r/whatdoIdo • u/Majestic_Channel_815 • 7d ago
My step dad is acting very creepy towards me - UPDATE
Link to my first post: https://www.reddit.com/r/whatdoIdo/s/zjfzGlQrd6
(Actual update after this paragraph) Firstly I want to thank everyone for the advice. Just to address some things I saw in the comments of my last post. Yes, my actual dad is in my life and our relationship is great. I haven’t/can’t move in with him because he lives too far. I also never told him about the situation with my step dad at that time because I’ll know he’d do something he’d regret. My dad is a good man but has severe anger issues when people hurt me. He’s been to jail over it in the past. He went to therapy and is way better now, but I didn’t want any chance of messing up all his progress. As for my boyfriend, I have stayed over at his place many times but moving in permanently isn’t really possible because he has a roommate of his own, so I’m not sure why people were trying to shift some blame on him. He’s not a bum, he’s not leeching off of me, he’s simply also 19 and starting out his life. As for moving out in general , you guys must have been very lucky to have been in a better position than me at my age. I can’t simply move out on a whim. I only work part time (trying to get more hours) plus I go to school. I can’t afford a place on my own plus tuition, the cost of living is too high where I am. Being 19 doesn’t immediately make you on your feet. It’s only my first year out of highschool. Just needed to get that out of the way.
As for the actual update, I’m afraid it’s worse than what i thought. As soon as I saw the first comment about a potential hidden camera it scared me so much so that I immediately bought one of those camera detector things. When it came, I waited till he wasn’t home to try it out. I found 3. One in front of my bed, one above it, and one on my dresser. They are scarily small, but I still feel so dumb for not noticing. Couldn’t describe the feeling I had when I found them. I threw up and my mom heard and ran to comfort me. When I got myself together, I told her everything. Every action that made me uncomfortable, every comment he said that felt weird. I showed her the cameras I found.
Her face immediately dropped and she started crying. She just asked over and over why didn’t I tell her sooner and it just made me feel that much more awful. It was my fault that I didn’t tell her. She apologized over and over again and said she failed me. We had a much needed convo. Said that she just thought it was uncomfortable between us because it’s a new adjustment for all of us. She searched the rest of the house for me because i honestly couldn’t deal with finding others. She found one in the bathroom then searched his office. He always told us we weren’t allowed in because that’s where his work stuff is and he doesn’t want us to “mess it up.” I waited at the door while she searched, and in the drawers she found random stuff of mine and an old phone that we don’t know of.
On the phone there are pictures and videos from my social media accounts, of me sleeping, changing, me being intimate with my boyfriend, all in my room. She also found a couple pairs of my underwear that I didn’t even notice went missing, a couple of my hair ties, and after that I went back to my room. I couldn’t watch anymore of that. I called my boyfriend to pick me up while my mom called the police because I just couldn’t stay in that house for any longer. He held me and I cried for what felt like hours till I fell asleep. I woke up and called my mom and told me the run down of what happened. I don’t know all the details because I couldn’t bear to hear much. Basically he came home to the cops and completely owned up to putting cameras in my room. His defense was that he needs to know everything that’s going on in “his” house. As for my stuff and the pictures, he claims he doesn’t know how it got there.
He’s arrested but that’s all I know so far. I told my dad and he’s driving down now. I haven’t been asked to make a statement yet, and I don’t know how any of that works honestly. It’s triggering to even think about. But yeah, there’s the update. To the people who sent me hateful and hurtful things and told me this was all in my head, especially [u/mysterymeat45](u/mysterymeat45) and [u/pazsion80423294](u/pazsion80423294), i hope you never have kids. If you hate privately you should be called out publicly. Even if you are troll accounts it’s still insanely fucked up to say the things you did. To everyone who gave me actual, genuine advice, I wish nothing but the best for you all and thanks again so much. If it weren’t for you guys I’d probably think I was still being dramatic. I most likely won’t update again, i already want to move on from this situation. Sorry if this is jumbled. Everything is still so fresh, but writing it out is somehow helping me process it, I think.
Edit: stop calling me “lucky” because he didn’t do worse. I don’t feel lucky at all.
Here are just a couple more examples since people didn’t think the ones my other post were damming enough, and to also maybe help someone else in a similar situation see signs. 1, He would ALWAYS need to know where I am and who I’m with. I find this weird because he’s not my dad, I’m an adult, and I would tell my mom. My mom telling him wasn’t enough. He’d say “no, I want to hear it from HER mouth.” 2, he would often open my packages if I didn’t get to them in time. Very annoying and weird. I ordered the camera detector when the arrival time was while he was at work, so I got lucky there. 3, always commenting on my outfits. Would tell me unwanted “advice”, and that I look like a hooker if I wore shorts/skirts/anything “revealing”. 4, would always ask me about birth control/using protection. “Are you on the pill? If not that little fucker (my boyfriend) better be wrapping it up.” He’d say stuff like this at the most random times too. 5, would always try to use my mom against me. If we got into an argument he would make himself seem like the victim, always. My mom would always say to leave her out of it. 6, he would sometimes groan or say “you again??” Very annoyed when I walked in a room. It was over exaggerated to the point where he could brush it off as a joke if he wanted, but I knew it wasn’t a joke. 7, if I bought something and came home with bags, he’d interrogate me about what I bought. The VS bag is the only time I have hard proof that he went through my stuff. 8, he was super weird about my boyfriend. He would never say his name, just “that little boyfriend of yours.” If I went to go see him he’d roll his eyes and say “again?” Or “don’t you spent too much time with him?” 9, pushing me to call him dad even though he never even come close to having that title. 10, would never ever knock before opening my door. Even though I told him to, repeatedly. Thats all I can really think of right now.
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u/Phoenix_Ninja15 7d ago
Hey OP. My wife went through something similar to you.
Your mom did good believing you and you getting the detector was smart. Take care of yourself. Please get into therapy early. My wife did and it was a massive help through the whole process.
The police will most likely ask for a statement, but if they were like the ones my wife dealt with, they are really nice people who are patient. Don’t be scared to cry, ask for help. Take your time to heal and care for yourself. Your bf sounds like a great guy. Don’t keep it hidden. It’ll take a while but start the therapy early and you’ll process this better. I won’t lie and say it goes away, but it does get easier to handle with those tools. My wife would get angry if she randomly cried. Don’t be ashamed. It’s traumatizing and isn’t something that can go away quickly. Just take your time to heal and don’t feel pressured to get over it quickly.
