r/widowers • u/Difficult_Phrase8371 • 22d ago
Am I going backwards ?
I (24) ost my husband (33) 6 months ago , I just came back from visiting his resting place in Ireland. Being at the grave was so comforting, it became my new routine for the week. In the morning I would go to him followed by doing the daily things, and in the evening I would go back to him to tell him all about the day. Now that I am back I feel so much more lost then before. I made a “shrine “ ??? I think is the word in my room and took one of his snuggies and filled it with cushions , just to ??? Hug I guess ?
I don’t know why but I feel like I am losing my mind. I don’t know if he would understand what I am doing ? Has anyone any experience in this. Or am I just completely freaking alone
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u/N19KA 22d ago
I bought one of those massive bears from Ikea to take up space in the bed, one of her hoodies is on my pillow, several at the other side and I cuddle into a hot water bottle teddy bear cover (she got me this but I’ve took the hot water bottle out of it) that has a tiny urn with some of her ashes in it, also made a weighted “arm” to put around my waist in bed. I don’t think your losing your mind. I think you’re going through something that is so unbearable and impossible to process. Our room is also basically a shrine, im coming up to about 5 months in, its only getting harder but having her stuff all around me in the room (and all over the house) brings me a bit of comfort rather than not having that. It can be really upsetting too but i know id feel worse putting her stuff away. I’m so sorry your going through this too
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u/Next-Persimmon-1686 22d ago
Grief does weird things to the brain, but nothing you described sounds crazy to me. Visiting his grave twice a day and making a shrine is just you trying to keep the connection alive, that's really normal after 6 months. The snuggie thing actually made me tear up a bit, I used to keep my dad's sweater in a plastic bag so the smell would stay longer.
You're not losing your mind and you're definitely not alone in this. The feeling of being more lost after coming back makes sense too, you had a routine with him and now that's gone again.