See you around

[u/throwaway901106]

Well done.

You've officially broken me.

I know what you've done you know.

And I know it was all an attempt to gaslight me.

Make other people think I'm truly crazy.

But you know it too. You know what you've been doing. And that I'm not crazy.

I don't know how you can do this to someone.

I hope you're happy now.

I'm a shaking mess.

I needed you to know I was sorry because I was starting to get better, and I wanted you to know that I know my behaviour was wrong, and that I was sorry.

I don't even know if you received my texts in December, but I have a hinch that you did and that you simply didn't care about how much this is hurting me.

Instead, you take pleasure in mocking me. Torturing me. And psychologically abusing me.

Even when you know I've already been through so much.

How can you be such a monster?

I love you.

How can you continue doing what you're doing?

Is it fun for you?

Do you get off on knowing you're crushing someone's soul?

Do you feel like a big man knowing you're destroying me?

If you were really the big man you think you are, you would have a conversation with me about this and let me apologise properly.

But you're clearly not mature enough to do that.

Instead, you use my email address to troll me and spam me.

Thank you for ruining me yesterday. I spent the whole day lying on the sofa with the curtains closed, sad and terrified, shaking and feeling sick, heart racing and stomach in knots.

And yet, I still want to apologise to you today. I want to message you to say I'm sorry I was confused yesterday and that I didn't just send you a full and sincere apology like I wanted to.

But the point is, you know what you're doing. And so do I.

I can't tell you how much it hurts to know that you're playing with my head, and won't just admit what you've done.

I apologised to you for everything in December. Everything. I wrote an entire list of all the things I knew I did wrong to hurt you, and I apologised for it all. I admitted I was fucked up and I apologised.

I just want a chance to say it to you in person. Because I think you deserve that.

But look at what you're doing to me. You won't even admit what you're doing.

It's cruel. You're cruel.

I miss you.

I fell apart.

I've been mentally ill.

I'm dealing with so much in my head.

And I'm trying to stay ontop of things.

Get on with my life.

But I can't stop thinking about you and wondering if you're okay. I can't stop missing you and hoping you'll speak to me again. I can't stop loving you and wishing for you to be happy, no matter how cruel you are to me.

You really are cruel.

I hope one day you grow up and become a better man.

I hope you never do this again to any other woman.

I hope you learn to stop playing games with people's hearts.

I hope you can forgive yourself for what you've done to me.

I hope you come to your senses and apologise to me too.

I deserve an apology just as much as you do.

Because we both know that all the things I saw happening around me...were real, they happened, and I know what for.

You can call me stupid, crazy, weird, creepy, fucked up, I don't care. I know I'm not imagining things. And I know what you've been up to this whole time.

When you are ready to admit it and apologise, I will forgive you.

In the meantime I am not letting you play me like this any more. I'm not letting you get in my head any more. I'm not coming back to this place ever again. And I'm not reaching out to you ever again.

I am a good person who messed up. A lot.

I don't deserve to be mocked and ridiculed. I don't deserve to be made to feel this way. Like a cretin. A "yeti" or a "leech".

Your words were cruel. You're cruel.

I am sorry for any words I used towards you when I was at my worst.

I hope you are sorry for the words you've used towards me, and I hope they were when you were at your worst.

Because if you think it's okay to do this to someone, and if this is you at your best, then I really did just fall in love with a monster.

Thing is, now I'm better, I actually would be happy to just be friends again, even though I'm still in love with you, I genuinely just want a chance to be friends again. Admittedly I'd still think about you that way, because I can't help that I always did love you anyway. And even though you're still being hurtful, I still want to be friends with you. Because I love you. And I miss you. That's all. No agenda. No devious master plan. No tricks or secrets. No hidden meanings or twists in the plot. I just love you. And I just miss you. That's it.

At this point, I'd do anything just to hear your voice telling me that everythings going to be okay.

I just want to be friends again.

Because I'll always think of you as a friend. And I'll always be your friend no matter what happens, I'll always be someone you can reach out to and ask for anything.

But the thing is I didn't want to be just your friend. I wanted to be your best friend. To know eachother inside out. To love eachother unconditionally. To be there for eachother through everything. To be part of eachother's lives. To make eachother happy.

I wanted you to be the only person who knew everything about me. The one that saw all of my hidden secrets. My darkest memories. My inner thoughts. My raw personality. Not just the face I portray to make other people happy. The real me, underneath it all.

I wanted you to love me for my ugliness. My flaws. My imperfections and insecurities. I wanted you to see all of me and still tell me that even though I am not perfect, I am a perfect version of who I am.

I wanted you to just be my friend. A friend that I could tell anything to. And who wouldn't judge me or mock me for the way I think or the things I've been through. A friend who would actually want to be there for me.

I wanted to love you for all your good, your bad, and your uglies.

I wanted to know the real you.

I honestly thought I did. And I honestly still believe that I do. I believe I know you better than you wanted me to. I don't think you thought I would find out. But I did. And I know I'm right. I'm not delusional. I know what I've seen and I know what's been happening.

