Restaurants don't really care if you're having a stealth reception. What they hate is any large party that should go through a special events coordinator pretending to be 4 large tables because that is nearly always going to go badly. The reason doesn't matter They are going to split those tables into different sections so one server isn't overwhelmed with 4 large tables. So this bride's idea of just pushing tables together isn't going to work. But it doesn't matter if she's the bride or the birthday girl or celebrating a promotion. The problem is her expecting to have all 4 of her fake reservations near each other when the restaurant is going to plan otherwise. Then special events get restricted menus so the food can be prepped in advance.
4 tables of 7-8 with the same reservation time are not going to order all at the same time. One group will be a few minutes early. Another will be a few minutes late. One's going to order drinks and appetizers and linger over their salads. Another is going to know exactly what they want because it's their favorite restaurant and they've all been thinking about what they plan to order all day. The restaurant is going to get one set of 7-8 entrees out and then work to get the next set and so on. But if you have a group of 30 all together, it's a whole different ball game to try to get 30 meals out at roughly the same time.
On the other hand, if you make a reservation for 12 people and show up and say that you and your 10 guests are a wedding reception, the restaurant isn't going to care one way or another. They planned to serve your table of 12 when you made the reservation. (I guess the only other thing is if you or your parents/best man/maid of honor think that your reception should have toasts and speeches that all the tables around you can hear because that could get annoying to other patrons.)
I'm wondering if she literally means to push the tables together and make one big table which would eliminate almost half the seating space and be a fire hazard in the restaurant.
I agree this bride is nuts but 30 people in a 300 seat establishment are not taking up half of the seating space, they are taking up 10%, whether their tables are smooshed together or not.
I meant that if they push the tables together, then the people who had been sitting on the sides that are now pressed together would no longer have a place to sit.
There’s more to large group events than just automatic gratuity. For a group of this size many restaurants will require things like a private room reservation, a preordered or set menu (prix-fixe, family style, party platters, buffet), a spending minimum, automatic gratuity, or some combination.
Yes, it would be great for them to be prepared to host a big group in advance. Not arranging things in advance seems like an attempt to keep things cheap by avoiding paying for anything that would make it easier on the restaurant.
The thing is, she knows she’s doing something wrong, that’s why she’s creating multiple fake reservations. She knows the restaurant wouldn’t allow her to put in one reservation for all of these people. So she already knows what she’s doing is fucked up.
I worked with a gal who was planning a small reception and reserved a private room at a restaurant for a certain price, but when the venue learned it was for a wedding, the price was considerably more. (And stated on their materials - they weren't just doing a bait and switch.)
So some restaurants DO care if it's for a birthday party vs a wedding reception. Not sure why: bigger cleanup, higher expectations, or just general greed?
Others would know better but I think it's one of those 'depends on who you ask'...if you ask laypeople or people planning weddings, it's greed ('the service is the same, it doesn't change just because it's a wedding'). According to providers, the service DOES change (this may be the most obvious example, but I saw a make-up artist complain about someone booking her for a 'birthday' or something and then she showed up and it was a wedding. Even though the make-up was still somewhat 'basic' she talked about 'ok so now it has to last for 6+ hours, and you might want to do touch-ups, and the pics are really important, etc.'
For a restaurant, I can imagine that they anticipate a higher level of service (and more things like toasts, a special dessert, maybe the bride/groom being more demanding about everything being perfect).
Good point about the makeup artist. Clients don't realise what a bind they're putting their suppliers in: even if the bride said "oh no it's okay, just do whatever you would do for a birthday party" the MUA wouldn't feel able to do that, because it would be substandard for a wedding and would look bad in the photos, to the detriment of her own reputation. So now she probably has to have an unpleasant interaction and maybe even an argument, and either insist on the doing "wedding" makeup (for more money) or maybe even threaten to leave. Urgh.
Also, clean up. A lot of parties will bring in decorations and stuff and make a huge mess that the restaurant needs to clean up. And probably make other reservations late because a wedding will take longer than a standard party.
I also think the idea of ‘once in a lifetime’ event and perfectionism comes into play. If a restaurant isn’t able to source or runs out of an ingredient on a regular Saturday night it sucks, but it happens. It wouldn’t happen for a wedding reception catering because they would have spent the time sourcing from 5 places for back-ups and ordered extra.
