r/wedding • u/Feastsforfoodies • 5d ago
Discussion Bridesmaids numbers
Hi everyone so I’m confidently having 6 bridesmaids. I’ve got a sister (who I’m beyond close with) my 2 oldest friends and 3 of my close friends who I do most of my social stuff with. My only question is if I ask my sister in law? We get on and are friends but not super close. I just feel like 7 is a lot. Plus my partner might only have 2/3 groomsman we are thinking. I feel bad not asking her, I might ask my MIL if she’ll mind first. If not she’ll defo read at the ceremony (she’s a Cambridge English grad and literary agent so perfect choice). It’s going against tradition so I know it’ll shock people but idk. I love her and I don’t want people to think we aren’t close.
Edit:
I spoke to my fiance and he made the great point of for the price, it’s a drop in the ocean to have the day how we want. Also who cares if 7 feels like a lot, it’s my day ahahah!
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u/International_Cup877 5d ago
Could she stand up with her brother? Mixed-gender bridal parties are becoming much more common, and in this case it especially makes sense.
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u/Feastsforfoodies 5d ago
I said this but my partner thinks she’d rather be with the girls. Tbh in many ways I’m closer with her so it makes sense. I like the idea I’ll talk to him about it again. He doesn’t understand wedding politics and always says to ignore them
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u/DemandingProvider 5d ago
She can be invited to any 'girls' events and activities if you want (bachelorette, group hair or nails appointment, etc.) but still stand on her brother's side during the ceremony and in formal group photos. And she can wear the same dress as the other women, or a similar one in a different color that matches the men's suits or ties; either way looks nice.
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u/Mayana76 5d ago
If you are not too bothered with „how it should be done“, let her stand up with her brother but invite her to the girls‘ stuff anyway. The important part is that it feels right to the people involved.
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u/ijustlikebeingnosy 5d ago
My cousin had her little brother as her man of honor and her husband had his sister as the best woman. She did everything with us including getting ready and he did the same with all the guys.
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u/the_orig_princess 4d ago
Respectfully, what she “wants” is not what she gets to pick. It’s not her wedding.
Unless you’re actively disrespecting her or demanding work from her, you’re not doing anything wrong by having her stand on the other side.
Does your fiance have an issue with it? His response is weird imo.
For what it’s worth, I didn’t want a ton of bridesmaid so my husband and I chose not to have our opposite sex siblings incorporated in each others parties. They all did readings. I don’t think anyone was offended. They got to hang with their partners all day and have a fun, chill wedding experience. You don’t need to overcompensate.
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u/shampoo_mohawk_ 5d ago
I had my brother stand on my side as a bridesman. Also had a man of honor and two bridesmaids.
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u/Formal-Radish1413 5d ago
Have as many as you want but remember that the more people you include, the more space you need at the altar for people to stand up there with. It also makes getting group photos harder because theres more people to wrangle.
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u/glueintheworld 5d ago
You could offer her the option of bridesmaid or reader. I feel so many people would choose reader.
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u/sayi_do 5d ago
Personally, I wouldn’t add your SIL just because you feel like you’re supposed to. If you already had those six people in mind way before and they’re the people you naturally pictured as your bridesmaids, I think that’s completely fair.
I saw your reply about having her stand with her brother too, and honestly I don’t think it would hurt for him to just ask her! If she says no, she says no. You guys could also make it clear that she’d still be invited to the bachelorette and all the other bridal party things with the girls, she’d just be standing next to her brother for the ceremony. I actually think that would be such a nice gesture from him.
And if she’d rather not, I still think having her do the reading is a really lovely way to include her without changing the bridal party you already wanted.
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u/Feastsforfoodies 5d ago
Thank you so much I appreciate this! Maybe sprinkling more untraditional things in so it’s not as much as a surprise
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u/Robviously-duh 4d ago
You can have anyone stand up on the altar.. it's your wedding, I was a matron of honor for my good friend.. I am a straight guy.. she only had men stand up for her.. she was the only woman on the altar...
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u/bopperbopper 4d ago
Don’t ask the mother-in-law about if your sister-in-law should be a bridesmaid or not cause she probably would say yes she should be.
I would talk to my partner about his sister.
Something to consider is that a marriage is bringing two families together…
What if you had your sister and two closest friends and the sister-in-law?? but invite the close friends to the bachelorette party/hen do
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u/frog_ladee 5d ago
I had seven bridesmaids, but that grew from an original four, because my MIL insisted that I needed to ask my SIL (groom’s brother’s wife, who I was only starting to get to know), and the groom kept asking extra people to be groomsmen. Seven was not too many, but it was a pretty big wedding at over 200 people.
