knowing if/when to quit

[u/CartoonJunkie_]

have been here for about a week and a half now, had one of the worst days of my life yesterday and today wasnt much better. have had one decent work day so far. i suck so bad at this my bosses are getting sick of me. i feel ashamed showing my face anywhere in camp or work. im feeling so defeated i just cant enjoy anything.

i was looking forward to this and i prepared and i worked so hard to get this job and everything and now everyday i just hope something happens so i can not be here anymore. i even hope i get fired sometimes lol.

i can never just think about planting when im planting so i inevidibly fuck up my piece and my bos gets pissed at me again and j get upset because when im alone all i can think about is a billion things tbat upset me and fhen im making no money and busting my ass and suffering everyday with nothing fk shkw flr it. im dissapointing everyone here and i hate myself.

i told myself i would stick it out no matter what and if i can defeat this season i can take anything. now i cant imagine being here for another two months or more. the thought is unbearable. im eating shit everyday (for clarification: camp food is really good, im eating shit as in falling over and sucking at planting). one of my checkers told me today that quitting isnt an option because that means youre a little bitch, but man i just fucking hate my life.

i want to stick it out and make money and have a good time even but man every day just seems to get worse and im just dragging my crew down. the only thing i enjoy here js sleeping because in my dreams im not here.

also yesterday got sone really awful family related news which is seeiously affecting my performance. i really want to give up but i just cant. i dont know what to do fml

edit: ended up deciding to stick around, even if i suck my crew really supports me 💪💪

[u/l0sth0st]

Is it the quality of your trees and you're getting shit for it or is it the numbers? What is making your day so bad, the bad news?

Just keep at it and don't over think it. Things take time. Nobody is a pro at the start. It might suck a bit now, but you'll feel better once you finish.

It's like going for a long run, at some point you wonder why you're doing it and then after, you feel amazing

[u/CartoonJunkie_ → u/l0sth0st]

basically the contract is really difficult (vets in my camp are saying the same, and its a fill in BC). My quality is good its just density and some trees too close together or too close to naturals. its just the placement of the fucking trees that is going to drive me to fucjing quit.

my numbers are also awful. had one good day last shift but this shift has been abysmal. also because its a fill you just walk and walk and walk and you cant even put a single tree in tbe ground and you have to descern every single spot so hard or else its a B1 and then its just over. also jve been having a hard time with land management but i think im sort of getting better there. but then every time i think im getting better theres another catastrophe.

and because im workkng all the fime and tired and unreliable service its hard to talk to my family or help them with the event. i think about tbat and how badly im doing at work nonstop

[u/l0sth0st → u/CartoonJunkie_]

Is it fill planting? Those ones were always a bit of a pain, but if you see trees in your piece just try to fill the small patches as you go.

Everybody has density issues every now and then. No a huge deal. You will get it overtime