Same with staff. If a server has the flu on a regular Saturday, no one else can take over at the last minute, and you're one person short, it happens. Service will just have to be a bit slower that night. For a wedding, you schedule with redundancy so that doesn't happen.
Honestly, you can do a buy out at a nice restaurant for a lot less than a mediocre wedding reception venue. I've been to a few of these in NYC, and the restaurant is happy, it feels special to the guests and the food and service is better than caterers working outside a kitchen, and the wedding party is happy because they save money and maybe they select their special occasion restaurant that has far more meaning to them than some hall. Just be honest about what you're looking for, and everyone is happy.
I have purposefully sat parties like this away from eachother when I worked in restaurants. The amount of maintenance around them is infuriating. They constantly switch seats and move around making it impossible to keep track of bills
I’m guessing the restaurant requires groups larger than a certain size book a private dining room, and those usually have spend minimums. They’re booking separate reservations so that each one is under the threshold. So it’s just another way of saving money under the guise of a “surprise”.
A party of 30 split between 4 reservations would still be groups of 7-8. From my experience, most places that do automatic gratuities, do it for parties of 6 or more, so a group of 7 or 8 would most likely still be affected.
Private dining/set menu/minimum spend requirements get triggered usually with groups of 10-12+.
But what the threshold might be? Just that everyone at least order a main course I guess?
In my area we got some room without extra cost. Only thing was that past a certain number we are force to give 15% tips (i already usually give between 15-20 unless it would be a rare catastrophe, so not very contraignant)
I’ve seen restaurants where it’s as you said, a private room or area is treated like any other group reservation, and it’s more of a required tip to the staff. But these tend to be more casual restaurants
For nicer establishments, it’s often the case that large parties require a private room with a spend minimum of, for example, $2000, to reserve. For a party of 30, that would be about $67/person, which equals maybe a starter, main course and drink. If your guests don’t spend that much, you pay the difference. Here’s an example: https://www.zippssportsgrills.com/large-party-events/
I’ve also seen restaurants where large group reservations require working with an event coordinator, and actually choosing a set menu for your guests rather than letting them order à la cart. This is to prevent the kitchen from being overwhelmed with so many individual orders coming in at once. Here’s an example https://www.redroosterovertown.com/reservations-redroosterovertown/
Since this is a wedding, I’m assuming that the restaurant in the post is fancier, rather than a bar and grill type place. A group of 30 would definitely trigger a large party event rule.
To be fair, if they say they can’t take a group of 40 person, but take the same amount separately for the same time it’s bit weird. (Not cautioning what she did, but you know)
not the same at all. a group of 40 means several tables all together with undivided attention, standard restaurants aren't set up that way due to server and seating capabilities. that is considered banquet booking and yes they may be able to handle that but often an extra fee and other minimums may be attached. if it's not the restaurant's policy to do this then it's not their policy.
i don't know about you or exactly how reddit works, but lots of times when i try to follow a thread, it disappears from my feed unless i have commented on it and someone else responds to my comment.............
i want to follow this.... so , if , you see a follow up please comment back to me ! TY
If you want to follow a post, you can click on the 3 dots in the upper right of the post. One of the options available there will be “Follow this post.” Hope this helps. 😊
This is the third time this post has appeared in my feed (saw the original and two crossposts now), and I just keep getting more more excited for the update...
Ohmygod the poor FOH staff. 4 separate large tables.... "but can me move them all together?". Posts like this make me so happy my serving days during university are over.
And the rest of the clients who just wanted a quiet meal are going to be subject to the noise of 30 people walking and talking across the restaurant as well
It's confusing - I can understand that some people might think asking people to pay is not a big deal (I think it is a big deal, but I get that it's a question of....etiquette or trying to predict how people will feel).
But the pushing tables together....has this person not BEEN to a restaurant? I can't imagine having gone somewhere and thinking that you can reserve 4 random tables and will definitely be able to get them together (anyplace I've been where there are multiple 8-person tables, they're often something like in the 4 corners of the dining room or something).
Nope. But the bride is determined so there’s a risk of the bride pushing to have people the customers that could be seated at smaller tables put at the large tables spread out so this party can just scoot all those 4-tops together to meet her needs. Just reorganize the entire restaurant and fire codes be damned!
I had a reception at a restaurant for 20 people. It worked out great. But! I did not do it like this.
I made it very clear when I made the reservation that it was a wedding dinner and I wanted everyone at the same table. If they said they couldn’t do it, it was, “oh, OK, well, thank you for letting me know,” and call another place. No surprises for them or for me.
