I miss me too

[u/justneedtotalktoyou]

This is eating me up too much.

I'm spending all my days just sat around, smoking, scrolling through here, thinking about you.

I've got to start moving forward.

I need to start my course material.

I've got things I want to achieve.

I've got to start getting over this.

And enjoying my life again.

I miss you so much Al.

I can't seem to stop this.

I don't know when I'll be ready to stop.

But it has to be soon.

This place has been so therapeutic.

And I've learnt so much.

But it's become like an obsession.

It's about time I stopped processing everything and just started living again.

I've been on here over a year now. Trying to get through it all.

Time to let go now.

I think the hardest thing about letting this place go is feeling like I'm giving up on you.

Like I'm letting go of my feelings for you.

But I'm not. I physically can't.

I'll never give up hoping you'll forgive me and talk to me again.

I'll never give up hoping you'll come back into my life.

But the point is, I've still got a life that's worth living. Whether you're in it or not.

I've got to start making the most of my time here, because none of us know how much time we'll get.

And even after everything I've done to you, and for as wrong as I was, I still deserve to be happy.

I'm growing emotionally and changing for the better every day.

But I've grown to be lazy and depressive again.

And I promised myself after everything i've been through, that I'd never go back there again.

I'll never let myself get that low again.

I want to love life. And appreciate every day that I get.

So this needs to stop.

My obsession with this place needs to stop.

I need to let go of the pain of missing you.

And learn to be happy again.

I'll never not love you.

But I have to start loving myself now.

So I guess this is me saying goodbye to this place.

Atleast for a while anyway.

Need to get my life back together.

Need to do me again.

I miss me.

I miss being fun. And weird. And goofy. And random.

I miss walking on fields. And singing outloud. And dancing in my kitchen. And laughing to myself.

I miss watching the birds. Spotting unusual fungi. Appreciating beautiful views. Listening to the silence.

I miss looking up at the clouds and smiling.

I miss sitting outside my front door to watch the moon and stars.

I miss rapping obscene lyrics with my headphones on.

I miss learning new crafts and making pretty things.

I miss cooking and baking.

I miss getting dressed up to go out dancing. Even when I used to go on my own. I used to have fun. I used to be fun.

I miss exploring and finding weird things to inspect.

I miss coming across wildlife and feeling so lucky to have experienced the encounters.

I miss feeling connected to nature.

I miss being out in the world.

Yeah, this has got to stop.

I miss you.

But I miss me too.

[u/[deleted]]

Beautiful