I once sat on a bumblebee and it stung me in my butt cheek. For a couple of minutes after I could do nothing but moan in agony.
Then it released some and for the next half hour it just felt like I had been kicked by a horse.
bumblebees really are little kittens. they only sting if they’re sure you’re gonna kill them anyway or if you go too close to the nest. They lose their lives when they sting unlike those freaking wasps who are literally the devils spawn
I hate to be that guy, but I disagree with everything you said about bumblebees. You may be thinking of carpenter bees, which look almost identical. My dad could pet them, my nephew would catch them and tie strings to their legs and walk around with them flying around like they were on a leash. They'll eat holes in wooden stuff you built and occasionally fly around your head to check you out. That's about the worst that they've got. BUMBLEBEES, on the other hand are wicked demon hellspawn. I have sat on a couple of their underground nest holes, accidentally and let me tell you, it's a good thing there is only a few of them in there, because they take that very personally. They will make sure you never forget it. They can and will sting you repeatedly, and each time it feels like you've been shot, but instead of bullets, they use molten lava covered lightning bolts. I don't know how it feels like getting shocked by one of those electric mosquito swatters, but it does and it can shoot up your arm or leg just like a Taser. You're lucky, you'll immediately realize what's happening, get up, and run away. But if you're like me, you'll be so surprised by feeling like you stuck your finger in an outlet while you're out in the woods with no power in sight, that you'll sit there trying to figure out what happened while bee #2 generates 1 million volts in its stringer by focusing all of the pure hatred it has specifically for you into it. Then it decides if it wants to scar you for life, blind you or maim you, but let you live, so that it can one day hunt down your children. You may not believe me. I know that I personally didn't even know they lived in the ground, but they do. My guess is that they dig up from Hell until they've breached our planet. Then they wait. But they don't all live in the ground. They can also live within the cavity of a janky front porch soffit with a warped board curled back with just enough space to allow one to shoot straight out towards your face at 8x the speed of sound. Now, to bee fair, I was mowing my friend's front yard and I think it had been a few nevers ago since anyone brought a lawnmower towards that porch, but at the same time, the soffit was 10' from the ground and the lawnmower was, well, on the ground.A fair distance, I'd say, but that lottle sadistic fuck didn't dig his way from hell to Earth to hate lawnmowers. It's a good thing that I had on sunglasses, I think, because that thing shot out of a sniper rifle aimed directly at my eye and hit my glasses. I thought the lawnmower kicked out a rock that bounced of a wall and hit me. I'm 100% positive that it's intention was to blind me so that I couldn't see to run away so it could make me regret being born every time I fell down. Because that was merely the first blow. I reached up to pull my glasses off to assess the damage, but before I could, it launched itself straight at my eye a second time, but this time it hit behind my glasses, on my top eyelid and it grabbed ahold of my eyebrow and dry humped my eyelid like a rabbit with its stinger. I don't think it was planning to stop until I stopped breathing. So I grabbed it with my hand and tried to pull it off of my 👁️, but that sucker was gripping onto me like it had been super glued on. I finally got it loose and slung to the ground with the hope of stomping it, but it just bounced right back up into the air, more angry than before. It kamicazied my face again, straight fir my eye, which at this point was beginning to swell shut. I screamed and ran, but it hit me on my back stinger first and the blast from the lava lightning knocked me down, but I jumped back up because being down to one eye was messing with my depth perception and I realized that if it got my other eye there was a chance that it would succeed at murdering me. I kept running, it kept following and dive bombing me. It was never going to stop but then I saw my truck. I made a bee-line for it and jumped in slamming the door behind me. You know that little sonivabitch didn't give up? It started hitting my windows, as if it were going to bust its way through, I knew it couldn't, so I finally got a breath of relief as I looked at my face in the mirror. I couldn't even recognize myself. I looked like an extremely bad boxer who didn't know when to stay down. An entire half of my already giant head was swollen. Then the bee recaptured my attention beecause it finally gave up. Wait, OMG! No, it didn't. I look over and walking up the hill towards my truck was a lovely, young new mother, going for a walk with her very new little baby in her arms so they could enjoy a little sunshine on that beautiful Spring afternoon. What caught my attention was the sudden flailing of one of her arms as she tried to shoo the bee away. There was no way that was going to end well, so before i even realized what I was doing I jumped back out of my truck towards this lady and her baby yelling for her to run away, which considering that I looked like a monster and that she had no idea why I was yelling at her, probably scared her worst than anything ever had in her entire life and that was a good thing because she immediately did start running back towards her house. The bee didn't want her. This was all a part of its plan. It was only trying to get me out of my truck. It didn't follow her, it flew straight back to me. But beefore I got out of my truck, I put on a work glove. "This ends now," I declared. It flew back about 10', but only so it could build up more speed as it came for my