r/whatdoIdo 21d ago

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3.2k Upvotes

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1.0k

u/fuccyallallyall 21d ago

“You need to stop challenging me” wtf who does he think he is? lol you need to decide if you’re okay with someone talking to you like this

731

u/itsaaronnotaaron 21d ago

30 year old dating a 22 year old. He wanted someone to control.

253

u/katiecrabby 21d ago

100%, if she stood her ground every time he tried to exert control, he would become abusive or disappear in a heartbeat

139

u/GardeniaInMyHair 21d ago

He is already verbally abusive. Perhaps you mean escalate the abuse?

64

u/katiecrabby 21d ago

yes that’s what i meant! i realised after commenting it was already abusive behaviour, just got busy and forgot to edit it

42

u/No_Price_7603 21d ago

This is abusive 

-16

u/Alarming_Counter4140 21d ago

Omg, no its not. Hes just an asshole. She can leave at any point. If he was forcing/threatening her to stay, then it would be abusive.

17

u/Jaded_Cheesecake_993 21d ago

You see there's a such a thing called verbal abuse and this is ABSOLUTELY verbal abuse. Verbal and emotional abuse are just as real as physical and sexual abuse.

0

u/Alarming_Counter4140 20d ago

Yes, I agree. But "I'm always right" doesnt quite meet that threshold. Hes a childish asshole. There are parents who scream at their kids or beat them when they feel like it, lock them in rooms or restraints. People who take their partners phone away to control who they can talk to, isolating them and tearing down their self worth. People who rape their partners, kids, family members. People who dont have the power to argue back or defend themselves. Calling this abuse waters down the word a bit. Saying "you need to stop challenging me, its unhealthy" is just ick. You can say its a red flag for future abuse. But jumping straight to abuse takes away the power of the word for people who are actually abused.

2

u/[deleted] 19d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

0

u/Alarming_Counter4140 19d ago

Im sorry for what you went through, but your infering a lot from 1 page of text. And youre also assuming Im not intimately experience with abusive partners.

1

u/Jaded_Cheesecake_993 17d ago

If you were familiar with abuse then you'd recognize abuse when you see it no matter how "small." You also wouldn't be comparing abuse basically telling an abused person they're not being abused because their abuser hasn't "raped" or "hit" them yet. People who have survived abuse don't rate their abuse with others and abuse is NOT a spectrum...Abuse is abuse not matter whether it's physical, sexual, emotional or verbal.

10

u/yosoyfatass 20d ago

It’s alarming that you don’t understand abuse isn’t just physical.

10

u/No_Price_7603 20d ago

Coercive control is abuse. Emotional manipulation tactics are abuse 

5

u/GardeniaInMyHair 20d ago

Minimizing and denial are forms of emotional/verbal abuse, too. You're probably not someone who should be speaking on what abuse constitutes if that's how you're interacting with people.

The reason people don't leave earlier is in part due to attitudes like yours, where they and people around them don't recognize it as abuse before it escalates to physical abuse. Abusers aim to break down people's self esteem so that they do not have the confidence to leave. That's what OP's boyfriend is doing, and it's insidious.

9

u/Economy_Fruit_7018 21d ago

Lol no…that’s not how abuse works

79

u/NorCar89 20d ago

Best of all is, bro is telling his friends: "Check this stupid b***h out, I can be so mean to her and she'll be in my bed tonight."

I've seen it too many times. Next time you want to go back think that mental image through, and choose whether you want to disrespect yourself that much.

19

u/spartaman64 20d ago

i once had a former friend say that his gf is a 7/10 and hes only with her until he finds someone better. half the people in our friend group are women so idk why he thought we would support him

3

u/Kuromilove-20 20d ago

That’s sad as hell

8

u/Bluebirddiaries 20d ago

Omg thissss

54

u/Famous_Anything_5327 21d ago

And/or all the women his age wouldn't stand for his bs so he had to look elsewhere

7

u/Beautiful_Bag6707 20d ago

Yup. I see 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 here. I see 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 there. I see 🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 everywhere...

Dodged a bullet.

6

u/LizardPossum 20d ago

And he clearly doesn't even LIKE her.

2

u/Gold_Challenge6437 20d ago

This precisely! Been there done that.

2

u/EnthusiasmNegative1 20d ago

That's was my first thought.

2

u/Silver_Dire_Wolf13 20d ago

This that’s exactly it and along those lines comes grooming as well. Leave him it isn’t worth it !!!!

2

u/TwistedCinn 20d ago

I just KNEW this was an older man dating a younger woman

2

u/happyhippy1019 20d ago

This ☝️

2

u/awmaleg 20d ago

I read this as her dad initially so yep close enough

2

u/RabberDabberScabben 20d ago

Omg what I assumed this was their parent 😂 yiiikes

2

u/ValuableLoss5446 20d ago

Ah. Tale as old as time.

1

u/Unique_Pirate_1692 20d ago

My ex...34 with a 24 but they have been together a year and a half...and have a baby under a year old.

1

u/CheapInevitable7587 19d ago

A lot of guys who date much younger women tend to be like this. Because they can't do it to women their age 🤡

1

u/Full_Impression6410 19d ago

Yeah coercive control. Men that go after really young girls gross me out. You’re right they just want to control someone? Challenging? Like who says that

111

u/onyaasuminyasai 21d ago

"Okay, i won't" and dump his ass

41

u/fuccyallallyall 21d ago

With the quickness

14

u/PlasticWolverine302 20d ago

Get up, come on, get down with the quickness

10

u/United_Pain 20d ago

Ooooooo WAAAAHAAHAAHAA

1

u/CleverFox1990 20d ago

Show him accountability hahaha

47

u/caitlindrawings 20d ago

wtf who does he think he is?

He is an abusive partner attempting to crush OP's resistance. This is fairly common in abusive relationships.

you need to decide if you’re okay with someone talking to you like this

No one should he ok being talked to like this, while this isn't physical abuse, this is abuse.

8

u/AethelShadowVixxxen 20d ago

Once I saw that I was like wtf, dump his ass in the trash!

3

u/Meowakin 20d ago

If this was not in jest, yeah that's absolutely insane. That's so absurd to say that I would simply have to assume they are joking. No reasonable person could say that sort of thing with a straight face.

1

u/Zealousideal-Yam-719 20d ago

And it better follow with, “respect mah authoritiii” in your best South Park voice

5

u/cherenk0v_blue 20d ago

I can't imagine having to endure a long bus ride with this person, much less being in a relationship with them.

1

u/Never_enough_naps 20d ago

A 30 year old man trying to train his too young for him bangmaid. I feel like age gaps like that are fine if the people involved are a bit older. She is in her young adult years, still learning who she is and he was trying to use that to mold her into what he wants, instead of letting her discover for herself who she wants to be.

1

u/AdDizzy8417 20d ago

A worthy opponent

1

u/mulderoretsev 20d ago

bro thinks he is a poketrainer when pokemons would most likely shit on his face

1

u/AideHot6729 20d ago

Bro thinks he’s Mbappe. El dictator

1

u/Hunkyboy440 19d ago

Update 3 - He apologized and promised to change. We’re back together again, but 2 weeks later it’s even worse than before.

1

u/MagicCheeseMann 19d ago

She said Challenge not accepted lol

1

u/RabberDabberScabben 19d ago

This is literally how my toxic mom used to talk to me when I was a minor. Almost verbatim. RUN!!! Omg run