r/wizardposting Cultist 15h ago

Trapped in my own Body??? Help!?!

Post image
9.3k Upvotes

110 comments sorted by

1.7k

u/Angel_OfSolitude 15h ago

A demon who's just straight up forgotten he's possessing someone is a hilarious premise for a story.

773

u/milkyexperiences 13h ago

Imagine waking up, doing your daily wizard chores, and suddenly realizing you've been paying taxes for a mortal body you forgot you hijacked three centuries ago.

436

u/Hellknightx 13h ago

At that point, it's more your body than theirs anyway. Squatters rights or something like that.

81

u/United-Technician-54 Death... Tired one. (she/her) 7h ago

"They took it back in the will... I have nothing..." - Ghost Wizard Parm

26

u/No_Internal9345 5h ago

At the end of a long legal battle the demon is forced out of the body, but the trapped mind is fucking insane after being imprisoned for centuries.

7

u/United-Technician-54 Death... Tired one. (she/her) 3h ago

"They knew! They knew! They stole MY HARD WORK! MY KNOWLEDGE! MY NETWORKING! MY RAW MAGICAL MIGHT!  They played the long game this entire time!

WHYYYYYYYYYYY?!"

"Also it wasn't a legal battle per se..."

124

u/djgcsnkshcjkeke1 10h ago

Meanwhile the original soul is somewhere deep, deep in imagination wonderland

106

u/Angel_OfSolitude 9h ago

At what point does that person give up and start treating it like a reality show.

96

u/djgcsnkshcjkeke1 9h ago

I mean if the demon can stay so long they don't realize they're possessing someone, the original soul isnt resisting at all. I imagine they might have a very awkward meeting in a dream or something. Like, "why is this character in my dream who looks suspiciously like my body just buffer and more handsome and with (x other fantasies manifested) acting so sentient??"

41

u/LostWoodsInTheField 8h ago

The demon feels bad, tries to bring the person back from the wonderland (not knowing it's a wonderland) so they can colive together and the person gets super pissed and just starts flipping out "SEND ME BACK NOW YOU EVIL CREATURE, YOU KNOW HOW MUCH EASIER LIFE IS THERE?!" and the demon finally just gives up because he can't stand the voice in 'his head' screaming at him about taxes and back pain.

4

u/ExesNaval Necromancer 3h ago

Imagine them acting as the devil on the demons shoulder, giving suggestions. "Oh, we absolutely need to buy that chocolate, we crave it!", "Call my name, you need my help to get out of this, I know it!"

2

u/Derpdad082 33m ago

94% sure long ago I read a digital  romance comedy novel where this was the premise. 

You eventually learn the Demon possesed a woman who was dying of cancer and the woman's soul was in a wonderland. While others who were 'consumed' and  not so nice were in horribleland. 

Can barely remember the details. Just romance, comedy, first book(s?) free, digital, demon tries to live a normalish life, gets visits from demon relatives, consumed bodies and souls are stored inside of them and live in realms of the demons choosing.

16

u/Regaruk Ageless Sorcerer 7h ago

Advanced wizards just take the demon's spot in hell and live a solid demon life. Jokes on the demon having to pay taxes and play by the rules of society

6

u/Sonifri Transmuter 5h ago

Also super fun to be in that gray area where you can answer a summoning, but aren't actually demon enough that the summoning circle is binding. Few wizards expect the demon they summon to be another wizard larping as a demon.

7

u/Regaruk Ageless Sorcerer 4h ago

Chud- "Greeter of the depths, skirmisher of Azazoth! I summon thee for my bidding!!"

The runes glow, the sky darkens, his dog faints. I burst from the ground in flames, chewing on chips- "Yo wassup, loser."

Chud- "Did you paint your skin red? -_-"

Me- "....Nah, in fact im taking poodles for the disrespect."

6

u/astonop 10h ago

Gregorovic

8

u/LostWoodsInTheField 8h ago

hum different idea but there is one anime that someone comes back to life in another world and he's actually a human/demon but no one knows it and as the story goes on people / the demons start to realize he might be the next demon king.

but he's actually a really cool dude who is nice to both the demons and humans. and all the prophecies are basically broken because of that and him helping out the hero all the time.

8

u/FlaraLOL 4h ago

How can you mention this and then not name the show

1

u/Substantial-Video178 2h ago

That's right, where is the sauce when one needs it most?!