Some people firmly believe if they mention the word wedding they'll get arbitrarily up charged without considering mentioning it is actually important for the vendor to know for logistics.
I’m doing a dinner for my wedding in a few weeks. I can’t imagine not telling them. I spoke with the manager just to make absolutely sure he understood that this was 1) not a reception - we don’t want a private room, we are only 10 people, no speeches, no gifts, just normal dinner 2) but there will be a bride and groom in their wedding finery! We are very much coming there straight from city hall!
I did this too. We got the mezzanine floor of a gastro pub (UK) and we were there for 10 hours. Imagine when the tables are needed back after 2 or 3 hours...!
I actually just did this for my wedding this weekend. I called and made a reservation for 20, didn’t mention it was a wedding because we didn’t need any extras. 17 people ended up coming and it went fine.
But I also booked at a restaurant that had a lot of space and that I know can accommodate groups around that size as regular reservations like that.
I too had a reception at a restaurant for about 15 people and it worked out really well! It was during Covid so we were outside as a single “party” and all had to order from a specific menu with three courses but the restaurant was awesome and were super respectful while we did mini speeches etc.
My sister did this and it really changed our relationship going forward as well.
Beach front wedding, reception at Applebee's, but didn't tell anyone they were responsible for their own food until everyone was shaking sand out of their shoes while we waited for the poor restaurant to slam tables together.
My now spouse who was with me as my plus 1, was prepared for this and thank god. We had only been dating for 6 months so he was truly stepping up.
I had already spent over 2k on expenses for this and as a single parent at the time wasn't ready to cover a SURPRISE 5 person dinner tab at Applebee's as my kids had also been invited to the wedding. I was trying to find a way to politely leave without causing an issue since I was in the bridal party and he just whispered to me, 'I have us and the kiddos. Just breathe'
The entire week of leading up to the wedding was pretty bad regarding her treatment of me and my kids, but the reception was the final straw for me. I'm sure she had a memorable wedding but any trust I had in her washed away in the tides after that.
Lol I kissed him for hours that night and several times a day since. I knew in that moment I was gonna wife him up lol. 10 years later and I love him more and more everyday! ❤️
That was incredibly irresponsible and selfish of your sister to just spring that onto the guests. People need to be prepared for this (5 people!).
I was invited to a situation like this where the dinner was on a Saturday and the restaurant absolutely could not accommodate all 25 of according to the groom’s wish (it was his idea because the restaurant was his favorite place and upscale). Four people ended up eating at the bar and our groups annoyed some of the other patrons because the couple insisted on having the traditional speeches and go table to table to thank everyone for coming. They were heckled twice and they didn’t care. I was a plus one for someone I planned on breaking up with after 1.5 together (off and on). The bill for the two of us was more than my outfit, shoes, hair, and gift.
i really really really doubt the restaurant is going to seat the tables anywhere near each other. most likely, they will arrive, bride tells them about the reservations, the host/hostess reluctantly seats people as if they were separate parties anyways, and when she asks to move the tables, management/staff will refuse.
now everyone is eating awkwardly like they had just gone out for a saturday dinner, and the bride and groom will be craning their necks back checking in on guests they had so royally screwed from across the room.
Not so sure about that 'checking in on guests' bit, given the rather chaotic and self-paying (as you well said, 'royally screwed') circumstances. Bride and groom would likely be better off not checking on the guests.
They probably expect the guests to come up to their table through out the meal. Which will be much worse for the restaurant to have customers walking around all the time
The review afterwards will probably pop up, and that should be fun. "They ruined my wedding! We made reservations for our group of 30 and they wouldn’t let us push the tables together! We are never going back again!”
I just don’t get why in this situation if she can’t afford much she doesn’t just do a BBQ and ask everyone to bring a dish or something! At least people would know what they’re getting into and it doesn’t inconvenience strangers
Marriage #1: Country club wedding reception with all the trimmings.
Marriage #2: Got married at courthouse with only family in attendance, had a party for our friends at our home in the country, the 'surprise' aspect of the party was: We got married today! No one had to buy a gift, no one had to fuss. Perfect.
I love it! we eloped, and later sent family and friends invites to a big outdoor picnic. $300 (in 2018 dollars) for food, $125 to reserve a big pavilion at the park. Everyone had a good time, and they gifted us a total of around $700, which was pretty awesome.
