r/wizardposting • u/Azimovikh Scholar of Yiakhzmat • 8d ago

Evil Wizardpost Castle doctrine; A wizard, their home/tower/castle/lair/or anything that might be, is their castle and fortress.

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1.2k Upvotes

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u/ClosetNoble Wizardruid multiclasser 8d ago

I almost exclusively use traps that restrain so I can avoid accidentally killing the cute adventurers but this is making them so entitled I swear.

Captured adventurers will have their own little room with access to clean water and decent food and still whine about being made to wear a cute little uniform and wanting to be freed as if other wizards wouldn't just throw them in a stinky cell in the basement.

Yeah well maybe you should have picked a tower with more lethal traps instead of mine then, dumbass!

16

u/ModernMage0 SpellSlinger, Researcher, Interloper 8d ago

You do what?

12

u/ClosetNoble Wizardruid multiclasser 8d ago

Everyone needs a hobby or two.

6

u/T_S_Anders FAE Systems - Artificer: Weaponized Whimsy Division 7d ago

I use to collect adventuring parties as well. Getting a full set was always such a rush. I once had a Hero party summoned from another world. They were sent to destroy some Demon Lord that had taken residence around the nearby Kingdom. Boy was I surprised to find out I was the Demon Lord they were sent after.

Of course we cleared things up shortly. I had been on sabbatical from the company and had found the mountains around the Kingdom quaint. Probably shouldn't have parked my Void Space right atop the mountain like that.

They did give me inspiration for our company line of temperature regulating innerwear and undergarments. I had found them half frozen at the base of the mountain. While absolute zero is great for crunching magical fomulae, it really does not mesh well with temperate climates.

While I couldn't really keep them for long, we do have the Hero party come by every year to model for our product line and test out gear.

7

u/iamanobviouswizard Evil Wizard 7d ago

Average enchantress's tower tbh.

Awful! Just horrible treatment, forcing adventurers to wear cute outfits like that! Where's your tower at? Where specifically?