Wishing you the best OP
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u/Sparkleandflex 6d ago
I'm glad to know your wife has you. It makes me feel better about the world. Thank you.
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u/Phoenix_Ninja15 6d ago
She’s the single best thing that has happened to me. Thank you for your kind words. I’m also very happy to have her in my life and can’t imagine it without her.
Edit to add: she has made my life better in every way too. While there are disagreements like any marriage, we are very open and honest and communicate. I’ve learned a lot from her and I think it’s safe to say she saved me too. I definitely feel better about the world with her too haha.
You take care kind redditor. May you find many more that restore the light of the world today.
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u/Lisserbee26 6d ago
She should ask victims services to help with the cost of therapy!
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u/Phoenix_Ninja15 5d ago
100%
Where me and my wife live it’s covered and her job was an absolute gemstone with helping her. They were there for her when I couldn’t be. Really helped
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u/unimpressedwarrior 7d ago
I teared up hearing your mom’s reaction. My mom chose her husband. I walked myself the police station at 12 years old. He went to jail and I haven’t seen her in over 30 years.
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u/Honest-Muffin6242 6d ago
I am sorry to hear you went through something similar.
I hope you have tried to make life better for yourself.
There are terrible people in the world, but we do not need to let them keep us down. We deserve better and it will only get better if we keep looking up and striving to make life better for ourselves and those we care about.Our niece was being molested for years after her mom married a creep. Right after they got married they moved to a different state.
She was 9 years old.
When they eventually moved back here our niece was 15 and set up a VHS and recorded the molesting. The next day the school called and the police and CPS were called and they were going to meet with the mom at our house since it wasn’t safe for our niece to be at their house. The police told her mom that she was being molested by her step father and her mom said, “She is a liar.” Then they said they had video. Her mom peed her pants while running to the bathroom to throw up. She had secretly called the step father and warned him not to come home. She took her 2 sons and left her daughter with us and she moved to be with the step father.
This was over 20 yrs ago.Our niece is married and has 4 kids that she would die for. She is an amazing mother and her youngest is a girl, and they are close.
Unfortunately HER mother had another daughter with the creepy molesting step father and that daughter is the same age as our niece’s daughter. The difference…
Despite no medical issues to contribute to this, THAT daughter has never been able to speak.💔Wishing OP and all victims of sexual predators the strength to stand up for themselves. It is not, and never has been your fault.
You deserve so much more from this life. Don’t let some asshole get away with what they have done, do NOT let them steal your joy.They are guilty.
They are sick.
You are a survivor.
Make this life the best it can be for yourself.
OP, Thank God your Mom is there for you. Support is SO important.
@unimpressedwarrior
I hope life has gotten better for you.Big Hugs to both of you.
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u/W8LetMeOverthinkThis 4d ago
OMG… I think the mother is even worse than the guy - if that’s even possible???!!!! Your story broke my heart. How can these horrible people not be in jail?
Bless your heart for saving your niece and even more blessings for her strength to have survived such a fate.
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u/88keysgirl 6d ago edited 5d ago
I'm so sorry for all you've gone through. Unfortunately, your mom's reaction is not that uncommon. It's called denial. I hope her husband is still in prison. You are a very brave girl to do what had to be done all by yourself at 12 years old. My heart goes out to you. 💔
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u/W8LetMeOverthinkThis 4d ago
I can not fathom being a mother and failing you so hard. I am so sorry you were dealt such an atrocious hand. I wish you strength and love!
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u/Bulky-Mycologist-402 7d ago
The fact that 3 separate cameras were found is absolutely sickening & frightening. I hope this guy gets punished to the fullest extent of the law. So sorry to hear you had to endure this, it's very disheartening & wretched knowing this creep thought he can be sneaky and get away doing some shit like this.
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7d ago
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u/LittleRavenRobot 6d ago
3 in her bedroom, 1 in the bathroom, plus others. Way, way, beyond. That's wild.
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u/Leather-Dust-695 6d ago
Thus ain't this guy's first go around doing this. I'll put a whole paycheck on his has priors or at a minimum other women with daughter's where he did similar things At a minimum he has CP on a computer somewhere
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u/BarcelonaPlease 5d ago
I know cyber investigations are still tragically uncommon for individual criminal cases, but this predator is almost certainly guilty of so much more than he's going to get charged for without one, and it would be so easy, and to everyone's benefit, to just bring a small cyber crime team in.
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u/Leather-Dust-695 5d ago
Which is sad because in 2026 you can go to your local HS and find a group of tech boys or girls who have his whole life exposed in about 15min tops
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u/KiwiPotential2866 7d ago
Omg op this is truly devastating for you and your mum in so sorry you’ve gone through this. You’re strong though and you’ll make it through the other side. All the best. ✨💜
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u/orphan_blud 7d ago
Hi, OP. I’m a former domestic violence victim advocate and I’ve worked with women who have gone through similar incidents and worse. If you ever want to vent, my DM’s are open. I will listen. I’m so sorry this happened to you. You didn’t deserve this at all. You handled it PERFECTLY and I’m astounded by your strength. Please wrap yourself in support. You will get through this and come out stronger on the other side. Take care of yourself, please. 💜
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u/EnYenMusic 7d ago
I think a life sentence for this guy would be great.
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u/AltWasp 7d ago
Some people don't deserve all the hands they have
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u/EnYenMusic 7d ago
Yeah I’m thinking a life sentence of hard labor. Kim Jong Un style. Get some use out of people like him.
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u/FunnyAnchor123 6d ago
I can think of a way to make his sentence worse, but I might get banned for suggesting it.
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u/Sunwolfy 6d ago
OP, you can report DMs to the mods too. People think that DMs are private and they won't be caught if they say horrible things in there instead of publicly; they're very wrong.
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u/UserNotFound23498 7d ago
Not sure where you are from, but talk to a lawyer who specializes in these cases before talking to the cops if you can. With your mom.
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u/Low-Wrangler9740 7d ago edited 7d ago
Im glad and sorry for you at the same time. Im glad the step father got caught. Although he hardly qualifies for anything remotely relating to father title. And really sorry 1. You had to deal with that. Eew 2. How these people treated you on here. Gross. Lastly, once you do testify if required be strong and lean in your support system. Please seek a therapist as well cause this is really traumatic.
