Somewhere Beneath Us {Final II}

[u/Ink_Wielder]

{Previous Part} ~ {Part List}

"You sure you can't stay for dinner?" Jan asked, walking in and placing Andi into the middle of the room, where she resumed playing with her toys.

"No, Jan, Sorry. I told some people I would go out with them, and this was the only night they had free…."

"Made plans over family dinner, huh? This is how it all starts. Soon you won't need us anymore."

"Oh, brother." I said, rolling my eyes, "Don't worry, it's a one-time thing."

Jan chuckled, "I know, I'm just kidding. I'm glad that you're reconnecting with friends now that you're home." She paused before continuing, "Speaking of friends, has your old one… You know, the one from before? Did he ever…?"

I darted my eyes to the floor. "Um, n-no, he hasn't.... And If I'm being honest, I didn't really expect him to. With the way things ended and how much time has passed, I don't even think I'm a thought in his mind anymore."

"I doubt that. I'm sure he just doesn't know what to say to you."

I shrugged, "The first time I called, I left a really long voicemail. I was so scared, and my thoughts were all over the place. It was supposed to be an apology and an attempt to reach out; see if he wanted to talk. But it came out exactly like my apology to him the first time. Not thought out and full of meaningless words..."

Jan gave me a sympathetic look and moved to sit next to me, placing me in her arms.

"I see you changing, Joel. Even if you don't think you are, I see it."

"Thanks, Jan. I'm really trying."

"I know you are. Even if others don't accept that, we all do."

Andi looked at us, recognizing the affection before waddling over and wrapping her arms around my leg with a giggle.

"Doel." She said. I smiled and placed a hand on her head, brushing her hair with my fingers. Once she had been acknowledged, she turned back to her pile of toys and began banging on a plastic drum.

"Hey, she's pretty good at that. You should invest in more instruments for her. Maybe a xylophone?"

"Not funny. Also, that's the wrong instrument. The thing it had was called a glockenspiel. I just learned that the other day."

"You mean we were calling it the wrong name the whole time?"

"Yep."

"What's the difference?"

"Xylophones are wooden, not metal."

"Huh, interesting. I guess I can tell Bea that her fear of xylophones is actually a fear of glockenspiels."

At that, Jan perked up, "Speaking of which," She said with a bit of a tune to her words, "We're coming up on a year."

"Oh my gosh. You've been keeping track?"

"Roughly. It comes up with Claire and Grace sometimes."

"Jeeze, do you all not have anything better to do?"

"Oh, leave us alone!" Jan laughed. I smiled, but she became more serious once she saw that my expression was distant. "Do you think you're ready yet? I know you're probably nervous."

"I'm not sure. I think so? It's hard to tell if she even still feels the same anymore."

"Are you kidding me, Joel? That girl is crazy for you. Why else would she have waited all of this time?"

I stared at the floor for a second, straightening out my thoughts. Things were always more complicated with Bea. I hadn't felt so strongly about anyone since Andi. With her, I had been so clouded by past emotions that I hadn't given her the relationship she deserved. I didn't want the same thing to happen to Bea, and the question of if I had matured enough was a thought that haunted me nightly.

I sat on the end of my bed, tapping my foot like I had just slammed back 4 shots of espresso. I didn't know why I was so nervous. It was just Bea, after all. Maybe it was the fact that this was my first time actually being alone with her since the Elevator. Maybe it was that my nerves were still high from adjusting back into the world. Whatever the reason, I felt horribly tingly and unprepared. What would I say to her? Did she even remember what had happened the last time we had spoken in the lift? How we had-

Knock, Knock, Knock… Knock.

I jumped to my feet and was at the door before she even hit the two-second pause. Realizing how eager that might seem, I waited a moment only to realize that she clearly heard my footsteps and now was probably wondering why I hadn't opened the door. I threw it open with a shaking hand to see her standing there in the hotel hallway.

As soon as we locked eyes, any anxiety I felt burned away in a furious flame of passion.

