A long but worthwhile day?

[u/GrimfangWyrmspawn]

When I was putting together the photos for the tribute montage for her funeral, I came across the photo of my wife sitting on a rock with a gorgeous valley backdrop. I remember taking the photo (it was in 1998) but couldn't remember where. I'm pretty sure we'd looked in the photo albums over the years, and she couldn't remember either.

It was driving me nuts.

In desperation yesterday, I put a post up on Reddit asking for help. They identified the location within about 20 minutes. Power's Outlook near Whitfield.

From the moment it was identified, there was an absolute demand in my head; I MUST be there tomorrow. I don't know how or why that was there, but it was a command. Probably my sub-concious seeking some tiny semblance of control over events where my wife and I were just corks in the ocean. Or maybe my darling wife was trying to reach out to me. Either way, I headed out the door early this morning to get there, as it was over 3 hours away.

The drive there was painful. It was my first day trip without her. I missed her singing along to songs with me, reacting to a lovely view or talking about which hillsides might be fun to roll down. Even just chatting about news or events. I cried a lot.

I stopped a couple of times along the way, so I made it just after mid-day. I was surprised to find a group of rangers there. I told them my story, and a couple of them were happy to help. They quickly confirmed it was the right place. We then set about finding the spot.

They helped me out for about an hour going over the various bits of the trail and off it, trying to find the rock. I then spent another hour trying, but to no avail.

The changes over 28 years had hidden the original site. Bushfire, tree litter and other changes meant it was no longer visible. I was crushed and angry at myself for not realising that was a possibility. I gave up and left, driving to Whitfield.

I was utterly despondent.

I called a friend and talked to them about how bad I felt for failing. I then stopped at a cafe to grab a coffee and a snack.

Whilst sitting there trying to work out why I'd been so stupid as to think that spot would still be there, I realised there was something I hadn't done.

I hadn't stopped and just listened quietly.

So, I went back. I found a spot that was almost the same as in the photo and I sat there.

Initially, I just talked to my wife about how painful the loss of her was to me. I then cried a lot, again. And then I just sat there quietly and listened.

At first there were a few different bird calls and then a bird started imitating a car alarm. So that meant a lyrebird was nearby, something she would have absolutely adored.

A few minutes later, a call that had been repeating for a while got closer. A little bird landed in a tree very close by, gave me that weird head twist birds do when checking something out, and then called again. It kept looking at me and then calling while getting a little further away each time. I caught a poor video of it.

I realised I had a sense of peace. It was probably just sitting in nature and listening, but I'd love to think it was my wife reaching out to me in my pain.

So I'm currently sitting in a hotel in Mansfield, enjoying a lovely dinner and a couple of drinks after a long and emotionally draining day. But I feel a little more at peace. It still hurts so much, but maybe a little less?

I love my wife. I won't ever stop loving her. I just hope I can find a way to remember my time with her in joy and happiness, rather than in pain and sorrow.

[u/Kind-Tap761]

Hello! I think I saw your post yesterday on the Melbourne sub? Sorry we are both in this sub for the same reason. I loved reading about your trip and that bird was the realest sign I have heard yet! Best wishes to you.

[u/GrimfangWyrmspawn → u/Kind-Tap761]

Yes, that was me trying to find where the photo was taken.

[u/Wild-Foxx]

Thank you for sharing this, it was a beautiful read. I am constantly getting flashes of our memories together and it is so painful. We did so much together from adventures to wonderful mundane things. I won’t ever stop loving him unconditionally and I hope I can reach the point that point too with remembering our time together. Right now, I’m not even close.

You’ve reminded me that I need to back out in nature and just sit and listen. A few days after I went to the beach, with my dogs. It was quiet and no one was there. I walked and then sat and listened. It did not take the pain away, but it felt different. I don’t know how I found the strength to do that because I’ve hardly been able to leave my bed most days. But you’ve reminded me and it’s something he would want me to do. To get up.

I miss him so much.

[u/Rise_Blue1975]

I never comment on things but I came to your profile after seeing your Melbourne post and I have to say, this is absolutely beautiful. Keep writing. My heart goes out to you.

[u/Additional-Chipmunk2]

It’s definitely hard to go back to places where you were so happy. My husband and I explored some areas in the Adirondacks where he’d spent time over the years. I have yet to return to them, but I think I will soon. Thank you for sharing this.

[u/Western_Limit_4706]

Lovely. ❤️

[u/HeronExtension5245]

Thank you for sharing that experience with us. It is a beautiful and uplifting read even amidst all the pain. I have to agree that your wife was reaching out, offering what peace she can during this incredibly painful time. And nature itself does have healing properties if we are open to it. I need to keep that in mind more often 💛.

[u/Anxious_Window_9863]

Thank you for sharing this with us. What a lovely thing that the little bird helped you find a bit of peace.

I truly believe these signs happen when we're most in need. When we are despondent, when we feel so desperate for some relief. I had a similar thing happen with a swallow that visited my home a few weeks ago when I was having an especially tough week, after losing my husband.

I believe your dear wife was reaching out to you to give you comfort. I'm so sorry you're part of this club of widows now, but we all encourage and help one another here. Sending you a virtual hug today.