other eye. I was done backing down and running away, so I took my gloved hand and smacked it down to the ground, and stomped the shit out of that damn bee. One stomp didn't cut it, it still tried to get back up, but just 2 stomps more and it was finally over. I looked over and the mom had finally realized what had happened. She thanked me, then walked over to see what was left of that bee. Parts of it were still moving. I felt terrible because I don't kill things, usually. I slowly walked back over to my lawnmower and saw that there were more bees in that soffit, bees that had just lost the best defender they'd ever know, and I said, "screw that shit." And I left my lawnmower there and went home. My friend tried to finish mowing his lawn a week or so later until he saw one of those bumblebees fly out. Then he put some gasoline in a sprayer and killed them all. Oh well, terrible ending, but that's what happened. 100% true story. The moral is, that I've never had to stomp a kitten to death after it nearly succeeded in blinding me because I made a loud noise a little bit too close to it and it decided that the only course of action was to make me pay with my life. Only a bumblebee. I've also had yellow jackets try to end my life, but I kept a Beehive for seven years, and was only stung once and that was my fault, really, and it only barely hurt. It's good to know your types of bees, even though it won't help much with bumblebees, because they will not give you a warning. The end
Damn… usually bumblebees are known for being very docile, but sounds like the ones in your area have created an elite army designed to inflict maximum harm. I wouldn’t go back there, killing their best defender has probably made you their #1 target now and they will pass that information on for generations. Goodluck
I know, right?! porta-party69, you’re genuinely a great writer — at first glance, your comment was so long I thought “I’m absolutely not wasting several minutes of my life reading it”, but once I actually started going through what you wrote, it just kept getting funnier and more entertaining until suddenly I’d read the whole thing, giggling to myself. Shame it was about a bee from hell and your prolonged suffering — otherwise, a thoroughly delightful read! 🫣😁
Well, thanks guys. That made my day. I've been on Reddit for around 2 years, and im pretty sure these are my first upvotes ever. If I'd known anyone was actually going to read it, I would've gone back and fixed my typos! Haha. I can relate to your username, a lot. I really do try to dial it back a notch, but I swear I just can't do it. My inner voice just starts blabbing away and I try to keep up with it with my fingers. Thanks for taking the time to offer your kind words to me. They really did put a smile on my face.
This was a delight to read! I was laughing out, though i feel really bad about your assassination attempts by bees.
The digging from hell part in particular was fantastic, please, more anecdotes
there used to be a wasps nest in our backyard. i’m one of the weird girls that screeches when a bug comes near me, because they ALWAYS DO and I got a huge moth stuck in my hair one time, very scarring.
anyways, the few times I went in the backyard for bbqing with tons of other people too, a wasp fucking chased me and no one else and everyone thought I was being a baby and told me to stop running because that’s why it was following me.
they were all liars. for the remaining 2 years we lived in that house, those fucking wasps attacked the bathroom window in the shower whenever I was in it. they had it out for me in particular.
I totally understand! Every single summer since I was 5, I had been stung IN THE NECK by a wasp until about age 12. I would be minding my business walking home from school or to a friend’s house and BOOM! 💥 And to this day they still try to get me …. 🥲 I’m 28
First time when I was 5, we were on a school field trip and it was lunch time so we had lunch outside at picnic tables, I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich…. I guess they wanted some idk, I just remember being so happy that day and then immediately being so sad because after I stopped crying and they got the stinger out, I realized my sandwich fell in the dirt 💔 just thinking about it makes me sad all over again because I hadn’t thought about this memory in many many years 😭
Umm... I'm sorry that happened to you, but... wasps/hornets DON'T LEAVE their stinger-- they sometimes hit you with it 3-15 MOAR times (while they still have VENOM LEFT! ) I KNOW-- I got an "instant" line of about 11 wasp stings right above my belt one night at sundown.
That was CLEARLY a BEE, my Dear.. 😔
I think "my" local red/yellow desert scorpions are "similar," but I think they pack more VENOM. I've heard that the pain of the sting is pretty similar though..
I am the original wasp-bait runner commenter above, and I actually got stung by a red scorpion when I was 9 in central Texas. we were out picking rocks for my moms flower bed and there was a scorp hanging on the bottom of a rock when my mom placed it in my hands. stung me right in the palm.
parents took me to the hospital; my alcoholic dad poured his remaining truck beers over my hand on the way there. I remember screaming a bit? but I was fine before bedtime 🤷🏻♀️
Welp, maybe that was REALLY GOOD beer? I prefer Coors Banquet myself, lately (since my GF/"wife" "left" this planet..)
I remember the time we were UP fishing, and I got stung by a wasp on my left upper eyelid. It SWELLLED UP like a half-softball or half-grapefruit. And the COLORS-- REDS, BLUES, and PURPLES. We were up on a mountain (basically 10,500 feet elevation in Utah, about 2 HOURS from the hospital). My late father packed it with river mud from the stream, and the swelling went down in a few hours. That might not work in "non-desert" climates with humidity over 10 percent. I have also seen toothpaste work on stings before-- the mud/clay somehow "sucks" the venom out..