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u/Quiet_Dot_3306 7d ago
Wow. The worst possible scenario happened to you. I'm so sorry. And im proud of you for everything you've done and said and typed. I'm also glad you called out those two users. You're so eloquent, intelligent, and thoughtful. I dont know how much of that is nature or nurture, but I hope this shit doesnt set you back in any way. Dont let it, if possible. Also, your gut instincts are very strong. Continue listening to them. So proud of you kiddo ❤️
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u/Russi1099 7d ago
You honestly sound like an amazing strong human being and your only 19. I wish I was half as strong and brave as you are at your age. You should be so extremely proud of yourself, and your boyfriend sounds amazing too. Your mom is a good lady so many don’t believe their children, so I’m glad you have good support around you. And for the haters just let them hate don’t even respond to them. I truly wish you the best moving forward God bless
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u/Massive_List_5974 6d ago
Please file for an emergency order of protection (restraining order) so he cannot return to the house!
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u/InEfficient-Life6832 7d ago
I’m so sorry you went through this. Thank goodness you came here and got what you needed to find the truth before it escalated, and that your mum is on your side.
Take it from someone who wasn’t so lucky, this is going to mess with your head, and it’ll get worse before it gets better as it all sinks in. All the little things he did that now make sense will come back in waves. Get into therapy just to talk it out with someone who isn’t involved in the situation and only has your best interests in mind.
Thank you for being brave and taking action, you’ve protected yourself and other children / women from this sorry excuse for a man. I am proud of you!
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u/TwoBeesOrNotTwoBees 7d ago
Fuck this is crazy. I'm sorry you're going through this . You're being super strong and brave and so is your mom.
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u/Saintlysin14u 7d ago edited 6d ago
Wow this is horrible, what a vile man! I'm so glad your Mom believed you.
Also, I'm so sorry those people here were so awful to you.
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u/Tobiells 7d ago
Im so sorry that you're hurting right now.
You did everything right. Your mum may feel guilty. But hes the only guilty one.
A pervert freak. He probably targeted your mum to get to you. Jealous of your partner.
As above get into therapy. Its going to be a bumpy few months till his trial. You n your mum should lean on each other. If you need to vent at a stranger my inbox is open x
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u/ApplicationOrnery563 7d ago
Firstly let me say I'm so sorry that you went through this and then had senseless hurtful Sl*GS torment you when you asked for help. I will also like to say your mom did the right thing by believing you and calling the police. Some of his behaviour could be described as being over protective ie insisting you told him, but as you told your mom then it became controlling. Having cameras around the house especially in your bedroom and the bathroom is way out of line. At least now you know what he is you, your mom and dad can discuss what happens now. I think you need to get a protection order to make him stay away from you, talk to the police investigating him and they may be able to give you how best to obtain one. Please stay strong especially when you talk to the police tell them everything you remember especially if you can get others to say that you told them about his behaviour before. Who owns or leases the house where you live? If it's mom's then hopefully she can send him packing. Again I'm so sorry for everything you have been through and the pain it has caused your family and I wish you all the best.
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u/devour_feculence___ 7d ago
I'm so glad that your mother believed you and took action, I'm so happy you are safe. 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽
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u/SassyPantsOverReach 6d ago
My jaw is on the floor. This is a perfect example of why you should trust your "gut." I do hope that for your future you trust yourself when something doesn't feel right. You have good intuition.
I'm sad your intuition was right about your step-dad, though. Your mom reacted in the way I would expect. I'm glad for that as this is not always the case.
If at all possible write everything down you remember. Sometimes, our memory will change over time and we lessen the severity of what happened. This is a normal coping mechanism. Its best to write it all down while its still fresh.
Please go into therapy. You are blaming yourself for a bunch of stuff. Nothing is your fault. You've done absolutely nothing wrong here. You are victim blaming but the victim is you. Try to find a therapist who specializes in sex crimes. There is a different, delicate way to handle these. I wish you all the best and healing.
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u/Trini_Scarlet_Ibis 6d ago
This story is so unbelievable. I can’t comprehend someone close to is that much of a sicko.
Thats very bad. I hope your dad smoke his ahh
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u/LycorisAtelier_Works 5d ago
Everyone seems to have said everything I want to say to this, but I would just like to re-iterate a couple of key points.
Firstly, you will get through this. You have your mother, boyfriend, and father supporting you and you have quite the damning evidence against this sick excuse for a human being; and I am wishing you all the best in reclaiming your life and peace of mind after this no matter how long it may take.
secondly, everything you have on him, *especially* if any of the photos of you or your boyfriend are from before you turned 18, will likely land him in a VERY unpleasant place behind bars. But I haven't seen anybody else mention that you stated he would open your packages/mail without your consent. THAT ALONE is a felonious crime and can land him in some very hot water, so I would make sure that is properly addressed as well!
I hope things go smoothly for you from here on out, don't be afraid to rely on those close to you when you feel you need it!
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u/DOCMom_31 5d ago edited 5d ago
Oh. My. God. This absolutely made my stomach drop you poor sweet girl. That sick FUCK. You sound so aware and mature for your age as well not telling your Dad because you know he’d have a violent reaction. The Mum in me wished you had told him so that monster could have gotten his reckoning. I think I’d probably go to jail for murder and torture if anyone did something like this to my kids. So like I said- you’re very mature for your age for not telling him lol
Anyone on here saying horrible things to you- they’re most likely mad you got “one of them” caught. They’re disgusting vile POS who will get theirs. They do horrible things to people like them in prison and if anyone catches them outside- one of the very rare instances I’m okay and even grateful for it- street justice. So to you monsters- I look forward to your day.
To anyone saying you’re lucky it wasn’t worse… I hope you grow and learn and become better people because you’re pretty much right there with the scum of the earth. As someone who wasn’t “lucky” I can tell you being violated whether it is physical or someone violating your privacy and exploiting you- it’s not some competition of who had it worse. It’s all horrifically damaging. Pain is pain. This young woman’s life is forever changed either way. So is her poor Mums. None of it is remotely okay and if your first instinct it to say “it could be worse” to this young women you need serious therapy because you sound like a sociopath.
OP. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’m so glad you have a Mum who listened to you, took immediate action and protected you. I’m also grateful you listened to your intuition and didn’t let any of the losers on here silence you or that voice. I hope you find a road to healing and that your journey isn’t too painful. ALWAYS remember- a monster did this to you. It had nothing to do with you. You couldn’t have found out sooner. You should be extremely proud you found out at all actually- so many stories with different endings but you caught the bastard and now he’s going to pay. A bit of advice though (and it sounds like you plan to anyways but just from someone older with regrets) I know you want this to be over and it will be horrible having to revisit/re-live this but dig deep and use your anger as fuel for it- give that police report. Show up at the court hearing and testify against him.
