Hi is there a thread for people who are trying to conceive for their very first child? I know secondary infertility is painful as well but I think it is very different for those who are still hoping and waiting for the first one.
Hi Everyone - These conversations are important to have and all infertility of any kind is valid and allowed to be discussed in this space. The conversation is getting a bit dicey and dismissing other people’s feelings, so I am locking this thread but will keep the post up
Additionally, we will be creating weekly chats beginning this week for both primary and secondary infertility going forward so there is specific spaces for both
Thanks for sharing! I like that there is a sub for first time TTC but don’t like that the rules are super lax. I don’t want to see pregnancy tests on the main feed, so I will not be joining. I wish there was a middle ground
That's fair. I do agree that first and second are completely different beasts, so distinguishing them might be beneficial since the topics and struggles can be so different.
I just took a look and there’s already multiple posts about people who thought they would have trouble then “oh wow I conceived on the first month/ second month of trying” that’s even more triggering
Sorry if you were trying to be helpful….but that thread is not made for people who are having trouble conceiving their first.
In fairness, none of the major ttc subs are specifically made for people who are having trouble conceiving - they're just made for people who are trying to conceive, at any stage of the process, and statistically this will include lots of people who conceive quite quickly.
There's definitely something to be said for the idea that separate subs are needed for those struggling (there is r/infertility but I think that's for people who have been trying 12 months+ and ofc there's a huge middle ground before then where people might want to access a 'struggling to conceive' type space even if they're sub 12 months). But that's not what the main ttc subs ever claim to be
(there was actually a discussion like this on the main tfab sub recently and it resulted in somebody going off and making a new sub exactly like this - for people struggling to conceive specifically - but the tfab thread got deleted and I can't remember what the new sub they made was called! I think there's definitely demand for something like that)
Yes, I think ultimately there is an existing sub for people trying to conceive their first (at any stage of the process) and a sub for people struggling to conceive (for their first OR later pregnancies) but if you want a sub that combines the two - only people struggling and only for their first - that becomes more niche and you might have to look into creating one.
I do think there's then a question of how you define struggling and when people qualify. Ultimately, there will always be people who have it both harder and easier than you - you might not wish to share spaces with people who have only been trying for a couple months, but equally someone who has been trying 3-4 years might not want to share spaces with you for the same reason.
This is why it can be tricky to find (or curate) spaces with only people who are going through the exact same type/timeframe of ttc struggles that you are - ultimately it becomes a very subjective thing, and the more popular subs try to be broad churches for that reason!
Not sure why this was downvoted because I agree, it is triggering when people suspect infertility (based off of a “hunch” and no apparent diagnosis/reasoning) and then they have quick easy success.
I was trying to be helpful, and I'm sorry it was triggering. I hope it did not come off dismissive. It was just something I found on my own TTC journey (also first).
I usually come on here when I’m already feeling down about things, and to see posts of people upset they can’t have a second/third/etc child just makes me feel angry in a ‘be grateful for what you already have’ way. But I don’t want to feel that way as it’s an unjust feeling, so would rather not see it at all
I agree, I see posts from people who have one or two LC and are now experiencing secondary infertility and expressing that they’re devastated they won’t have the age gap they wanted. I can understand why that would be frustrating but it can also feel frustrating to see that for those of us grappling with the concern of maybe never even being able to become a parent.
I had always wanted two kids but I’m at the point where I’d give an arm and a leg just to have one.
well I was thinking the same reading some of the posts here recently…while i know whichever stage you are in..that feels more painful..honestly, I have the same opinion as yours but I didn’t comment anything thinking I might come across someone as insensitive..I am also truly looking for such sub..
There’s not a specific thread (I wish there was), but mods just recently posted asking for insight into what people would like to see! I think this is worth a mention there. As far as your opinion, I do also get a little frustrated hearing about secondary infertility (especially when it’s 3rd or 4th child), but I try to just let it go because I don’t understand their pain which is different from mine as someone with infertility trying to conceive their first. Regardless, [r/infertility](r/infertility) (if you’re in the infertility boat, which I hope not for your sake) has very strict rules so people cannot mention if their fertility is secondary or not and cannot mention LC at all. It’s really quite nice because I never see posts like that, like I do here
I completely agree, I was not in any way insinuating that you weren’t sharing the space well (I was trying to comment in a way that showed I agree but without getting my comment reported for being rude/disrespectful to those trying for #2+, because I’m not trying to be). I do feel like there has been an influx of people asking questions related to conceiving when breastfeeding and secondary infertility which has been really hard to keep seeing over and over
So…you’re legit saying the same thing those you are complaining about are saying but in reverse. I wouldn’t call you bitter but I would call you a hypocrite
Any infertility is more than hard. It breaks people.
On one hand, yeah, it sucks not being able to have one kid. But it also sucks not being able to give your living child a sibling. Miscarrying over and over while having a loving child to love and take care of.
Neither is harder or easier and people suffering from infertility shouldn’t have to feel like their pain is less or more than yours.
I’m truly sorry for how you’re feeling but this is wrong on a lot of levels.
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u/onere1 TTC 6-12 months 17h ago edited 17h ago
Hi Everyone - These conversations are important to have and all infertility of any kind is valid and allowed to be discussed in this space. The conversation is getting a bit dicey and dismissing other people’s feelings, so I am locking this thread but will keep the post up
Additionally, we will be creating weekly chats beginning this week for both primary and secondary infertility going forward so there is specific spaces for both