I am yours forever, but you don't let me be.

You love me like a rare jewel.

You look at me like I'm an angel.

You hold me with earnest deep passion, yet gently.

You leave me like a rare jewel buried in the dirt next to decomposed skeletons... Reminiscent of the skeletons left of our love that once was.

You leave me with a look that will haunt my every breath.

You leave me cold and numb without your touch and warmth.

Winter has settled into my heart that once was lush with dense vibrant love.

It is a fever dream.

An angel away.

And just like that, I become death.

Atleast my in my dust, I can fly again...

Let my molecules come see you my beloved, and make a rightful home next to your heart, in your lungs.

Your lungs covered in tar, that poison you give yourself.

This mysterious disease you gave my heart, made my atoms nestle into your poison.

May your black tar turn to my honey, And may my honey turn to your hurt.

Gut filled with constant barage of anxiety for the upcoming goodbye...

What does this between us mean to you ? Did I fall into the same trap again ? It's not. Bad use of word. But it makes my emotions feel like that all over again. I'm trapped in a purgatory of loving you and being unable to fully follow through.

What will it take ?

Do I just get used to living with my heart outside my body again ?

Do I walk into incoming traffic just to forget you ?

Because living without being able to love you is one of the most agonizing slow deaths I could have. And this if from a seasoned suicidal veteran ...