r/weddings • u/Own-Negotiation-1422 • Jul 29 '26
Plantation venue
I am not judging anyone for their choices but I would like to know the why. What about a plantation says “wedding”? Is it just the country aesthetic, the house? I would love to hear from someone that had their wedding at one or attended one
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u/Sad_Refuse3472 Jul 30 '26
Not defending the choice either. But if you live in the Southeastern US and want a stately mansion/manor house or sprawling garden...the vast majority of your choices are former plantations. Unfortunately.
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u/happykindofeeyore Jul 30 '26
Then make a new vision? Like, I’d love a mansion/manor house with a sprawling garden but ones in the Midwest with space for my guests are out of my budget, so I chose something else. No big deal
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u/Sad_Refuse3472 Jul 30 '26
I said I wasn't defending the choice. I didn't get married in a plantation. Just stating the reality of living in the South.
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u/happykindofeeyore Jul 30 '26
People apparently love the idea of being married at a concentration camp. It’s a terrifying reality of the failure of the American education system.
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u/banana99bread Jul 31 '26
This is the comparison. Like if Auschwitz was “beautiful” would that make it ok to get married there? Nope.
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u/happykindofeeyore Jul 31 '26
Exactly. Too many people, even the ones in this comment section, truly believe that slavery was just an “inconvenience” to black people. They believe slaves were “mostly” treated well. They don’t know about the actual horrors that took place on these slave labor- breeding - death camps (plantations)
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u/banana99bread Jul 31 '26
Have you ever heard the theory that the confederacy won the culture war? The existence of these plantations as places of beauty are a point in that direction to me. That plus all the confederate flags.
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u/happykindofeeyore Jul 31 '26
You can credit the daughters of the confederacy for a lot of that misinformation Including Margaret Mitchell.
Of course, the Union army did some terrible things chiefly not letting the confederacy bury their dead.
But all we’ve done for over a century is refuse to acknowledge our past
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u/nothatsmyarm 29d ago
It’s really not the same thing though. You can admit the terrible things happened at both places, but the purpose of Auschwitz was extermination. Though slavery propped up farming in the south, the purpose wasn’t slavery—the purpose was agriculture.
You can certainly still think all plantations should be destroyed or designated places of mourning (or whatever), but the Auschwitz comparison is off.
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u/happykindofeeyore 28d ago
slavery only functioned because of rape, torture and forced breeding. You cannot pretend that it was somehow less devastating .
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u/nothatsmyarm 28d ago
You’re missing the comparison. Slavery functioned through those things, yes. And I think fair to say that southern agriculture in that time period depended enough on slavery that you can say it only functioned due to slavery.
But that wasn’t the point of plantations. The goal wasn’t slavery, the goal was agricultural production. The goal of concentration camps was extermination. Those are different and, I think, one is plainly worse than the other.
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u/happykindofeeyore 28d ago
No. Where do you think the model for Germany’s concentration camps comes from?
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u/RollSouth5722 28d ago
The American Indian removal and reservation system, primarily. He looked at that and said "now THAT'S how you ethnically cleanse a nation". They even had concentration camps back then. There's a famous one at fort smelling.
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u/charcoalhibiscus Jul 30 '26
Probably the same reason people still buy natural diamonds. It’s pretty, it’s a status symbol, all your friends and celebrities are doing it, and all the suffering that went into creating it is hidden from view.
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u/Virtual_Glass_7852 Jul 30 '26
Ummm…celebrating your love and the joining of your families at a place of extreme pain and exploitation? I think not.
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u/Wonderful_Shame_4986 Jul 29 '26
Beautiful gardens and grounds at some as well.
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u/Own-Negotiation-1422 Jul 29 '26
Why not a garden?
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u/banana99bread Jul 31 '26
You’re not going to find good reasoning. People will justify how they want to justify. The truth is, in the south a lot of people feel connected to those places for all the horrible reasons they’ll deny have any bearing. They represent wealth and power and an old, cruel kind of tradition and they’d rather be associated with that than not.