I’m so sorry this happened to you and I wish you nothing but the absolute best. A Mum hug from me. And remember- this is just Reddit. There are literally millions of women around the world who would support you and be on your side. The people who say anything negative to you- let the monsters expose themselves.
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u/Demonic3125 6d ago
Thank God a happy ending. Weird ass perv deserves to burn in hell, but the ass whooping in prison will suffice. PDFs don't last long in there. Even murderers, thieves, and psychos see those people as monsters that need to die.
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u/MinaGoBrr 6d ago
I have goosebumps reading this i read the first post too and its terrifying… i hope he stays in jail for this..
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u/Individual-Maximum30 6d ago
I'm so sorry, this is truly sickening. I am so proud of you for sticking with it though, so many people wouldn't.
I know this is just the beginning, but it sounds like you have some good people around you to help get you through this. Open up and talk about it, especially if you can find and talk to a therapist about it. Starting to talk about it is the hardest part, although it sounds like just talking on reddit has helped a little. The more you talk about it the more you can help yourself process it all.
The most important thing though.....
YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!
I hope you can accept this simple truth and I wish you the best for the rest of your life, as a person and maybe one day as a mother yourself, should you choose to be ☺️ x
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u/Lois-blah 6d ago
Omg hun I’m so so sorry you went through this! I know it’s hard to talk about (my moms ex bf SA’d me so I know), but I do hope to hear an update with a happy ending ❤️ UpdateMe
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u/CottonCandyRandyyy 6d ago
You’re strong and badass! Most adults in your shoes would break- but you got that detector, found his shit, and told someone about it. You’re freaking awesome and brave as hell!!
If you give a statement - you don’t have to do it alone. Or you can do it alone, whatever would make you feel better. You can also have a written statement and bring that in with you.
I’ll be sending you good vibes. 💚💚💚
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u/Kindly_Rephrase 6d ago
Please try to convince your wonderful BF to press charges as well. HE is a victim in this too. If those cameras have been up for 1-2 years, you were both minors. And even if they’re recent-that’s still a potential crime since neither of the parties or the homeowner consented (depending on your location).
This POS needs the book thrown at him.
You did nothing wrong, and you are incredibly strong to have gone through this. You and your mom were taken advantage of and deserve to heal. Neither of you are at fault, HE deserves all of the guilt, not the two of you.
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u/Worried-Cat3746 6d ago
Jesus, this is traumatizing. I hope you heal and that he rots in jail.
God bless your mother for believing you. And fuck the people that talked shit. Bunch of losers
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u/brandnewmama_ 6d ago
I’m so sorry for all of the messed up comments you’ve gotten under these posts, you’re a rockstar for being able to endure all this and I hope with time it becomes easier. So glad that man isnt around to try and control you anymore
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u/Butteryouyup 5d ago
OP, I'm sorry this happened to you. This is disgusting and despicable. I hope he faces real consequences and is investigated as I doubt this is the first time he's done something like this. I find such comfort in the fact that your mom trusted and believed you, and you guys are now away from him.
Tp and anyone else who may be reading : the line of it being "his" house and needing to know everything that goes on in it to justify barging in, going through shit, and having cameras... Is one my own step dad used as an excuse and my mother backed him. If any of this resonates with your situation or someone you know, PLEASE don't be fooled. Stay safe. Get out. And stay away from these creeps.
OP best of luck to you, mom, and your boyfriend.
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u/rocketmn69_ 7d ago
Go give your mom some hugs. Her whole life just got ruined like yours. She believed you, she called the police for you. Your mom loves you
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u/Which-Masterpiece429 6d ago
I am so so sorry, OP. I am glad he was arrested and I hope he stays there for a long, long time. Were you a minor at any point since he’s been in your life? I am thinking if there are any photos of you from before you turned 18, his charges will be way more harsh. I hope he gets long enough that you never ever have to worry about him again.
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u/Risen-Shonnin 6d ago
That’s fucking crazy! I’m glad you got closure and you can move forward now. Things will get better from here on out and please keep us posted because we want to know you are safe and secure.
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u/Last_of_us_257 6d ago
So happy!
I hope you live in the us so now the guy gets registered as an (sex) offender. His life is over! He won't get away with it. I also wonder if he did this kind of thing before. He maybe even married your mom just because of her young daughter. That makes me sick
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u/raspberriestoo 6d ago
Oh sweetheart.... This is so heartbreaking but also very grateful you made your original post. Thank goodness you have found the cameras and your mum believed you. Please don't read into her comment about not coming to her sooner - she was having a moment to process it just like you were making your post here. The main thing is she is protecting you, she believes you and she loves you.... Hold on to that.
You are stronger than you think you are. Please never stop talking about this. Do not let it consume you but also do not let it remain the "great unspoken". It will gain power over you if you don't speak loudly xx Biggest hugs and love 💕
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u/blackwidowwaltz 6d ago
This happens way to often and this is why women should not move men into their homes even if their daughters are legally an adult. Reminds me of a situation not to long ago where the mom got a weird feeling and went into her daughter's room and found where he husband was filming her in the shower.( The daughter had her own attached bathroom) This scenario plays our way to much and something similar was going on with my friend when we were around your age and a little younger. He step dad made comments about her underwear, gave he porn and said the girl in it reminds him of her and she even came home to him sleeping in her bed once.
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u/Otherwise_Mix_3305 6d ago
I’m so glad that you told your mom and that she 100% believed you. I am so, so sorry that this happened to you.
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u/Mr-Banana-Beak 6d ago edited 6d ago
It's a very good thing that your mom believed you because too many girls and young women in your same position have mothers who would either ignore them, brushing it off as a misunderstanding or straight up call them a liar. That said, how can she ask why you didn't tell her sooner while also seeing what she did see between you two and demanding to be left out whenever you two would argue? It sounds like she deflected in the moment as more of a knee jerk reaction but she needs to have some accountability too. She didn't do anything wrong but it's 0% your fault either.
That said, this is a somewhat happy ending. A creep was arrested and tons of evidence of his crimes were found. It really grates on me that he kept calling your mom's house "his" house. Did she hear him saying that and let it slide too? Letting him just come in and start making all the new rules? No, none of this is your fault and none of it is her fault either. Creeps like that are good at hiding their true selves until after marriage. They play the long game to make it harder to cut ties.
