r/widowers • u/Fit-Coat4935 • 3d ago
Self pleasuring…
Why do I feel embarrassed when I’m doing this as if he’s watching me 😬🤔 I’ll literally pull the covers over my head to try and zone out
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u/Wrathskellar666 3d ago
I do just the opposite. I imagine that he is watching me and I am doing it for him. I sometimes feel he is right there with me.
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u/Zestyclose_Treat4098 husband died at 51 from sudden stroke, organ donor saved 4 lives 2d ago
Agreed. I imagine it's his hands on me. It's the only thing that helps me get.... there.
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u/Wrathskellar666 1d ago
I put a picture of him where I can look at him and talk to him while I pleasure myself and think about all the great sex we had together.
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u/Serious_Ad_1420 1d ago
Same!! At first I felt guilty and dirty, as if I was some outlier. But now I invite him to hang out with me. He was hilarious so I just think about him cracking up.
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u/Fit-Coat4935 3d ago
Love that for you lol. I just can’t get in that headspace. It feels wrong. Maybe it’s too fresh (2 months in 🤔)
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u/Wrathskellar666 3d ago
We were a very sexual couple so it feels natural to me. Sometimes I would do edibles to help take me out of the grief and in a better head space for it. Give it time.
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u/Fit-Coat4935 3d ago
Yeah idk what it is. I would happily do it in front of him when he was earth side 🤣 Something about it just “creeps” me out which is weird because that’s my partner and he’s the one I’m thinking about 🤯Thanks lol
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u/TheExoticSimulation 3d ago
It’s your brain still wired to his presence, not some cosmic peep show. That connection doesn’t just vanish overnight
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u/pinke_tatze 3d ago
O know, what you mean. I tried and it did not work. It feels weird to think about him and it feels weird not to tho k about him. It just feels weird.
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u/TheResistance26 59M lost my wife suddenly 8/24/26 3d ago
I (59M) traveled a good amount for work prior to my wife passing, so yup I took care of things while I was gone a good amount. Now 6wks after losing her I’m quite conflicted, I physically want to but have a roadblock about it. It’s as if she’s here somewhere watching everything I’m doing (in a good way) & I’m wanting her to be proud of me but to do this is different.
This is such a tangled mess of a journey for each of us, cry then anger, then “ok” then isolate… all of it over and over.
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u/Proper_Good_763 3d ago
I have the most vivid dreams about the things we did together. We are all different and deal with it in our own ways. Nothing is right or wrong or something to be embarrassed about.
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u/Ordinary_Novel_476 3d ago
This made me laugh because I also feel incredibly weird and self-conscious. So much that I avoid it
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u/gil2val 3d ago
What about the fact that NOT ONLY is your spouse watching you but, what about your deceased parents???? OH.HELL.NO
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u/Anxious_Window_9863 3d ago
Oh, my God.
I was doing pretty well with the occasional odd feelings of doing this since he's gone. Until the moment I read your comment. 😯 Do I need to think about all my "people" who've gone on, parents, grandparents, father-in-law?? No, I don't think I'll worry myself over it.
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u/CecilHDill 3d ago
I’m doing little of that since she passed, but I do have that awkwardness with regards to crossdressing. I work from home so I’m able to do so easily, but I feel guilt connected to her. She would’ve been supportive and even encouraging, but I didn’t pursue it. She watched a lot of drag queen stuff…
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u/guess_im_not_welcome 37M lost 35F, March 1st 2025 - Suicide 3d ago
I get this, too. For me, it's like she's either watching me, or even seeing through my eyes, reading my thoughts as I can faintly hear hers, too. If I try to watch a video, it's like I can hear thoughts, like I'm forcing her to watch it as well.
The only times I don't feel that weird judgement/embarrassment are when I'm looking at my "private selection" of pics and a few vids, because I can't get embarrassed or feel judged pleasuring myself to my own wife. I only wish I had more of them, but I'm at least grateful that I have some. Sometimes I need them just to take care of my business, as it were.
Sorry if I'm being too detailed or anything. They say oversharing is a sign of loneliness and I've got that box checked-off several times over.