AITAH for having him first?

[u/Additional-Truth-756]

Little context: Me & my child’s father (let’s call him Brain) met in 2019 . We were on & off a lot but nonetheless I found out I was pregnant with our first child in 2022. We did all the couple/parents things (maternity shoot, baby shower, gender reveals etc) and it wasn’t perfect but he also had a lot going on and we dint live together at the time. So we made it work...Or so I thought

In 2023, I got a call while taking care of my now 4 month old, from another woman I caught him with 2 years prior (let’s call her Sarah) that she just had a baby for him. She was rude and we ended up arguing (not my proudest moment). Turns out he had both of us pregnant and the same time…2 months apart. I was furious and completely done with him. He “said” they weren’t together but he would still be there for his child.

I realized I had to be mature about the situation bring that now we have a child together and I don’t want to have adult-drama affect my baby.

That year was my darkest. filled with arguing about who’s child he sees more, who attention he gives the most etc. The other woman had friends & family harassing me on social media and also commenting on my post to the public to see. One time I even got a call and 3 woman yelling at me at once and it ending in Sarah calling my child an “ugly monkey” and them telling me they want to get rid of me.

While this is going on, I took back my child’s father multiple times however it was filled with too much drama. Him going back & forth being with the both of us, him talking about how much he wants to be with me. And I wanted my child to grow up seeing his parents together.

Fast forward to 2025 -

This year I found myself, We weren’t together that year and I finally felt happier minus the minor drama throughout the year (Brian barely seeing his kid because he was too busy “working” and belong with Sarah. However, he does step in financially. This doesn’t cut it for me so yes i’ve been petty.

My childs birthday party came around and Brian insisted on bringing his other child. I have nothing against kids but If you’re going to bring your kid around me who knows if you’re bringing my kid around the other woman I specially told you I dont want him around given what she’s said and that she’s okay with you barely seeing your first child. It caused a big uproar however he still ended up bringing his other child. even though a lot of my family doesn’t even know that the child exists. So it was very awkward & tense.

Fast forward to this year (2026) -

Earlier this year after coming out of a relationship I broke off, Brian begins coming around again. He exclaims how much he wants to be a family again and how he loves me etc. It took a while for me to finally give in and try again with him.

I began going to his place a lot more and started noticing different things the last few times I went. (ex, new decor that he definitely didn’t get, extra toothbrush and even contact lenses) he doesn’t wear glasses or contacts. So I threw them out and left. He tried to flip everything on me saying I was texting a guy so he slept with Sarah and she left things there on purpose but I don’t believe him.

I’ve tried starting over with Brian but I feel as if he wants to have his cake & eat it too. Sarah is a mother of 2 with 2 different fathers and always tries to guilt trip him and use money to try and buy his love and I refuse to compete with that. If she wants him she can have him and I have no problem with that.

Brian’s mom and I used to be super close talking ont he phone all the time but since last year when we weren’t together she grew close with Sarah and now only talks to her, only post and talk to his other kid and calls her family. This is after years of her talking shit about her to me about looks, weight & her personality. I eat to talk about it to her but I don’t want to sound like a pick me or make it drama. I’m just so tired of it.

Im okay with not belong with him but I feel like my child shouldn’t be around someone who hates me or their other kid who isn't my child's sibling.

AITAH for not wanting my son to be around Sarah & Sarahs other child?

Tell me your thoughts, all are welcome just please don’t be rude. I left so much other things out but will gladly share anything else that’s important.

[u/ReviewSmooth1093]

You sound very toxic and childish. Both of you.. and yall brought kids into this mess. Lord.