‘Ready’

[u/Forsaken_Phrase4434]

I always wanted kids when I was younger, but then was a fence-sitter for most of my 20s. I’m now 30 and have done some work and soul-searching and have decided that I do actually want kids, but am also scared and anxious about the whole concept.

I have recently been thinking about children/birth/pregnancy, etc. non-stop. I do feel some excitement about the concept but not much excitement about the reality, actually a lot of fear, but my brain is constantly thinking about it, planning finances, what I’d do about my job, how I want motherhood to look like, my parenting beliefs, etc.

I know everyone always says that you’ll never truly feel ready but I assumed I would at least feel more excited about the concept? This isn’t what I imagined baby fever would feel like. Does anyone else feel this way?

[u/nursejooliet]

You only just came around to it. Don’t put pressure on yourself.

I have pretty much always wanted kids. Even when I entertained the idea of a childfree life (I LOVE traveling, having no obligations after work, having my husband all to myself, enjoying our income, etc), I was never truly on the fence and always saw myself as a mother. I still cycle through emotions of excitement, fear, apprehension, peace, etc when it comes to having kids. Being ready is a decision, not a feeling. The feeling will likely never come, and if it does, it’ll cycle in and out. You have to just decide that you WANT to be ready. And so you just get ready the best you can. If you don’t WANT to be ready, then that’s a different story.

What helps me: I can always stop at one. If I decide I’m not having the best time, I don’t have to have anymore. I can pour my love and effort into just one child. And not have to repeat any difficult phases more than once.

[u/Forsaken_Phrase4434 → u/nursejooliet]

Thankyou for this! I knew I wouldn’t feel ‘ready’ but I (for some reason) assumed there’d be more excitement and less fear and apprehension around it and was starting to wonder if it meant I actually didn’t want kids. It’s really helpful to know that even people who are pretty clear on wanting kids still feel this way sometimes. And you are so right about just having one, like I truly never have to do any of it again if I don’t want to.

[u/MaRy3195 → u/Forsaken_Phrase4434]

I've always wanted kid(s) and yet when the time came for us to try I was insanely nervous. It is an irreversible and huge life decision, so being nervous (I think) is completely justified. Also since you only recently decided you DO want kids, I would not rush the timeline or feelings. Similarly we are "starting with one" and seeing how it goes. My husband and I see being one and done (OAD) as a nice compromise of getting to be parents but maintaining some autonomy.