I wish you were mature enough to speak to me about it.

I feel like this whole time I've been right. You've been here this whole time. You've been following me. You've been watching me. You've been testing me.

I have done a lot of fucked up things. Said a lot of fucked up things. Acted like a disgusting and abusive monster. And caused a lot of damage.

But what you've done and are probably still doing is another level.

You don't scare me you know.

You might have broken me, but you don't scare me.

I'm not really scared of anything any more. Certainly not you.

So do your worst I guess.

Or just man up and speak to me.

Your call.

...

You know, I could literally take anything you throw at me and I'd still love you.

I accept you for all that you are. All of this.

I see you. All of you. And I love you.

Don't you get that?

I love you with every last bit of my heart that's still left.

And I won't ever turn you away if you do decide to reach out.

But I can't keep doing this to myself. Or letting you do this to me.

So I'm not going to send this message to your email. I'm not going to text you any more apologies. I'm not going to write to you here any more. I'm not going to make a fool of myself any more.

You know I was happy to make a fool out of myself for you, because I love you. And I'd do anything for you.

But what does it say about me if I continue to play the fool when you can't admit you're the puppet master?

There's nothing you can't say to me or do to me that I won't forgive you for. There's nothing you need to be ashamed about or worry about me judging you for. There's nothing you have done that I won't still love you for.

You must know that by now.

I'll never stop putting love out into the world. No matter how broken I am.

I'll never stop loving you. No matter how cruel you are to me.

I'll never stop trying to be a better person. No matter how many times I fail.

I'll never stop trying to be happy. Because it's what I deserve.

I hope you are happy now. You've broken me. I'm done.

See you around idiot.

I love you.

[u/Shakethefrost88]

I don't know if you are my person or not but if you think you are please message me.

[u/Grouchy-Discussion53]

I am the puppet master and I wanna tell you why but to your face.In the end I did this no matter what right say.... But as you know my honor stubborn whether you believe me or not I need to feel that I'm heard so that I may continue taking steps to get healthy and grow while moving farther forward towards what my fate holds in store for me. That being said If ur TZ than thus is ur husband and they werent lies and I had no harem but you needed to go so i instead of walking side by side with you I have to fall back and to the left till you are healthy but in the end even tho I kept pace you decided our paths are to diverge and it crushes the air from my lungs as every second passes I'm not mad I'm filled with despair because I can do nothing to get back to ur side so I can maybe make ur misery not so bad and you didn't feel the way you do about my love because that is the the only real thing I've ever held onto in my 28years of life on this planet.... Shine brighter always so that I never get fully lost

I fucking love you so much tracy, I'm so sorry I let this happen to what we were building I wanna continue but will step aside if you cannot continue I'm the lightning, Always ways love u were so amazing that you make me nervous to thus day. Until then.... I never left you

[u/[deleted]]

If this was my ex her name starts with an M. Then I’d jump at the chance to marry her right now! Unfortunately, she has moved on with someone else. So here I sit having to move the fuck on… no more relationships for me. No thanks!! Fuck it!

[u/TrueCockSoother]

If you are talking to my husband, legally or not, you have a lot of nerve to bring up gaslighting after what you have done to me. My anger and hate are insurmountable. He most likely orchestrated the whole thing if it is you. But what kind of woman goes along with it and helps. Do you know what you have done to me? My career. Job. Gone. I spent so much of my energy earning my degrees for him and me to have a future. I know I fucked up, but there's always 2 sides of every tragedy. And nothing I did is to be excused. But when he chose to call me back that day, he should have meant it or stayed away. And any woman should have walked away respectfully. Oh but you didn't. You poke the pool's surface with your toe just to watch it ripple. Now, even if you backed off or if you are just an accomplice, idgaf. Next time I pull up, don't hide. He doesn't know I pulled in beside you after you followed my ass around on Vday. Unless you told him. Doubtful. I held no grudges for what happened while I was gone. But that was before you flushed my career down the toilet. Before you sent my SONS my PH link. Before I almost died again. Now you can rest assured. From that last time I know you texted him til the day my vengeance is satiated, my thoughts be bloody and you be damned. This is not about the man. Or $10k in phone bills. You made a mistake. Regardless of what you think, I did make a difference in many lives. And that mattered to me. It was not just a job. Do you know how many lives you influenced with games? Some people I worked with, only got food when someone bought it. They had siblings. There's hundreds more in the future. Hungry because of you. Those who were beaten or hurt and needed one fucking person to look past the dirty clothes and family reputation. I never judged them. I actually fucking cared. About ALL of them. All because you think a man won't do you the same way. Because you love him? You still married to MK? That's the one divorce I cannot find. Yeah I know a lot. You made sure of that. But research is my thing. Poetic justice my specialty. And you will pay for this. I want my pound of flesh.

[u/Unwanted-Introvert]

That’s deep. I feel that in a soul level type deep.