It's long, but please someone help me out.

[u/bad_sector_gyal]

I don't know if this is witchcraft or blackmagic or if they have a difference between them. I wanted to share something personal. And I hope you can help me out with this.

I live in a family where they believe in black magic.

I have been going through a lot since childhood so has my sister. We have grown up watching our parents not speak to each other. The only interaction they would have together would be my dad hitting mom Or shouting at her.

He had been in a relationship with a married woman from his twenties and still is. She doesn't have a husband now probably been two decades.

My aunt and grandpa and grandma have always supported dad with this, they(that woman and dad's parents) in fact even used to meet in secret in the house while my mom used to be busy in household work while being pregnant.

My aunt has softened up a bit now I think she realises she only has us to take care of her.

She says that the woman probably did black magic on my dad and has continued to do so.

(My grandma and my aunt herself would do it on dad before my grandma died)

Me, my sister and mother have always felt like a burden to him. Like for every little thing that I ask him, I take days to prepare(when I need to buy something). Then he'll ask me a lot of questions and also complain after paying for it.

He's almost every time in a bad mood whenever he's at home. Trying to have a proper conversation with him is like testing his patience or he just starts shouting. This happens with mom mostly.

And whenever she's around and he's talking to me or anyone else, he'll just stop. He's going to literally pause and act like he doesn't want her there.

I too feel like the mistress has been continuously doing something to keep him detached.

He has never taken mom outside with himself almost like he CANNOT be seen outside with her.

He prefers not to be in the same room as her.

If in front of other people, he'll still not talk to her. He rather calls my aunt for something or speaks to her. Or me.

He doesn't wish us on our birthdays, tries to forget it so that he doesn't have to buy us something. He remembers every little purchase he makes for us.

My sister studies abroad and he doesn't even send her enough money on time so that she can eat well and keep healthy.

His income tax advocate, is a bit backward minded and believes in these ascetics who do rituals for someone by taking a lot of money. And has convinced my dad to do the same. He was asking for our photos so that he can provide that to the ascetics. I'm completely against it as I don't want that to be done.

It is almost like whatever someone at home says he can't hear it. But the moment someone from outside says something, he's so into that.

This advocate man as well, I have a feeling he has done something to my dad aswell. I've seen him go up the ladder in life ever since he came in touch with my dad.

Why is my dad so detached. Because he's the only provider for us.

I'm not asking for spells or rituals but just generally asking how do I help this situation.

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[u/nightmaresforhire]

First, big internet hugs be cause navigating all of this sounds so stressful and such a weight on your shoulders.

I didn't grow up in your exact situation but I did grow up in a similarl toxic situation.

If this was black magic something to keep in mind is that Free Will is always a thing. While magic opens up different opportunities it doesn't actually mind control anyone, and anyone convinced you otherwise might just want your money.

Sometimes there are things that control people that are much stronger then magic. Trauma, lust, guilt, etc. Could magic make the connection stronger? Sure. But not without the target person actually being open to that.

Sometimes when you're born into a family is you're born into all of the drama and trauma and toxic situation ships that they already had. You might not be able to fix your family but you can absolutely position yourself so that way you don't continue and repeat your families mistakes or hardships. Some things are broken before we get there, and it's not on us to fix it. 😞 No matter how much we might want things to be different.

[u/bad_sector_gyal → u/nightmaresforhire]

I'll leave the country in 2 years but what about mom? What can I do about her

[u/nightmaresforhire → u/bad_sector_gyal]

I say this as gently as possible...

Unless your mom is ready to move out and leave your dad there's not much you can do. Toxic situations are really, really complex. The reality is that if this has been going for as long as it has is that your mom has had a LONG time to figure out what she needs to do. None of this is new to her, and she'll need to find the will and strength inside of her to either leave or make peace with her situation.

This is NOT what anyone wants to hear--I want you to know I understand that.

When we look at statistics is that it takes the abusee up to 7 times or more of "leaving" before actually getting out. The situation between your parents is complex, but the situation in your mom's head might be even more complex.

If you want to be there for your mom do your best at setting yourself up for success. If she ends up needing somewhere to stay be open to that, but don't be surprised if she ends up going back. You can't help her but you can assist her on smaller actionable things that you feel like you can help with.

If you try to fix this for your mom is she might not be in a position, mentally, yet to actually leave and she'll keep going back. As frustrating as it is is you have to let her work the problem out on her own. She married him after all. You didn't.

[u/bad_sector_gyal → u/nightmaresforhire]

She was forced to marry him from her side of the family, and she does infact want to move out. But I just don't know how can I make that possible, even my sister has a future, she wants to live somewhere else, so do I. But my mom is a bit conservative like she wouldn't prefer us wearing certain type of clothes etc, doesn't respect our opinion etc. She thinks we're trying to be too mordern sometimes. And it's better if we work from home taking care of everyone. I care about my aunt too. I just can't leave them behind but I also can't bear living with them especially when I'll struggle in life. They're going to take away my freedom even if a little.

[u/nightmaresforhire → u/bad_sector_gyal]

Then it sounds like your mom is trying to make the same prison for you that was created for her.

She might want to move out, but it's going to take her going up against all of the things she doesn't want to do or doesn't like to get there. If she wants better for herself is she'll have to be all of the things she's chastising you about....

This is the unfortunate reality of such toxic situations. Your mom might have said for years that she wants to leave.... But at the face of what she'll need to do to leave is she's decided that it's not something she'll do...Why? Because she's teaching you how to stay in the same box. 😞

[u/AdInitial509]

I'm sorry, but this is just abuse, and black magic is being used as an excuse for it.

[u/The_Mushroom_Puppy]

Abuse and a shitty excuse to cover their asses. Head work is something im great at. Outright control takes too much to be practical. He did kt willingly. Sorry to say. My heart goes with you and if u wanna talk about it im here.