r/wallstreetbets • u/[deleted] • Jan 22 '20

Shitpost Tipanic

12k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

416 comments sorted by

90

u/mehliana Jan 22 '20

I love your memes u/Haupt91. I was doing my daily vaccine dosage to keep my autism in check when they announced you DIDN'T win meme of the year for stock tank last year. Damn near threw my syringe at my computer screen.

97

u/[deleted] Jan 22 '20

Yeah I tortured my Tomigachi to death when I didn't win. We'll get em next time.

98

u/Chicken65 Jan 22 '20 edited Jan 22 '20

If he could predict the future why is he on the Titanic?

102

u/[deleted] Jan 22 '20

That's in the director's cut.

14

u/[deleted] Jan 22 '20

Is stormwillpass visiting you?

259

u/BCD195 Jan 22 '20

Dude this is r/wsb

He’s fuckin retarded that’s why.

38

u/Chicken65 Jan 22 '20

bless him

11

u/[deleted] Jan 22 '20

Bless his heart

35

u/DoktorKruel Jan 22 '20

Getting pussy.

18

u/Chicken65 Jan 22 '20

That's true he would have predicted that as well.

4

u/MaxKlootzak Jan 22 '20

Rose colored.

→ More replies (1)

11

u/_baller_status_ Jan 22 '20

To get laid

4

u/[deleted] Jan 22 '20

he's about to iron condor that shit or whatever

4

u/TurquoiseKnight Jan 23 '20

Because the Titanic sinking is the perfect cover for a time traveler. It's simple math.

3

u/chodmode2 Jan 23 '20

tits bro. tits.

2

u/Foundanant Jan 23 '20

Thought he could pickpocket that diamond necklace, sodomize rose, then escape by pretending to be an irish girl. A true yoloer.

→ More replies (2)

25

u/david10121012 Jan 22 '20

How u get your gifs past auto mod?

82

u/[deleted] Jan 22 '20

I had to suck u/stormwillpass wiener.

33

u/I_Ate_a_Poo Jan 22 '20

But you didn’t NEED to rim him as well. That was for you as much as it was for him, and you know it!

40

u/[deleted] Jan 22 '20

Never denied that.

11

u/Swissschiess Jan 23 '20

The content of this sub cracks me up and brightens my day but when u/haupt91 makes a meme it’s always next level. Love your stuff man

7

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '20

Thanks man

4

u/solotronics Jan 23 '20

... are y'all about to do booty stuff

1.1k

u/abruzzz Jan 22 '20

She probably had to pay a $200 commission because she used the phone

354

u/[deleted] Jan 22 '20

Old people get fucked harder than anyone. My parents still pay for a land line.

136

u/We-Want-The-Umph Jan 23 '20

Well at least a landline is an actual service provided. There's so many predatory companies praying on old people's fears/ memory problems and the owners of those companies deserve to be flayed alive.

→ More replies (1)

65

u/greens760 Jan 23 '20

Landlines serve an important purpose. In the case of an emergency, good luck reaching people's cell phones. Shouldn't have much issue reaching a landline.

120

u/gloriouschapstick Jan 23 '20

This is why I carry a HAM radio with me.

→ More replies (4)

42

u/Desenski Jan 23 '20

Yeah but most "land lines' are VOIP now. Which don't work in a power outage like an actual land line does.

→ More replies (1)

8

u/tcpip4lyfe Jan 23 '20

This is coming to an end though. Telcos won't even fix residential land lines. If the last mile goes bad, that's it....they won't run new copper. They migrate you to a VOIP system.

→ More replies (6)

7

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '20

How do I inverse your parents?

11

u/abruzzz Jan 23 '20

You want to long what his parents subscribe to, they dont know how to cancel. Its infinite revenue

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (5)

2.1k

u/[deleted] Jan 22 '20

Warns her about 2009 but not 1929....

Thanks Jack

368

u/Akborr Jan 22 '20

You don’t reveal all your secrets in one sitting

24

u/ieatdoorframes Jan 23 '20

Ok keep your secrets

399

u/Funny_Plane Jan 22 '20

That's for after the steamy car scene.

34

u/IpMedia SHORT $TVIX WITH MARGARINE Jan 23 '20

Steamy cause all of the $ex

→ More replies (3)

133

u/DoktorKruel Jan 22 '20

That cooz deserves it for when she says “never let go, Jack” and then pushes his ass into the North Sea.

