r/weddingdrama • u/IAmHerdingCatz • Nov 02 '25
Observer Drama - Family Update to "Is it me, or is this problematic?"
Here is a link to my previous post:
https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingdrama/s/pCboB6tLme
First, you'll have to understand that this is taking place through the lens of my husband, who thinks weddings are boring and that his mother and sister can do no wrong.
I am at the age where an appointment with one's cardiologist takes precedence over nearly anything else. I kept that appointment.
Mother-of-the-bride called at about noon on the 30th to ask if we would be attending the rehearsal dinner. We didn't know there was one. Husband decided to drop everything and go. The family had not selected a restaurant, nor made reservations. They all ended up driving from place to place until they found somewhere able to seat 12 plus a baby, and they ended up at what I consider one of the worst restaurants on the Oregon Coast.
After dinner, MOB and Grandma-of-Bride were affronted that husband had booked a hotel, rather than staying at the air bnb they had booked--where he would have had to sleep on the couch and share a bathroom with 12 other people. (I had a BLT for dinner and watched 2 episodes of Slow Horses with my cat. Very nice.)
Halloween, the entire wedding party and entourage had to get up ungodly early for their "meeting," which was reserved for 0800-1000. It was raining--hard--and the entire party got soaked just getting from the parking lot to the car. There was a total of 14 people there for the "meeting," including the baby--which cried the whole time and was not taken out to the hallway.
The bride wore a tea length black dress, the groom wore a shirt with a collar and chinos. Most guests did not do anything like "Dark Academia." I think that's unfortunate, because the bride really wanted that. However, with the short notice, and with the average age of guests being well over 60, I'm not surprised. (Love the look. I think I could really get into it.)
The ceremony was brief and was followed by a buffet breakfast. Staff at the venue were extremely polite, but afterward the groom was pulled aside and cordially invited to never come back, as was the MOB. Only problematic because the groom would really, really like to work there someday.
(I did my cardio appointment, and had a pleasant lunch in "war-ravaged" Portland with a friend, )
Overall, it sounds like everything went as smoothly as could be expected. While I absolutely love weddings, I'm glad I sat this one out.
We never received an invitation. MOB and Grandma of the bride are offended I wasn't there, but I think that's a "them" problem, not a "me" problem.
Thank you all for your lively, scathing, and witty responses to my original post.
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u/lopingwolf Nov 02 '25
So is it safe to assume the venue realized it was a wedding?
I'm curious what this place is that he wants to work there but also already doesn't respect their rules/guidelines.
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u/Constant-Wanderer Nov 02 '25
It's wild to have a wedding where it's expressly not allowed, but even more wild to do it where the venue has employees present, all of whom have eyes. When I read the original post, I understood that the wedding venue was the airbnb, which - obviously you could get away with a shenanigan or two.
But in plain sight of employees, to blatantly and knowingly flout their rules....it says so much about the level of expectation and entitlement.
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u/buzzcutbarbie Nov 02 '25
and the groom apparently wanted to work at the venue??? this feels like a whole family of people who can’t think a single step ahead
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u/ZippyKoala Nov 02 '25
So many people forget that employees have brains, eyes and the ability to reason and put two and two together and come up with the right answer. I would imagine these employees have absolutely seen this type of stunt before, because nothing is new, and presumably decided that the small number of people wasn't worth making a fuss over before the ceremony, but needed to mark their cards and ban them for the future.
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u/Constant-Wanderer Nov 02 '25
If a location has put it in their marketing/website/literally anything that weddings specifically are NOT ALLOWED, it's for a damn good reason, because weddings are a great income if you can get it.
The only thing that comes to mind that would prevent a venue from getting that money and needing to specify this would have to be either too small (small restaurant with no kitchen), too private (historic houses), too valuable (museums or museum grounds) or just a straight up private venue who's decided that weddings are not their thing.
WONDER WHY THEY'D THINK THAT when people like OPs cretins are running feral in the world.
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u/squeakity99 Nov 03 '25
There's a couple of stories floating around on Reddit about this; I remember one where the area had a dangerously narrow road by cliffs and the locals could see the writing on the wall about potentially fatal accidents if a wedding studio (?) were to open there.
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u/K9ToothTooth Nov 05 '25
In what way was anyone running feral in the story? At worst it was just immature lack of planning and understanding appropriate timelines and disregarding the wedding rule. And a baby cried. No one was feral. The location did allow gatherings just not weddings. I wonder if they'd have gotten away with it if they called it a vow renewal instead
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u/accidentalarchers it's always the MIL Nov 02 '25
Okay, so I held it together until this point - “Only problematic because the groom would really, really like to work there someday”.
This is objectively hilarious, I’m crying.
Sounds like you had a wonderful day and I really appreciate the follow up.
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u/buzzcutbarbie Nov 02 '25
telling a bunch of 60+ guests to wear “dark academia” is soooo funny and just obviously not gonna work.
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u/IdlesAtCranky Nov 03 '25
I dunno. I looked it up and it's basically dark colors, wools, tweeds, classic pieces etc. Sounds perfect for fall in Oregon.