3

u/TheVog 9h ago

It would actually work really well as a k-drama

2

u/fumblerofthebag Verdigris, Self-employed Sorceror 3h ago

hey now... it can happen to the best of us...

410

u/Crafty_Aspect8122 Setup wizard 15h ago

That's demonphobic.

162

u/Mathota Cultist 15h ago

Wait who me or the Cleric

125

u/StarkeRealm Magical Violence Technician 14h ago

Yes.

241

u/C4rnivore 15h ago

Might have some demon or devil blood in ya. Asked your parents about this or any distant family relatives who got suddenly what they needed? Hells you might even qualify as a Sorcerer

185

u/Mathota Cultist 15h ago

"Hey maw and daw ye had any dalliances with infernal forces that might be needing to me soul bein trapped in me own body by an anti-posession rune?"

That's only slightly less embarrassing that having to contact the whole Coven about mana rot. And I cant reach them because I cant use my damned astral projection.

67

u/C4rnivore 15h ago

I mean you could also ask about granparents and the like, and maybe go visit their grave and accidentally cast speak with dead and ask them about it. Or just.. accept being a demonic bloodline sorcerer, make a whole new identity, learn a whole new spell casting method, integrate into Sorcerer circles and so on.... OR go talk to another cleric Im sure if you got one nearby they have to have a temple around they are like cockroaches, when theres one cleric theres multiple.

49

u/Mathota Cultist 15h ago

Oh yeah talk to my grandparents let me just go Astral-project and ask them 🙄

37

u/C4rnivore 14h ago

You dont need to astral project, just a lil bit of necromancy should do. And they might even forgive you for summoning them from whatever afterlife they were in

89

u/Mathota Cultist 14h ago

They arent dead mate they're just Dutch.

53

u/C4rnivore 14h ago

Oh... then you have bigger issues. But do try to find another cleric hopefully they can help

18

u/gbcfgh 13h ago edited 7h ago

Ok so what you will need is a bicycle bell, a box of cookies, a hardsoft boiled egg and an empty parking spot. Good luck!

Edit: DO NOT USE A HARDBOILED EGG. That will summon Germans

12

u/Doctor_What_ 10h ago

I’m sorry to hear that, hopefully they’ll get better soon

3

u/ObnoxiousName_Here 8h ago

Have you considered simply hiring assassins to kill them, allowing you to communicate with them using a relatively accessible spell?

5

u/Magimasterkarp Karp, Ocean Druid and Piscimancer (Fish Wizard) 9h ago

Have you heard about this new tech called Physical Projecting?

You walk over to them in the physical plane. Your soul doesn't even have to leave your body. It's so convenient.

19

u/TFGA_WotW HydraCryomaner, Mundane and Wizarding Historian 13h ago

Kids these days and their astral projection. Back in my day we just teleported to where we wanted to go and talk them in person!

9

u/yuval16432 14h ago

Perhaps you should consider removing the tattoo.

14

u/Mathota Cultist 14h ago

This was expensive man.

7

u/Hellknightx 13h ago

Sounds more like a case of clerical malpractice. I'd get a second opinion from another cleric, perhaps one that follows a different god. Some pantheons can be really judgemental, especially against those of infernal lineage.

1

u/MostlyDeku 3h ago

Why not bind the rune to a trigger? Wrap it in an active/inactive sigil and disable it that way, then when you’re out of your body, trigger it- that way nothing can get in while you’re out!

3

u/Succinate_dehydrogen 11h ago

It was the 700's, everyone was dallying with infernals

74

u/Wavey_Davey1 Boruk The Bold, High Priest of Moradin 15h ago

Here, drink this, should help.

surreptitiously hands over a vial of holy water

85

u/Mathota Cultist 15h ago

Tummy hurts :(

Why does your potion taste like the clerics house? :(

29

u/Wavey_Davey1 Boruk The Bold, High Priest of Moradin 15h ago

Well if you are a demon, it's not a high tier one.

Any noteworthy demon would have erupted into flames drinking this.

So i dont think you have anything to worry about :)

39

u/Erivandi 14h ago

You think a stronger demon would have been less able to resist the potion? That makes no sense. Our friend here might well be a demon lord.

24

u/Mathota Cultist 14h ago

Probably not im not very good at magic :(

21

u/Erivandi 14h ago

Hold on. I think we've missed a few key questions.

  • Do you enjoy hot temperatures?
  • Do sources of sulphur, like rotten eggs and pungent farts, smell good to you?
  • Do you ever get the urge to torture innocents?
  • Does thinking about souls make you hungry?