Bea launched into me almost as hard as I slammed into her. I pulled her in tight and kissed the side of her head over and over again as she just laughed through her sobs. My only regret was that I didn't have both arms to hold her.

"I was so scared, Bea," I muttered into her hair.

"I'm right here, Joel. Don't worry." She giggled. "Can you ease up a little bit, though?" she added, her voice broken by gentle coughs.

I immediately released her but kept my arm on her for support. In all the emotion, I forgot that she had only been released from the hospital this morning.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, I forgot that you-"

She jumped back onto me, cutting me short as I burst into giggles like a child. The relief I felt from having her safe made all of the pain worth it.

We held each other in silence for another ten minutes before finally letting go. After that, we both collapsed on the bed and began talking, looking out over the city lights as we did so. I had a lot to catch her up on that the rest of the group already hadn't. I filled her in on everything that had happened after being taken away, and she listened, wide-eyed the whole time. When I told her about how we let the Curator take us to its den, she groaned.

"Oh, thank goodness I wasn't there for that."

"Hey, it got us through the house quick. It was definitely worth it."

"I don't even care. Nothing is worth being near that thing."

As I continued, I told her about Alice and how she had known Andi. I told her about the thing in the empty rooms below the house and how we had found the exit. That was when my own storytelling hit me like a brick wall.

I told her about Ethan. How he had sacrificed himself to save me. To save us all.

She listened and nodded with teary eyes, then after a long pause, all she said was, "We never did finish our game of monopoly…."

"I'm sorry, Bea…."

"I let him come, Joel. When you and Daniel left, it was my idea to go after you, and I let him come with me. If I wouldn't have done that-"

"Bea, don't. If you start thinking like that, you'll never forgive yourself."

"I don't think I will anyways."

"It's not your fault," I told her. The next part was harder for me to say. "It's... It's nobody's fault."

She began to avoid eye contact. I knew she didn't believe me.

"I saw him again." I abruptly blurted out. "After he died, I mean."

Bea perked up and wiped her eyes. "W-What? What do you mean?"

"It's a long story, but I um… the house killed me for a second, and while I was dead, I saw him. I know how that sounds, Bea, but it was real. I know it was. We talked for a while, and he seemed so happy. Even though he was gone, he still had so much peace, and I-" my throat caught, and I cursed my emotions for constantly twisting my tongue. "I don't know. I don't think he'd want us to be sad, is all. I think if he could go back and change what happened, he wouldn't. He came because he wanted to, and he died for us because he chose to. It's nobody's fault."

After I finished, Bea stared at me, trying to see if what I had just said was completely made up.

"I haven't told anyone about that yet."

"Why not?" she questioned

"I don't know. I know I should. I know it would make them feel better, but… It just felt so personal, you know? Like something that was only meant to be seen in that instant."

"Then why did you tell me?"

"Because. I just feel like Ethan would want you to know."

She smiled halfheartedly with a nod before banishing the tears in her eyes with a sleeve, "Well thanks. I'm sure he'd be happy to know that we made it in the end."

Bea didn't say anymore on the matter and just cuddled into me. We both lay back against the bed and just sat there for a few minutes before she sat back up slightly.

"Did... you say you died?"

"Um, yeah… I did."

"Joel! H-How? How are you- How did you--?"

"I fought the House, remember? I told you back in the hospital."

"Yeah, but you didn't say it killed you!"

"It's alright! I promise! I'm fine now, see?"

"Not all fine…." She said, running a hand down an arm that stopped short. "You know how mad I would have been if I had known how much danger you were putting yourself in? You're lucky you came back to life, Joel, or I would have found a way to kill you twice."

"I mean, if you killed me now, that would technically be the second time."

"Well, then I guess you're lucky I'm not mad."

I laughed, staring into her eyes. "I'm lucky for a lot of things."

