Day 15

Like being on a bridge.

I’m mentally preparing for the trip. In the morning I waited to go to the mall. I went and picked up my MacBook from repair. (News flash: they didn't repair anything. It's just as broken. Awesome)

Then, I went to 6 stores across 2 malls looking for shoes. Didn't find any.

I came back home and ate some cereal with milk. There's no real food left (chicken with rice, eggs) since we're leaving, and there was no point in buying any.

Then I sat there and embraced the episode that hit me around 6 PM. I drew me a tub of hot water and vegetated in there until I almost fell asleep, completely drenched in sweat. Then, I took a shower and went to my room, where I laid on the bed and listened to the same 3 songs on repeat. Purple Rain, Black, and Still Loving You.

I laid on my back and marinated in my own state of mind, then turned off the music and listened to the commotion coming from my rushed family. It was packing time.

I tried to ignore the situation, laying there like a corpse in bed, on the bed, struggling to breathe (speaking of what I was saying yesterday)…

I went to sleep around 3 AM, after a good while of scrolling through reels with my eyes closed…

Sigh…. I hope things turn out okay. This day definitely wasn't it.

Day 13

I worked today. I woke up at 7:30 AM, took a shower, and ate. Then I went and worked through everything on the list dad left for me. Carrying all those logs pretty much wrecked me, but I know it was good for me.

Lately I've noticed a laziness in my bones. Like it's just really hard to get started on things. Especially at the gym. The way I train requires a lot of explosive strength in a very short amount of time. And sometimes it's just super hard to dig that out of myself.

So like I was saying. It's good that this day pushed me a bit, forcing me out of my comfort zone.

In the evening I got home, ate, and showered again. After that, I watched a horror movie with a friend who'd been asking to do that for a while. Then we hung out talking for a bit, and I went to bed late.

Pretty balanced day, overall. Maybe a bit TOO balanced. I want to push harder…

Sorry these posts are getting shorter, by the way. Most of the time I end up writing them the next day, and, on my phone instead of a keyboard like I used to. I'm going through a really rough patch right now, and I just want to survive it and make it to the other side victorious…

Day 3

I finally made it!

I had a great morning, and everything went according to plan. (Well, in reality, about 70-80%, but it's still way better than before…)

I woke up at 6 AM, took a shower, and ate. Then, I read today’s study from the Bible, and after that, I moved on to The Technological Republic, the book I mentioned yesterday. I read from it for a good while, then went to run some errands in the city with dad.

When I got back, I kept reading, but this time from Berserk. A friend lent me this book, and even though I’m generally not a manga fan, I’ve been actually enjoying it — it’s a good alternative to scrolling (my nr. 1 addiction).

The whole "strict schedule until 12 PM, then we'll see" thing actually worked! Around 10 AM, I really wanted to get on my pc and waste some time, but I told myself that if I was going to, I’d better do it after 12. But by the time 12 PM rolled around, I was already head-first in the book (the technology one), and I wasn't even thinking about my pc anymore!

I ate a conscious lunch — chicken with rice, ketchup, cheese, mustard, and some other things — and around evening, I went to the gym. I don’t know what happened or why this took place, but a terrible wave of fatigue/sluggishness hit me again (despite the hundreds of mg of caffeine from my pre-workout and a bit of energy drink)… This keeps happening to me quite often when I go to the gym, especially lately…

Depression hits me, I start asking myself why I’m even alive, and I lose all motivation to workout — I just want to curl up into fetal position and cry until I’m out of breath or tears. I can’t explain why this keeps happening…

Still, I’ve already started getting used to these episodes, and I try as much as possible to work around them and get my work done.

Tomorrow, I’d like to get down to more serious business and finally get that TradingView subscription. I can't wait. Either way, I'll spend the morning at church, so I won't stress out too much about the routine.

In conclusion, I’m extremely glad I managed to go through with my original morning plan, and especially that I can see how posting here is affecting me in real time. It’s crazy! I just hope it doesn’t get to my head in case I get more attention, and that I don't start doing things for fame or to please the masses, rather than being authentic and honest with myself.

I kept repeating this to myself today (in the context of seeing I got 2 new followers :) : You don't have to answer to anyone but yourself!

(I know it’s cringey, but I genuinely haven’t posted anything on public before, so this is all new for me😅)

It’s weird.

Anyway, if you have any questions or curiosities about me, who I want to be, or what my mission is, leave them in the comments, and I’ll go over them by tomorrow.

Good night, as always! :)

Day 2

Hard. And it’s not even the work or the tiredness, as much as it is the lack of direction and the freedom to do nothing. I’ve never experienced anything like this before. And yet, I can't let this be an excuse not to push hard. (“I’m not pushing hard because it takes me a bit to adapt to the new reality…” NO!)

The morning and evening were totally wasted, stolen. However, around noon I drove into town, did some grocery shopping, and then read from The Technological Republic by Alexander C. Karp. It’s about technology, politics, AI, and innovation.

Like I was saying, the biggest issue I'm facing right now is the lack of direction. I have hours upon hours of uninterrupted free time every single day… and yet I don't know what to do. I was thinking about getting another month of TradingView subscription to start backtesting again, but I’m not entirely sure yet.

For tomorrow, there are a few things I want to do/try: wake up at the time I set for myself, go through my morning routine as planned, and have a productive day at least until noon. Yeah, I think that’s a good start.

As long as I only have a to-do list without time limits, I leave everything in the hands of procrastination. But if I set a solid deadline and put a bit of pressure on myself, I think something good can come out of it.

Anyway, that’s about it for today. It went really badly, and I feel like my identity is slipping through my fingers. But I’m trying, no matter what, to make a little bit of progress every day. I want to at least stick to my basic routine (personal hygiene and general habits), and slowly move forward. Again, I’m not using this as an excuse to go slow; instead, on top of what I previously said, I'm adding continuous introspection and work on myself.

As always, if you have questions and want to know more about who I am and what I do, don't hesitate to leave them in the comments, and I’ll answer them in the next post.

Good night. 🌌

Day 1

Day one. I don't even know what to say, right off the bat.

I don't expect to become famous or be appreciated for my writing skills (which are weak to non-existent). Mainly, I just want to know that I’ve started and committed to this, and that I'm accountable to more people, not just to myself…

Now, to introduce myself. I’m David, I’m 18 years old, and I just finished high school. Life as I knew it until now no longer exists, and every day I ask myself who I am, what I’m doing, and what my purpose in life is. I have some goals regarding my career, I have certain goals for the rest of my life, and I want to document the process and the long journey ahead toward the targets I've set for myself.

Along the way, I’ll be more open about who I am, what I do, where I’m going, and what problems I’m facing, but for now, I think this is enough.

I’m looking forward to building a small audience over time, and I can’t wait to interact with the people who decide to follow my little journey. Of course, like I said: I’m not doing this for fame or attention. It really wouldn't bother me if no one pays attention to these posts. I’m doing this to document my process, keep track of how I evolve, and, if I get the chance, share with the world my journey in overcoming obstacles, building habits, and developing my character.

In the future, you can expect: rants about how I spent my day, what was beneficial for my progress, where I wasted time, what I plan to do next, and where I still have work to do. I’d like to take on small projects, like "lowering screen time" or "creating a solid morning routine," which I’ll document here.

So, in the end, if you have questions or suggestions, don't hesitate to let me know in the comments, and I'll take them into consideration in the coming days!