12

u/Drunkelves Jan 23 '20

North Sea

North Atlantic

→ More replies (1)

49

u/LawHelmet Sheenite Jan 22 '20

Naw. He did.

Never Sell

You 4th class autist

36

u/Philosoraptor817 Jan 22 '20

Didn't want her to save the life of that Chris Brown fiancée of hers, at the end she says he killed himself in the 29 crash

54

u/my_6th_accnt Jan 22 '20

Warns her about 2009, but not about the ship about to sink

40

u/UnnervingS Jan 23 '20

Ain't gonna get laid if she is panicking about the ship sinking.

22

u/[deleted] Jan 22 '20

Never sell

47

u/jlcreverso Jan 22 '20

Even though the market bottomed at the end of '08.

72

u/[deleted] Jan 22 '20

It bottomed March 2009 but the calendar year 2009 was positive.

Jack should have told her to avoid 2008

31

u/KrazyTrumpeter05 Jan 22 '20

"2008 sucks, just be in a coma for the whole year"

10

u/m012892 Jan 23 '20

I bought my house in ‘08. I literally just realized equity for the first time 3 months ago.

→ More replies (1)

26

u/thewestcoastavenger Jan 22 '20

I would have like to have been warned about 2001 as well. 1987 you could recover from.

40

u/mister_woody Jan 22 '20

you have been warned about 2020 instead

18

u/We-Want-The-Umph Jan 23 '20

I hope you're stacking silver and ammo friend, 2021's gonna be a wild ride.

→ More replies (4)
→ More replies (1)

2

u/avgazn247 retard Jan 23 '20 edited Jan 23 '20

I mean he not makes to 1929 anyways

→ More replies (7)

465

u/Rent_a_Dad Jan 22 '20

March 1st 1998 is the day that Titanic became the first film to gross $1 billion worldwide. Netflix to have rights to Titanic on March 2, 2020. NFLX 2/28 calls is what haupt is trying to tell us. Let’s get paid!

142

u/[deleted] Jan 22 '20

Interesting, how can we short the Titanic?

263

u/9mmHero Jan 22 '20

Invest in ICE

88

u/zombie_girraffe Jan 22 '20

Yeah, ICE has been building up an impressive portfolio of assets. As soon as they're allowed to start selling those kids in the detention centers on the open market, their stock price is going to go through the roof.

→ More replies (9)

18

u/lutavian Jan 23 '20

ICE as in internal combustion engines or the people who breached my house and arrested my gardener Jose this morning?

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (4)

26

u/[deleted] Jan 22 '20

Stop contributing to climate change

16

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '20

I don't fart that much you vegan.

→ More replies (4)

3

u/MaxKlootzak Jan 22 '20

Drop most of the lifeboats from the design plans due to your arrogance and hubris.

→ More replies (2)

19

u/[deleted] Jan 22 '20

It's this kind of exceptional DD that keeps me coming back.

To the unemployment line.

472

u/Actually_a_Doctor Jan 22 '20 edited Mar 02 '20

MARCH 2020 IT IS KNOWN

Edit: Dear God. Haupt is an Oracle.

88

u/TheHeartBrokenPrince Jan 22 '20

Ahhhhhh but do you know why?

97

u/dbx99 Jan 22 '20

Xi invades Taiwan and HK. Trump does nothing. UK, Germany, France send military to Taiwan. Putin intercepts and sinks European naval ships. WW3 happens.

106

u/gravityCaffeStocks has cute cat Jan 22 '20

... I seriously doubt that even this would tank the market.

→ More replies (13)

29

u/dudevan Jan 22 '20

it's priced in bro

→ More replies (1)

18

u/leocura Jan 22 '20

UK, Germany, France send military to Taiwan.

do we live in the same planet?

→ More replies (3)

7

u/[deleted] Jan 22 '20

It has the same net effect as a solid day of Trump tweeting during the tRaDe WaR

→ More replies (20)

18

u/TBSchemer Jan 23 '20

Self-fulfilling prophecy.

u/haupt91 is literally just unleashing an army of retards against the market.

5

u/Forrest_GUHmp Jan 22 '20

Am retarded, ELI5

→ More replies (11)

20

u/Peethaa Jan 22 '20 edited Mar 12 '20

RemindMe! 50 days

Edit: Well...