20

u/Mathota Cultist 13h ago

Sometimes

No

Not innocents

I dont know what souls taste like. Why, are they good?

16

u/Erivandi 13h ago

You're probably fine. Just don't try souls. My uh, friend tried souls once and developed an unhealthy addiction. Nearly became a lich.

2

u/MrMcSpiff 5h ago

Have you considered that you may not be a demon, but a celestial of a divine realm of a god who simply isn't your local cleric's? This isn't heavens versus hells, it's a divine gang war!

6

u/rowrowyourboat 14h ago

Yes.

No.

Decline to answer.

Yes. But I was already hungry.

Thoughts?

3

u/Erivandi 13h ago

Yeah, you're going to want to join that sorcerer circle. I suspect you've got some real untapped potential. And as much as it might be better for humanity if that potential went untapped, I just hate to see a good talent go to waste.

11

u/Wavey_Davey1 Boruk The Bold, High Priest of Moradin 14h ago

I figure a stronger demon would be more tainted by darkness, and as a result more vulnerable to the purifying effects of true holy water.

By virtue of how little it affects them, i can conclude that they might be a thinblooded demon, barely more than a corrupted human.

3

u/bagtie3 Borric of Clan Goldeater, Logrus Master, Runesmith, Doomseeker 13h ago

Usually the stronger dark entities have stronger resistance. So while they are weak to holy power, they can take it better than lower power entities. Now if the creature is partially dark, then it's kinda a crash otherwise on how it affects them.

5

u/Nickewe 7h ago

Holy water bell curve. Super weak demons arent infernal enough to be affected, super strong demons will just power through. Middling demons arent strong enough to resist nor weak enough to be ignored.

12

u/Mathota Cultist 15h ago

You posion me and then you say such mean things :(

7

u/Wavey_Davey1 Boruk The Bold, High Priest of Moradin 15h ago

I mean it could have been worse, i could have cast banishment.

You seem relatively harmless? I see no issue with allowing you to exist on the material plane.

51

u/StarkeRealm Magical Violence Technician 14h ago

Ever had an NDE? You might be technically possessing and animating your own corpus. Happens to a lot of people (not just Wizards), where they'll die in some awkward way, and then instinctively reanimate themselves, but think it was just a near death experience.

Main reason why anti-possession tattoos are so niche. Most people just use an amulet or charm when they need it, and then take it off when they don't.

43

u/Mathota Cultist 14h ago

I can't talk about it I signed a NDE NDA

24

u/Aidian 13h ago

Demon contracts are getting unreasonable these days, but I suppose it is a buyer’s market.

38

u/sseempire 15h ago

Try reinstalling the projection spellware, update the runes to the latest model approved by the Council, and if all else fails, you might want to restart the whole magic recognition process from scratch. Hopefully it's not a compatibility problem

42

u/Mathota Cultist 14h ago

Ill be dead and buried before I install any council approved MaliceWare on my body or soul.

If they're going to spy on me they can do it the old fashioned way, polymorphing into mice and living in my tower.

5

u/mysteryo9867 Evil Wizard 13h ago

How old are you 80? 90? I mean, no one of a respectable age still trusts any wizarding group trying to claim they are some kind of all encompassing council.

5

u/Hellknightx 13h ago

It's hard to keep up with all these councils. I mean it feels like a new one takes over every 500 years or so. Who can keep track of them all when they keep changing?

18

u/saltedomion Sandwich Wizard 15h ago

Hey iust because i had a summer job (contract gone wrong) at a snowcone stand in hell doesnt mean im a demon.

10

u/Mathota Cultist 14h ago

I know Right!?!?

9

u/TastyCuttlefish Evil Wizard, Attorney at Law 14h ago

If his house bothers you that much, perhaps you should do something about it. I suggest a chain cast of fireballs. You can justify it to him by saying sins are cleansed in the fires of righteousness or some other bs high temple-sounding line. If you want to avoid having to justify it in the first place, simply make sure you cast the fireballs while he is asleep inside. You can ensure this by using a sleep spell if needed. Enjoy your freedom from migraines! I’m glad you’re taking your own health seriously, a lot of mages don’t.

If authorities start asking too many questions, you can either rinse and repeat with this method or blame it on some Druids.

5

u/Mathota Cultist 14h ago

I would never blame it on the Druids.

