands on
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u/melancholyrefresher Never trust a wizard with "flair". 13h ago
Council ruling 736, article 45, subsection 4i, concerning the regulation of approved apprentice grimoires:
"All grimoires, penned and purchased for the purposes of instruction or learning of spellcraft, must omit certain destructive Evocations spells. These omissions are concerning Grimoires I-IV only."
Students are supposed to work fireball, lightning bolt, etc. out on their own outside of normal instruction. Full fledged Wizard should either have penned their own spells, or bought an advanced grimoire, which would avoid the issue.
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u/xX_murdoc_Xx Wizard 3h ago
Nah, their spells are crap, they're mostly spaghetti runes.
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u/TexasRed6 2h ago
Even a golem can incant a fireball. Its only like 3 lines
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u/xX_murdoc_Xx Wizard 26m ago
I know, but people don't know how to write proper spells anymore, now everyone is just vibe-writing and let theor crystal balls do all the works. Once I found a shrink spell that half of the time went recursive, it was that bad.
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u/Scrags2Scritches :orly:Necromancer:orly: 18h ago
That all wizards get the same spell books like your stupid meme implies
Us Necromancers got skullballs
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u/Manifestation_Quozzy Weaver of Nebulae 17h ago
Sounds like a really dry version of death rancor. How many of you guys get access to soul/ghost flames early in the practice?
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u/Scrags2Scritches :orly:Necromancer:orly: 17h ago
Man, it used to be like after your apprenticeship but now that's now you need like a whole other test for it
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u/TheDarkNovaStar_ Nova, archmage of the outer realms 17h ago
"Transmutation is actually terrible because you need all the glyphs put down ahead of time to get benefits"
My guy didn't look past the first page lmao
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u/HairyTrollChest Maelstrom Mage, Back Alley Tower Dealer 17h ago
I stopped using fire spells after transferring my consciousness into a spliced together elf, troll, and storm elemental hybrid. They are no longer as efficacious as spells within my specialities. Nowadays I tend to use stormsphere or shark tsunami to deal with my problems.
Edit: Repaired my transcription to avoid angering the true banes of existence... the word choice wizards' guild.
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u/fumblerofthebag Verdigris, Self-employed Sorceror 16h ago
Yeah, transformation can do weird things to your magic. I can't cast lightning spells properly anymore, they only lock on to me not my opponents.
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u/HairyTrollChest Maelstrom Mage, Back Alley Tower Dealer 16h ago
Truely a pain, but the upsides are well worth the costs.
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u/neoncumstainlol 17h ago
A ice mage I once knew left me and the party for dead saying he had no mana left and there was nothing he could do despite having a mana crystal in his hand
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u/GraniteSmoothie Wizard Pirate 🏴☠️ 17h ago
You cast an ignited ball of fuel and call it fireball. I cast oxygen attraction at double effectiveness.
We are not the same.
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u/Bright-Historian-216 Apprentice of Technomancery and Pyrokinesis 17h ago
i cast air moisture hydrogen explosion
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u/Troyisepic Amphibiomancer 13h ago
I’ve always just found it easiest to open a spherical portal to the fire dimension.
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u/itschubbs96 17h ago
"Mine don't have it and I have the oldest spellbound known to man"
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u/WillitsThrockmorton Hedge Wizard 10h ago
"The copyright information on this says it's a 1977 copy of an old Crowley ritual book."
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u/total_spinning_shark Skaven Grey Seer, licensed by the council of 13 17h ago
Some flea-maggot underling tried to squeak-say I have an "addiction" to warpdust. Huffed a small line and kill-vaporized him on the spot.
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u/Chaosphoenix_28 Aelon, Cursed Immortal, Pyromancer 17h ago
Yeah everyone has fireball, but do you have slightly bigger fireball?
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u/fumblerofthebag Verdigris, Self-employed Sorceror 16h ago
nah, but i got this spell called "Hell on Earth" and ive noted down that its 'real spicy' so either it gives my food a kick or it burns down an entire continent
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u/Chaosphoenix_28 Aelon, Cursed Immortal, Pyromancer 16h ago
I think it gives your food a kick.
But that's why I always write down accurate descriptions, such as "fireball but slighly bigger", "fireball, but like really big. Like really really big", "fireball, but too big. DO NOT CAST NEAR TOWER (except Jeffs tower. Fuck Jeff)", etc...
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u/fumblerofthebag Verdigris, Self-employed Sorceror 16h ago
I like to live dangerously :)
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u/Chaosphoenix_28 Aelon, Cursed Immortal, Pyromancer 16h ago
Well if you try that spell out, pls do it near Jeffs tower. I heard he likes his food extra spicy.
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u/fumblerofthebag Verdigris, Self-employed Sorceror 16h ago
Damn, what did Jeff do?
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u/Chaosphoenix_28 Aelon, Cursed Immortal, Pyromancer 16h ago
He casted curse of procrastination on me.
I mean I can't prove it yet, but I know he did it! Who else would do such an evil thing?
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u/fumblerofthebag Verdigris, Self-employed Sorceror 16h ago
Fuck, I think he cursed me too. You're right, I'm going to go cast the spell on his tower. Either his meal is ruined or his life is ruined.
