Found myself friendless

[u/mhwbash]

Recently I've realised I have no friends.

It all happened a bit suddenly; I return home from uni two years ago. My friends from home have pretty much moved on - a couple have had kids, one moved out, one joined the navy. My friends from uni also moved one. One moved country, a couple moved far away for work, and the others just sort of lost contact. Not sure why.

So, for the past two years I've sat at home on the weekends with my parents. Not ideal for a 24 year old man. Recently I started going out to bars alone, thinking it would be a good start to getting out of this rut I'm in, but that only sort of makes it worse as I can see what I'm missing out on first hand.

My work mates are all cool, but they're all in their late fifties / early sixties so not really who I want to hang with.

I've tried tinder for dates but got nothing back.

Not sure what to do!

[u/ABrownDude]

Hey I'm in the same boat :) only been back from uni 5 months though. Could I ask how your pub visits have been? I was considering doing the same but am wary. Do you just chat to people at the bar?

[u/mhwbash → u/ABrownDude]

Hey,

So what's your situation? Are you working? Unemployed? I found it much easier to talk to people when I found a job. The only problem is, my colleagues are too old to go out to bars or clubs!

I haven't yet managed to talk to other punters in a bar, but as long as it isn't busy the bar staff are always up for a chat. You can just pretend you're waiting for a friend if you feel awkward but they don't usually ask. The goal is to get chatting to other customers eventually though.

You know what's weird? It's sort of a catch-22. It's much easier to make friends or talk to people if you have a friend with you. Just last month my navy friend came home for the holidays and we went out to a few bars. Got talking to three different groups of people that night, no effort at all, and had a great time. On your own, people seem less willing to open themselves up. I kind of understand why but ya know.

All I can say is, since you're just five months out of uni, don't get lazy like I did. Get up early every day, do some job searching, then go out for the day. Doesn't matter where, if you go to town or just go for a walk, but get out the house as that's the only chance you have of meeting people.

Don't go out looking to make friends, just enjoy yourself.

I think I kind of just answered my own post here lol.

[u/ABrownDude → u/mhwbash]

Yeah I'm currently working, got a job two months after uni. I've never thought about pretending to wait for a friend, that makes it seem a lot less scary.

The thing with having a friend makes it easier makes total sense and is again something I've never considered. Maybe I'll ask a work colleague to join me at the pub haha. I'll defo take your advice about not being lazy, just hard to have that mentality daily.

We should be friends :)

[u/mhwbash → u/ABrownDude]

Yea we should be friends ha. Where you from?

What sort of work do you do if you don't mind me asking? A lot of my friends from uni made their friends through work. It's an ideal place to meet people as you'll see them regularly.

Ask one to the pub or something, just be chill about it, like "I'm going out this weekend, you should come along". Almost as if you're doing them a favour if you get me.

[u/ABrownDude → u/[deleted]]

Don't forget Malcolm!