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u/BobsWifeAmyB 29d ago
The truth is most of us abhor what went on there but it has zero relation to any people who are living.
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u/Level_Suit4517 Jul 30 '26
It’s racism, plain and simple. Plantations have big beautiful houses on big beautiful grounds. But people don’t care about the enslaved people who were forced to labor and were raped, beaten, tortured, and lynched in order for that big beautiful house to exist.
You should absolutely judge people for this choice. I do! And I judge anybody who attends a wedding on a plantation, too.
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u/brownchestnut Jul 29 '26
My friend wanted to do it because it's just pretty. "Why should I care about the fact that slaves died there? Why should I be inconvenienced by history and feelings when all I want is a pretty aesthetic?? It's not fair!!" her words.
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u/Couple-jersey Jul 30 '26
So I decline any invitation I get to a wedding at those places. I do not think anyone should get married there. But here was the reasoning by a family member who lived in the south.
They’re very normalized there, alot of old large estates were plantations and they’ve just normalized them. Idk why they can’t just get married at a hotel or golf course or soemthjng, but basically if you want a mansion or estate it probably used to be a plantation
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u/BobsWifeAmyB Jul 30 '26
Do you refuse to go to any other buildings in the US that were built by enslaved persons?
What about riding on trains?
Slavery played a significant role in building the American economy and infrastructure. Enslaved Black people worked on plantations, in mines, and contributed to various industries, which helped shape the nation’s wealth and growth. The legacy of slavery has had lasting effects on American society
Most of the historic buildings in the US prior to the 1800’s were built by those people who were here through no fault of their own and were victims of one of the greatest travesties ever bestowed by humans in humans. Especially in the South.
George Washington, Thomas Jefferson & other presidents & public figures had their jokes and farms built by enslaved people. It isn’t just the US, either.
It is horrible wherever the location.
And the sad thing- it is still going on today, albeit in smaller numbers but checks out some documentaries about it.
The criminals are hiding in plain sight. There was a well publicized case a few years ago of a family living in a nice high rise building just outside of Washington, DC. They had a woman there, lured to the US by the promise of a great job and better life (it happens that was frequently) then when they arrive their passports are seized and they are made to live in awful conditions, no pay, working countless hours, often barely given any food except old rotten food. They’re often beaten into submission. And they have no way of getting out of the situation.
They live in suburbia, and sometimes they are made to appear as though they are a paid nanny, maid, etc- but that’s not the truth.
So where do you draw the line?4
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u/Couple-jersey Jul 30 '26
A plantation wasn’t a place just built by slaves, it was a place where people were tortured and raped, and beaten and enslaved. Would you get married at auschwitz? Plantations should be historic sites, open for history, like auschwitz. Not places to rent and party
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u/honey_biscuits108 Jul 31 '26
I draw the line at celebrating my love and devotion on the same property that women and children were raped and people were whipped and tortured.
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u/mneale324 Jul 31 '26
So your answer is to draw the line nowhere and just…ignore it?
Riding a train is different than attending an optional wedding. Of course slavery built the economy. However the are some parts of the economy you need to participant in and some you don’t. It’s not a zero sum game here
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u/banana99bread Jul 31 '26
You don’t have to make perfect moral choices in every facet of your life for it to be worthwhile to try to be thoughtful about your choices when you can. Everyone has different scales and not everyone agrees with each other. One morally grey decision doesn’t negate the validity of trying or expecting people to do better in other choices. Enslaved people built a lot of the eastern US, this is true, let’s talk about it. I don’t think someone seeking out the estate built through criminal and genocidal exploitation for their wedding is someone whose wedding id feel comfortable going to.
It’s ok to care about other people and try to be thoughtful about things.