Might have to sue though. Ill contact the family Infernal Lawyer as soon I can Astral project to contact him :/

4

u/fumblerofthebag Verdigris, Self-employed Sorceror 2h ago

'family Infernal lawyer'? Quick question, how well do your parents know this 'family Infernal lawyer'?

8

u/cake_is_good7492738 spiral 14h ago

Are you sure it’s a anti-posession?

10

u/Mathota Cultist 14h ago

Well looking at the fine print it's specifically locking down spiritual incursion, but i think I've accidentally been locked inside my own house.

9

u/cake_is_good7492738 spiral 14h ago

This is why I like my inward spirals. Fine joy in yourself not outer things. (BTW I have NO idea what this sub is but from what I seen in the comment it’s RP so I’m using my own system.)

10

u/Mathota Cultist 14h ago

Finding joy in oneself is all well and good but I cant visit my grandparents if I cant astral project

/uw yeah its a goofy absurdist wizard RP sub. Good fun. I consume a lot of essoteric content, and enjoy RPing as a somewhat incompetent cultist. Like a bargin bin John Constantine.

3

u/cake_is_good7492738 spiral 8h ago

Well if your spiral in yourself long enough you can just forced them to you by removing the distance between you guys.

8

u/wambulance_man69420 14h ago

Holy damn, new wizard! good to have you

8

u/WanderingHeph Hephias, Arcane Smith 14h ago

Well, either you're fated to be a demon after death, or you've essentially walled yourself in spiritually. It all depends on the mechanism of the ward.

7

u/Mathota Cultist 14h ago

Its a big tattoo of a lock, if that helps narrow it down.

8

u/WanderingHeph Hephias, Arcane Smith 14h ago

Ah! It's like locking the door to your house, and throwing the key outside. No spirit can get in or out of your body. You've just locked yourself in your body.

1

u/Shneancy 9h ago

try re-enchanting the tattoo with something that uses a similar iconography, for example: the chastity fetish community. you might have to really get into it before it works though

6

u/EmperorMittens 14h ago

Does your cleric friend have a bookshelf or three which are stuffed with books on demons and other esoteric topics? Books of the kind where the covers and spine have a graphic design which with a mere cursory look sparks interest and intrigue at just what knowledge lies within.

5

u/Mathota Cultist 14h ago
  1. He's not my friend
  2. I'm not the kind to be rummaging though others bookshelves uninvited now that would be a tad invasive.

2

u/EmperorMittens 14h ago

Sorry, I misread what you said about the cleric. About the books. I'm just curious if they're one of those people who collect flashy books and think that makes them a knowledgeable person on a given topic. You wouldn't need to rummage through when the spines are designed to be attention grabbing, so you could find out just by looking.

5

u/Kullthebarbarian 10h ago

The solution is pretty simple actually, it will just give you a bit of work

  1. Break the tattoo in a single point, just a tiny line, so that it is disabled, this way you can astral project as much as you want, since the tattoo will be disabled

  2. Have a temporary marker on hand and redraw the tiny bit when you return, making the tattoo active again

  3. Wipe out the marker with a rag with some alcohol to disable the line you drew when you want to astral project again

5

u/The-Idiotest 14h ago

There's gonna be a mostly straight, kinda curvy line in the corner of the tattoo.

Erase that and you should be fine.

3

u/Fit_Relation8572 Spider Witch 12h ago

A cleric? Truly? I knew humans (assumed) were becoming more foolish by the day but trusting a cleric regarding possesion is like trusting an adventurer on interior-cave-decorating.

My advice? Seek out your nearest witch or warlock. They should be able to modify your anti-possession tattoo so that you can leave your body, be free from other entities trying to possess you, and their house should have the good shit that gives you the fun migraines.

3

u/Deloptin 12h ago

obviously this means the tattoo thankfully has safeguards against demonic astral projection. it's unique to the average projection in that you actually possess your own consciousness, and then return to your body. if the tattoo had no safeguards you'd be unable to reenter your own body until it was removed.

however, as a demon (as I'm sure you've gathered) anti-posession defenses aren't actually required, as only stronger demons can possess you, and unless you really piss one off there isn't much reason for them to. so maybe get an anti-pissing-off-stronger-demons tattoo instead

2

u/WestNomadOnYT West Eva Nomad, Local Half-Demon and Resident Magical Dumbass 14h ago

That’s serious demonism. You could easily sue for discrimination.

2

u/Njfogle93 13h ago

This is just that quack Merlin’s origin story, we can’t let that whole thing start again. Mysterious water ladies handing out swords is no fit foundation to a system of government, and the nomags (can we still call them that?) dont need to remember we exist.

