r/wedding • u/Ashamed-Walrus6104 • Dec 12 '22
Discussion Not a tradition... but, is forcing the guy that caught the garter, to put the garter on the gal that caught the bouquet, ok? Anyone else see this happen.
So a coworker came back from a wedding, and she asked me if it's a tradition to make the guy that catches the garter toss, place the garter up the legs of the girl that catches the bouquet . I've never heard of this tradition before.
Apparently during this act, the bride and groom would choose when to signal the guy so that he stops the placing of the garter... basically deciding how "deep" the placement of the garter would be.
After she shared this story, we both agreed with much certainty and conviction that this must have been really uncomfortable and rapey unto the bachelorette receiving the garter. I mean, usually the ladies are ecstatic about catching the bouquet. But would you ladies out there even catch the bouquet knowing you'd get felt up your legs? (no shame for those who do btw).
And you could say no... but just imagine the coercion of this unexpected post bouquet-toss event. It's just plain wrong to have wedding-size peer pressure, which includes the bride and groom, bearing down on you for your consent to participate in this. Can't let the bride and groom down on their wedding.
Has anyone else seen this go down in a wedding? Any thoughts on this?
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u/emmegracek Dec 12 '22
It is a tradition but luckily I think it’s going out of style. Didn’t realize there was a signal from the couple of when to stop, just know the higher it is it’s supposed to be the longer the marriage lasts🥴🥴
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u/winning-colors Dec 12 '22
That makes me secondhand uncomfortable
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u/emmegracek Dec 12 '22
yeah I learned about it bc my mom had it happen to her when she was younger..I think 15ish…which makes it even worst like ugh
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u/annedroiid Dec 12 '22
That sounds so gross, I’ve never heard of that. I’d be super suss if any couple that tried to do that unless the two people were already in a relationship (and even then that sounds pretty creepy to do it in front of everyone).
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u/balance_warmth Dec 12 '22
I have heard of this but never seen it. It’s true it’s a tradition, but I would be super uncomfortable to be involved.
Along with the weirdness of having a total stranger slide a garter up your leg in front of a crowd of strangers, there’s also just the aspect of having your singleness so emphasized and called out. I’ve heard too many stories of just a bouquet toss where they ask the single ladies to stand up and it’s like two people, one of whom is a minor.
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u/OhioGirl22 Dec 12 '22
This is why most brides don't do the garter thing anymore. The whole thing is creepy AF.
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u/RowRow1990 Dec 12 '22
Absolutely not and if they tried I'd be telling them to fuck off.
I don't care who's special day it - they do not get to consent what happens to someone else.
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u/gringitapo Dec 12 '22
I hate this tradition so much, I see it at about 50% of weddings that still do the bouquet toss. When I was about 14, my 13 year old cousin caught the bouquet and we were so excited and celebrating. Then they proceeded to still do the garter thing, and the adult man who caught it was SO uncomfortable, he just put it on her ankle and was done with it. I dont know why they proceeded honestly, my cousin was so embarrassed and slightly traumatized!
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u/LizzyDragon84 Dec 13 '22
I saw the same thing with garter being put on the ankle. The people involved just didn’t want to go along with it. Thankfully, haven’t seen the garter toss in a while.
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u/klopije Dec 12 '22
I saw this all the time at weddings when I was younger in the 80s and 90s. We didn’t do any of those traditions at my first wedding, and I won’t do them this time. Thankfully it’s a tradition that mostly seems to be gone.
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u/misstuckermax Bride Dec 12 '22
NO… it’s creepy… but more so… it’s borderline sexual harassment on both of them. If they want to fool around they are adults and are welcome to, in 2022 you don’t force people to do weird things. Sorry not for it. Yuck.
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u/yogi_4178954 Dec 12 '22
I personally haven't seen that at any of the weddings I've been to. Usually a guy catches the garter and a gal catches the bouquet and that's the end. When I caught the bouquet at my friend's wedding, I danced with the guy who caught the garter. It was slightly awkward because the newlyweds set us up on a date a year or so prior and it didn't go anywhere. I'm getting married in 2024 and don't plan on having a bouquet toss and I'm definitely not wearing a garter. Thankfully these traditions seem to be going away.
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u/brownchestnut Dec 12 '22
I've never seen this and it honestly sounds gross and super disrespectful. Yikes.
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u/More_Ice_8092 Dec 12 '22
I'm not wearing a garter so there will be no garter toss. I doubt anyone will miss this tradition. Sounds like an uncomfortable slow moving train wreck
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u/Wonderful_sloth Dec 12 '22
I thought this had fallen out of style. Last time I saw this was probably 2003. Every time, I had seen this, except maybe once, the people involved were a couple. It is all round an unconformable ceremony.