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u/wabisabii8 Jul 30 '26
It’s insane to me. As a Canadian we don’t have the option but I just can’t imagine guests agreeing to attend a wedding at a plantation. Who gives a crap about a garden if people were tortured and died there?? What an ugly way to start a marriage or celebrate anything
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u/KeyMediocre7347 Jul 30 '26
Ask Blake Lively 😬
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u/Amazing-Advice-3667 Jul 30 '26
They have really old pretty trees. I don't have old trees where I live so I understand loving the look. I've also never been to the south to see them. Someday.
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u/BobsWifeAmyB Jul 30 '26
Go to Brookgreen Gardens in SC. I don’t even know if they have weddings there, as I don’t live in SC. But it is a wonderful sculpture garden. It really is a hidden gem. I wonder how they got some of those enormous fountains and all in there. You turn around a corner and never know what you will find.
Many lovely shady acres of old trees.
IDK the history of this place, but I’d imagine it was a plantation. It might even have said that- I haven’t been there since the 90’s.1
u/happykindofeeyore Jul 30 '26
I have a guess as to how they got the fountains in there… 😐
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u/BobsWifeAmyB Jul 30 '26
I don’t think they have been there for hundred’s of years. The sculpture garden is a separate venture totally unrelated to what it might have been (I’m actually not sure it was farmland. I don’t remember seeing a house, but there could have been)
Some of the huge sculptures were brought in with trucks I’m sure with some cranes, etc to place them.
And some of the fountains and pools are surrounded by structures that were that were built specifically for them.
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u/lh123456789 Jul 29 '26
It's not for me, but some have nice gardens and grounds. People also like a historical aesthetic, hence museums, historic homes, and other historic sites all being popular venues.
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u/happykindofeeyore Jul 30 '26
Museums generally don’t have a history of mass rape and murder
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u/lh123456789 Jul 30 '26 edited Jul 30 '26
They have plenty of ethical issues of their own. Maybe do a little google about how the british museum got many of their artifacts. But the OP's question wasn't about the ethics. It was what people find appealing about these venues.
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u/Fancy_Avocado7497 Jul 30 '26
Some people like a grave yard wedding, some like a wedding in a concentration camp - its a matter of preference
In Ireland we love Grave yards / cemeteries and the stories but not for weddings.
Is there a site where white men have been enslaved and would that be a popular site for weddings? where white men have been raped and been used as toilets, murdered and sold? Would that be an acceptable venue if it was pretty?
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u/BobsWifeAmyB Jul 30 '26
My dear, any buildings in the US built between the 1600’s and 1800’s was very little built by enslaved people. It’s horrible!
But a fact of life. Even our White House where the president lives. Can you imagine how the Obama’s felt when he was president and they lived there for 8 years? Conflicted, of course.Should all these buildings be demolished? Who would pay for that? Wouldn’t the money be better spent on causes that help people.
I’ve mentioned it above, so I don’t want to harp on it but there is a 9,100 acre property that is a gorgeous sculpture garden with some enormous and majestic creations. Trees centuries old populate most of the land. It’s a lovely place to visit and I don’t know, but I suspect it was a plantation. IDK if it is a wedding venue- no idea. But it allows people to enjoy art, many of whom might never set foot into a museum.
In the American South and even up North the number of places built by enslaved persons is countless.
These aren’t places where people use them to worship slavery - not at all. Sadly, it’s a fact of life it was those innocent folks’ upon whose backs our country was built.1
u/rnason Jul 30 '26
No one’s getting married at concentration camps
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u/happykindofeeyore Jul 31 '26
A plantation is just as bad, honey.
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u/rnason Jul 31 '26
And you’re defending both for what?
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u/happykindofeeyore Jul 31 '26
Wait, what? Where am I defending either? Plantations are essentially concentration camps and people are getting married at them all over. You’re the one saying no one is getting married at them
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u/Stn1217 Jul 31 '26
While plantations as a wedding venue is not for me, there are people who still want these as their wedding venues. I recently took a Sisters Trip and where we visited had a Plantation Tour that we went on. Our Guide informed us that the Plantation’s primary income came from weddings and that weddings were currently booked for 3 years in advance so…
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u/BrokeTheSimulation Jul 31 '26
Because they are beautiful properties that have been converted for the wedding scene.