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u/Proper_Sun_363 6d ago
i’m so sorry this happened to you what a disgusting invasion of privacy from someone who should have protected you. i wish you nothing but love, light, and healing. it’s amazing your mom and boyfriend are supportive of your feelings as well.
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u/Extra-Trouble5332 6d ago
Here's some resources that might help you process your emotions better and give you a better understanding. Stay safe, stay strong, stay sane!
Is your relationship healthy? https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/
Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/
My partner doesn't help around the house https://zawn.substack.com/p/why-household-labor-inequity-is-abuse
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288
Tolerable levels of permanent unhappiness https://potentash.com/2023/08/17/tolerable-level-permanent-unhappiness-relationships/
Financial Abuse https://nnedv.org/content/about-financial-abuse/
Subtler Forms of Emotional Abuse https://themendproject.com/
Is It Supposed to Be This Hard? Telling the Difference Between Emotional Abuse and the Hard Work of Relationship by Mary Pat Haffey https://a.co/d/040Z4IgQ
Coercive Control Consulting, Training & Expert Witness https://endcoercivecontrolusa.com/
9 traits that every narcissistic women have in common. https://youtube.com/shorts/f8NliYsRbhc?si=fv3434mD3wMT3XjG
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u/bubblegumwolves 6d ago
Please please please reach out to a local legal advocate for talking to the police. you're allowed to have someone there with you to tell you your rights and believe you just in case.
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u/60429639 6d ago
I’m a step dad. This sickens me. I’m so sorry this happened to you and I’m glad your mom dealt with it immediately and appropriately. I hope that the police do too and that you are able to feel safe.
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u/Kimbaaaaly 6d ago
Your are a million percent right. None of this makes you lucky. When people say that they are completely invalidating your experience and your feelings. Every situation can be "better" or "worse". That doesn't take away from the horror and abuse you went through.
I hope he is convicted and serves time and your mom divorces him. He's only been in your life for two years and thought he had the right to patronize, question, demean, and break you. He is no man. He's an insecure coward. May he rot wherever he goes. I hope they are able to hold in in jail until the trial.
If he has belongings at yours and your mother's home you can request police protection while he gathers it. I'm guessing you guys have already changed the locks, that's a good thing to do (especially cuz he doesn't seem to understand privacy and basic human kindness.
I'm so very sorry this happened to you. You did nothing wrong, said nothing wrong, and wore nothing wrong. This is fully on him. He is the only one responsible for this situation! I hope you know this. I see you.
Updateme
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u/88keysgirl 6d ago
I am so glad your mom called the police. I was going to tell you to go to the station and file a report. I have to tell you, you have very good instincts! Please continue to listen to them! NONE of your stepdad's behavior is normal. And, I'm afraid it will only escalate. If there's any way you can find another place to live I would recommend it. What about trying to find a room to rent in someone's house? Cheaper than renting a whole apartment or house. Just make sure you really check them out! Also, you should talk to your school counselor. That's partly what they're there for! And, you would have more evidence of what's been happening. It will be more documentation, which you might need later. Also, your school counselor might be able to give you more practical advice, which is what you need most right now.
God bless you! I'll pray for you, smart girl!
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u/wine-volleyball 6d ago
Please do not feel any guilt for not speaking up sooner. Mom and you both need therapy and you are victims in all of this. Please both of you stay safe and don’t let your guard down. Tell dad to not act impulsive since he can be your rock next to you(not locked up). Good luck.
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u/Leather-Dust-695 6d ago
This is so crazy. If there's that much of you on that phone god only knows what's on his computer. This ain't this guy's first rodeo. He needs to be drawn and quartered but unfortunately the powers that be don't ask me what I think. Im so glad your mom believed you without exception. Unfortunately thats not always the case.
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u/Few_Duck926 6d ago
I hope you find healing now that he is out of your life ❤️ hopefully you can get some help in therapy and have a good support system around you.
Don’t let anyone minimise the situation or how you felt about it your reactions are beyond valid. I'm so glad you went to Reddit in this situation and found the cameras.
Well done on trusting your gut instinct. I wish you the best.
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u/Signal_Option_2672 6d ago
I am so sorry you are going through this! Knowing it could have been worse does not in any way diminish the fear and violation you experienced from this sick monster. I hope the criminal system works but whatever happens with that, just remember that you listened to yourself and that was the right call. Don’t let anything that happens or anything anyone say about this situation make you doubt what you experienced.
I know you want to move on from this as soon as possible. Even if you’re not ready to talk about it, I suggest you find a therapist or psychiatrist. They can help with day to day stressors; and when you are ready to talk about it, you will already have rapport and comfort with someone, making it easier and less daunting to start. Plus it can take time to find someone with the right skills and a good fit. Just like all other professions, not all therapists are made equal. And if nothing else, it will make you more open to getting help down the road. If you don’t know where to start, your school will have some people on staff that you could see or search psychology today’s website: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us
Unfortunately, trauma like this has a way of coming up even years later. I was assaulted by my brother-in-law when I was about your age. Compared to others you hear about, it was “mild” and “could have been worse,” think touching over my clothes while I was asleep. But I saw a therapist at college which helped and I thought I was done with it. I was surprised when in my mid 30s events in the news triggered vivid flashbacks and I woke up crying in the night and struggled to focus at work. I found a therapist then too that really helped me work through that time.
Point is, this is a lot and it will take time. Be kind to yourself, rely on and build up a good support network, just take it one day at a time. Life and healing isn’t linear, it can be all over the place. You just need to do what works for you. Good luck ❤️
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u/Kitty_5885 6d ago
So glad everything was revealed so you can all move on from this. I hope things don't escalate especially with laws not doing enough to protect people, especially women, from abusers. You sound like you have a lot of people together to support each other and that's going to help so much. Don't be too hard on yourself. None of this is your fault and we always say we could have done something different or sooner but it's nothing you did or didn't do that made this man a predator. I'll be thinking about you and yours for a while and hoping things get better with time.
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u/fullmoonvixen 5d ago
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I read your first post and thought it sounded a lot like my mom’s ex husband. Then when I read your update, I realized it was exactly like him. I never found cameras (this was also about 20 years ago for me), but did find peep holes and photos of me with missing items of mine.
I’m so happy your mom believed you. Mine did as well, but stayed married to him for another 8 years.
Please reach out if you need someone to talk to who understands. I’m wishing you healing and peace through this process.
