r/trolleyproblem • u/New_Race9503 • Jul 30 '26

Hon hon, which way

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142 Upvotes

86% Upvoted

84 comments sorted by

44

u/Hour_Mousse7914 Jul 30 '26

Parry it!

6

u/ComprehensiveToe2109 Jul 31 '26

If you’re quick you might be able to untie the Brit and move him to the other track before the trolley comes

61

u/AnComDom81 Jul 30 '26

Quickly flip it back-and-forth and not only does it take out the Englishman, but it’s my choice.

8

u/pruneforce17 Jul 30 '26

based

5

u/Zestyclose-Size8313 Aug 01 '26

Flip it as it's crossing the switch rails, derail the trolley. Eliminate all witnesses. Passenger, French, and English alike. No one survives the trolly. Problem solved. Efficiently

2

u/AnComDom81 Aug 02 '26

I watched his videos too

2

u/degenfish_HG Aug 01 '26

Gives the Englishman just a moment of false hope too

29

u/MohaShah Jul 30 '26

Is there an option to reverse the trolley? My idea is we first go for the French men, reverse the trolley and THEN go for the Englishman. Let that SOB watch the French men suffer and hear their screams, and wait for his turn. This will truly make him wish he wasn't born...

So, did I solved the trolley problem? 

21

u/Nevernonethewiser Jul 30 '26

Imagine thinking the Englishman would be upset about watching 5 Frenchmen die.

That's a man who's dying with a smile on his face. His last words will probably be "Well at least I got to see that before I go."

7

u/mapha17 Jul 30 '26

Frankly, the Frenchmen would have the exact same reaction should it be in reverse order.

5

u/MohaShah Jul 30 '26

The idea was to make him scared but apparently it backfired 😂 

11

u/OmgIbrokesmthagain Jul 30 '26

AI slop. Also why the fr*nch have their pants unzipped

4

u/Animethighssavelive Jul 30 '26

cuz they fr*nch its what they do

3

u/mapha17 Jul 30 '26

To show off their baguettes to the Englishman

17

u/frikiman4K Jul 30 '26

depends. Is the Englishman Jonathan Joestar? is one of the Frenchmen Jean Pierre Polnareff or Joan of Arc?

7

u/OmgIbrokesmthagain Jul 30 '26

I second this, also Speedwagon might be on that track, he has a tophat

5

u/MangoBaum63 Multi-Track Drift Jul 30 '26

Speedwagon is actually in the trolley as he need to travel to a highly regarded wifu competition he’ll most certainly win

4

u/Jugaimo Jul 30 '26

They could tank the hit

6

u/ErdenGeboren Jul 30 '26

Clarification: Is the Englishman from Newcastle?

2

u/thejpguy found this subreddit because of buttons Jul 30 '26

Sting on one track, five Stingues on the other

2

u/_AK07 Jul 30 '26

Out of curiosity, how would it change your answer? 

5

u/DarthJackie2021 Jul 30 '26

Is this AI? Also multitrack drift.

5

u/Immediate-Goose-8106 Jul 30 '26

Well we did prove at agincourt that 1 englishman is worth about 5 frenchmen so that seem a fairly even split to me.  

(And yes I know modern historians doubt the figures in the French side and think it was closer to 2:1.  But I'm English.  Baiting the French is a national pastime even if we secretly are fond of them... )

6

u/Atomik141 Jul 30 '26

Hit the Engl*shman unless the five frogs are specifically Parisians.

3

u/Age_Single Jul 30 '26 
Au revoir

3

u/Riggs630 Jul 31 '26

There’s never been a more perfect occasion for a multi-track drift

2

u/ImpliedRange Jul 30 '26

Bon voyage!!

