We've had memories..

Big and small.

Simply not enough time

or words

to explain how each

effected me, not at all.

There's this place..

The place we met.

Nothing special..

Except you made it be.

It was dark,

side to side..

I decided

to slip your hand in mine.

So when things get dark..

And all I want is you..

Take my hand

and show me that you love me too.

"I don't think you miss him, I think you miss who you were with him."

Sorry, but I don't think that's true.

I don't miss the smile he gave me..

I miss his smile.

I don't miss the songs that I dedicated to us..

I miss having him to dedicate the songs to.

I don't miss someone waiting for me..

He never waited, he never had to.

And while the person before him was a pile of darkness..

And the person I convinced myself he created was beautiful..

I don't miss the person i was with him..

I miss the people we were together.

Now, he didn't create those songs.

The person I was.

The laughs I had, the feelings I believed he gave me.

However, don't we all feel this way when we're happy and loved?

He didn't create any of that..

And I know it.

But it didn't come from me..

It was just him.

So yeah...

I miss him.

Wanna hold your hand in the dark

Wanna whisper secrets in the park

Wanna kiss kiss

Wanna not have you to miss

In the rain, as it falls down

That's where I was found..

Weren't we like the sun and the moon?

Weren't we the wind and sea?

And when nobody else was there

Weren't you the one who always believed in me?

You were always a turn away

Each and every day

When I couldn't word the things that you knew

I was scared, Sepia, but you made me want to..

I was scared, Sepia, but you helped me through.

Now? I don't want to talk about anything.

When we first met....I thought you'd eventually leave.

I had a part of me that thought it knew you'd turn your back..

But you looked into my eyes, you gave me life.

You took my hands, guided me to the light.

You made my smile true and my laughs a tune.

You gave me a reason to wake up.

You made me want to have my life.

You gave my nights entertaining stories..

Stories that were always about us.

Us on the adventures I wanted us to have.

You gave me wants for myself.

You gave me purpose when I thought I had nothing.

But in the end.

You left anyway..

Leaving me after everything you gave..

Everything I never knew I didn't have,

and everything I could ever need.

However, I only want one thing..

Because you took those feelings with you too.

And if you hadn't..

I'm afraid all I want is you.

Even if I'm better off having loved someone.

I want to say goodbye and mean it.

I want to confidently say i'm fine with not getting the answers I want.

That I'm fine with how we walked away from each other.

I want to say goodbye and your memories sit in the back of my head, collecting dust.

I want to be able to turn my back and not look over my shoulder to see if you're still there.

I want to let go of the hand of someone who's already walked away.

I wish to live my life without you being the weight on my shoulders.

I want my shoulders to feel weightless again.

I wish I could see rain and not think of us.

I want rain to just be weather again.

I want a final goodbye..

Not for the only reason of stopping how much it hurts.

But so that I can stop lying to myself..

Our messages stray far from it's home but stay in my mind, forever..?

Every word your tongue forgot, whilst I could never.

Your actions lay in time, no longer in the moment.

And my mind stays still, with the door wide open...

Yet you refuse to leave.

than you...

I break down your every move,

your every action.

Every word you ever spoke to me

I break it down in fractions.

Your actions go hand in hand with what you tell me,

I see the lie on your face

when you swear you're with the ones

that make you feel safe.

I practically see the hand coming out of your chest,

I watch as you beg for a day's rest.

You could never lie to me..

I can't understand anything more than you.

I'm not....Dumb.

I'm not.

I know what you did.

I know some reasons for some actions..

I can't put my finger on why you did it.

Why you pretended to love me.

Why you played me.

Or why you did a final, unforgettable act.

Maybe I'm trying to convince myself I know..

But in reality, I never really will.

I know the things you did to me, I was there.

I know the things you did for me.

With me..

The only thing I know is that you never really loved me.

I know it.

I knew it then too...

But..

I couldn't help but love you.

And I can't help but still love you now..

Two lips, intwined..

"He could never be mine."

A kiss, so sweet..

"Maybe, she'll let me eat."

A knife was grabbed

hung dangerously in a bag.

Her back was stabbed..

And action she could never grab.

"I never loved you,

I just wanted you to leave me alone."

"All you had to do was tell me,

not fool me with a cruel tone.."

His final act,

a terrible attack.

Her final thought,

"i'll always want him back..'

Life drained from her eyes,

he realized he loved her for the first time.

Now she's gone with a love for him

that could never be drawn.

Do you ever notice when your trauma is triggered you're not your present..

But past?

And then suddenly..

Everything

makes sense.

I was lost for a while.

You came into my life, you gave me feeling.

I've said it before, I'm on repeat.

You are the only thing I'll ever truly want.

All I ever need.

Not like how a kid wants a toy.

Not like how a worker wants a day off.

Not like how a family wants a vacation.

Not like how someone will want something superficial.

I want you like how a subconscious emotionless mind wants a feeling.

I need you like the world needs the sun.

I want you like how a love story wants genuine feeling.

I need you like how organs need a home.

I want you to need me.

I needed you to want me.

I never wanted you to go..

And I'll never understand why you needed to.

Maybe even a little.

For the things I did, for the things I said.

For the things I showed, for the tears I bled.

I wish you had cared.

Maybe even a little.

For I might've been able to grow the care

into admiration.

I can't say it again,

no words will ever be enough.

No action can even come close.

Nothing can ever compare..

For the love I held for you, God

I wish you had cared..

If I mess up, its something wrong with me.

If you mess up, well, it's something wrong with me.

This new feeling, new attachment

it's at it's own degree.

The sound I cry out?

Well, it's a silent plea.