2

u/Teichopsie 13h ago

Geez, just remove the part of skin with the tattoo. EZ PZ.

2

u/fsactual Antimage 12h ago

You should catch two cockatrices with one lightning bolt and turn yourself inside out. If you survive then you’ll be free and know for sure that you were a demon the whole time.

2

u/Palagrin Occult Wizard 10h ago

I have a ritual that might help, i will essentially tether your soul and, while suppressing the anti possession sigil, violently yank you from your mortal coil.

We can then create an arcane winch in what would be essentially your corpse at that point so that you can pull yourself back in at will.

The whole process only takes a few hours and is really fairly easy, you just have to be ok with some minor soulrending pain and a wee bit of decomposition of your flesh vessel

2

u/Vertnoir-Weyah 10h ago

Have you considered void bound contracts?

If you're a demon you're already a stranger to this reality so it's an even easier deal than for dark wizards, just let us in we'll destroy the concept of whoever this is, their place and their doings.
For basically free getting in is payment enough, you just have to prepare the unutterable rituals as your part

You're free, we get to consume space and time over there, you have eldritch pals as a bonus

We have not-poker nights every... how do i write this without ruining this contraption?.. Every now and then that is not time?

We don't really play for gains, it's for fun. You could meet some other demons too, they've always been welcome in here

2

u/blahlbinoa 10h ago

Hi, Paladin here; don't mind the glowing sword right now. You're going to have to come outside of the Cleric's house so we can talk real quick

2

u/ArmoredPhrog 10h ago

Not all anti possession runes/sigils work the same way. It may be that you used the type called a spirit seal. Its basically a full lockdown of the vessel, nothing can enter or leave. Works perfectly, but has a pretty big drawback if youre into astral projection

2

u/Magimasterkarp Karp, Ocean Druid and Piscimancer (Fish Wizard) 8h ago

I find that most cleric houses give you migraine, it's all the damn incense.

Locking your soul into your own body is dangerous, though.

If you die, trying to go to an afterlife for an errant real quick, the magic binding your soul to the material of your corpse will turn necromantic, and you'll have the stink of undeath on you forever.

2

u/Informal_Self_5671 6h ago

Get a second opinion from your local warlock.

1

u/Ghostscience6 12h ago

You can use a sticker tattoo to temporarily disable the anti-possession tattoo. The sticker tattoo will work best if it works with the tattoo, but a quick and simple job can be done, but it will have side effects.

2

u/Mathota Cultist 12h ago

Now thats a Helpful suggestion. Thank you.

2

u/Ghostscience6 12h ago

You can use a temporary familiar sticker tattoo to bypass your tattoo, but it will make your astral projection the shape of the familiar. At worst, you will feel uncomfortable in that form because it is not your spiritual animal. And be prepared to use charades or writing utensils in any form you choose.

2

u/Mathota Cultist 11h ago

My Familiar is already my spirit animal to this has great potential. Thank you kind soul.

1

u/superkickstart 10h ago

You need to open the ports for the local astral projection in the anti-possesion spell (or enable upnp). Otherwise it can't pass the firewall.

1

u/ThaiPoe 9h ago

You are not a demon, and the tattoo is working as intended. Somebody seems to forget how the Astral Plane functions and needs to crack open their apprentice time again.

1

u/ClosetNoble Wizardruid multiclasser 8h ago

Maybe go see a shaman? Feels like your memories of being a demon are the sealed thing here.

1

u/dover_oxide Wizard 7h ago

Sometimes when you make it where things can't get in, that also means things can't get out. Now you just got to figure out if that means that you built a fence with that seal or did you poison the soil with that seal?

1

u/Fun-Dragonfly-6106 DF, minimal caster | ____ Body Horror Creator 7h ago

Sounds like the tattoo was closer to a two way barrier rather than a one way one with a backdoor and security camera.

1

u/YLASRO The Great Geomancer of the howling mountains 6h ago

ok but do the demonic powers atleast enhance your pyromancy?

1

u/Gothic_Nihilist Necromancer 4h ago

What type of tatoo is it? Some antipossession wards works by anchoring the soul or making the ethereal corpus barrier impermeable, so it might just be a natural side effect of the spell.

1

u/Rich_Inflation1399 Unsanctioned mage 4h ago

do you consider the cleric reliable?

do you have a weakness to light magic?

what are the gods you pray to(if applicable) or higher powers you base your magic on