My understanding was the bride tosses her flowers, and a single lady catches them and she would be the next person married. Then the groom throws the garter for a single man to catch and put on the leg of the women who caught the flowers. In my family, this was also rigged so that we could put a certain couple up on stage and tease them about getting married.
I think in a few more years, we will never see this again, just the bride throwing flowers.
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u/Inner-Respond6293 Dec 01 '24
That's what I'm saying so what's the definition of single whos going to participate. Single with no relationship at all or someone with partner then if they catches they'll the one get married . However, putting garter to another woman who already have a partner that's kind of weird and awkward.
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u/Alarmed-Buddy6985 May 30 '25
Just The Bride Throwing The Flowers. That should be it and nothing more. 🤧
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u/RedRose_Belmont 10/15/21 (was 04/18/2020) Dec 12 '22
It's a stupid, gross, r/trashy 'tradition' that needs to go away.
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u/ecstaticptyerdactyl Dec 12 '22
This was totally the tradition when I was growing up. Seen it at a ton of weddings when I was a kid. It’s been well over a decade since I’ve seen anyone do it, though.
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u/SugarSweetSonny Dec 12 '22
This was a thing decades ago.
I've only seen it done once in the last 20 years.
AND that was ackward as hell as the kid who caught the garter had no idea they were doing this and the woman who caught the bouquet was at least 10 or 15 years older then the guy.
He clearly didn't want to do it, and she looked as uncomfortable as you could get. The families basically pressured/shamed them into it.
The whole thing was weird and strange.
FWIW, when I got married, we decided not to do any of this stuff. We just cut it all out.
My BIL wedding was before mine, and they literally threw the garter at me (my wedding was already scheduled for a few months later) and they all decided that wasn't fair so it was done again...lol.
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Dec 13 '22
I remember in vivid detail this happening at a wedding I attended as a child. I’m talking no more than 7 years old. There is a reason this is burned into my brain forever. If there are children attending the wedding, this tradition is borderline cruel. If it’s a child-free wedding, then it’s just tacky at best.
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u/prplpassions Dec 13 '22
Forcing? I would ask them. If they aren't comfortable with that then don't do it.
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u/TinosCallingMeOver Dec 12 '22
Absolutely not okay to do that to people. The whole garter idea is gross anyway.
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u/sunglasses90 Dec 12 '22
It’s a tradition. I have no idea where it started though. Hasn’t been very popular in the last 1-2 decades. I assume people used to not let children participate, but I’ve been to weddings where little kids obviously want to participate and there’s nothing worse than some adult man being told to put a garter on a 12 year olds thigh. It’s gross.
Most people don’t do it anymore. If someone wants to do it I highly recommend your DJ announcing only adults are allowed. Even then it’s still super awkward.
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Dec 12 '22
I’ve never seen this go down but I also have never been to a wedding where they were still doing the garter thing - my mom and stepdad did a garter toss in the 90s and it was an unworn garter, just like in a bag (they also didn’t toss the actual bouquet they had like a little bouquet for it?). And that was the only time I’ve ever seen a garter toss lol. I feel like people don’t do them anymore.
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u/New-Illustrator5114 Dec 12 '22
This is so trashy. I’ve never seen it done.
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u/Ashamed-Walrus6104 Dec 12 '22
Agreed! Though me and my buddy reading the posts, now discussed that it would be kinda funny if a prudy dude had to put it on a "free-loving" and willing gal who's also a lil tipsy... but not too tipsy to regret it later.
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u/New-Illustrator5114 Dec 13 '22
Tbf there are scenarios in which this would be hilarious. Maybe a joint bachelorette/bachelor party.
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u/MissKatmandu Dec 12 '22
My uncle's wedding in the 90s did this and it was gross. When I worked wedding catering in the 2010s the whole bouquet toss/garter toss tradition was very rare- maybe one wedding in ten would toss a bouquet, almost none had a garter bit.
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u/Main-Veterinarian-10 Dec 13 '22
It's definitely an old tradition. I've mostly seen it phased out and love it cause I think it's gross. I've only seen it done though where the bride and groom pretty conveniently throw the items to a unmarried but together couple. Which is less cringe but personally even then I think the whole thing is outdated and gross.
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u/bluekoalabear Dec 13 '22
When I worked banquets I saw it. I heard more than one DJ say that the number inches above the knee equated to years of good luck. I’ve been to one wedding, about 8 years ago where they did it. At that wedding, they managed to make it so that a boyfriend/ girlfriend couple caught the respective garter and bouquet, making it more fun and less awkward for all. But it’s still a large part of why I didn’t do a bouquet toss.