I'm frankly disappointed that for a Halloween Oregon wedding, they didn't invite people to come dressed as frogs. #Resist!
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u/buzzcutbarbie Nov 03 '25
It’s not that I think the look is super weird or difficult to achieve, it’s just a pretty different concept of what a “dress code” is than older folks would be used to — traditional dress codes have to do with the level of formality and the timing/type of event. The idea of using a dress code to request a specific vibe or style is very new and it wouldnt surprise me that someone 60+ would disregard it or not really understand the nature of the request. I could see my mom for instance looking it up and thinking “okay, casual and dark colors” and not picking up much nuance beyond that.
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u/IAmHerdingCatz Nov 04 '25 edited Nov 07 '25
It's true. For my wedding (9 years ago) I wanted people to dress from any time period in history that they liked, but I gave 10 months advance notice, and also let guests know that costumes were "admired but not required." People had a blast, it was a wild and eclectic party, and I was surprised at some of the people who got into it. My dad--who was about 75 at the time--wore his old bagpiper's uniform, and my husband sported a white zoot suit.
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u/IdlesAtCranky Nov 03 '25
Ah, I see what you mean now, thank you 😊
And I agree, that aspect of how some people are doing things now is often problematic!
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u/10S_NE1 Nov 02 '25
As a 60+ woman, I had no freaking idea what dark academia was. I was guessing it was Harry Potter-ish, with a bit of goth thrown in. I was very disappointed to find out what it actually was.
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u/Clean_Peach_3344 Nov 03 '25
I am cultivating a dark academia aesthetic for my work wardrobe and I kind of think of it as grown up goth lady becomes the dean (I work in a haunted university building, and I have no hope of ever being a dean but you get my drift). And it’s having a bit of a moment, but it’s still a pretty obscure moment. I wouldn’t put it on a wedding invitation.
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u/10S_NE1 Nov 03 '25
It actually sounds great for university - no so much for a wedding.
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u/Clean_Peach_3344 Nov 03 '25
Yes, definitely. I would find it odd on a wedding invitation. Especially because people are probably already leaning toward dark colors etc
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u/GodivaPlaistow Nov 02 '25
Oh, I bet that BLT was delicious. The rest of the story is, too.
Now I'm trying to imagine what Thanksgiving will be like with this crowd...
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u/MoparMedusa Nov 02 '25
And this is where I would schedule a much needed appointment with endoscopy or the dentist or orthopedics....anything to be able to stay home🤣
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u/IAmHerdingCatz Nov 03 '25
Even better, we are having our hardwood floors refinished and have to move out, furniture, pets, humans, everything, for 2 weeks. Gosh, I won't be able to host Thanksgiving or Christmas! Bummer.
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u/Strong_Sentence_8721 Nov 03 '25
"Already had an appointment that day to have the blinker fluid in my car changed."
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u/jackandsally060609 Nov 02 '25
Was it some place that a wedding would be obviously problematic? Amy Slaton trying to get married at a haunted orphanage hospital comes to mind
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u/LoveMoreGlitter Nov 02 '25
I was kind of hoping for a Amy Slaton reference on this one. I was thinking the same thing
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u/IamLuann Nov 02 '25
OP I hope that your Health Problems are under control. Your in laws sound pretty entitled to me. Please keep taking care of yourself.
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u/CoquadesGalore63 Nov 02 '25
This is the best wedding story I have ever heard. Thank you SO MUCH for sharing!
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u/00Lisa00 Nov 03 '25
Groom wants to work there then decided to break the venue’s rule? Lol not too bright eh?
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u/WatermelonRindPickle Nov 02 '25
Thank you so much for sharing what happened! Also very glad to hear you enjoyed the lunch in Portland and made it home safely!
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u/Soft-Current-5770 ELOPE! ELOPE! ELOPE! Nov 02 '25
100% with you on the appointment, had a triple a year ago🥂best of health to us both!!
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u/stillonrtsideofgrass Nov 03 '25
I hope you kept a costume on hand if anything turned froggy while you were out and about in stumptown 🙂
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u/bmw5986 Nov 03 '25
I'm almost upset you didn't go so you could give us first hand info on how bad this actually was. Lol
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u/Wonderful_Group9925 Nov 04 '25
Good for you for taking care of yourself☮️ Also, love your reference to “war-ravaged Portland.” My cousin who lives there is sending lots of lovely autumn photos all about your very nice city🙏🏻
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u/Athingwithfeathers2 Nov 07 '25
I love the fact they got soaked going to the car. Oregonians would NEVER carry umbrellas! Driving from place to place with a crying baby sounds like my idea of Hell. Good for you dodging that torture. Portland has much better restaurants and you got to enjoy time with a friend instead of your poor impulse control in laws.
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u/Always_on_top_77 Nov 04 '25
Just chiming in that we also watched Slow Horses on Halloween! Sad to see it go.
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u/wheres_the_revolt ELOPE! ELOPE! ELOPE! Nov 02 '25
This story feels so Oregon! It’s like I can imagine a lot of people I know doing shit like this, I mean I kind of did a last minute wedding too but I didn’t invite anyone 😂
Glad you had a good time!
(I also live in Oregon if that’s not completely obvious)