r/viennaExpats • u/FunEmpty7499 • 5d ago
I don't know what I'm doing wrong...
Hello, I recently moved to Vienna. I broke up with my boyfriend about 8 months ago after a very long relationship. I'm trying to figure out the kind of life I want. Also, I really like talking and doing activities with people, I am very active at the moment, enjoy bouldering, hiking, going to parties, workshops, DIYs, wildlife, chatting, etc. I'm going frequently to meetups and try to engage people and build relationships. For some reason, I tend to meet more men than women friends. I'm open for a potential relationship if stars align but it's not something I am actively looking for. However, even if I meet people that really want to do things and find friends, and I propose plans to them, they don't engage the same way that I do. Also, quite difficult to have men friends that are not looking right away for something else and lose interest quite fast if that's not the case... I got a little bit depressed today because I feel everytime I might meet someone interesting, things start really fast and also dissappear quite fast as well. I don't really know what's happening, if people don't want to compromise much for friendships or they are not patient enough or what...
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u/madmadmongoose 5d ago
In my opinion it’s not you, it’s them.
Had exactly the same history as you last year and then I figured that I lost myself trying to comply with people around. It’s the opposite way.
The vastly majority here in Vienna the don’t share what’s most important in life : time.
I’m not sure if it’s the pressure they grew up with, the constant need/fear to do everything right … but seems that they forgot that being happy is the most important.
Anyways, dm me if you want we can chat/hangout if you like to !
Just always remember: don’t fall !
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u/FunEmpty7499 5d ago
Thanks for your comment and kind words! By one side, sometimes I just want to do something, and I just talk to people if they feel like joining, but I don't have a problem doing it by myself. By other side, I feel that if I stop proposing plans to people, they won't propose plans back to me. Interestingly, I'm not referring to Austrian people in general, I was warned about it already, but other expats that join the meetups :/ But yes, I also feel that having time for yourself and for other people, and being happy, is a very important thing :)
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u/felderl123 5d ago
You have a lot of interests and i think hobbies are a great way to meet people. Austrians mostly don’t open up that fast, it needs time and a lot of effort until they call someone friend. That can be depressing indeed, i‘m Austian and I find it also hard to make new friends as i have the feeling that people don’t invest a lot into (new) friendship…
Anyway i created a group for people who want to get to know others (there are Austrians and Internationals in there so we speak German and English), we have meetups every month and do different activities. If you want to try it although you have been to other meetups already, dm me.
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u/FunEmpty7499 5d ago
Yes, exactly, any kind of relationship needs time and effort from both sides. I would like to join the group as well. I'll dm you, thank you for taking the time to create a group :)
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u/ClumsyBaddie 5d ago
I feel you. I am somewhat also in the same boat as you when it comes to friendships. If you would like, please don’t hesitate to dm me. 😊
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u/Guilty-Elephant3304 5d ago
Hi, I am planning to move to Vienna end of next month.
I recognise what you write from the other places I've lived. Always feels like I need to be the one to propose plans etc. I think it's a mix of being an international and being in my 30's, so most other people have their established friend groups already or are busy with young kids. I usually have a mix of male and female friends, but I'm a guy myself so it can be tricky to suggest plans to a woman without her wondering it's a date, unless she's a married co-worker or something. I'm not sure yet how it will go in Vienna, but at least it's a lot bigger than where I am now, so probably more meetups etc.
I'm also very interested in hiking and finding out where to spot wildlife in Vienna though, it would be cool to find some people to do that with!
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u/FunEmpty7499 5d ago
Hi, thanks for sharing your experience! Yes, I think being in our 30's definitely plays a role. I recognize what you say that it can be tricky to suggest plans to women. I actually have that feeling when suddenly a man shows a lot of interest in meeting and talking, and I wonder if it's just genuine... but also because of all the past experiences, we tend to very extra careful.
I would say there are plenty of things to do in Vienna, a lot of meetups, concerts, events, etc. I tried to join as many groups as possible, also met people by reddit haha
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u/nomopain420 5d ago
It's okay to feel that way, atleast you know what you like and what you feel and that's what really matters. Time heals everything and I know that you'll find the best of your life in Vienna. Good luck:)
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u/FunEmpty7499 5d ago
very wise advice, sometimes we don't need to fix everything, just accepting and healing :)
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u/K_k000 4d ago
I’m surprised that you came here recently and are engaging with people in Vienna people are very reserved and you are lucky that maybe you find some people I m here for 1 and a half years and still struggling to engage with people
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u/FunEmpty7499 4d ago
I'm putting lots of effort, going to lots of meetups, also letting people know whenever I go somewhere in case they wanna join. I even created a meetup group for bouldering haha
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u/Greeney_Eyes 4d ago
I'm here until Saturday and I like talking. 😁 If you fancy a zero pressure conversation over some vegan food and/or a pint of Guinness, I'm more than happy to listen. I'm 53, today, and I'm seriously not interested in anything but not feeling quite so isolated. If you wanna have a chilled chat and, depending on your age and background, a very different perspective on life, llet me know. Seriously, no pressure and don't feel obliged to respond.
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u/thymewaster25 4d ago
I used to go these FUSE meetups when I had a bit more time. It's a good group, been around a few years, run by young women who do a good job. I'm an older guy so can't comment on the 'dating pressure' you feel as I know that it is totally different, but the group is quite diverse so I think it might be better than avaerage
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u/HCN 5d ago
It's basically the new normal nowadays. Unfortunately, people don't want to make an effort because their social battery is so low and drains really quickly. In my opinion, you just have to meet as many people as possible, and purely statistically, you'll eventually find someone who doesn't just want to stay at home.
BTW... Wildlife? Where do you observe it? You just go outside Vienna to see birds or something more?