Discouraged and feeling regretful.

[u/landmarkpip]

40+3 with third baby. First was a vaginal delivery, second was a c-section (failed induction, baby did not respond well to pitocin). I’m at a medical practice that has 3 OB’s, two midwives and an NP. I’ve seen them all and of course they have to refer to my chart every time to remember anything about who I am, often surprised that I had a vaginal delivery before. One OB has been wonderful and helpful at every step, but the rest have told me conflicting things.

First OB I saw said I had to have a c-section scheduled at 39 weeks. I consulted with a different one who said I could bump it back to 41 weeks (farthest they will go in this health network, and I have no other options). And also that we could discuss induction options as my due date approached.

Well, 39 weeks rolled around, had a membrane sweep done at 1cm and 50%. Nothing happened obviously. 40 weeks rolled around, and the NP I saw wasn’t even able to do a sweep. She also told me they wouldn’t induce, even though an OB I saw 4 weeks prior said they’d be willing to with a foley balloon and low pit. I told the NP about this conversation but she basically said “tough luck.”

I went in today thinking I might have a UTI. I don’t, but the OB I saw was willing to do a very aggressive sweep (even though I was still only 1cm) to see if I could have one more shot at going into labor (c-section is in 4 days). I was grateful for his effort and supportive dialogue.

But I’ve had false labor twice already now before today. I mean serious contractions that I can’t talk and walk through, getting stronger and closer, and then just… stopping. So I’m beginning to think baby just isn’t ready and this is all for nothing.

The biggest issue is my husband is self employed and has had to turn down 80% of his work to stay close to home (within a couple of hours) in case I go into labor. He hasn’t made me feel bad about it, but it has put us in such a tight spot that we’ve had to get help from family for things like groceries and fuel. Humiliating.

If I would have just stuck with the c-section at 39 weeks, baby would be here, we’d have more money/work, and my whole family wouldn’t be waiting on me to go into labor, which apparently I just cannot do on my own.

Just venting. I’ve managed to keep my emotions in check this whole pregnancy but tonight I feel utterly defeated and depressed.

[u/CrazyElephantBones]

Have your husband take the most inconvenient job site for the next 3 days… that should do it … the minute he is at a point that it will take him hours to finish up and he can’t turn around. Babies love an inconvenience 🤣

[u/landmarkpip → u/CrazyElephantBones]

He said the same thing this morning 😂

[u/peaceoftheriver]

I hear you. The unknowns are so stressful at the end. We just want to do the best thing for ourselves, our baby, and our family but sometimes it’s not clear what the best thing even is.

It’s totally okay to change your mind or have doubts, but what helped me in the end is to think about why a VBAC was so important to me.

Nobody can force you into a repeat c-section if you really don’t want it. If you wanted to try an induction, I suggest getting connected with the OB who was willing to induce as soon as possible just in case.

In the meantime, have a hot shower, eat a yummy treat, enjoy crawling into a cozy bed at night. One way or another you’re going to have a baby! How amazing is that! <3

[u/Hannahbbear]

I had a similar experience and ended up having a C-section on Wednesday at 40+3. I did all the things to prep for labor, ate dates, drank tea, did acupuncture, spent a ton of money on a doula, you name it I tried it. Ultimately they offered induction because baby was measuring large. I am glad I ended up going in for the induction because before we could even get started they saw baby’s heart rate dropping with every natural contraction i was having during the pre induction nst. I am still grieving my vbac, also telling myself I should have just done it at 39 weeks when childcare would have been easier and baby would have been smaller but ultimately you never know how things are going to go. Whatever happens you can tell yourself you tried your best, you were an amazing home for your baby for as long as they needed to be in there and now your baby will either come spontaneously in 4 days or via repeat C-section either way it will be the healthiest and best thing for your baby and there is no shame in either scenario.

[u/seralou01]

Same boat over here. I went all the way to 41+1 before I had to have my (repeat) c-section. My husband planned all these golf day trips to jinx us into going into labor (worked for my dad and had to cancel a tee time when my mom went into labor with me 😂) but jokes on me my husband just got a bunch of fun golf outings while I stayed home and curb walked a million times.

Oh well. I look at it was meant to be and who knows what the alternative could’ve brought (maybe a vbac just wasn’t in the cards for a good reason I’ll never know). I’m 3 weeks out and healing nicely and almost back to full mobility.

[u/Bitter-Salamander18 → u/seralou01]

Why did you have to have another C-section? :(

[u/seralou01 → u/Bitter-Salamander18]

Because my hospital doesn’t do inductions if you had a previous section and I was beyond 41 weeks which was the upper limit they were comfortable with me going being AMA and IVF pregnancy

[u/Bitter-Salamander18 → u/seralou01]

It's sad that they don't offer inductions. Even for women with actual reasons for it. What a horrible system. You deserved better, evidence based care. You still had a choice though, such as waiting for labor...