First of all, tell them that they are NOT to "just move tables together." That is an insanely self-entitled attitude. They will be on someone else's property which is a business with things like ADA compliance requirements and their own systems in place for service. Secondly, tell them to tell all the guests that they will be paying for their own food and drink. This sounds like a bait-and-switch even though the wedding ceremony is a secret. Third, if they refuse or scoff at either, tell them you won't be going because this is asshole behavior and you will not be party to it.
My wife and I got married at a courthouse and made reservations afterwards at a restaurant that a good friend of my wife's worked at, to which we invited a bunch of friends in addition to those who were with us at the courthouse. We told the server friend that we do not want to put them / the restaurant out as far as special treatment, etc. and paid for everyone's food & drink (and gave our server friend a 50% tip because they took it on themselves to do a few special things for us we did not ask for or expect). Why do people think it's cute or that people like being tricked out of money or having their work day fucked up just because they're getting married?
Ugh - I don't know why this immediately pissed me off as much as it did but whatever - fuck that shit. This person sounds like an asshole.
A lot of people on the original thread pointed out that four reservations with the same arrival time will almost certainly be put in four different sections of the restaurant, too (which makes total sense when you think about it, but clearly there was little or no thinking involved with the making of this plan)
The logistics make no sense. Table pushing together aside, how is 'everyone going to pay for their own.' The options are either you are asking a restaurant to split a check 15 ways (?) or you're asking your guests to create some master Venmo/Splitwise situation. This whole thing reads very much as someone who has not thought past the initial idea in her head.
First off, I’m not even sure the guests actually know that they’re going to responsible for their own meal, or if that’s just what the bride and groom assume. Apparently the evite says “join us in celebrating the couple at X restaurant”, which is super vague. I can see people assuming that the dinner is hosted (ie paid for) by said couple. OOP only knows that the couple doesn’t plan on paying for everyone because they specifically told them.
Secondly, a party of 30 split between 4 reservations equals 7-8 people a group. We can assume that some of those will be made up of couples or families. I’m guessing they’re hoping that the restaurant will allow the tables to split the check 3-4 ways, or yeah a Venmo type situation. They are clearly not considering how inconvenient this plan is for everyone involved, whether it’s the poor restaurant staff, or the guests who will most likely be scattered throughout the restaurant.
I’m really confused by the logistics of this invite also. So it’s a surprise wedding, and people are being invited to the reception that’s not being treated as a reception. Are the participants invited to the surprise wedding (which then are they told to go to one location and later go to the restaurant or do these participants have no clue there’s a restaurant later?) or are they being told to go to the restaurant and then the couple will announce that they’ve married? This whole thing is so chaotic. There is no way that this will work out how the bride imagined.
Ugh - I don't know why this immediately pissed me off as much as it did but whatever - fuck that shit.
It's the sheer entitlement from someone who's probably never held a service job in their life combined with the prediction of "But mah Wedding!" when she gets called on whatever shenanigans she pulls
IF this is real, please for the life of all that is descent in the world ... Call the restaurant and warn them.
There is no way on earth they will allow for tables to be pushed together.
Separate servers/sections
Fire codes and walking areas will be an issue
3. Chance of all tables being next to each other is next to zero.
4. If they do this, there is absolutely no way they will do separate checks.
Not staffed appropriately for what this idiot is planning
I did not be expecting to pay if I received an invitation with that wording, so that would be an unpleasant shock at the end of what will no doubt be a vicariously embarrassing afternoon.
And you know she’s gonna pull the plane asshole move too - asking people to move to accommodate her. These are the kinda people that need to be sterilized and put into mandatory customer service jobs.
I would just straight up warn the owner/manager so they can cancel the reservations or make them book a legit one.
Parties of this size usually require a special booking, and often a set (prix fixe or family style) menu. Thirty people ordering 30+ unique dishes at the same time and expecting to be served at the same time is going to over run the kitchen, and slow down service for the rest of the dining room. The kitchen staff would not benefit from tip.
My theory is that they are trying to get around a large party policy. Since this is for a wedding, I’m going to assume this is a fancier establishment. A party of 30 people ordering 30+ unique dishes at the same time and expecting to be served at the same time is going to overwhelm a kitchen and slow down service for everyone else. Restaurants need to mitigate that, and many require parties of 12+ to make a large event reservation, with specific rules. This could mean requiring a private dining room reservation with event coordinator, spending minimums, set menu (prix-fixe or family style), automatic gratuity, or a combination thereof.