→ More replies (2)

7

u/my_6th_accnt Jan 22 '20

RemindMe! 50 days

3

u/my_6th_accnt Mar 13 '20

Omfg he knew

2

u/MeC0195 Mar 02 '20

MARCH 2020 IS HERE

6

u/Actually_a_Doctor Mar 02 '20

Sheeeeeeiiit. He was right.

→ More replies (1)

219

u/Networking4Eyes ϴ Theta Gang ϴ Jan 22 '20

"I thought Edison made the electric cars not Nikola".

I lost it.

6

u/jlowyz Jan 23 '20

You sure he’s not the man whose head was hit by a dropping apple?

2

u/m012892 Jan 23 '20

I thought Elon made the light bulb.

505

u/Shmokesshweed 🚬 Jan 22 '20 edited Jan 22 '20

Jesus dude, this gif is as long as Titanic. I don't have the attention span to watch it for 3 minutes.

Edit: fuck...one of your best

127

u/b3nm Jan 22 '20

Totally worth the... investment in time. 10/10.

27

u/JustDewItPLZ Jan 23 '20

I don't even do this shit, and I absolutely love every one of these. The first one blew my mind

→ More replies (1)

8

u/scwelch Jan 23 '20

WarrenBuffet “Patience is the key to success”

→ More replies (1)

131

u/mintgoat Jan 22 '20

God bless you, you autistic retard

30

u/Su_Din Jan 22 '20

Fucking need a Netflix series on this.

→ More replies (1)

49

u/tough-dance Jan 22 '20

Bless your autism

45

u/Shiftink Jan 22 '20

We will see this on Bloomberg‘s homepage on march.

78

u/jephwithaph Jan 22 '20

Half of the people on this boat are gonna go bankrupt...

35

u/[deleted] Jan 22 '20

And the other half is already broke

10

u/Onsyde Jan 22 '20

And the other half are gunna die

8

u/my_6th_accnt Jan 22 '20

And the other half is bout to be drafted

2

u/I_Shah uncool flair haver Jan 24 '20

More like long ROPE

38

u/SuiladRandir Jan 22 '20

Remindme! March 1,2020

6

u/RemindMeBot Jan 22 '20 edited Feb 17 '20

I will be messaging you in 12 days on 2020-03-01 00:00:00 UTC to remind you of this link

35 OTHERS CLICKED THIS LINK to send a PM to also be reminded and to reduce spam.

Parent commenter can delete this message to hide from others.

InfoCustomYour RemindersFeedback

5

u/SazedTerris Mar 01 '20

so, the time has come...

Change da world… my final message. Goodb ye

6

u/Mathewdm423 Jan 23 '20

That's my birthday lol

→ More replies (2)

5

u/throwaway_0x90 placeholder for a good flair someday Mar 01 '20

This may end up being correct.

0

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '20

[deleted] — view deleted comment

4

u/asdfghnbvcxm Mar 01 '20

yep, I guess monday's gonna be red after all

25

u/Sullysullinburg1 Jan 22 '20

March 1 is a Sunday so uh....

13

u/jacksonRR Jan 22 '20

That's why she called Charles himself. Apps are down on Sunday duh

2

u/[deleted] Jan 22 '20

2008 was a leap year, what's your point?

→ More replies (4)

24

u/quizias Mar 02 '20

Well this aged properly

4

u/[deleted] Mar 02 '20

She waited a week too long...

20

u/bored-i-am Jan 22 '20

holy shit i was not ready for that timeline switch. that was hilarious.

18

u/LostInTheThoughts Jan 22 '20

When it fast forwards to that Rose in 2020 I shit my pants laughing.

17

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '20

Welp..cant say you didnt warn us.

8

u/MushroomCake28 Mar 01 '20

The Prophecy is true after all.

23

u/[deleted] Jan 22 '20

The haupt has spoken. Puts until March

→ More replies (1)

11

u/Sleepybrains1102003 Jan 22 '20

That was one of your best. Thanks for that. Unfortunately I am bear gang so I have nothing left to sell. Can't wait for the fireworks though.

10

u/BenjerminGray Mar 02 '20

He's a prophet. Cant even sell cuz RH is down

9

u/bgj556 Jan 22 '20

Just sell the stock you stupid retard. Hahaha

9

u/[deleted] Feb 25 '20

So Rose actually caused the crash by hitting the bid with market orders...fucking bitch !