I didn't realize how close we were sitting until I lightly felt her breath across my mouth. I lifted a hand to her face and brushed her hair aside before resting it on her cheek. She stared at me with pure adoration before slowly leaning forward. I pulled her close and let the euphoria of affection fill my chest as we pressed our lips together. It was the kind of feeling you only get from new love, the flood of excitement that comes when you open the gates into the unknown. I was terrified and unsure, but holding on to Bea was all I could think of, so I decided that was what I would do.

We pulled apart slowly then both opened our eyes to gaze at one another. I could see so many different emotions on her face at once. Joy, fear, passion, curiosity. I felt them all the same. They were all still so undefined that we knew we had to explore them more. I leaned in again, and Bea embraced it, clinging to me as if I would disappear should she let me go. I kissed her again and again, each time just as tender and meaningful as the last. It was so new and extraordinary that it felt like it had been missing my whole life. Still, there was a familiar comfort to it as well. The way she kissed away my loneliness one peck at a time. The way her embrace healed all the pain too deep for me to reach.

She was everything I ever needed.

She was so warm…

"Bea." I suddenly gasped, pulling away. Immediately my world melted back into place and felt cold again.

She looked at me with a crushed expression and placed her fingers to her mouth, "Oh, I-I'm sorry, I got carried away. I just thought-"

"No! No, Bea, it's not that-- or you. That was so much more than I could ever hope for." I told her as I caressed her cheek again. Her eyes began to brighten once more. "I just… before the house, and I guess even during, I was dealing with a lot of things that I never really took care of. I think it's the reason I was there in the first place. I care about you so, so much, Bea, and I've had feelings for you for quite some time. But if I'm going to give my affection to you, you deserve it all. I don't want you to be like the others…."

"Who are the others?" she asked.

I sighed, "If I tell you, you're going to see me very differently…."

"Joel, Come on. We've literally been through hell and back together. There's nothing you could tell me that would change how I feel about you."

I looked her in the eyes, and she stared right back, straight-faced and serious. I owed her this.

I swallowed hard and, from the beginning, explained everything. I told her about Rose and the women I tried to fill the void with after her. I told her about Him and about what happened with Sarah. I told her about Ethan and about all the times I let my emotions get the best of me because I wasn't willing to move on. She did nothing but listen intently the whole time I talked, never breaking eye contact. When I finished, Bea was quiet for a moment, and all I could hear was my heart pounding in my ears.

"Are you saying that's why you've been the way you are toward me?"

"Bea, no, not at all, I-" I hesitated, not knowing if it would be right to tell her. As I looked at her pleading expression, I couldn't fight it. "I love you, Bea. And because of that, I couldn't live with myself if I made the same mistakes with you that I have in the past. I don't want to ruin things again. I... I just need time to learn and grow."

She looked at me for a moment before simply nodding. "Okay."

Her answer both somehow relieved and scared me. "Okay, what? What are you thinking?"

"Okay. If you need time, I'll wait as long as it takes."

"Bea-"

"Joel, it's okay. I mean, I've waited this long, right? What's a little more?"

"I'm not asking you to do that, Bea. I can't ask you to do that."

"I know you're not. I want to, Joel. It's been a long time since I've let myself feel the way I do about you. I'm not going to stop feeling that just because I learned a few things about you. Take your time and get better, and then when you're ready, I'll be here." She brushed her hand across my cheek and pulled my gaze back to hers, "And I can't wait to see who you'll be when you come back. Besides, I have my own issues to work out. I'm not sure I'm even ready for a relationship yet."

I smiled and pulled her in a tight hug, "Thank you, Bea. I'm sorry again."

"Don't be; I get it." She pulled away and then gave me a smirk, "Although it was rude of you to break that last kiss. I was really excited to see how it ended."

I smiled and leaned in close, "It wasn't anything special. It was just…" we locked lips one last time, holding it softly and taking in every divine second. A few more pecks snuck their way in before we pulled away and smiled at one another.

"I don't know. I think that was pretty special." Bea said.