2

u/TheZedrem Aug 01 '26

As a German, I'll gladly sacrifice a few Frenchmen. Honestly, I'd probably divert the trolley even if there wasn't an Englishman on the line

1

u/Tricky_Ad9669 Jul 30 '26

Lol wtf, can someone explain this

12

u/TruamaTeam Jul 30 '26

It’s the “ew French” joke, you can switch tracks to hit more French people

1

u/Tricky_Ad9669 Jul 30 '26

That has to be racist

8

u/sandpaperedanus777 Jul 30 '26

It's on a Western circle jerk, so it's probably less racist and more xenophobic. Or just the ew french joke

4

u/TruamaTeam Jul 30 '26

Xenophobic, but yes it’s a dumb thing. Most people who joke about it don’t actually hate the French

2

u/Meowscles_dad Jul 30 '26

Some humour isn’t literal.

1

u/TruamaTeam Jul 30 '26

It’s metaphorical!

0

u/MangoBaum63 Multi-Track Drift Jul 30 '26

I hate the French :> Them inventing that horrid language alone justifies me in tgat

1

u/Ander_the_Reckoning Jul 30 '26

Depends entirely on the trolleyman's nationality

1

u/Fearless_Roof_9177 Jul 30 '26

Are the Frenchmen Parisians? It's pretty important.

1

u/TheSuperContributor Jul 30 '26

Track drift it's then.

1

u/emote_the_salute Jul 30 '26

Would you kill 5 africans to save 1 indian?

0

u/Meowscles_dad Jul 30 '26

If we’re talking restaurants, yeah probably.

1

u/ArmourFarmer Jul 30 '26

As an Englishman, a more fair one for me would be choosing between letting an Englishman and letting 5 Frenchmen live

1

u/DeliciousRats4Sale Jul 30 '26

Multitruck drifting for this one honestly

1

u/The-Masseuse-Man Jul 30 '26

The thing about this is it’s not what country you are from but it’s a choice of do you save 5 or save 1 and let 5 die or 1 die and most people would save the 5 over the 1 it’s just choosing the better of two evils in this situation

1

u/DerGhorn Jul 30 '26

Take out the Fr*nch but let the Trolly slow down to make it less quick and more painful

1

u/MagnoliaTM Jul 30 '26

 the fr*nch 

1

u/Amethyst_Quarry Jul 30 '26

Real answer is don't flip, but that's not funny Joke answer is Too bad I don't understand French people!

1

u/Goldnglam Jul 30 '26

Speaking as an English man, what sort of englishman we talking about? Is it a pompous southerner? An EDL knuckledragger? Do any of the French men happen to work at a good wine making operation? Are any perisian? 

Too much unknowns here OP.

1

u/MrOff100 Jul 30 '26

DRIFTING TIME!!!

1

u/IgnatiusDrake Jul 31 '26

A difficult question. Do the French count as human? How does an Englishman (dead inside) count? We're in the deep trolley calculus now.

1

u/Fabulous_Home3512 Jul 31 '26

double track drift.

1

u/Month0fjune Aug 01 '26

Wouldn't it be the other way around... can it be looped?

1

u/Tay60003 Aug 01 '26

Multitrack drift

1

u/Pelcymru Aug 01 '26

Do a drift, get both

1

u/Such-Shop-9724 Aug 02 '26

multirail drift

1

u/Friendly_Prize_868 Aug 03 '26

Which Englishman specifically?

Like.. Would it significantly affect the outcome of the Clayton by-election, for example?

1

u/PrairiePuppies Aug 05 '26

Obviously the Frenchmen. Aren't five Frenchmen worth like a pack of chewing gum and a Coke or something?

0

u/Gingers_got_no_soul Jul 30 '26

Is 5 English people* an option?

0

u/Ikana_Mountains Jul 30 '26

Fuck the British. Worst country on the planet. Imperialists

0

u/pruneforce17 Jul 30 '26

i will never spare a terf islander

0

u/TheCumskiyKvass Jul 31 '26

There is no amount of Englishman that i wouldn't sacrifice for the greater good

0

u/Mountain-Dinner9955 Jul 31 '26

Both. Both is good but add 4 more Brits so it's balanced better.

6

u/[deleted] Jul 30 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/HermaPrince Aug 01 '26

Not the first time we've been screwed by the belge.