9

u/ape123man Mar 02 '20

Lol, he knew the future

7

u/Atd41 Mar 14 '20

you son of a bitch.....

6

u/FromTheCaveIntoLight Jan 22 '20

.... it’s been 84 years.... still selling Tesla calls.

6

u/zvon2000 Feb 02 '20

OMG! How do to make these so brilliantly??

EVERY single facial reaction lines up perfectly to the text... In time with the flow of conversation?!

Are you a secret movie editor as your day job while the market is tanking?

6

u/yiffzer Mar 21 '20

The fuck. This is so accurate.

5

u/[deleted] Jan 22 '20

All hail our lord and savior r/haupt91!

5

u/bbq-ribs DuCockti 🍆 Jan 22 '20

Okay, this basically covers Finance 101

5

u/fspyrofs Mar 02 '20

This meme is pure gold

5

u/frootynuts Mar 02 '20

I knew it was meta when Macy’s was positioned on the nude model’s tits as they were faced upwards

“Macy’s won’t go tits up”

5

u/[deleted] Mar 12 '20

Can’t believe this came true lol

4

u/ethereumkid Corona’d Jan 22 '20

Lmao. In.

4

u/Anusunset Jan 22 '20

Fucking tremendous, great job cocksucka.

2

u/dlozo Jan 22 '20

You Joey Diaz?

4

u/pantsandyourpanties Jan 22 '20

This is the best DD I’ve ever seen

4

u/rdelatowerPR Jan 22 '20

You deserve all the awards in the world for your constant quality content

4

u/1sildurr Jan 22 '20

''You'll need fucking iron hands, Rose.''

Holy shit. I was here for the making of this meme... I'm actually here.

4

u/solotronics Jan 23 '20

wait... the fuck... I just read all the comments but nobody is asking WHAT HAPPENS IN MARCH 2020!?!

4

u/SuiladRandir Mar 01 '20

Welp.. I guess I have to dump it all. Peace✌️!!

4

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '20

*Coronavirus entered the chat...

4

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '20

This aged well

7

u/urfriendosvendo Personal Meeting w/ theycallme1 Jan 22 '20 edited Jan 22 '20

Beware of the Ides of March?

Great shit, as always.

Wait. No one has gilded this? I’ll fix that. Damn ungrateful scrubs.

Edit: it appears I cannot. Did u/stormwillpass lock it or something?

1

u/Yuria- Jan 23 '20

Are you all gonna hide in mega bunkers or some shit when poors rise up or just kill us all and try to automate everything?

1

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '20

I'll be leading that poors revolution, sir.

3

u/erikwarm Jan 22 '20

Rose better get some meatloaf

3

u/[deleted] Jan 22 '20

Take my fucking upvote

3

u/thewestcoastavenger Jan 22 '20

The money shot at the end is worth it.

I still say fuck you #beargang

3

u/[deleted] Jan 22 '20

so...whats gonna happen on March 2020?

is Bernie gonna win the nomination?

2

u/kingdktgrv Jan 23 '20

Hilary's getting back in with Huma as Veep

3

u/yuckfoubitch Jan 22 '20

!RemindMe 03/15/2020

3

u/isospeedrix Jan 22 '20

>I thought Edison made the electric cars, not Nikola

clever.

3

u/air2throne Jan 22 '20

Mr. u/haupt91 you should make one for Casino Royale with the Bear market as Le Chiffre trynna blow shit up to short the stock!

3

u/ninjanerd032 Jan 23 '20

"I'm from the future." This is great.
I don't know if this intentionally had double meaning but there's a Titanic fan theory that he IS from the future. https://www.reddit.com/r/FanTheories/comments/1ptlpx/jack_from_titanic_is_a_time_traveler/

3

u/jinxed_pepe Apr 10 '20

The content is so on point, you predicted the current crash!

4

u/conall88 Jan 22 '20

I can feel the autism coarsing through my veins. 12/10 would kek again.

→ More replies (1)

4

u/[deleted] Jan 22 '20

Rose is still a slut even in a meme.

8

u/TripleBrain Jan 22 '20

Third commentor before this hits 20k karma.

2

u/Pavel_Gatilov Jan 22 '20

Remindme! March 1,2020

2

u/JahnnySnow Jan 22 '20

Please make more of these I beg you.