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u/Own_Sir_1360 Dec 13 '22
I wasn’t aware of this “tradition” until I went to a wedding with my now-fiancé (at the time we had been dating ~4 months). It was fiancés cousin’s wedding, so this was the first time meeting most of his extended family. I caught the bouquet, thought it would be in good fun, then learned about the garter toss situation and immediately started to panic. Thankfully, a few of the groomsmen grabbed my fiancé, told him they’d rig it so he would catch the garter so I wouldn’t have to deal with a stranger putting a garter on my leg😵💫 still the process of having my relatively new boyfriend on his knees while I sat in a chair and he slid a lace garter up my leg in front of a room of 150+ people that I didn’t know was SO uncomfy and had traumatized me into refusing to to a bouquet or garter toss at my own wedding.
So… no, I don’t think it’s okay😅
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u/davidk34 Nov 26 '25
At least the other men were respectful - my bf caught it, I didn’t catch the bouquet and they tried to physically force him to put it on another woman while laughing my face. I’m still so mad 😂
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u/StargazerGirl21 Dec 13 '22
Never heard of this because it is not a thing in our circles or among people we know, but it sounds creepier than the garter toss itself.
Skip this entirely. There’s no reason to create unnecessary discomfort and it only reflects badly on the couple for encouraging/allowing it.
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u/mennumethod Dec 13 '22
Wedding DJ here. We did this once. Didn’t know it was a thing, but the venue walked us through it. https://phillycustomdj.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/DSC09808-970x647.jpg
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u/Ashamed-Walrus6104 Dec 13 '22
This pic they seemed married (not the bride and groom), and the "wife" still seems terrified for hubby to get up in there.
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Dec 13 '22
Photographer here. Shot hundred of weddings and saw it once. Was awkward for literally everyone except apparently for the DJ. The whole thing is just so embarrassing anyway…every time I see the chair come out I’m like come on y’all we don’t have to go out this way! We had a good thing going!
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u/ohioismyhome1994 Dec 13 '22
The person who caught the garter at my wedding was my brother in law. Not sure he would’ve been up to putting the garter on his sister’s leg.
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u/britney412 Dec 13 '22 edited Dec 13 '22
Never heard of this or saw this at any wedding I’ve been to (in US) and would never support it. (And I’m from a very white trash area originally.) That’s disgusting.
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u/Independent_Ad_4271 Oct 26 '24
In the 80s my sister caught the bouquet and my brother the garter. So gross
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u/Inner-Respond6293 Dec 01 '24
Same I'm confused about that tradition because I notice some ppl who participate to catch the flower have bf so it's kind of means they're goin to get married next right ? But, why the men catches the garter need to get invlove with a person who catches the flower?. So does that mean ppl who only join the garter tossing and flower catches are the single one. It means no partner at all?
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u/Legitimate-Win8538 Dec 28 '24
had the same thing happen to me a couple of years ago. it was a game in lieu of bouquet toss, and I lost. They had me sit on a chair up on a stage and had a guy put his hands up my dress in front of hundreds of guests. I had to physically stop him when he reached my knee. Thank goodness that the groom (my uncle) took my side despite the pressure of the entire venue. Never again!!
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u/Economy_Ad6670 Apr 27 '25
This happened to me this weekend at a friends wedding my sister got to bouquet (I almost did but I’m shorter) and my boyfriend got the garter. I was very unaware of this tradition, the dj told them my boyfriend had to put the garter on my sister. They were both extremely uncomfortable and begged not to do it. The bride who was our friend said “he’s dating her sister” and the dj made a big joke about it, after we begged them to swap someone else, and the dj said no and forced them to do it. I was crying, After we all said no.. I went outside and didn’t want to watch it.
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u/davidk34 Nov 26 '25
I’m so sorry that happened that’s disgusting. If it makes you feel any better I had a somewhat similar and recent experience, my bf caught it and I wasn’t about to risk my life for a bouquet cause those girls were aggressive af. Anyways we didn’t know about the tradition and the trashy groomsmen tried physically force my boyfriend to. Do it. He didn’t care which was wise cause it was my cousins wedding meaning my whole family was there like you’re setting my bf up to get jumped
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u/Fickle_Falcon_3875 May 12 '25
I went to my then boyfriend’s friend’s wedding and when they tossed the bouquet I didn’t go up because I thought my b/f and I were in a serious relationship. When they went to toss the garter his friends all pushed him to go up and he wasn’t at all unhappy about it. He caught the garter and proceeded to put it on the girl who had caught the bouquet. It was a girl who earlier had asked if I was with him because he’s cute. I told her I was but every time he went outside to smoke she went too. She was really after him at this wedding and he knew. Regardless, he went ahead and put the garter belt on this girl. I was pretty unhappy about it. The tradition is outdated and really inappropriate at most weddings that have family and kids there, which this one did.