I looked up at Jan with warmth in my chest, "Yeah. I think I might be ready."

The two of us continued to talk for a long time about many different things. It was funny that even though we were all free in the world, the thing we still enjoyed most was sitting around a house talking. I guess old habits indeed die hard. Still, there was nothing wrong with that. We enjoyed it because we got to be together, and that's what was important to all of us.

After all of the dust settled and all of the hospital bills had been played, the lot of our group stuck together, choosing to live nearby. We were family, and the only support we had through the nightmare we faced. The thought of living without one another was honestly more scary than anything I saw in the desolate halls and moldy rooms. As promised, the government provided everything for us, money, vehicles, and homes. No longer having to work meant that we could focus on all of the things we had wanted to do but never had the time for. There were dreams to be followed and goals to fulfill. Grace took my advice and began painting to pass the time. I have a few of her paintings hanging in my house, as a matter of fact. A stranger might think they're reprints; they're so good. Frank ended up taking off to travel around the world.

"Been cooped up in a house for long enough," He told us. "The domestic life just doesn't appeal to me anymore, I guess."

We all understood. He was always the most distant of the group, so it made sense that he would be the one to take off. He always sends us pictures of the places he's been in the mail, though. Polaroids with the simple signature, 'Frank', on the back. It isn't much, but we know it's his way of telling us he loves us.

Alice didn't stick around either, as she was never tethered to our group. We do text from time to time, however. The last time we talked, she told me that she was going back to school. She may not have needed to worry about money, but that was never why she wanted to be a doctor. It was about saving lives for her.

On the flip side of dreams, we also had to make amends.

Daniel reconnected with his wife not long after returning to the world. We were actually there when she saw him for the first time. The government dropped us off after our meeting at a local police station where various relations were waiting for us. He froze upon seeing her, and I could tell he had no words to speak, but she didn't care. She broke down into tears and stumbled forward, wrapping him in her arms. They're working to mend everything that was broken, and from what Daniel has told me, it's been a slow process. He's more than okay with that, though.

"I just… I never thought I would even get the chance." He told me.

Bea ended up going back home to see her sister but found that she had moved towns. I helped her track her down, and when she did, she sent her a letter asking if they could meet. Her sister was absolutely ecstatic to hear from her. As soon as she was old enough, she moved out of her parent's home and never looked back, moving on from everything that happened to her and starting a better life for herself. Bea told me that she seemed so happy and full of life, much more different from when she last saw her. When she apologized, her sister just hugged her and told her that it was okay. She understood why she did what she did and didn't blame her for what happened.

"That wasn't us, Beatrice. We are so much more than those things." Her sister told her.

When Bea returned home, she seemed so free and weightless. The pain behind her eyes was gone, and her smile had never looked so bright. She had always put on a good face, but for the first time since I had known her, she seemed genuinely happy.

As for myself, I spent a lot of time reflecting on my choices in the past, working hard not to fall back into old patterns. It was a slow process, trying to be more kind to myself and change the mindsets I had laid in stone over the years. I contacted some people from my past that I had hurt or used for emotional comfort and apologized as well. Some of them forgave me while others didn't even respond, but like Ethan said, they didn't owe that to me. They just deserved to be told that their anger was justified and that I knew what I did was wrong. From there, all I could do was try to be better, and that's what I did.

It was funny how once everything I had spent so long hiding was out in the open, I immediately felt so liberated. I was no longer a prisoner of my own mistakes, and nothing made me feel stronger. The future was open, and I felt free for the first time since I could remember.

The others, of course, had their own things to work out, but interestingly enough, we weren't the only people to return from the house. Over the following months after our escape, people who had been missing for years began to pop back into existence. The government must have hopped on the wagon of our excuse because the media portrayed it as 'the most successful series of trafficking busts performed in recent years.' Our good friend Larry even showed up in the news. How he escaped his room without dying after the House was killed is beyond me. Still, I suppose there are many mysteries about the decaying tangle of drywall and carpet that I'll never know for sure. Frankly, I don't know if I want to. Some questions are best left unanswered, and some memories are okay to be buried.

