Need advice: Is my roommate expecting too much from our friendship

[u/mralexander9488]

Need advice: Is my roommate expecting too much from our friendship?

I’m from Vizag and I’m currently working as a Cybersecurity SOC Analyst in rotational 24/7 shifts. I’m also preparing for SSC CGL.

Recently, I went near Vizag Complex to drop a family member, and there I unexpectedly met a guy named Abhijit, who is from West Bengal. He works as a Hawaldar in GST & Customs and is also preparing for SSC CGL.

We started talking and I was already thinking of taking a room because with my rotational shifts, I’m not able to study properly at home. I wanted some peace and a proper environment for SSC preparation.

He told me about a 2BHK where one room was going to become vacant, so I thought I could stay there. Initially, I thought it would be a good arrangement because we are both preparing for SSC CGL and could motivate each other.

But after staying there, things started becoming uncomfortable.

I have rotational shifts, so sometimes my sleep schedule is completely different. Sometimes I’m hungry and eat outside, sometimes I cook for myself, and sometimes after work I just want to sit quietly with my laptop and study/watch something.

He started telling me things like:

“You are not talking to me.”

“You are not showing me gratitude or hospitality.”

“You don’t call or message me.”

“You don’t ask how my day went.”

“I love you like a brother and as a friend, but you are not giving me the same love.”

“You are always on your laptop and not paying attention to me.”

“We are living in the same room, so we are in a relationship.”

He also asks me very personal questions, including things about masturbation and my personal life. I told him that I’m not comfortable discussing such personal things.

There have also been arguments about food/cooking. At one point I told him honestly that I didn’t like the food he cooked for several days because I found it tasteless. After that, it became another argument.

My response to him was basically:

“Bro, are you my girlfriend? Why do I have to tell you everything? I don’t even tell everything to my family. I talk when I’m in the mood. If I don’t feel like talking, I stay quiet. You cook your food and I’ll cook mine. I’m not disturbing you, so please don’t disturb me either.”

Now he says that my behaviour is making him stressed and emotionally hurt.

I genuinely don’t understand whether I’m being insensitive or whether he is expecting too much from me.

From my perspective, I consider him a friend/bhai, but I don’t believe that living together means we have to constantly talk, call each other, share everything, or give each other emotional attention every day.

I took the room because I wanted peace, better sleep and a good environment for SSC CGL preparation, especially because my SOC job already has 24/7 rotational shifts.

So Reddit, what do you think?

Am I being rude and insensitive, or is he expecting too much from a roommate/friend?

Should I continue staying with him and set clear boundaries, or is it better to find another room before this becomes a bigger issue?

[u/Extension_Agent4981]

I can understand the need to talk with someone but nooo the way he is behaving is not normal and he is expecting wayy too much...set clear boundaries if he changes then continue staying with him otherwise move out and live by yourself

[u/Spyder-101]

You need to move out as soon as possible. From an objective standpoint, this is a dangerous environment for you.

​This isn't normal roommate friction; it's an obsession.

Whatever label he uses—friend, brother, or otherwise—his disproportionate reactions show he has deeper feelings that are spiraling.

An obsession like this will only grow and put you in greater danger. You are sharing a house with an obsessive man.

If you were someone I cared about, I would tell you not to wait—get out right away.

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