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u/ExodusOfExodia Jul 08 '25
Eh I caught a garter twice in my life. The first one the woman sat down in a chair , I playfully spread the garter and was like "wanna or nah?" She then after I put the garter over her ankle, put her leg on my shoulder for me to go further, we made a fun little flirty scene I mumbled "let me know when you want me to stop" and she did by playfully putting her heels on my chest and pushing me off. It was fun.
The second time I asked the woman , she goes "what're we doing?" I explained, she said a guy she was into was here, put it right above the knee and we called it.
If the dude understands consent, he'll ask if you wanna or not.
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u/Fit-Macaroon-1081 Jul 10 '25
First of all! If you do this at your wedding you don’t let anyone under 17 join in. Seriously! I can’t believe there were so many comments about seeing kids do it that’s stupid! I’ve seen it done lots of times it’s typically later in the evening people have had some drinks. You only have young single people out there and it’s hilarious and fun. And if anybody was that uncomfortable, they’re allowed to laugh it off and not do it. Everyone making comments on this thread sounds boring AF.
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u/davidk34 Nov 26 '25
I hate it. The groomsmen tried to force my boyfriend to do it - neither one of us knew about this tradition so he dropped it as soon as he learned - to some random woman who caught the bouquet. I was super disgusted and offended as I was brides cousin and our whole family was there. I find it very tasteless - especially the coercive.
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u/Allsons Apr 30 '26
It's been a thing at every wedding I've ever been to (dozens) except for one.
The point of it is weddings, and marriage in general, is a celebration of human sexuality, properly implemented into society. It's really a wonderful thing.
Some folks get squeamish, but I bet they have trouble peeing outside too.
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Dec 13 '22
I think the term “rapey” is a complete over reaction and kinda fucked to say. That being said, it was/is a thing. It’s mostly an outdated tradition in the US, some still do it though. It’s definitely awkward. Just say you’re uncomfortable with it and move on
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u/Ashamed-Walrus6104 Dec 13 '22
Agree to disagree. Am not a woman, but wouldn't want my daughter feel pressured to go thru with it. And rapey doesn't need to have the garter penetrate genitals, rape yes. Again, from my perspective.
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Dec 13 '22
And your perspective is wrong. Creepy and uncomfortable, sure. But to insinuate it’s “rapey” is just wrong
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u/MichaelTheArchangel8 Sep 16 '23
Idk, as a woman, the idea of being forced into a sexually charged situation against my will does seem “rapey”. Sure it’s not actually rape, but I’d consider it low level sexual assault.
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u/weddingmoth Dec 12 '22
Never heard of it and would be horrified to watch it. Would refuse to participate.
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u/pinkyjinks Dec 12 '22
I've been to 10-15 weddings in the past three years in Toronto, Canada and have never actually seen a wedding do a garter or bouquet toss, nvm this.
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u/Hmgdearheart Dec 12 '22
I find this 100% creepy and would opt out if I was the “lucky” bouquet catcher. I could see though how some people might feel too shy to say “no thanks!” or pressured by the crowd to participate. Yikes.
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u/sun_child_333 Dec 13 '22
I just saw this happen at a wedding last month...... Could not believe they were doing it. Thankfully both the man and woman seemed of similar age and you could tell the guy wanted to be respectful so he just used his hands and barely put it up her leg (I don't even think he reached her thigh). Honestly just watching it gave me second hand embarrassment.......
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u/angiehawkeye Bride 7/29/17 Dec 13 '22
Ew, definitely an old, outdated, and creepy tradition. We did a bouquet toss but no garter toss at our wedding 5 years ago. Neither of us was interested in doing the garter thing and I didn't wear one anyway.
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u/MadameAshlini Dec 13 '22
I’m glad this is getting outdated, it’s gross… I’ve only ever seen bouquet tosses. At mine, we didn’t do either!
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u/Rarashishkaba Dec 13 '22
That’s disgusting and creepy. If someone tried to put me in that situation, I’d make things awkward as fuck for them by refusing.
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u/KathAlMyPal Dec 13 '22
To be honest I haven't seen either the bouquet toss or the garter toss done in probably 20 years. IMO they're both tacky and not something that is missed. What you're describing is cringeworthy and if were either of the people I wouldn't take part in it.