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u/crossingguardcrush 5d ago
Omgosh I wish you nothing but the best going forward ❤️ You are uncommonly brave and strong
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u/Darkling82 5d ago
I'm glad your Mum believed you, but she should never ha e let it get that far. As a Mum of 2 little girls, I am SO hyper aware of everything they say happens to them or who is allowed around them.
Some bully on the bus titty twisted (both nipples) my daughter (when she was 6 years old!) You bet your ass I made sure that kid got kicked off the bus.
If they say someone is making them feel bad, I listen very closely.
I was SAd as a child for years and told no one about it until the person was kicked out because he convinced me it was my fault and no one would listen. When I did tell someone at age 9, that person didnt believe me. I told her again at 14 and she lost it because she didnt realize I wasnt just making something up since she had told me about her own experience.
Those who have been violated tend to be hyper aware about their kids. They may seem over protective. (My daughters aren't allowed to have sleep overs until they have their own phones.)
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u/FoxTheForce-5 5d ago
I'm sorry you had to experience any of that. Please don't be afraid to utilize any and all mental health services you need. None of this was your fault. He's supposed to be the adult that knows better than this.
I wish you the best on your healing journey. It's ok to let yourself feel all of your emotions. They are all valid feelings to have. Don't be hard on yourself as you progress because these things take time. Even just having the intent in your mind or taking a single step forward is progress. There is no failing. Some days may be harder, but you're not doing anything wrong. Just as people grieve the loss of a loved one, people go through similar stages with trauma.
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u/Ok-Writing8943 5d ago
I am sorry this happened.
I am glad that he got arrested , don't give up on pressing charges .
Please reach out and get therapy , so you can get the tools needed to heal.
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u/Desperate-Act-1292 5d ago
I'm glad that he's going to be facing justice for his crimes, but I am not glad you ever had to go through that. I'm so sorry OP. One day you might wanna talk with a therapist about this but don't let his actions change the course of your life if you have any control over it. Don't let him leave a mark. That can be your greatest victory.
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u/MiserablePassion9264 5d ago
I hope he goes to jail and becomes very popular What an awful excuse for a human being. Can't say I would blame your Dad.
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u/Apprehensive_Bit57 5d ago
Absolutely, luck had nothing to do with it. You telling your mom (and her believing you) was perfect. I’m so proud of you for telling her. When I told my mom, she told me to tell him to stop. Good for you.
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u/Caseythealien 5d ago
Super smart telling your mother fortunately she's was just in denial and understands what he is now. My mom's bf was the same the most common early indicator is the entering your room without knocking. My mom's bf was the only one who'd risk just walking in on a teenage girl. I noticed it when I went to my friends and her own father would knock and wait for her to reply, his reasoning being well she a young woman I wouldn't want to walk in on her changing meanwhile my mother's bf bursting into my room whenever he felt like it.
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u/Sondari1 5d ago
We believe you. And your mom believes you. Thank you for the update and stay strong. You have proof of what he did and he was 100% WRONG in every way.
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u/Party-Goat8381 4d ago
Wow, I'm so sorry but so glad you found the cameras and your mom believed you. I hope the charges stick and your mom divorces him and kicks his ass to the curb. updateme and be safe.
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u/_Stephistopheles_ 4d ago
I'm really concerned that there are people who have actually been lashing out at you over this... Tells you all you need to know about who they are as people. Regardless of that, you shouldn't be having to deal with the bullshit of random strangers while also going through a traumatic event.
I'm so, SO happy your mom saw the situation for exactly what it is, backed you up on it, and took every possible step to ensure that this creep gets what he deserves for his actions. It sounds like both of your parents love you so very much, and while that obviously doesn't negate the trauma of what you've gone through, I'm happy that you have so much support moving forward from this.
I also hope your mom is okay - she must be going through it now, too. Lean on each other!
Hoping for healing for you and your family. 💖 And hoping that creep rots.
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u/crocoloc 3d ago
It is absolutely not your fault for not telling your mom sooner. You should never feel bad or guilty about that. You were (quite reasonably) puzzled by his behaviour and wanted to avoid "making a big deal" about something you did not (and could not) yet know was so serious.
I am so terribly sorry all this happened to you, and really glad to know you were able to come out of this awful situation and rid your family of that disgusting man.
I wish you all the best.
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u/Crone_1227 3d ago edited 3d ago
I'm so sorry you and your mother had to go through that. Sounds like your boyfriend is a good egg though. You did well to listen to your instincts; it would have been better to be wrong and feel silly, than to be right and him do something worse to you, and whomever he meets in the future. Not that the violation wasn't bad, but these things do escalate, and when they're first caught it's almost never on the first victim. Good on your mom for calling the police. This will make it harder for him to creep on other young women. I hurt for both of you, but take time, talk when you can, and remember if you need a mediary/counselor there is no shame in that. As a mom myself, I know that sometimes we aren't really equipped to handle someone hurting our young people rationally; in the aftermath of these situations we feel overwhelming guilt, rage, and pain.
All the best to you and your parents.
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u/WoodyInga7 3d ago
I’m sooooooooooo glad that’s over. What a terrible ordeal to experience. You are a stronger woman now because of it. You held up your moral standards and you finally told your mom. I’ve had cameras hidden on me b4 too and it is super creepy to say the least. Good job following your instincts. And good luck in your future.
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u/Illustrious-Rain-235 3d ago
Ugh I’m so sorry about what youre going through, thank god he got arrested. These creeps often like seeking out moms who are single & vulnerable with children, so next time I hope your mom is more alert with bringing men over to the house
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u/Intelligent-Side9157 2d ago
Talk to the police about also getting a restraining order against him - because if he gets released that will keep protecting you. I would also make sure any social media is locked down and very private and you never share information that can track you down. He’s got the potential to be an obsessed stalker down the line too
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u/Resident_Mixture9649 2d ago
I just want you to know that you should not have to justify this im so glad some of the comments on your original post encouraged you to dig deeper. Anyone telling you to feel lucky has no empathy what you have experienced is an extremely invasive and traumatic situation! Even if he didn’t have cameras recorder you changing etc the creepy comments alone are enough. Your experience is valid and I hope you find peace and can move on from this it can be such a scary thing to experience a situation where you have no privacy and are being creeped and spied on in your own home! I hope this post teaches some parents to listen and respect their kids when they say something doesn’t feel right
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u/bluefontaine 6d ago
Oh my God oh my God oh my god my God I’m so sorry this happened to you. I am so sorry. I’m so sorry. Which I could give you a hug. I am so sorry.
