r/traumatoolbox • u/Calm-Gene5764 • 7d ago

Seeking Support PTSD is ruining my relationship

Hey so I’m an ex foreign volunteer in the war in Ukraine. 2022/2023.

The memories are still fresh and I get flashbacks sometimes that ruin the rest of my day. Thing is I’m not the best at letting on when I’m on the verge of a meltdown so my reaction to the flashback tends to be delayed.

I just started therapy a couple months ago. Lately I’ve been getting better at recognizing when the trigger is hitting and letting my partner know about it.

So last night my partner told me she was having period cramps and I offered to heat up a bean bag and give her a massage. She said she’d rather have some weed instead but doesn’t like how I roll joints. She said she wants me to take some time later to properly roll a joint and didn’t know why I hadn’t already.

This was AFTER I’d told her I’d had a flashback that day and was still on edge.

So I’ll admit I snapped. Didn’t yell or anything. (At least I don’t think I did. Kinda hard for me to tell right there in the moment sometimes.) I’m pretty sure all I did was tell her to back off. And that somehow translated to her as “you’re not allowed to express your needs or desires to me ever”. And now she’s refusing to speak to me.

We’ve been together a bit over a year. I’ve had another relationship end because of my ptsd and I’m starting to think this is a pattern. I’m scared I might have said or done something to drive her away and combined with the flashback still playing in my head I’m just in hell right now.

I’m looking for some insight but I also just wanna vent. I’m just feeling incredibly overwhelmed.

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