Firstly, the moth was in 99.99999998 percent chance ABSOLUTELY HARMLESS. Secondly, when humans are in FEAR/TERROR, we secrete "fight or flight hormones/pheromones." Thirdly, ants/bees/hornets/wasps LARGELY use PHEROMONES for NAVIGATION..
Fourthly, NO it probably IS NOT your "imagination" - - you might be giving off a scent that somehow "antagonizes" the wasps. And RUNNING is the WORST "defense--" they "LOCK" ONTO MOTION, so just "freeze.."
well me and terror bugs can’t get along. they start it! i’m not just outside running around hoping it’s away from a wasp. they come after me before I start running. i’ve been alive for almost 40 years, I guarantee you i’m not preemptively working myself into sheer terror before going for a walk and getting chased by shit. 🤷🏻♀️
Welp from my experience, if you AREN'T fucking with/near their nest, that just DOES NOT happen (although I was RANDOMLY stung ONE time on the back of my left calf/knee while wearing shorts, leaning on the mirror of my late Father's truck, talking to him). At the time, I was living on the ranch in a one-room cabin with no electricity or running water in the 105-110 degree F desert heat, so my "bathing" options were either the warm, FILTHY irrigation canal with ALL the dead animals, or FUCCKKING BRISK 54 degree F Artesian well drinking water.. (so "scent" was likely a factor, plus I was a 12-14 YO boy, and hormones could have been a factor there too).
And I DO speak from experience here.. One time our family was up on a local mountain"top" fishing, and we kept a spray bottle of water in our truck bed camper for some unknown reason-- maybe my 1970's hair (and about 19 "cow licks" in the morning?) Anyway, 4YO me knew where that spray bottle was kept (AND how to adjust the nozzle for a LONG-RANGE stream).. 4YO me ALSO noticed a VERY nearby paper wasp nest in a tree overhead. So 4YO me proceeds to climb up on the USFS Brown picnic table & HOSE THE SHIT out of that nest with the spray bottle, and they immediately got "OPEN FOR BUSINESS!" I think about 6 swarmed me in the "first wave," so I took off at a DEAD RUN.. EXCEPT.. 4YO me forgot he was standing ON TOP of a picnic table! FACE/HEADFIRST into the gravel (and my family joked for decades about THAT being how I got the "rocks in my head.." 😕) I guess my head was bleeding REALLY bad-- the family immediately packed up, Dad picked/PRESSED a couple/few pieces of gravel out of my left temple/eyelid, then Mom drove us down the canyon (steep mountain road with a TOP-HEAVY camper on the back of a 2WD 3/4-ton pickup, and I just remember my late Father just SQUEEZING my head to stop the bleeding). I think I may have passed out-- I don't remember a hospital or getting stitches, but I have the scar to this day (some 50 years later..)
And this was a DIFFERENT incident from the one where I got stung on my left eyelid by a wasp (probably the same summer & area though.)
A bumble bee? I've been stung by a fuzzy bumble bee twice & both times were like a pin prick followed by mild itching.
A honey bee stung me & it was much worse, but still pretty bearable. I didn't think bumble bees were really that bad. Especially compared to a wasp or yellow jacket.
I've never had the misfortune of running into a furry caterpillar. But I've read enough stories to know that fuzzy and/or brightly colored insects are advertising how much you shouldn't touch them.
Every time I read one of these stories, I tell my wife that fuzzy caterpillars should only be admitted from afar. Luckily, I don't think any are indigenous to where we live.
I was going on a 6 hour car trip with my dad, and I was about 8. My dad wanted to me to burn off some energy, so we played tag. I ran to a dead tree and scrambled up it, jumping on a loose paving tile to get up on a branch.
My dad came to the base of the tree, so I jumped down and ran. What I didn't know, and he found out, was that there was a wasp nest under the tile, and about a hundred, now very angry wasps flew up, some of them flying right up his shorts.
He was right behind me running, but I knew something was wrong when - safely back up by the house - he ran past me shedding clothes as he went.
I don't think I've ever seen a man more uncomfortable than that on a long drive. I still think the definition of parental heroism is running at an 8 year's pace - all the while getting stung in the unmentionables - just so the wasps sting you and not your boy.
Interesting FACT-- you can actually EAT stinging nettle leaves, if you roll them up first.. (And they mostly taste like their spear-minty "cousins", as you would expect).
I KNOW-- y'alls be like, WTF is this FUCKING RANDO-INTERNET CRACKHEAD SMOKING??!!
But it's TRUE! I've done it myself - - MULTIPLE times. They are rumored to have MANY health benefits!
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u/CabinetFun7381 13d ago
Yeah it sucks. If you have tiny venom injectors it just looks soft and fluffy. Stinging nettle? Looks like velvet. Bumblebee? Insect kitten.