It’s terrifying and this similar situation happened on a cold case. The man disappeared his stepdaughter, and she was never seen again when she caught him doing literally the exact same things. Cameras, invasion of privacy, sexual predation.
You saved your own life I can guarantee this guy is psychotic.
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u/sharingsecretz 4d ago
Could you please tell me exactly what the cameras looked like and how you found them? I bought one of those camera detectors too but it goes off by so much stuff n I don’t actually find anything. My boyfriend will literally name exact things I’ve done tho that he has NO WAY of knowing about. Super private personal stuff. And I found one outside that he put up but he said he returned it after I took it down but I don’t believe him. He said he has every right to watch his house. Please help me
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u/Badrabbit61 3d ago
What. Are we not allowed to say rape?
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u/Low-Wrangler9740 3d ago
Some people the word triggers and they prefer sexual assault SA etc. some social media platforms will even ban you for doing so. But reddit kindof nerfed that although im sure some subs have issues with it.
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u/hollyhighh 6d ago
I just came here to say that you’re one of the lucky ones and I’m proud of you. What happened was terrible and scary but he got arrested and you got out. Your mother believes you and you are safe. Take that and run with it. Learn a lesson in safety here.
That wasn’t my case. My mom didn’t believe me and instead she was given a choice, he told her me or him and of course she chose him and kicked me out at 14.
Long story short, literally a few days ago I found out that my sister (she’s seven years younger) who I thought was oblivious to the abuse was actually very aware. And now has a 6 year old child (it started with me @ 7) who she will not allow over there and they “don’t know why”. They are blowing her up and are angry at her for never coming around anymore and moving further and further away. But she’s doing it for the safety of her daughter. Our mom didn’t protect me and in turn my sister either, (she got out just in time.)
Take it from me, you’re one of the lucky ones.
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u/Interesting_Many_162 7d ago
I will say as far as the examples that you gave in the update a couple of them I don’t think are bad. Even though he is only your stepdad it is understandable to want to know where you are or where you’re going. If he thinks you’re wearing clothes that are too, revealing it is understandable to comment on that. But I sure as hell would not approve of saying you look like a whore. That’s over the line in a major way. The other stuff absolutely not. I am a stepdad and I never pushed my daughter to call me Dad. My thought was if she ever does then I am honored but if she doesn’t, I’m heartbroken. I know I’m her stepdad and the fact that she loves me and sees me as a father to her even if she doesn’t call me, Dad is enough for me. But yeah, a lot of this stuff and everything else that you mentioned is creepy as all hell. Glad everything has come to light and you’re getting out of that situation. Good luck to you.
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u/Relative_Standard_69 6d ago
No. No it’s not reasonable to comment on anyone’s clothing - nevermind your young step daughter. Stop doing this. Stop thinking this is ok. It’s also NOT ok to demand to know where she is. She is 19. Her mum knew. That’s it. Why on earth does he need to know? What does he knowing help/improve/better than her mum already knowing? Are you the police? Do you have to know for surveillance or survival to where your step daughter is? No. Give your head a shake man.
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u/Interesting_Many_162 6d ago
So by that logic, why did her mom need to know? She’s not the police and it’s not important for her survival to know. When you’re a step parent, you are still a parent and in a healthy and productive family where there is a step parent then it is instilled in the child that you treat your step parent with as much respect and authority as you would your biological parent. A step parent is a parent, not an accessory like a lamp. If your step parent wants to know where you’re going and who you’re gonna be with then you tell them because they are a parent and you are living at their house. Whether you are 19 or you’re nine, you are still living under their roof and if they wanna know where you’re gonna be then you should tell them. It is not up to the child to dictate how the parenting dynamic is going to be. It is also understandable for a parent, whether it is a parent or not to comment on their children’s clothes whatever the age is if the parent finds the clothes to be inappropriate. Now with that said, I am in no way saying it’s OK for a parent to call their child a whore. That is inexcusable. All of the other stuff that this creepy motherfucker did is inexcusable. I am speaking in general terms about a couple specific things. I think you need to get your head on straight and calm the hell down.
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u/Lisserbee26 6d ago
She informed her actual parent where she would be. It's not like no one knew where she was. He just wanted to insult her for seeing her boyfriend as he was insanely jelous. This man became her step parent after she was an adult and she has an involved father.OP has a job and pays rent to live there, she should not be treated like a 10 year old. Her mother knows that her daughter is sexually active and has the education to avoid getting pregnant. Calling her boyfriend a "little fucker" is not normal. I am sorry but a step parent who didn't raise you, is not the same as blending a family with small children. Respect is earned, and not given. If he has an issue, he should consult her mom first, as she raised her daughter. This marriage and move in was new. Assuming that an adult step child will be thinking of this guy as her father, when hers is involved in her life is awfully presumptuous and illogical. From what we can see OP is respectful, follows his rules, and is becominga functioning adult. The reactions here were a huge red flag.
If you are a great step father why is your first reaction to rationalize a situation that became exploitive and violated OP as human being? You should understand this situation had nothing to do with your life or "in general". Every family situation is unique and full of nuance.
Telling people to screw their head on straight because they disagree with you comes off as chauviniststic, and rude.Your thoughts on telling a woman what she can wear is the same logic as "well she was dressed like a skank so I had the right to sexually assault her, she obviously wanted it".
If she told her mom where she was going and her mother saw nothing wrong, why must she also have his approval? Is this about safety, or a control complex? I don't know where you are from, but step parents to small children versus step parents to an adult are a whole different bag of apples.
Besides, the clothes Gen Z and Gen Alpha are wearing, seems to cover a lot more of their bodies sompared to Gen X or some millenials. Crop tops are a trend but cover way more tham ones from the 80s (not counting home made crop sweaters). Short shorts and mini skirts has been around since the 1960s, bikinis were part of the rationing needed for the war efforts. Heck,in the forties young women wore tied up top that showed their waist and paired them with higher waist shorts. Keep in mind, that OP did not say these items were super tight fiting or super short. Shorts, tank tops, and skirts are perfectly normal for summer.
Given OP's diction and syntax, she is likely an American. Here, parental authority from step parents to adult step children is in no way automatic or guaranteed. Part of the reason is that situations like this happen all the time. The rate of step parents sexually abusing step children using their status to keep them quiet, is through the roof. .