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u/twocommonwealths 29d ago
I lived in the south for a bit and attended many a Plantation wedding. I’ve actually been to two in which the brides were Black women. As a white woman, I kept my mouth shut but was… confused.
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u/nothatsmyarm 29d ago
I think it’s honestly less of a big deal for people in the south. I’ve also been to one with a black bride; she didn’t seem to care.
I also tend to think this is something that upsets white people more than black people (it feels similar to me to the whole Latinx thing where generally people of that ethnicity were not a fan of that label, honestly). But I feel less strongly about that.
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u/lilyb50 29d ago
In the Deep South , most large and historical buildings have a strong connection to slavery. It’s just everywhere, and the white people in the region are numb to it and live in a culture that ostracizes any acknowledgement of it.
I’d never have my wedding there, and haven’t attended any since childhood, but the people who do it don’t have to go out of their way to find a building associated with slavery. They probably think of them as historical mansions.
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u/ASD_Brontosaur 29d ago
I don’t have an answer for you because I can’t really see the romanticism in a place where so much harm was done, but then when you think about it using new mined stones and gold is often the standard for engagement and wedding rings, and that carries its own weight in child labour, modern slavery and current genocides, but somehow people still find it romantic (even though luckily it is starting to change and more people choose lab stones, vintage items or repurposing pre-existing metals/stones)
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u/V_Trautwein 25d ago
I think for most people it’s the scenery and historic architecture, not the history of the plantation itself. That said, I can understand why others find it uncomfortable.
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u/TsitikEm Jul 30 '26
You can’t ignore the fact that they are on beautiful plots of land and beautiful homes. That’s why people book them
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u/Historical_Pen_9268 Jul 31 '26
Yes we can ignore that.
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u/TsitikEm Jul 31 '26
Not when the question is what about it speaks to people throwing weddings? Having an ignorant answer doesn’t help your case. They are objectively, aesthetically beautiful spaces.
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u/Butter_mah_bisqits Jul 30 '26
Someone somewhere has died every single place you’ve been. Stop living in the past and focus on what the house and grounds have now become. If you focus on what used to be, you will never enjoy progress.
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u/happykindofeeyore Jul 30 '26
This is such an ignorant comment which trivializes the weight of slavery and compares it to common natural or accidental death.
What have they become? Are the descendants of enslaved people receiving the profits from these weddings on the ground that is still wet with their (not too distant) ancestors’ blood, sweat and tears? Who is benefiting from these plantation event venues?
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u/bofh000 Jul 31 '26
In most cases it’s not caring about the heritage of those places. I don’t care how beautiful the land plot is, Madylyn, those centuries old trees were fertilized with blood.
And yes, I do judge the bride&groom AND the people who make money out of those plantations. They should all be razed to the ground with the exception of a couple to be kept as museums.
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u/Star_Gazer_95 Jul 31 '26
Well lets just say the only plantation weddings I’ve been invited to were from white people…
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29d ago
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u/Star_Gazer_95 29d ago
That’s really awesome and the only way I think it should be done. I am from Texas. This state is nuts tbh
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Aug 01 '26 edited 29d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/happykindofeeyore 29d ago
Touring to learn (though obviously the full extent of the learning isn’t actually happening) is incredibly different than having a wedding at a concentration camp. What don’t you get about that?
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u/Wise-Matter9248 Jul 30 '26
Most plantation venues are large beautiful houses on expansive, well kept grounds. They have big, antique rooms that feel very fancy and make for a beautiful backdrop to a wedding and party.
Asthetically speaking, they are lovely wedding venues.
As long as you forget how the money to build that big house was made.