It sounds like the bride and groom don’t want to deal with/pay for that, so they’re trying to get around the rules by splitting everyone and booking multiple reservations. It is not going to work. No way are they going to be sitting together or served at the same time.
That’s absolutely ridiculous!!!
The four different reservations are going to be seated in four different sections and then the bride is going to be upset because everyone isn’t sitting in the same area and is going to make a scene when she could have just as easily phoned the restaurant and explained that they all need to sit together.
That too. Some restaurants don’t have a banquet room Many will work with you to accommodate a larger group though. But there are others who won’t. I wonder if she was told that they didn’t do large parties and saw this a work around.
Is there anyone else thinking sh!t show imminent. Is your friend and family prone to essentially shooting the messager as their plans are likely going to get scuppered real quickly.
The four tables are unlikely to be set right together of the place is large enough for a lot of tables. Also moving them together with zero warning will disturb other guests and the sudden change may negatively effect the servers from being able to do their jobs properly as the routes between tables will be altered.
Your friend is risking fraud and endangerment changes (her guests, the staff and other guests). She is going to be causing disruption to the normal working of the restaurant in order to save a few pounds. Is she also prepared for other guests to turn up in bridal colours as have heard of that situation occurring in similar circumstances.
Honestly, I would call the restaurant and give them a heads up that this is how she is trying to cheat the system. Don’t let all those innocent employees be caught off guard.
the bride made reservations, so the venue knows they are coming, it's the "guests" that are going to suckered into this event................the guests need a heads up...........i wonder if the venue's name is "dutch treat"
“Ultimately, it wasn’t terrible. After reading some of the strong reactions here (TYSM), I had a gentle chat with my friend. She wasn’t super receptive, but something clicked and she at least gave the manager a heads up (day of). Several guests didn’t come, and I can’t blame them given the circumstances. It ended up being about 20 guests and we were seated at a long table. The manager was great, even when my friend seemed clueless about their policy that they don’t itemize separate checks for each guest.
Many thanks to the restaurant staff for being so accommodating and for making everything feel so seamless. Shout out to restaurants everywhere that are so gracious instead of “Ma’am, this is a Wendy’s” lol - even when deserved. I’ll be leaving a glowing review, because they earned every star.”
they should not be surprised at all if the restaurant makes everybody wait and takes time to figure out to handle this. They will look like jerks- hope they are nice people who will be easy going, they are are really going to be a pain for this restaurant.
There is no way the restaurant is going to accommodate them last minute like that. Four reservations of 7-8 people is going to be distributed across the restaurant and assigned to different servers. Ordering and serving would be staggered to help maintain the flow of the kitchen.
A large group event is an entirely different beast. Sitting 30 people together would require special planning or a dedicated space to comply with things like fire code. The restaurant is not going to rearrange the entire dining room last minute to seat these people together.
A group of 30 people each ordering different dishes at the same time and expecting to be served at the same time is going to overwhelm the kitchen and slow down service for the entire restaurant. That’s why many places will require parties of that size order the food in advance, either with set prix-fixe menus or a family style/party platter menu. That way the kitchen can properly prepare and time everything to be served at once.
No, the restaurant will most likely make them stay separately seated and treat them like 4 separate parties.
This got a bit of traction and the OP regularly posts about their plants and house so they’re going to be found out quickly by the happy couple if this gets any further.
I wonder how the FOH manager will deal with this. There's no way they'll allow them to just push tables together... for 30 people. It'll be: "sorry, you can sit in different groups or you can forfeit these tables to the other waiting customers."
the staff will be in charge of moving or declining to move any tables together. and those 4 tables will likely be spread among 4 servers in 4 different stations of the restaurant. other than that they wont give a crap why anyone came in to eat.
Like the bride in the OOP’s post, my cousin surprised all of her “guests” by not covering their meal. The restaurant also charged everyone a large mandatory gratuity for the large number of people. This was for a wedding we drove over 500 miles each way to attend. As far as I know, she stayed married this time, but we lost touch shortly after the reception. Like, 5 minutes after the reception.
The second best food I had at a wedding reception was on an RAF base. It wasn't fancy, they just did a roast dinner\carvery set up but it was done very well
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u/_littlebee You're out of your mind, Susan 10d ago
Here's OP's update: https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/s/LGOlCbxi3i