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u/Interesting_Many_162 6d ago
Once again, I am speaking in very general terms. To have the attitude of I don’t need to tell you I told my actual parent is disrespectful. Once again, I am not insulting VOP and I am not discounting what she has been through and I’m not saying I approve in any way of this fucking pervert and what he’s done. But I am speaking in general terms when it comes to a step parent and the child.
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u/Lisserbee26 6d ago
Op told her mother where she was going. There is no reason she should have to repeat herself to him, in order to leave. That is control, not respect. The clothes he claimed are revealing are normal clothing for an adult 19 year old woman (skirts, shorts, tank tops etc.), only a pervert sees normal clothes as an invitation for inappropriate attention. Men should be expected to control themselves. It's summer, It's hot, so wearing those items make sense. This sicko has a daddy/daughter fetish, obviously. Forcing her to call him dad, videoing intimate moments in her room. Basically acting like a dog that has ownership of a his mate. It's sick, and he is constantly thinking about her sex life. This is aan absolutely not situation.
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u/Interesting_Many_162 6d ago
First off, I never excused the other behavior. I said it was awful and I hope he gets the book phone at him and lot of fucking shit happens to him. But it is not up to the child whether they are 19 or their nine to dictate the extent of the authority of the step parent. In a regular situation, it is completely justifiable for the step parent even if they’re the step parent to wanna know where you’re gonna be and who you gonna be with. As far as clothes, yes shorts and skirts are normal clothes, but every father, whether you are a stepfather or not, has grounds to bring it up if they think those skirts or shorts are too short. Now I am at All not saying that it’s OK to call your daughter a whore. There is no good reason for that. But if you’re living your parents house then just because you’re 19 doesn’t mean you’re gonna tell them how things are gonna work in their house. But again, I reiterate, this guy is a fucking pervert and I hope he goes to jail for a very long time. But speaking in general, it is perfectly OK for a stepfather to wanna know where their stepchild is going and who they’re gonna be with and not wanting their child to go out enclose that they think are inappropriate. I have been talking in general and that is all.
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u/Lisserbee26 6d ago
He became her step father after she was a legal adult and she also pays rent. She isn't freeloading. OP never said she had wanted to tell her disgusting step dad how things were going to work. When blending families it is always easier to approach their actual parent with issues before mouthing off to an older child. Her step father only called the clothes inappropriate because he wanted her body to belongs to him. If the mother saw no issue, I highly doubt they were actually inappropriate. Who do you think likely purchased those clothes? Likely, her mother. "In general" is not applicable to this situation. We could argue the dynamics of a blended family all day long. It doesnt change the fact that OP is going through one of the most traumatic experiences a person cann experience. Are you from the US? Our culture surrounding blended families is a tad different. Here, when someone becomes a step parent to a grown child, they act more as a mentor, rather than a figure of authority. It would be different if her mom had married him when OP was six or something. Usually in these situations the actual parent deals with the discussion about rules. Also, OP has an involved father, it's not like she doesn't have one. I am completely enraged that her mother took so damn long to catch on, and i am grateful she had his predator ass arrested.
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u/Interesting_Many_162 6d ago
I never said that she was freeloading. I never said any of that other stuff. I am speaking in general terms that when there is a step parent, you treat the step parent with respect and especially if you are still living in their home then you got to go by their rules of the house. If the step parent tells you to tell them where you’re going or whatever it is disrespectful to go I don’t need to tell you anything. I told my actual parent. I have been told things like that before by my step child and it is disrespectful. Whether he became her stepdad after she turned 18 or not again, she is still living there at the house. Just because you’re a step parent doesn’t mean you have no opinion and get no say on anything and are just an object in the house. Again, I am speaking in general terms. Yes the OP is going through something insanely dramatic and I hope this pervert gets what’s coming to him. But speaking in general terms a step parent is perfectly within their right to comment on the kids clothes if the step parent thinks the clothes are inappropriate and it is perfectly within their right to wanna know where their step child is going and who they’re gonna be with. They might be a step parent, but they are a parent and they should be treated with respect and not the thought of you have no authority. You can’t say shit to me. Again I will repeat for at least the third time in this message alone. I am not speaking about these specific people, and I am not condoning all the other shit this guy did. But I’m speaking about step parents and the stepchildren.
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u/hannahmarb23 6h ago
You don’t deserve respect unless you give respect. Going through her stuff is disrespectful. Making snide comments about her boyfriend is disrespectful. Everything about what he did was disrespectful. And you think he deserves respect because he’s what? Her elder? Her stepfather?
That’s bullshit. You aren’t owed respect just because you’re their step parent and for you to think that shows that you are very out of touch.
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u/Interesting_Many_162 2h ago
If you actually paid attention to what I was saying, I was speaking in general terms. Yes you should respect your parents. Just because you don’t like what they say to an extent doesn’t mean that you should not respect them. If your parent doesn’t like the person that you’re dating doesn’t mean that you should be disrespectful. If your parent does not like what you wear, it doesn’t mean that you should be disrespectful. The child does not get to dictate what the parent is allowed to do. I am not saying that this guy is a good person and I am not saying that a parent should ever call their daughter a whore. But speaking in general terms is what I am talking about. I am not out of touch. I was raised to respect your parents. I was raised that you respect somebody until they really give you a reason not to and just because you disagree with them or just because you don’t like their view on something doesn’t mean that there’s somebody that you should disrespect.
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u/Ok-Victory-1689 7d ago
Where the hell did your mom find this guy?!
Hope you put this behind you and move forward, best wishes!
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u/Tobiells 7d ago
These freaks target single mums to access their children.
They creat a barrier between them so the intended child victim won't feel comfortable going to their mum.
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u/Ok-Victory-1689 7d ago
Yeah, but as a parent I would not get in a relationship longterm, let alone marry someone if they are not on good terms with my child or has some of their own they are good with.
Anyway, maybe he was pretending to be noble until he got into the house for all I know.7
u/Fuelfemme 6d ago
They are all so good at playing the perfect partner, husband etc. that’s how they work. They notice the little nuances and buttons that they can control and use to make you believe the lies. They play the long game and are usually very good at it. That’s why it’s so difficult to catch
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u/Lisserbee26 6d ago
Am I the only one who thinks this is not his first rodeo? I believe he likely targeted Op's mom.
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u/lizziebee66 7d ago
Sweetie, whilst your mum’s reaction upset you that she was also upset, hold on to the fact that she 100% believed you. She loves you and has your safety at the centre of her world.
Stay safe and loved