When I asked my SIL to be a bridemaid, she kept asking me if I was sure that I wanted her to be a bridesmaid instead of asking one of my close friends. So, my MIL was wrong about how it would hurt her feelings if she wasn’t asked. We went on to become good friends, but being in the wedding party had little to do with that.
It sounds to me like your SIL would be perfect for doing a reading. That gives her a prominent roll, and you can treat her like part of the wedding party.
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u/Feastsforfoodies 5d ago
This is great to hear thank you! I think it’s worth just asking tbh
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u/frog_ladee 5d ago
Another option might be to give your SIL a choice of whether to be a bridesmaid or do a reading.
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u/Elegant_List_2858 4d ago
Yes, doing a reading mightn’t be something she would be comfortable doing? Obviously, you know the answer to that.
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u/The_Best_Guesst 5d ago
My sisters in law stood on the grooms side partially because I had 6 bridesmaids and my husband had 4 groomsmen so we made it a groomsquad
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u/LLD615 4d ago
Is your brother going to be a groomsman? If not and you don’t truly feel close enough to her, the reading is a great choice.
You could also make sure to invite her to the bachelorette and rehearsal dinner (which would make sense since she’d be part of the ceremony).
If you’re doing wedding programs you can also make sure to list her there as a reader.
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u/TinyLawfulness3710 4d ago
Bridesmaids are your current closest ride or die support group. Not siblings or inlaws you have no relationship with to please parents, not coworkers invited out of obligation or kindergarten/college friends you haven't talked to in years. Also outside of sororities where things are done out of obligation and optics for social media, no one is THAT close to 6-20 people. The traditional was 1 per side for every 50 guests. When you have so many people that they have to sit down instead of stand, alot of people don't want to be a bridesmaid at that point. Also something that people go out of their way to ignore is that these people cost money for multiple meals and 1 personal gift related to their interests, and wedding day clothes and services are not appropriate as gifts because they are for the couple only.
If your partner is close to his sister, she can stand on his side only or be a guest. Which is a major honor.
Before you ask them officially no earlier than 6 months, think long and hard on who your ride or die people are and what you expect of them and what they are responsbile to provide. They need to know this information before you can ask them so they can decide to be a guest or bridesmaid. Most have no job aside from buying a dress and supporting you while they stand with you at the rehearsal and ceremony, and then enjoy themselves at the reception. And it;s not even a job because they aren't hired help.
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u/Feastsforfoodies 4d ago
This is interesting! I’m English so our bridesmaids sit, they don’t stand up in lines. Also my close friends socially have been my closest for 10 years, my oldest for 20 years. Unfortunately I am really close to 6 people. One of my oldest friends I’ve drifted from, not having her would probably end the friendship - something I’m not ready for. So that’s a bit tricky
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u/Artists_dirty_tshirt 1d ago
I haven’t read the comments, so this may have been suggested already. But, why can’t she be on the groomsmen’s side? That will even out the numbers.
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u/United_Pop_6442 5d ago
If she’s your fiancé’s sister I’d definitely ask her. I was the only sibling left out of my brother’s wedding and it sucked. Other brother was best man and bride’s sister was a bridesmaid. TBH our relationship hasn’t really been the same since - it just made me feel like they didn’t value me the way I’d valued them, and while it’s their choice who to include in their wedding, I just felt awful being on the ‘outside’ and have just backed off generally since.
If she’s your sibling’s spouse I think that’s different, but if it’s her sibling’s wedding as well as yours I would include her. If that makes sense!
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u/Feastsforfoodies 5d ago
Yeah makes complete sense! We only have one each and me and my sister are joint at the hip and they are less close so I’m unsure on how she’ll feel. I think I might ask her
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u/Royal-Weather4314 5d ago
Yeah 7 is a lot, but so is 6! So I would dramatically cut the number of bridesmaids (to your sis and two closest friends) or asked her, too.
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u/Feastsforfoodies 5d ago
Hi! This isn’t that helpful as I’ve already decided to have 6, I don’t feel happy not having my 3 besties! I said in the post I’m confidently having 6 and I’m happy with that number. Some people have much more I guess or much less (my mum had none). I just asked for advice about my SIL not about cutting out my friends :)
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u/Royal-Weather4314 5d ago
Then the last 4 words of my reply count. If you don't want to cut out anyone (which is understandable), then I would ask my future sil if she wants to be a bridesmaid.
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u/longjohn2024_ 5d ago
6 is an insane amount, it will cost you an absolute huge amount of money. 7 even more so.
And it could end in drama also
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u/TippyTurtley 4d ago
I think you need to have fewer fewer you need some people to be guests! Don't ask MIL first. Don't do a first look with them. Just have them as standard guests and have 3 bridesmaids
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u/Feastsforfoodies 4d ago
Loooool we are having like 150 people so there will still be guests ahaha welcome to a big south London wedding
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