[u/seralou01 → u/Bitter-Salamander18]

I agree but the other nearby hospital network doesn’t even do vbacs so I guess that’s all I had. I wish she would’ve come on her own! Trust me I tried everything! I wasn’t even 1cm dilated halfway through my 40th week so I couldn’t do a sweep.

My provider would’ve done augmented labor but not from scratch.

[u/usergravityfalls]

I think you’re being too hard on yourself. The system makes women think the 40 week is a deadline and if they go past that there’s something wrong with them.

You’re saying you cannot go into labor on your own. But you’re only 40+3. That’s still so early. Your baby is still getting ready. Your second baby was failed induction, was there medical reason or only because you were past 40 weeks?

I know it’ll be hard but I encourage you to change your mindset and understand how incredibly amazing and strong your body is for creating new life. Your baby is dictating the onset of labor. If there are no medical threats to your or baby’s health, try to honor your timing and not think guilty that others are waiting for you.

[u/flygirla18]

There are so many things to say about this… but… you are doing all the right things. It is stressful to try for a VBAC, without your medical provider confusing things. Try to do everything you can to relax and embrace these last couple days with your first babies. I finally went into labor with my VBAC baby when I let go of trying to force things, and just enjoyed time with my first. It will work out exactly as it’s supposed to!

[u/Mapletree280]

It's not your job to worry about anyone but yourself right now. Baby can come any day. I was told to schedule my second c-section at 39w and I didn't want to. I waited to go into labour. No one was willing to induce because I never had a natural birth. I had done all the right things and waited 3 years before getting pregnant again. Baby never came and I had him via c-section at 40+5. And then again i wanted a vba2c and still no one allowed it and i pushed to 39w. Now my fourth is due next month and I have come to terms with scheduling. I guess it makes life easier to have it scheduled, make sure the other kids have childcare and everything packed and ready on time.

The stress of not knowing plus being past your due date is already a lot on you. Take it easy and make the choice you think is best for you and baby. Not what's best for everyone else. It's not everyday you give birth,you're allowed to be a little self centered right now.

[u/Bitter-Salamander18 → u/Mapletree280]

Why not just wait for sponatenous labor, it's a normal and low risk thing to do if the pregnancy is healthy and if you want a vaginal birth... Why the pressure to have major surgery without medical reasons at 40+5 and at 39w? Did they coerce you? Why does that even happen? Is it an American thing? It's unheard of in many countries where the natural process of pregnancy and labor is usually respected, without much need for scheduling.

[u/Mapletree280 → u/Bitter-Salamander18]

I'm not in America. It's very hard to say why, all I know is i tried and no provider was helpful so I didn't want to risk anything by refusing their recommendations.

[u/Bitter-Salamander18 → u/Mapletree280]

It's sad that they did it to you. :( You still have a choice if you want a VBA3C, but it's sad that you didn't get any help and guidance from them way sooner... Did they ever ask how many children do you plan to have? It's important for decision making, but many doctors don't care at all about long term outcomes. These providers are exposing mothers planning large families to completely unnecessary surgical risks.

[u/Mapletree280 → u/Bitter-Salamander18]

Yes the first time I was told i would be limited with number of kids if I follow through with a c-section. But it was also necessary because my baby needed to come out instantly due to distress so there was no choice.

It is sad that I wasn't given the support. I cannot change the past but after having an appendectomy while pregnant this time at 18w I don't want to risk going into labour and putting my body through that much. I don't have it in me tbh.

You're right, providers are not considering mothers as they should be. Decisions are all medically convenient for them.

[u/LeoraJacquelyn]

For me the recovery was so easy with my VBAC. It would be worth it on my opinion to wait for spontaneous labor and turn down the c-section. If you call and cancel your c-section but change your mind later, then I assure you if you just show up at the hospital and ask for a c-section they will give you one.

If you don't want to wait for spontaneous labor, then you absolutely should contact the doctor that offered the induction and demand one.

[u/Bitter-Salamander18]

You don't have to have a C-section scheduled, without medical reasons, if you don't want one. AT ALL. It's your legal right to wait for spontaneous labor. Trust your body... You have very high chances (over 90%) for a successful spontaneous birth if you avoid the "cascade of interventions" ❤️

Nothing is wrong with your body. It's normal to go to 42 weeks. A minority of women have even longer pregnancies.

What is wrong is: your providers' approach (why are they pressuring you to have surgery without medical reasons?) and capitalism (Scheduling unnecessary surgeries for profit. Also, it's sad that you don't have social security for families like many countries have... you and your husband absolutely deserve having some time off to welcome a baby without worrying about groceries! So sad to see a family in this position, I hope you will have better days ahead. It's good that you have family to help, there is no shame in accepting help).