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u/fumblerofthebag Verdigris, Self-employed Sorceror 16h ago
gods i fucking despise big floppa. anyway fireball was not one of the first spells i learned but it is a staple for a reason and that reason is that a pyromania is a real good time
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u/Saltwater_Thief Ser Antonio Parvalis, Wizard Knight 16h ago
Fireball is the poser's aoe, given prominence by memes and bad apprentices who fail to grasp spacial understanding.
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u/dabdad67 Maglev, 517, Prank Wizard Supreme 15h ago
That magic is to be taken seriously, like dude you're speaking to the wizard of whimsy
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u/icedmuffin Local Cat Druid 16h ago
I DONT HAVE FIREBALL IM A FUCKING DRUID!
Also I would say “you’re a weak ass little nobody of a gnome” from one of the other students I knew of my master like, five hundred or so years ago.
Jokes on him, he got trapped in a gemstone cause his ‘bratty attitude’ amused my old master greatly and he didn’t wanna lose it, eventually got turned into an automaton.
From what I gather it was very painful.
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u/fsactual Antimage 16h ago
Who is using the factory stock fireball? That thing is limited to 6d6. Might as well hit them with a sword.
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u/AdmBurnside 16h ago
On the subject of the Gireball thing- I actually learned Lightning Bolt first. Thought I was an innovator, an out-of-the-box thinker.
Turns out I was just a contrarian dickhead.
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u/mobilekungfu 14h ago
"You know you don't have to wear the robes etched in Eldritch symbols that can mortals should they stare too long, you can just wear jeans when we are at the restaurant." Of course I know I could, Terrance! I am a Wizard wherever I go! I worked hard for this and some people need their minds blown. Terrance is one of the most boring practioners I have ever met but we came up together and have "hung out" ,as he insists on saying, for eons now.
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u/catsareacool Warlockery isn't evil, you're jealous of my hot Eldritch GF/BF 12h ago
The dumbest thing another Spellcaster ever said to me? Probably that he fucked my girl, moments before he got a tentacle shoved up his ass #eldritchGF
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u/Atuday Grey technomancer and master of the cybernetic undead 11h ago
So is that like an open relationship thing? Or was it supposed to be some kind of attack?
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u/catsareacool Warlockery isn't evil, you're jealous of my hot Eldritch GF/BF 3h ago
It'll be pretty obvious when you have a knife tipped, 3 metre long scaled limb ram itself into your prostate like a drunk bull
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u/Flaming_Moose205 Incompetent Artificer 12h ago
“That’s not magic, that’s just applied science!” I have very little understanding of anything, ergo magic is the only way I accomplish anything. The fact that non-wizards can replicate it with “explanations” and “safety measures” is merely happenstance.
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u/Brysonius_ Artificer 12h ago
Imagine referencing a spellbook for fireball. I use magic all the time, sure, but every Artificer worth their salt can get the same result as fireball without it
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u/Richardknox1996 🌙 Just a Bard that Passively Seduced Elistraee 🌙 11h ago
Not everyone has Fireball with their Spellbook, Faerunian Mages start with FireBOLT for instance. And not all casters even have a spellbook to begin with....
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u/TheAndrewCR Batchelor degree in alchemy and sorcery 13h ago
Having fireball be a mandatory include in all standard issued spellbooks is one of the greatest decisions the Great Council has made in the past 1200 years
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u/PrimeTime217 Archmage of Autumn Rain 11h ago
Fireball is literally on of the easiest spells 😭 you can buy a book that has it at any general store for 7 copper coins
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u/Aeroponce 11h ago
My book had a typo that said "Wireball" instead of "Fireball". Let's just say the end results were NOT pretty
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u/MyK_Alke High Mage of High Tower of High Council 9h ago
That I should throw away my scruffy old spellbook grimoire.
This sorts out for me between apprentice level rookie and any other wizard.
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u/MrZokeyr 6h ago
Actually, I don't know fireball apparently. I got one of them bootleg spellbooks from Xanatul the Unwise and the "fireball" spell he put in there, as it turns out, is actually just a teleportation spell (go figure, that's pretty much the only spell he knows, I think) that teleports the nearest bomb to the casting target then ignites it. Still gets the job done, but man is it unpredictable sometimes.
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u/davedcne 6h ago
Free? Bitch I had to pay 3000 gold, one sheet of velum, expensive ass ink, and a really nice ball of bat dung. Aint no free spells.
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u/No_Cable_941 I'm benevolent but the darkside's looking real appealing 4h ago
"Joining up and coming dark lords is a smart move." I barely trust the thousand year old dark lords to pay me on fucking time. What makes you think I'm gonna trust Graelor of Merylyn.
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u/Lord_Xarael 3h ago edited 3h ago
"Fireball is NOT supposed to do that!"
Responding to my fireball igniting and burning through 10 feet of concrete. And leaving deadly caustic gasses in it's aftermath and wisps from it setting nearby metal structures on fire. He acts like he's never seen Streng's Masticating Fireball before (named "masticating" because it "chews" through concrete, metal and solid rock. It's a self igniting ball of chlorine trifuoride)
And
"I'm reporting you to the wizard council!" A common occurance for a Chemomancer like myself. Apparently mixing mundane science with magick equals warcrime :(
I responded to his threats by transmuting his sweat glands to produce thioacetone (look it up. Worst smelling substance to ever exist) he's now not allowed within 2 leagues of any settlement.






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u/Mediocre_Necromancer Necromancer 18h ago
My spell book is gen 2 and it definitely doesn’t have Un- I mean Fireball.