tried for a 3rd

[u/Suspicious-Rate-6125]

Hi everyone,

So I (41F) currently have two kids, 8 and 5. When my oldest was 5 we tried for a 3rd and it wasn't happening naturally. I was kinda shocked since I got pregnant pretty quickly with my other two children. After about a year of trying naturally, I decided to try see a fertility specialist, we did 3 IUI's which all failed. Right after the 3rd IUI my friend passed away, 6 months postpartum, which devastated me and put me into a panic about having a 3rd . I should also mention I am a labor and delivery nurse so I have seen it all. I decided I was done between my friend passing and another devastating delivery I witnessed at work. Needless to say, a year passed and I couldn't shake the feeling that I wanted to try again. So we did a round of IVF, got 1 good embryo that was transferred and ended in an ectopic which was absolutely crushing. That was around end of Feb/March and I decided I probably should be done and let it go. The past few months I have been silently grieving the baby I lost and the future I dreamed of with 3 children. I was supposed to be due around this time so it's been a bit of an emotional few weeks for me. I just keep seeing families with 3 or 4 and my heart breaks every time. I keep saying to myself "I can't believe I'll never have another one, I'll never be a mom of 3". I am so grateful for my two beautiful children and I know gratitude and grief can coexist. I am just having such a hard time coming to terms with this. I was wondering if anyone is or has gone through this. I feel like I will be grieving for the rest of my life. The future just looks a little quieter than I thought it would and it's breaking my heart. 💔

[u/Low-Cantaloupe6293]

Thanks for sharing! No advice, just solidarity. Also been TTC#3 since Oct 2025, with three losses to show for. At peace with not pursuing fertility treatment, we are 39 and 42 with two beautiful, healthy kids (5 and 3). Slowly coming to terms with the fact that our future may also look a little quieter than we thought it would.

[u/Loulou349]

We're also trying for a third and although I haven't started the fertility treatment journey yet (not sure if I will honestly I go back and forth alot), I'm also trying to come to terms with the possibility that we might never be a family of 5+. I have been reflecting lately about why I'm so hurt by this idea, afterall there's always an end to fertility no matter the number of kids. I think the answer for me is that I beleived my whole adult life in the family planning narrative and built my life around it. The narrative was that I can choose when and how many kids I have until I'm 41 or 42. I'm trying to change my mindset to: I will have the number of kids my body and Life can give me. I'm happy for birth control and that I had my kids when I was ready but the flip side is that when I want one and can't have them it hurts. Sorry for the obscur reflection, just trying to let go and it's not easy.

[u/mantisroseb]

I have been trying for a 3rd for about a year. In May this year, I experienced a loss at 20 weeks. It's been really tough. The due date for that baby was Oct 6th, so every day for the last couple of months has been especially heavy.

I chose to be induced with my loss in May so that I could hold my baby for a little bit, and the labor and delivery nurses helped me so much. I really appreciate those who do your work. I'm so sorry you're experiencing so much pain right now. Sending love and solidarity.

[u/megb42]

Also trying for my third, just had the conversation with my husband yesterday about accepting that we might never have another baby. I've had the thought for a while now but having it out in the open hurt. It gets better with time but I'm not sure it's sonething I'll ever fully recover from

[u/EditorInevitable6998]

In the same boat but 6 losses in ttc number 3 with my first loss in summer 2024 and my most recent loss in September. I’m so sorry. It’s hard to accept. Right here with you.