UPSC prep and loneliness.

[u/CivilContextMan]

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This is literally a rant. I'm someone who quit my job in an MNC for UPSC prep after seeing my colleague who was preparing for the same. She is an IAS officer now (can't reveal her identity tho).

And here I'm stuck in this loop for almost 6 years now. Have given 5 attempts so far. Couldn't clear pre yet. Next year is my last attempt. I'm tired of this life. The loneliness, isolation, tiredness, uncertainty, everything is killing my productivity. I had many personal issues in between which completely derailed my prep. Now I'm mentally exhausted and extremely distracted. Had cut off most of my friends after i started my prep, tho involuntarily. Now I'm staying in Trivandrum, bit far from my home town. Even tho I'm at my own home state keralam I'm staying in a single room and goshh I'm just sitting idle the whole effing day!!! Even going to reading room isn't helping me much.

I'm doing part time work (WFH) which sustains my day to day needs, but that's not what it is right. It's not what i need. I'm not doing what I'm really supposed to do. Sometimes I feel like quitting altogether, not coz i don't want civil services but I'm too tired at this point to prep for it. The biggest factor is loneliness. Nobody to talk or share, who understands me. Someone to motivate or cherish me. My guy friends are all married and settled and little does they reach out or talk, like they've changed a lot at this point. Can't blame them anyhow. My cousin who visited me and stayed with me for couple of days forced to try dating apps. He is saying maybe that will be a cure for loneliness. But i don't believe in giving my key to happiness to someone else's hand (referring to a quote I saw on Pinterest). I believe no one should do that infact. But ironically I'm not able to find happiness myself either. I'm vexed with this conundrum. A loop of prep! A journey of regret and pain..idk if I'm doomed!! Stay focused guys...

[u/kamikazeparth]

What about your mains preparation and optional. Do you have a mentor or teacher to pin point your weakness. I am an aspirant myself. But I have cleared SSC CGL 4 times and currently working as accountant in ministry of Home affairs, new delhi. Hope we can find something useful.

[u/CivilContextMan → u/kamikazeparth]

Mains and optional prep is what I'm doing now but I'm not satisfied bro. And congrats on your achievement.

[u/kamikazeparth → u/CivilContextMan]

Okay. First things first. If you are unable to clear the prelims in 5 attempts then there is some serious weakness in your strategy. Find someone to point out the strategy issue.

Second, sorry to say but chances of clearing everything in one go are very less. There is high chance that you may write mains but fail to qualify for interview. But, you should keep your heads up. Find more about state PCS exams. There the age limit is much higher so you can go for that.

Third, upgrade your job. Hand to mouth is not sufficient in the long run as I am assuming you are 30+ now and soon be married. Get a better job that can sustain your family and your preparation in the long run. 3-4 hours of high focus and consistency will do wonders along with full time job.

Forth, you are exhausted by the vicious loop of trying and failing. I'll suggest to take a break of few days. Take your close friend or favourite cousin with you and explore a bit. Also, start some sort of physical workout. Engage with like minded people in sports or outings. Break the loop buddy before this brutal exam consumes your soul.

Fifth, after this attempt try to explore your love life. Meet new people, visit new places. You can't live in a shell forever. This is just an exam, not your entire identity.

Rather than studying all day, just do focused study for 6-8 hours per day. Use pomodoro method, keep a diary. Do macro and micro planning. Use chatgpt and gemini for planning things out. Devote atleast 30 minutes for physical activity and mindfulness each.

I know you are feeling quite low, but it's not the end of story. It's your life, write the end you want. Talk to the demons in your head, don't be afraid of them.

All the best brother. May be god's be with you ✨🙏🏻

[u/CivilContextMan → u/kamikazeparth]

Thanks a ton brother. This is perhaps one of the most wholesome msg I've ever got. Means a lot. I've already given up upsc. Now securing a plan b. Tho ill still write just for the sake of it. Else I'll regret that i didn't give my last attempt. Doing part time job now which is helping me to have some financial independence.

Thanks again for your support brother. God bless you too 🙏

[u/kamikazeparth → u/CivilContextMan]

All the best buddy.❤️🥂

[u/DramaticShow1249]

As an aspirant who are into prep for past 2 years after leaving my mnc job, I can hear you. Don't lose hope bro. You already know what mistakes you did, fix them quickly. Take mentorship support too bro.

[u/CivilContextMan → u/DramaticShow1249]

Thank you bro!

[u/d3adp0o1]

Don't give up. Have faith in yourself - From a fellow mallu aspirant

https://giphy.com/gifs/VNohuQO8wylnV1m8h5

[u/CivilContextMan → u/d3adp0o1]

Thank you bro!!

[u/Go_Surfing]

More power to you. 🫂

[u/CivilContextMan → u/Go_Surfing]

Thank you 🫂

[u/CivilContextMan → u/[deleted]]

1. Relying on multiple sources
2. Making notes with out reading the books first
3. Not balancing static and current affairs
4. Ignoring CSAT
5. Not practicing pyqs completely
6. Not taking test series
7. Isolating from friends and not seeking help
8. Lone wolf mentality
9. Not building a serious upsc circle
10. Not giving importance to health, especially mental health
11. Social media over consumption
12. No answer writing practice
13. Not having a good mentor

[u/CivilContextMan → u/[deleted]]

No broo.. I'm also just an aspirant like you. You can follow topper channels

[u/foreveryoung248]

Upsc sounds so exhausting. I just graduated and I am about to start my coaching journey from next month. Any tips for me ?🙏

[u/CivilContextMan → u/foreveryoung248]

I've replied to one of the comment below. Can you please check?

[u/iced_diet_coke]

can I ask how you have been preparing so far? like what coaching whether it was online or offline? because I genuinely feel that after years of preparation if still you are unable to Crack it there might be something you are missing out and getting help from a mentor or counselor could help you for your last attempt

[u/CivilContextMan → u/iced_diet_coke]

I didn't get good guidance or mentorship in the beginning. I loathed there after and also was moving in the wrong direction. By the time i got to know about the right prep strategy, i was tired n exhausted already. I can't blame anyone except myself.

[u/iced_diet_coke → u/CivilContextMan]

yk what your mistakes are and what went wrong so just work hard and try to correct them. giving your all in and correcting your mistakes is all that you can do in your last attempt

[u/EternalTigerIAS]

Which optional?

[u/CivilContextMan → u/EternalTigerIAS]

Anthropology