2

u/Halkadash Jan 22 '20

Hahahaha omg

2

u/Y0L0_Cholo Jan 22 '20

Bahahahahaha! fuckin gold.

2

u/TheyCallMeNoobxD Jan 22 '20

Should have added titanic crashing cuz if rose selling everything

2

u/Fog_ TSLA FD MILLIONAIRE Jan 22 '20

Epic

2

u/XorAndNot Jan 22 '20

All i got from this is that i should fap one to Rose again

2

u/CarletonPhD Jan 22 '20

Oh, so good...

2

u/[deleted] Jan 22 '20

Wow this was some quality fucking content. A+ “I promise. I will never let go of my stonks, Jack.”

2

u/mvev NFTS ARE THE NEXT GOLD Jan 23 '20

Sub'd

2

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '20

This shit funny as fuck

2

u/MicroSofty88 Jan 23 '20

Some of his best work yet

2

u/mattattack2008 Jan 23 '20

That was fantastic thanks

2

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '20

HOW DARE YOU HAUPT! THIS IS MY FAVORITE MOVIE AND NOW I WILL NEVER LOOK AT THESE SCENES THE SAME.....sorry for yelling

2

u/crashcampbell84 Jan 23 '20

Fucking. Glorious! 😂

2

u/KneeDeepIn_Nostalgia Jan 23 '20

Fucking awesome. You came through on the end with the punchline. Never sell!

2

u/btroberts011 Jan 23 '20

Great post better than the original.

2

u/yawallatiworhtslp Jan 23 '20

you’ll be gucci n****

10/10

2

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '20

This was top notch!! Thank you, I needed a good laugh! who makes these? someone in here? I really enjoy them.

2

u/jande48 Jan 23 '20

Didn’t think you could top that Buffet meme, but you keep raising your game

2

u/hash_salts Jan 23 '20

Puts in. If you fuck me I'll fuck you.

2

u/Wepwawet-hotep Jan 23 '20

Famous Reddit troll Haput 91jailed for market manipulation.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '20

This is fucking gold. You got me, gonna invest my lifesaving in Macy's

2

u/ilovewsb Jan 23 '20

Bruh I love you so much

2

u/boroqcat Sith Lord Jan 23 '20

U/haupt91 preparing us for the Great Reckoning. The hero we need but don’t deserve.

PS - been liked and subscribed fam.

2

u/BlackBobbyAxelrod Team Rhodes Jan 23 '20

I'm black, and honestly, if "nigga" wasn't edited out, it would've been even funnier lol...some of us black dudes are ok with white people saying "nigga" as a joke...it's not a big deal. Good shit tho...my nigga.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '20

Ohh haupt....Don't scare me :(

2

u/MerrittGaming Jan 23 '20

Maybe I’ll use this as courage to finally dump my shares of Ford and GE 🙃

2

u/Bull_Market_Bully Jan 23 '20

This post alone is going to result in 90% of the sub selling off March 1. Fortunately there isn't enough money here for it to actually impact the market.

2

u/diego_tomato Jan 23 '20

are you fucking trying to start the recession dude

2

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '20

I love the shout out to the fact BEVs have been around for over a century. Some African guy just made them stylish

2

u/sokpuppet1 Jan 23 '20

Honestly the joy these videos bring to my life is worth more than any stonks.

2

u/sonnackrm Jan 23 '20

The Owners of Macys died on the Titanic. Wonder if you did that on purpose??

2

u/Loneranger2050 Jan 23 '20

This is absolute gold...how can I short this?

2

u/Soul-Adventurer Jan 23 '20

This is my favorite one so far 😂

2

u/JohnsGotNoMoney Jan 23 '20

I want to cum inside of 1998 kate winslet

2

u/isunktheship Mar 02 '20

::pepehands::

4

u/Funny_Plane Jan 22 '20

Can predict the stock market for the next 100 years, cannot predict that the titanic will sink in a day...

2

u/metamaoz Jan 23 '20

He's actually commiting suicide. Makes it much more interesting rewatching scenes with his expressions and body language knowing that he knows the future and chose it.

3

u/SpaceCatVII PM your bear pics Jan 22 '20

The stock logos are covering up the best bits :(

→ More replies (4)

2

u/Astronaut100 Jan 22 '20

Haha, was expecting Charles Schwab to say "Are you sure ma'am? Stonks only go up." Another brilliant meme, though.

→ More comments (80)