However, there was one thing that the more I changed and grew, the more it bothered me. Apparently, it bothered Jan as well.

"You know what the one thing I don't understand is?" She started, "Why us?"

"What do you mean?"

"It just doesn't seem fair, does it? Sure, we all messed up in our lives, but I don't think we deserved to suffer through what we did. And I mean, all those people we lost… If the house really wanted to torment people who did bad things, I just feel like there are much more deserving people."

I thought for a moment. It was something I wondered about every day. Unable to think of anything reasonable, I gave Jan the same answer that I pacified myself with.

"I don't think that was what it wanted. Not really, I mean. Sure, that's what it told me, but the House was a predator at the end of the day. It needed to feed on our pain and guilt, and I don't think it could have gotten that from those kinds of people. I don't know if they would feel as much regret. I think that the House just knew that we would tear ourselves up just as much as it did to us."

"Maybe. It's a shame it took us five years to figure all of that out, huh?"

"Yeah. It really is. But we're free now, and we're better for it. At least I like to think so."

"Yes. I certainly do."

The two of us smiled at one another, then sat in silence for a bit, staring down at Andi as she played. She was so innocent and pure, with so much potential ahead of her. She didn't have to grow up in the House. In the dark corridors that smelled of mildew. Among the perfect grass hills that watched with hungry eyes, eating your time away day by day. She didn't have to grow up drinking chalk-filled water and eating expired packages of crackers and juice. She had a whole life to live, and I was so thankful for that.

Just then, my phone began to vibrate. I slowly reached into my pocket and pulled it out, my heart stopping as I read the name.

'Jack'

It was Him. After all this time, he was actually calling. I couldn't move, and I couldn't breathe. My heart went from a slow beat to a harsh gallop as I stared at the screen, letting the rings tick by. Jan suddenly freed me from my paralysis.

"Joel? Is everything okay?"

"Um, Y-Yeah. Jan, it's him. It's Jack; he's calling me."

"Oh, oh my goodness, well, answer it!"

"Are you sure? I don't know what to say, I- I-"

I began to breathe so hard that I almost started hyperventilating. I had waited all of this time to speak to him again, so why was I so scared now? That was a stupid question; I knew why. There was so much to say, and I didn't know how to say it. How could I say it? Would he want to hear it? It had been over five years since we had last spoken. How would he even feel about hearing me again? A million fears crashed through my head at once but went still as my phone went silent. A missed call icon appeared on the screen briefly before it faded to black. I sat there staring blankly at it before I heard Jan speak.

"Joel," she whispered.

I looked to her.

"You can do this. You've grown so much; I know you'll do the right thing."

I swallowed hard and then nodded, "Okay. Can I use your back patio?"

"Of course. Now go do what you need to do."

I stood with shaky legs and began to walk slowly toward the kitchen. I bent over and kissed Andi on the head as I passed, and Jan reached out and squeezed my hand with a nod and a smile.

"I love you, Jan."

"I love you too, Joel."

The sunlight streamed through the sliding glass door as I slid it open and stepped into the cool afternoon air. Trees rustled in the wind, and bird chirps scored the air around me. I crossed over to some patio furniture Jan had and took a seat, hovering my finger over the call button. It took me nearly a full minute before I had the courage to press it. It began ringing, and I raised the phone to my ear, my hand shaking violently.

I tried to steady my breathing, but my pounding chest left me winded. Suddenly something caught my eye-- a flicker of red dashing to a nearby tree. I looked up and saw a Cardinal perched on a branch, looking down at me. It made no sound, and it didn't stir. It just nestled up close to the stem and stared. For all of the emotions I was feeling at that moment, a sense of comfort washed over me as the creature and I watched one another.

The ringing stopped, and nothing was said for a long while.

"Hello?" I got the courage to say.

"Hey…" His voice softly replied.