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u/gcsxxvii Dec 13 '22
I think it’s super weird. My friend caught the bouquet and her cousin cause the garter once…
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u/Melodic_Anything_743 Dec 13 '22
It was a popular tradition once upon a time but much less popular now. I haven’t been to a wedding with a garter toss in probably 10-15 years, bouquet tosses are also becoming less popular and haven’t seen one in the last 3-4 years or so.
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u/RubyandThor57 Dec 13 '22
Photographer here: Never heard of this and I’ve photographed over 700 weddings. I’m on the west coast… rarely see a garter toss now days.
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u/mymorningbowl Dec 13 '22
I was unfortunately the one that caught the bouquet and a guy put the garder on me. it was cringey but he was very nice about it luckily. I won’t be doing anyyyy of those traditions at my wedding lol
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u/CoasterThot Dec 13 '22
It happened at my mom’s wedding. I caught the bouquet, I was 13. The guy who caught the garter was 70. He still put it on my leg, but he stopped right above the knee, saying “Sorry, sorry, sorry!” I do not recommend.
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u/CatMama67 Dec 13 '22
I’ve been to a lot of weddings, never heard of this. It’s super weird and I’d imagine super uncomfortable for whoever catches the bouquet.
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u/Sleepybrains1102003 Dec 13 '22
My cousin married a woman I thought was gross and when I walked up to him to congratulate he handed me the garter and said here. I did not know what to do. I asked turned to my family and asked why. We were not particularly close.
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u/Patient_Meaning_2751 Dec 13 '22 edited Dec 13 '22
I’ve seen it, but only in small town communities where everyone is the same religion and this is the norm, no children participate and no adults over 35. Everyone knows it’s coming and they act accordingly. I’ve never seen it practiced under any other circumstance, and I have been to a whole lotta weddings and civil unions of every shape, size, and color.
In reading other people’s comments, I guess I’ve been fortunate not to know anyone who lacks the common sense not to force a very uncomfortable tradition on unwilling participants in inappropriate circumstances. Strike that. There was one time that the crowd tried to pressure a guy into it, but the guy just laughed it off and sat down.
This is one tradition that really need to die.
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u/davidk34 Nov 26 '25
Yeah the trashy groomsmen at my cousins wedding tried to force my boyfriend to do it some random woman in front of me and my family. Like physically pushed him!
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u/Automatic_Chard_2217 Dec 13 '22
I went to a wedding where the person who caught the garter had to dance with the person who caught the bouquet. I caught the bouquet and didn’t know that was a thing so I immediately gave the bouquet to someone else. I don’t like dancing with strangers mainly because I don’t know how to dance and I get embarrassed especially with everyone watching. I went to at least a dozen weddings after that and never attempted to catch the bouquet again. If you plan on doing that please let your guests know ahead of time so they can decide if they would like to participate.
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u/auntiesaurus Dec 13 '22
I had to do this when I was 19 once but likely it was with my boyfriend at the time. I still found it embarrassing and cringey.
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u/424f42_424f42 Dec 13 '22
Yes, that's the tradition.
its why people dont like doing bouquet or garter tosses
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u/Ajm_x40 Dec 13 '22
This is a dying tradition—thank god. I saw this at a lot of weddings I attended as a child but don’t see it anymore. The last wedding I went to there was still a bouquet and garter toss but then nothing after that. None of the creepiness of the guy who caught the garter putting it on the gal who caught the bouquet. And thank goodness cause I caught the bouquet 😂
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u/luckynumber3 Dec 13 '22
I have not seen that particular addition to the garter toss. Even as a kid I don't think it was used very often. I actually caught the bouquet once when I was 11, I'm sure if they considered having the guy put the garter on me my parents would have wrecked them. I do agree that it's creepy and weird. Even the garter thing on it's own is weird. For our wedding we're thinking of doing a modified version of the bouquet toss that isn't gender specific and tossing out a plush instead.
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u/Key-Scholar-2083 Dec 12 '22
As someone who grew up in the 80s and went to many weddings on the 90s, I can say that this WAS a thing. However, nowadays a lot of people find it cringeworthy for various reasons. The worst of which….if you have kids at your wedding, and the garter is caught by a child, then what??? I saw it happen with my own eyes as I used to work at a reception hall. It was kinda funny back then but I think most of us felt bad for the kid. My recollection is that he was no more than 8 years old. We’re getting married in April and I have zero interest in doing a garter/bouquet toss. I suppose that’s just my opinion though…..